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Topic : School Issues

Number of Replies: 685
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 01:14:15 pm
Author : dataimport
Does your child dread going to school? Are they having problems with unfinished homework or slipping grades? Is their a personality conflict with their teacher? Share your school issues here and get advice and support from other parents.

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September 3, 2005, 2:18 pm CDT

Child with "no motivation"

I have a problem that has gone on for two years now, and I'm just not sure where to turn anymore.  I have a ten year old son that is very smart (according to his end of grade tests) but seems to be less than motivated to work on anything.  He's just recently started fifth grade, and has had three tests so far, and got two F's...one was a 0 (yes, that's a zero!).  He was diagnosed ADD/ADHD about a year and a half ago, and while medication does seem to help his overall demeanor, I'm not seeing any help with problems such as this.  

   

Basically, what we see on a day to day basis is a child that refuses to follow through on things that aren't "fun" to him.  He fights with me everyday about his homework, doesn't follow through on any chores without us riding his back, and has generally got a bad attitude.  We have tried doctor's, therapists, different positive reinforcement techniques, etc. but feel like we are still at the bottom of the mountain.  Nothing seems to work for more that a couple days.  He tells us that he cares about his schoolwork and grades, but then doesn't seem to do anything to change it.  I've been told to back off, let him fail, don't nag, and I've tried my best to follow these pieces of advice, but look at where we are...after almost two years, he's failing his tests and just doesn't seem to care.  Any advice for a mom that just isn't sure what else to do?????  

   

Please help!  

Worn out/frustrated mom in NC  

 
September 7, 2005, 8:12 am CDT

Motivating the Unmotivated

Quote From: ddccthom

I have a problem that has gone on for two years now, and I'm just not sure where to turn anymore.  I have a ten year old son that is very smart (according to his end of grade tests) but seems to be less than motivated to work on anything.  He's just recently started fifth grade, and has had three tests so far, and got two F's...one was a 0 (yes, that's a zero!).  He was diagnosed ADD/ADHD about a year and a half ago, and while medication does seem to help his overall demeanor, I'm not seeing any help with problems such as this.  

   

Basically, what we see on a day to day basis is a child that refuses to follow through on things that aren't "fun" to him.  He fights with me everyday about his homework, doesn't follow through on any chores without us riding his back, and has generally got a bad attitude.  We have tried doctor's, therapists, different positive reinforcement techniques, etc. but feel like we are still at the bottom of the mountain.  Nothing seems to work for more that a couple days.  He tells us that he cares about his schoolwork and grades, but then doesn't seem to do anything to change it.  I've been told to back off, let him fail, don't nag, and I've tried my best to follow these pieces of advice, but look at where we are...after almost two years, he's failing his tests and just doesn't seem to care.  Any advice for a mom that just isn't sure what else to do?????  

   

Please help!  

Worn out/frustrated mom in NC  

Hi Worn out/frustrated in NC.  

   

I was just like your son ADD, hated school, lazy, didn't care about anything really.  I experienced these feelings all through school until 11th grade.  There is hope.  Here is my story.  I always felt like I could never do anything right I felt like there was no need to put forth anyeffort into anything because I was not going to succeed anyway.  I think your son probably feels the same.  All subjects were difficult.  Nothing really made sense.  Medication never helped me although I am not against it.    

  

First you should make the school experience as positive as possible.  Also make yourself very assessible during homework time.  If he knows you are there and willing to help, and that he has your unconditional love wether he fails or succeeds, he may not be so reluctant to make some efforts.  Try sitting at the other end of the table while he does his homework.  He is 10 he should still need plenty of help and should not be afraid to ask.  Don't watch over him give him some space, balance the checkbook or read a book close to him.   

 

Next, be involved in his school, volunteer, join the PTA, or have regular visits with the teachers.  If he sees you actively involved he will model your behavior and enthusiasm about his education.  You may say there is no time I am a single parent I know about not having anytime.  Your child and his education should be on the top of the priority list if there isn't enough time to devote then maybe your schedule can be edited to create time.   

 

Next, is there anything going on at school?  Is he hanging around the wrong crowd?  Maybe his friends are influencing his behavior.  Be on the lokout for drug/alcohol use.  I know he is 10 but you would be surprised.  If those friends are providing him the acceptance he needs then you are losing power.  his classmates may be giving him a hard timeat school.  Kids are cruel these days. 

  

Lastly, get him excited about something.  Are there any sports he could play or afterschool programs he could be involved in to provide acceptance and enthusiasm?  I said I was unmotivated about everything until 11th grade because in 12th grade I was provided with the opportunity to play sports.  I was part of a group, a group that cared about basketball then softball.  The members of that group happened to be highly motivated to succeed in class in college and in basketball.  They had a major influence on me.   

  

A big part of motivation is whether or not that motivtaion is intrinsic or extrinsic.  Exstrinic motivation is getting money for doing chores.  i think that is good you should keep it up and if he hasn't done his chores then he can't go anyway that requires money until he has earned it.  you have to be strong.  Another form of Extrinsic motiation is the constant riding his back about chores and homewoks.  This is a neccessary evil for now.  However it doesn't teach him to want to do his homework, instead I have to do it or my parents are going to punish me.  Intrinsic motivation is essential, long term and the hardest to instill.  Try to promote how he feels when he fails, and how he feels when he succeeds.  The high he gets and being proud of his work will be a big motivator to continue.   

  

I hope I have helped you and you have definitly helped me my daughter started kindergarten and I want to do everything possible to keep her from having the same horrible experience as I did.  Remember "we aren't the only influence in our kids lives, so we had better be the best influence." Dr. Phil.     Keep smiling he will eventually mimic your attitude.   

  

Able to Relate in NC 

 
September 13, 2005, 4:36 pm CDT

Problems at school

I am a 15 year old, and I have gone from loving school to hating school.   For me, school has always been a place for me to learn new things, and be around peers.  Now, I dread going abck to school tomorrow.  I am real smart, and have been compared at times to Albert Einstein.  In my classes, i am the smartest ones in them, and I don't really learn much.  I normally don't try to show off how smart i am, but alot of people think i do.  Today, I got so mad at something said about me being smart, i 'bout punched the comcrete walls at school.  I just have decided that I really do not being smart.  I don't know if anybody could tell me anything that could help me change my mind, so i will like school again.  But if anybody can help, please. help
 
September 16, 2005, 12:28 pm CDT

Big Problemo

I am a 14 year old Freshman in high school and my mom is very controlling towards my whole family, everyone is sick of her. we usually just put up with it and roll our eyes. but , recently things have gotten out of hand. You see, I want to attend this college prep course called AVID. my dad thinks its wonderful, but, my mother doesn't think its necessary to recieve an education when I could just stay home and clean all day. All my teachers and councelers are being really flexible in helping me fit AVID into my schedule. any ideas to help convince my mother to let me stay in AVID?
 
September 21, 2005, 12:56 pm CDT

Kindergarten was the worst year of school

Quote From: babsp99

Maybe some of you can help me with this problem:  my 5-year old granddaughter hates kindergarten!  She's been going every day since August 10 and I was hoping this was a problem that would eventually go away but instead it keeps getting worse every day.  She cries and clings and makes her mother (my daughter) feel very guilty.  She attended pre-school for three years without all this, but it's a new school, new kids, new routine.  We've tried de-emphasizing the negativity by emphasizing the positive aspects but still the behavior continues.  I feel sorry for her and don't want to be cold-hearted so what's the answer?  The teacher and principal have told us to tough it out and it will get better in a few days.  Yesterday I had lunch with her at school and she asked if I could take her home so I think I made it worse instead of better.  We went through all the crying and clinging again when I thought my visit would bring her comfort.  We've tried putting her favorite stuffed kitty in her back pack for comfort but this doesn't seem to have helped.  Some of her comments are "I would like to bulldoze the school," "My teacher is annoying and I don't like her," and "I hate PE most of all.  It is stupid and boring. They make us dribble-I hate to dribble!"  Should I just be patient and give it more time?  I'm the one who picks her up in the afternoon so of course then she's happy but no so in the mornings.  P.S.  She's in good health and can already read and gets enough sleep and eats well. 
 I absolutely hated kindergarte. Im a senior and I would still have to say that kindergarten was the most torturous year of school for me. It simply didn't appeal to my interests. I hated artistic activites and they seemed to comprise the majority of kindergarten. In my class they made us take naps to- that was awful because I am to this day a kid who can't sit still much less lie down when Im not tired. But I think the biggest problem I had with kindergarten was my expectations. I had an older brother who was homeschooled so I expeected to learn the sort of things he was learning. What I didn't realize at the time was that my brother was 2 grades ahead of me. So my  question for you is this; is it possible that your grandaughter's class is either not geared toward her interests or is not at her level?
 
September 21, 2005, 1:07 pm CDT

so frusterating

Quote From: clarinape

I am a 15 year old, and I have gone from loving school to hating school.   For me, school has always been a place for me to learn new things, and be around peers.  Now, I dread going abck to school tomorrow.  I am real smart, and have been compared at times to Albert Einstein.  In my classes, i am the smartest ones in them, and I don't really learn much.  I normally don't try to show off how smart i am, but alot of people think i do.  Today, I got so mad at something said about me being smart, i 'bout punched the comcrete walls at school.  I just have decided that I really do not being smart.  I don't know if anybody could tell me anything that could help me change my mind, so i will like school again.  But if anybody can help, please. help
 I know how you feel. I have gone though similar things: even my youth pastor called me a walking dictionary. As for the Einstein comment, lets just say doing a report on Einstein in 6th grade and trying to explain relativity and photon theory to sixth graders was not my best decesion ever. But, I have found the lack of intellectual peers to diminish as I have gotten to higher grades. My junior and now my senior year have been almost all AP classs, which has tended to help with having other students at my level. Not everyone in AP classes will be at your intellectual level but its still considerably better than other classes. Also, if your really bored in slow classes just do your homework from other classes. That is what I did during my required classes but my teachers couldn't really get mad at me because when they called on me I could explain the answers better than they did in the first place. (Nothing humbles a teacher quite like trying to catch a studen off guard and having their answer cause the rest of the class to go, "oh, I get it now" lol)
 
September 22, 2005, 4:57 pm CDT

Teenage Turmoil

My daughter is 15 in Grade 10.  She signed up for two elective courses this year one of which is Drama.  In the past she has enjoyed Drama but this year for some reason she is feeling unsure about herself and has decided that she is 'shy' and feels uncomfortable in front of her class.  Today she was upset because the whole Drama class got 9 out of 10 on a project where they had to preform in front of the class and she only got 7 out of 10 - she was embarassed and felt humiliated in front of the class by the teacher.  She came home crying and announced that she wanted to get out of the class.  I suggested that she talk to the teacher about the situation, she said she hated her and didn't want to.  I suggested that we could both talk to her about it, she didn't want that as she doesn't want her mom handling things for her.  I encouraged her to stay in the class and try different techniques, etc. and reminded her that she has enjoyed Drama in the past and has done well at it...she screamed and went off to her room yelling at me " Do not call the school!"  I said I wouldn't and then just sat down and wrote this.  I want to encourage her to follow through with it as it is only the 2nd week of school and she needs to give it a try...she said she hates the class and feels like crying every time she goes in the class. Any suggestions?
Mom
 
September 26, 2005, 4:34 pm CDT

School Issues

Quote From: problemo

I am a 14 year old Freshman in high school and my mom is very controlling towards my whole family, everyone is sick of her. we usually just put up with it and roll our eyes. but , recently things have gotten out of hand. You see, I want to attend this college prep course called AVID. my dad thinks its wonderful, but, my mother doesn't think its necessary to recieve an education when I could just stay home and clean all day. All my teachers and councelers are being really flexible in helping me fit AVID into my schedule. any ideas to help convince my mother to let me stay in AVID?
I am an AVID teacher. The program is a wonderful opportunity for teens who are college bound. They will get exposure to things beyond the normal curriculum. There is service work involved, college campus trips, work experience trips, and speakers who share with students their experience and how college helped them get where they are today. It is an excellent course!
 
September 29, 2005, 6:25 am CDT

schooling

Quote From: problemo

I am a 14 year old Freshman in high school and my mom is very controlling towards my whole family, everyone is sick of her. we usually just put up with it and roll our eyes. but , recently things have gotten out of hand. You see, I want to attend this college prep course called AVID. my dad thinks its wonderful, but, my mother doesn't think its necessary to recieve an education when I could just stay home and clean all day. All my teachers and councelers are being really flexible in helping me fit AVID into my schedule. any ideas to help convince my mother to let me stay in AVID?
I think your on the right track if you want to go to college then thats great most parents would be thrilled for you im sorry to hear your moms not happy about your decission but I think your doing what YOU want to and your making a WISE decission  its GREAT keep up the good work and I wish you well in the near future take care Lori
 
October 2, 2005, 2:51 pm CDT

School Issues

im a 13 year old middle school student.and last year i had a serious conflict with a teacher and it can make your life very difficult exspecially if you have to keep going to the same place where those meomeries lie and look at the person who hurt you right in the face that can make our kid livies miserable.trust me so yeah i dreaded going to school but i still went so yeah if this goes on like with students,teachers,homework or other things it can make us kids never wanna go back to school.
 
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