Topic : School Issues

Your spandex idea reminded me of an anecdote I heard once on the Dr Laura show.  A high school girl was habitually skipping school, so her Mom accompanied her to school - followed her into every class all day long - for a week or so.  When she gave her daughter another chance she skipped school again.  So the next time she accompanied her daughter to school, and the Mom was wearing fuzzy slippers, a bathrobe, and curlers in her hair!  One day of that permanently solved the problem. ha ha!

 

My husband and I took a financial class at our church called Financial Peace University, by radio personality Dave Ramsey.  It's the same info taught in Ramsey's book "The Total Money Makeover", however the class is better b/c you watch DVD's of Ramsey teaching the material and he is a very good motivational speaker.  If your son will go, you might pay for him to take the class, as a gift.  It's about $130, but well worth it.  When we took the class, we learned a lot.

Our son is 18 and just graduated from high school.  I think a little financial education on budgeting and record keeping would be good for him.  He knows how to do accounting...he took accounting in high school for two years...you'd think that he'd have enough sense to keep good records.  He'll be home for the weekend from his summer job at the YMCA camp...I am going to go over his checkbook with him, and teach him how to balance to the bank statement.  I hope that he has learned his lesson.  He's got to learn how the real world works...and in a hurry.

 

We went shopping for school supplies earlier in the week...I think we're mostly set.  At the end of the month, we'll get the clothes and shoes...want to wait until the last minute for those because both of the younger boys are growing like weeds.  We shop for jeans and tshirts at Value Village and Goodwill...we can get some good deals there and some nice clothes.  We don't buy anything that looks old or worn out...unless that is the look that they are going for.  We usually only buy one or two brand new shirts from a retail store...just not in the budget.  Our oldest son is pretty much set on his clothes, but he needs some new shoes that are comfortable...black dress shoes for school...he will get his chef's uniforms at school.

 

I went to school with my middle son for a few days at the beginning of last school year...not as a punishment...just to get a feel for his classes...this year, I'll touch bases with the teachers by email.  I already know most of them because my oldest son had them.  I want our middle son to take responsibility for his homework...but I WILL keep the spandex handy...just in case...I hope not to have to sit with him, prodding him to keep doing his work...we'll see how it goes...maybe he will have matured a bit over the summer...we can only hope.

 

Our youngest son has always done his homework without any prompting...many times doing it on the bus ride home...this year, he is at a new school (moving up to the intermediate school), and he won't have a long bus ride...we'll have to make sure that he continues good study habits.  In addition to the homework, the kids are expected to read a lot...they have the Accelerated Reading program at our school district, where the kids read a book, and then take a test on it.  They get points according to how well they do on the test and how advanced the books are.  They have a minimum amount of points that they are required to achieve every trimester.  It is part of their Language Arts grade. 

 

Well, on to my day...Becky

  I am a single mother of a 14 year old boy and within the last year or so I  have found that my once very familiar son, has now become such an enigma to me. That pre-teen I knew inside and out has disappeared, and I find myself now treading on very unfamiliar territory.  I realize that teens can experience a broad range of emotions in such shorts spans of time stemming from puberty etc.  and I'm wondering if there is anyone out there that can shed some light on some typical behaviors of a 14 year old boy especially with regards of what I can expect from my now Freshman in High School.  To clairfy, I am in no way concerned that he is engaging in any shady activities when away from me or that his behaviors dictate that of depression, but rather his relentless procrastinations of homework or his aloof nature and many, many other foreign behaviors rearing their prettly little heads.

Those raging hormones cause so many changes to happen all at the same time...our middle son will turn 14 at the end of the month and is also entering his freshman year.  The homework is a common thing, especially among adolescent boys, according to the school counselor.  Going through "female puberty" when I was a teen helps me to survive my sons' changes.  We lived through our oldest son's changes...we are a little more prepared for the second one, and maybe we'll be experts by the time the third son enters puberty...LOL

 

Our middle son, though irresponsible with the homework last year, seems more mature and responsible than his older brother did at this age.  He is much more dedicated to making sure that he is ontime to band practice, and to practicing his trumpet at home.  We make sure to praise the areas where he is doing well.  I'm sure that the rest will fall into place in due time.  In the mean time, I am diligent about knowing what homework is due, through weekly (or more frequent) emails to the teachers.  We have it set up that our son has to CALL ME from class if a homework assignment is not turned in...that has been pretty effective in the classes where this policy is adhered to.  (Our son has ADHD, so he has a 504 plan...an individual education plan, which makes accomodations, such as extra communication between me and the teachers.)  But, even without ADHD, the communication lines should be open between parents and teachers.  Our teachers (most of them) are good about reading and answering their emails from concerned parents.  They often say that they wish all of the parents would be as dedicated as I am to making sure that my son does his work.

 

The ranges of moods...depression...anger...all part of growing up...think back to your own teenage years...mine were probably the worst time of my life...I'm glad to be long past it...all those erratic feelings (I have bipolar disorder, which makes the range of moods even wider).

 

Always know where your son is, and what he is doing...he will be growing more distant from you as he matures and doesn't "need" you like he did as a young boy...this is normal, but you can still stay involved in his activities...be a parent volunteer as you can work it around your work schedule...I volunteer at my youngest son's school, as well as with the high school band, and the high school church youth group.  My sons actually enjoy my involvement. 

 

Our oldest son is going out on his own in the next few weeks...I hope that we have adequately prepared him for life on his own...he is going to culinary school about 300 miles from home...I'm a little worried about his ability to manage his finances...I hope that his big mess-up this summer has taught him a thing or two.  I hope that he will keep in contact...we will let him keep his cell phone on our plan while he is in school, and we will call him weekly to keep up on his progress.  It is tempting to call him every morning to make sure that he gets up on time, and takes his medications, but he has been sort-of on his own over the summer with his job as resident assistant cook...I hope that this experience has further prepared him for life on his own.  I was 19 when I married my husband of 26 years, but somehow, I felt more mature than I see him at age 18.  I guess I'll always be a mom first...will probably cry when we say good-bye after moving him into his apartment...I'll be sure to have my hanky on hand.

 

Well, good luck with the puberty...keep in touch...Becky

 As someone who was medicated through my early adolescence, I can honestly tell you it is not the way to go. I am now 19 years old and because of the "pop a pill to fix it all" theory I feel as if that part of my life was wasted. I was a zombie, I felt nothing but indifference while medicated.  Too many children are heavily medicated. They are drug addicts as children. That is horrible.

 

 Your daughter is acting like any 9 year old. They are disruptive and chatty- its what they do. They just need to be reminded of where she is and what her purpose is there.

 

By the way I too was a disruptive child and I graduated with honors.

 Teenagers are funny this way. You really have to ride them about it.  Grounding isn't enough. If you don't bring up your grades and do well you get nothing. No friends, no computer, no games, no presents, no freedom. Nothing until its done to the best of your ability. That's what my parents did. Think I slacked off in school? Not a chance.

 

 Another thing, maybe repeating a grade will teach her something. Try telling her that in this day and age if you don't graduate not even McDonalds will hire you.

 I don't think it's serious. All kids go through the I'll show you mine....show me yours. They play doctor. You need to let him know it is not acceptable at his age to do so. But everyone else needs to chill out and let you sort it out with him.

I have a son that is 8 years old and is in 3rd grade.  We have had lots of problems with him for the last 3 years with focusing issues.  We took him last year to a specialist and he didn't think he has ADD or ADHD.  School has just started(1 week) and the teacher is already calling about this.  What do I do????

What kind of specialist did you see?  Did they have you fill out all of those papers, asking questions relating to behavior, etc?  They should have had the teacher fill one out too.  Without those forms, it is pretty hard to say whether or not there is ADHD/ADD present.

 

Our oldest two boys had the ADHD diagnosis for a long time.  We finally took them to a sleep specialist for sleep studies.  It turns out that the oldest son had Narcolepsy (NOT ADHD).  The youngest son has Restless Leg Syndrome, and the beginning signs of Narcolepsy.  The middle son has Restless Leg Syndrome, Narcolepsy, and bipolar disorder.

 

Sleep disorders are more common than most people would think, and they are responsible for a lot of behavior problems.

 

Some simple things to do (that you might already be doing):

 

1.  Make sure that you have a strict bedtime routine, getting your son to bed at the same time every night.

2.  Keep communicating with the teacher.  You can send daily emails asking about the behavior issues.

3.  Volunteer in your son's class.  This will give you a chance to see first-hand how the class is run and what the routine is.  You will then be more able to ask your son about his day, and understand what he does all day.

4.  While volunteering, observe how your son interacts with the other kids. 

5.  See, while at school, just what the distractions might be that are interfering with your son's focus...some kids are especially sensitive to little noises that wouldn't bother somebody else.

6.  Keep your home life calm and predictable...sometimes problems at home will follow a kid to school and distract him from his work.

 

Do see the school counselor and ask him/her to observe your son in his classes...he can be more inconspicuous than you can, and he can give you an objective view of what is going on.  A visit to the psychologist or psychiatrist could be helpful if the problem persists.

 

I hope this is helpful...I've lived through it...and continue to...been there, done that...

 

Becky

 

We have survived the first week of middle school! YAY!! She "only" forgot 2 items that needed to be turned back in, but I don't think one day late will threaten her academic career. She had HW over the weekend, & I told her flat-out to get used to it and how she'll need to pace herself, especially if it's a writing assignment that should go through at least a draft or 2.

 

She's actually in a couple of "advanced" classes (reading & language arts, a bit of a surprise) and seems to be holding her own so far.

 

You all don't go back until next week, correct?