Topic : School Issues

I think I've finally convinced my middle son that I DO know Algebra, and that it is best to write down the work, rather than doing it in his head.  The teacher has them do only the even numbered problems, as the odd numbered problem answers are in the back of the book.  This is very helpful when stumped...we can go through an odd numbered problem and check the answer to make sure that he did it right...I think I've convinced my son that it is an excellent way to be sure that he can check his technique by checking with those right answers.  I think I've also convinced him that Algebra hasn't changed since I took it in school.  It really hasn't changed since Aristotle...don't really know who invented it, but that was a good name to throw out to him.  Another way to check methods for algebra is to plug in some low numbers, like 2 or 3, to replace the variables and test different ways to do the problem to see if the method he is using makes sense...this works especially with exponents, which he is currently working on.  I'm enjoying the mental challenge of re-learning the algebra...it comes back pretty quickly with the help of the instructions at the beginning of the chapter, and our oldest son, who has been through the Algebra himself...wow, MOM might be smart, afterall...LOL  Our son got both math assignments done that were due today, and it only took until 12:30 last night!!  I left him on his own, with him insisting that he knew how to do the work and didn't need help...I stepped in when he wasn't making any progress.  It was then that he admitted that he was a little confused and that maybe he should have taken notes when the teacher was going over the methods in class...or at least paid attention.

Well, time to get busy on the day's chores...a MOM's work is never done!!

Becky

First, has that sleep study on your middle son been done, and if so, what did they find?

Did your oldest get his Exit Project together?

There are about to be bald spots where I have pulled out my hair trying to get DD to (a) get to school on time and (b) get her HW done. The last 24 h have been the worst in some time...watching the TV behind my back when the HW wasn't done..."forgetting" sometime between 2:45 and 8:45 PM that she didn't do one of her assignments, when I had been left with the impression that they were completed by 5 (DWTS got turned off pronto)...dawdling this morning to the point that she was late to school (no TV for her today)...gee, her dad came last Saturday, and the visit went so badly that she asked to come home early (I told her it was up to her dad, and he was apparently OK with ending it an hour and a half ahead of schedule). Ugh.

She and her classmates are supposed to perform tonight in the annual recorder concert...yet another source of hair-pulling, as performance per se is not her thing. So I've got at least another day of this.

-bact

Wow, it sounds like we're in the same boat...ahoy there!!  The HW saga continues.  Our middle son is still lying about what assignments he has and that he is finished when he is not.  He looks me straight in the eye and lies!!!!  I'm at my wits end!!!  He has new consequences at school for HW lies.  If he has a missing assignment, in addition to calling me, he will serve lunch detention, depriving him of time with his friends...a very important thing for him.

We are waiting on the sleep study until school is out because the daytime study would cause our son to miss school, which he cannot afford.

Our oldest son STILL needs to file the appeal to get on the graduation list.  He has completed all of the requirements, and he has written a letter of appeal.  He has to meet in person with the principal, who, according to our son, was out of his office every time he went by to see him.  I told him that he should talk with the secretary and make an appointment.  He has already sent out the graduation announcements!!

We are having less time for supervised homework for our middle son because I have to take our oldest son out for driving practice in the afternoons.  He needs to have 50 hours of driving practice, 10 of those at night, in order to be able to get his driver's license.  This is a good idea for him, as we are still teaching him to be mindful of EVERYTHING around him.  Yesterday, he didn't see a red light until I said something about it...he was focused on the "bad" driver that pulled out in front of him.  We are also trying to get through to him that if the person ahead of him is slowing down, he needs to slow down...if the person ahead puts on the brakes, he needs to brake...etc...etc...etc.  My husband and I have different philosophies about corners on windy roads...I say take it at the speed recommended by the yellow sign posted at the corner.  My husband told him to take the corners as fast as he feels comfortable and in control...I don't think he is experienced enough to judge whether he can control the car around a corner.

The unsupervised time for the HW is basically wasted time for our middle son.  I think even if we put him in the back seat of the car during driving practice that he wouldn't get his work done.  I have locked out all channels on the TV...have to use a password.  The computer has a new password too.  One day, I forgot to check to see if their computer was turned off.  When we got home, I discovered that he had been playing computer games...he is already banned from the computer for the rest of the school year. I think we will have to start docking the allowance for lies and missing homework.

Tell your daughter to take a deep breath and do her best in the performance.  My older two boys play trumpet, and so do I.  The most important thing in a performance is NOT to stop, no matter how bad the mistake is.  As long as the first and last notes sound good, it doesn't matter what's in between.  Also, parents don't expect a perfect performance out of a kids' group of performers.  They really are a friendly audience...not there to criticize.

I'm sorry that the visits with your daughter's dad aren't going well.  Is anybody in the family in counseling...it might help clear the air about conflicts.  Even if DAD isn't willing, it would be helpful for your daughter to go herself, and for you to be involved and have input and get advice.  It's good that your daughter feels comfortable in asking for the visit to end early if she is not having a good time.

Oh, I've written a novel here...gotta go...Becky

Ship is steady as she goes today.

Last night's performance went well. I know she was glad to have it over. Dunno if it helps or hurts that I play the recorder as well.

Although the AM was a little rough, she did get to school on time and seems much better this afternoon. She remembered all her materials!

DD has been seeing a therapist off and on. I get to say my piece every now & again during the sessions. In fact, we're overdue to get back in there. There was talk at one point of at least having the therapist talk to my ex- about the situation, but that has not been brought up in some time. This past go-around was the first time she asked for one of his day-trip visits to end early that I know about, although there have been a couple of occasions when he pulled in an hour or more ahead of the agreed-upon return time. 

Good luck in the "Home Stretch." DD will be essentially done at the end of this week.

Oh, g2g...DD's reading time is up, and she & I need to go over a math lesson. The teacher assigned workbook pages for a lesson that wasn't really covered in class (or so she says), and I don't know how they're teaching it these days

-bact

Our middle son is still in hot water with his homework.  He didn't have a math assignment today...he will be in lunch detention to work on it...if he turns it in by the end of the day, he will still get full credit for it.  He flat out lied to me again last night about what homework he had...MOM always finds out...the assignment wasn't listed on the teacher's email, but he knew darn well that he was supposed to do it.  One more time, and he will be in a conference with the principal again...the office staff is getting to know him a little too well!!!  I just don't know what it is with him.

He was also bugging his little brother last night after bed time...they share a room...things like tapping on the wall...anything to get a rise out of little brother.  When I confronted him, he denied everything...even though I heard the whole thing.  We can't really leave the two of them home alone because middle son is mean to youngest son.  He is 13, and the youngest is 9.

Our oldest is finally back on the graduation list.  He had his meeting with the principal and turned in the missing summary and letters of recommedation from his teachers.  We are still doing the driving practice in preparation for the big driving test.  The testers at the local DOL are well known to fail a first-time driver on the first test...even for the smallest thing...they just want to get their point across.  We have two other cities not too far away where we can go for him to take his test.  We will have to do some driving practice there to get him familiar with the streets.  He is still a little irresponsible...scary...yesterday, he almost pulled out in front of somebody, almost missed a traffic light, almost ran the local stop sign...the car ahead pulled out, and he was going to just follow without stopping.  He still needs his 10 hours of night driving, and we will continue with all driving opportunities...the more experience, the better.  DAD will have to take him on the night drives and the mountain driving, as it is too scary for me.  He has a summer job at the local YMCA camp as assistant cook, and he will be having to drive up the local mountain pass...have to get him some practice, so he knows the way, and knows his limits on the curves.  DAD made the mistake (in my opinion) of telling him that he can take the corners as fast as he wants to, as long as he thinks he can keep the car under control.  I think that he doesn't have enough experience to judge the curves on the road...I told him to take them at the suggested speeds posted on the signs before the corners and curves.  He does want to keep his car in good shape, I'm sure.  We gave him the family car as a graduation gift, and we upgraded to a minivan.

Our middle son sees the psychiatrist for his ADHD symptoms...still on watch for bipolar disorder...the Provigil is helping, but no drug can work miracles.  We somehow have to instill in him that honesty is the best policy.  Lies compound on themselves and take on a life of their own.  I don't think he would know the truth if it came up and bit him in the rear.  He thinks that he is being treated unfairly because he has more sanctions against him than either of his two brothers.  The others have earned their priviledges by being trustworthy and doing their homework and chores without the lies.  I hope that the youngest will not fall into the lying as he gets older.  Hopefully, he will see that middle brother is not getting away with it.  Not that the other brothers are completely "lie-free"...all kids lie a little...just not all the time.  When caught in a lie, they will fess up.  We are not showing favoritism...we love all of our kids the same...just can't treat them all the same...their actions have consequences.

We have another month before school is out. 

I'm glad that the performance went well.  Your playing the recorder can be a good example for DD...I play the trumpet, and I have been teaching the older two boys on their trumpets.  They have really benefited from the extra help.  The youngest son wants to play the clarinet and saxaphone...I know nothing about them, but I am willing to learn.  The music theory is the same for any instrument.  Maybe he can get some advice from some of the reed players in the high school band.  We are going slow, as band class won't be until 5th grade...he has more than a year...he will be in 4th grade next year.

In our school district, we are not allowed to request a specific teacher for next year.  We have to fill out a form listing the child's strengths and weaknesses, and learning style.  Then, they will "match" the kids to get a good balance of skill levels and mix of boys and girls.  I put down the teacher we want on the form anyway...I hope he gets her, as the other teachers don't come as highly recommended as the one we want.  Personally, I think that the kids should be grouped by their abilities and levels of reading and math...it would make the teacher's job much easier to teach all of their kids at the same level.  Some of the more advanced kids (like mine) get easily bored by easy work, and the less advanced kids get left behind, not learning what they need to, in interest of keeping up with the "average" skills.  And then there's the WASL!!

Well, better get to my chores...Becky

(the emote is as close as I can get to "resigned"...sigh.)

No rest for the Cap'n out West, it seems...the issue of how 13 y/o treats 9 y/o is a bit worrisome...I really hope that the pros can get to the bottom of what is with your middle son, how much of it is the adolescent angst vs. how much is an underlying disorder of brain biochemistry.

I hear ya on the lying...am having to impress upon DD that fibs WILL be found out, so she'd be much better off playing straight w/us. Of course (most of us) we love our kids the same, but they are different people nonetheless and can't always be treated the same. My situation is a bit extreme in that regard, as DD is 11 and my son is 2...treating them the same would be nearly impossible!! 

Good deal about the oldest getting on the grad list where he belonged. GOOD LUCK with the driving practice...is there enough time at this point to get him into a private driving school, even for a few lessons? My parents did that for me when they realized that the school Driver's Ed didn't teach me doodle and they really couldn't handle trying to do the "DIY" in South Florida traffic (and, this was around 1980, looong before graduated licensing).

We got the book report grade back today...worse than I thought, a 64 (solid D). She knows the consequences, so we will get started this afternoon. I am debating whether to let the teacher know that we are doing this. It isn't that I think it would influence her grade so much as let the teacher know that we are working to correct the problem.

She also had a "pop" spelling test today (It is usually on Fridays unless otherwise announced, but there was no announcement...aargh); she probably did ok, though. She also got back the grade for her end-of-year reading test, a 92%. Whether that is enough to counterbalance the lousy book report & 68 on 1 regular test remains to be seen. Her grumble was "I can kiss the honor roll goodbye."

At least you get some input to include stuff that doesn't necessarily show up on the report cards. We don't even get that. It's strictly luck-of-the-draw (for most folks, anyway...I have heard tell of the influential types getting to "put in" for 1 or the other) as far as who the child gets for a teacher. 

Oooh, grouping kids by their abilities! How novel! The real question becomes, though, how finely do you subdivide? Here, it's pretty much gifted / average / special needs ...and it takes a LOT to get into the "gifted" classification. What if  a child is "gifted" in math, but a little behind the curve in reading? Dunno if there's an easy answer, especially if it's a relatively small district. I have vented about FCAT ad nauseum.

Better get a move-on, DD should be finishing up soon.

-bact

Our oldest son went through driving school (at our expense) in March-April.  He got some basic experience there, plus the book training.  It is up to us (the parents) to teach him the rest.

Our 9 y/o's teacher has grouped the kids by ability for reading, and two other aids come in to teach the lower two groups.  Math is all together.  I don't know what is in store for 4th grade.  I would hope that the kids could be grouped at least for reading and math...it seems much more efficient.  Since there is no gifted program in our school district, there is no point in having the 9 y/o tested.  We will be working over the summer on the multiplication and division tables...memorization doesn't take logical thinking, therefore it is "boring".  We will have to come up with some little incentives for learning the tables.  It will be a challenge to keep it from being boring for him...necessary skill for more advanced math.

We do have a small school district...about 100 kids per grade level, so not a lot of spare teachers.  But I wouldn't trade the small town life...it's quiet and tame around here most of the time.  Very low crime rate, very low rate of drug problems in the school.  I guess the big-time drug dealers don't find it worthwhile to come to a small town like ours...good thing for us.  There was a big bust of a meth lab in town a couple of years ago, but not much action since then.  The police are ever-present and know everything that goes on...the police even knocked on the door in the middle of the night to tell us that we had left our garage door open.

When they get to high school, the kids are grouped by ability for their math classes.  They choose the language arts, social studies, and science classes that they want to take, as well as the arts.  There are specific requirements that must be met, but there is some flexibility.  The language arts classes for 9th and 10th grade are required, and they combine the language arts with social studies.  Since it takes reading and writing skills to do the social studies work, it makes sense to combine them.

We are still concerned about our oldest son's ability to get himself out of bed in the morning.  He has Narcolepsy (like me).  He sets his alarm for an hour before he is to get up, so he can take the Provigil and give it a chance to kick in.  This doesn't seem to make it any easier to get up in the morning.  After "going to bed" he stays up late...we have to check on him to make sure that the lights are out and the computer is off.  I hope he has a roommate for his summer job at the YMCA camp...maybe the roommate can dump some cold water on his head every morning...LOL.  He will be in a different city for the Culinary School...he really needs to get up in time to make it to his classes...he is paying a lot of money to be in the school.  We don't want to have to make "wake up" calls every morning...although my youngest son's teachr also has Narcolepsy, and she has two alarms and two friends who call her in the morning to get her out of bed. 

Our sleep specialist told us of a device called the Feel Bright Light Visor...it is a portable light box on a hat.  It is worn for 30 minutes in the morning to help wake a person up...I wonder if it would work while a person is still in bed and needing to get up...I guess it would depend on whether it works while the eyes are closed...it certainly would be an annoyance for somebody who sleeping.  Early morning light in the summer wakes me up at 5:00 every morning, whether I want to wake up or not.  It is supposed to straighten out the sleep-wake cycles.  The device costs about $200, and insurance doesn't cover it...insurance doesn't seem to cover any of the useful things outside of regular "medical equipment".  This light visor is also helpful for winter depression.  It might be worth the investment...if we could squeeze $200 out of the budget...maybe an East window with no curtains!!  Being up North...that would only work in the summer...winter brings very short days with lots of clouds...certainly not the early and bright wake-up light that we have in the summer. 

Well, almost time for kids to get home from school...the homework battles continue...Becky

Your daughter’s issues at school probably feel overwhelming for her, she feels like she has no true friends, etc., but like that old saying goes- this too shall pass. You and your husband must stick to your guns; there is no reason for your child to go live somewhere else, leaving her family behind. That wouldn’t be better for her, it would be worse, because she needs to be surrounded by family. Also, this is an important time in her life and she needs your guidance. As her mom, you are an important role model for her; let her know that you understand that she feels that she has no true friends at her school, but that you have a lot of confidence in her and the fact that she can and will create those close friendships. In an attempt to make this easier for her, encourage her to invite friends from school to come to your home or out to do things and offer to drive/chaperone, etc. I wish you the best!