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Topic : Sleep Issues

Number of Replies: 119
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 01:21:39 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your child afraid of monsters under the bed? Do you have a hard time getting them to stay in their bed at night or setting a regular bedtime? Do you have a bedwetter? Share advice and support with other parents of children with sleep issues.

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July 19, 2006, 1:51 pm CDT

Agreement to have something to do

Quote From: azuil1

If your daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD, the Dr. might have suggested medication...is she currently on any? I've suggested on this board a ritual at night that a child might enjoy, it could be a variety of things...something that might help her to calm down...reading, a bath, or both. I'm not sure what you've tried however. Has your Dr. helped you with any suggestions?
 I agree that the daughter should have something to help her relax each night. If she has prescribed medicines she should have a light snack before or after taking her medicines. A bath or reading is fine, but the reading and snack are better for her. They should always be done.
 
July 20, 2006, 12:36 am CDT

msg for nanny77

I had a quick read regarding the problem you are experiencing. I know that most 7-6 yolds do not sleep with their parents, but there are always the exception to the rule. Most of the time it is more of an insecurity from either the parent or the child and it does eventually pass. I think this is the case however, being a mother of 5 very well rounded stable children who have all spent a considerable amount of time between my husband and I in bed, I can only say that if the mother and  or father are OK with it and the child is not suffering, then you should not be worried. My problem is why has this has become such a personal issue for you. Its none of your business really. If your friend mothers this way, then let it be. I am quite sure that the child is not suffering. There is nothing funny going on and it seems all quite innocent. Parenting takes many different forms. In many other countries, this is quite normal. I think that in this age of technology, and the never ending search for perfect parenting techniques, we are loosing our natural abilities. We parent by books now instead of feelings and what should after all come naturally. By the way, do you have any children ???  My best suggestion is not to make your friend feel guilty for needing the reassurance of being close to her child. After all she gave birth to her, and must treasure her. They will both grow out of this and as your friend becomes stronger the need will subside. I am sure that the child is getting all the reassurance she needs right now, and unless you have walked one day in her shoes, you should keep out of this and not criticize. Please stop going to her house and checking who is sleeping where. Just enjoy the fact that your friend is there with you and accept that nobody is a perfect parent, but as long as there is love and trust, all will be AOK.
 
July 23, 2006, 4:01 pm CDT

reply

Quote From: azuil1

I'm not sure about the dynmacs of your family. But sometimes children refuse to go to bed at night because at night is when they feel they can get the most attention from their parents. Parents...including myself...are busy people and if kids feel their not getting the attention they need...they will find a way to do it regardless of whether or not it's negative attention. This is not to say you are a bad parent in any way whatsoever...again I don't know the dynamics of your family. Children often express their needs through actions because they don't have the mature verbal skills to state what the problem is so they wind up acting out. I'm not sure how old your children are. 

  

When you say they put holes in the walls and don't mind...that tell me there might be some anger there in your children...do you have any idea why they might be angry? There's a lot I don't know about your family so I can only assume things as a result. 

  

What is the evening like in your family? How do your kids behave before bedtime?  

my kids are 9,7,5      not sure why they would be angry       we eat diner at 5pm then they take there bathes we play or watch a move then they go to bed at 8pm well get sent upstairs. before bed they are usually happy not unless they get in trouble cause we are usually doin something together. 

  

 
August 21, 2006, 7:08 pm CDT

Can anything help him?

My problem is my daughter and my grandson. My daughter had my grandson when she was 17 and lived with me. In the first three months, he was a fussy baby only at night, so between the two of us, he slept with one or the other of us, just so we could get sleep (he normally was an "awake all night" baby early on).  After the first couple months, my daughter began wanting to do "teenage things" and would never stay home with him.  She and I fought all the time because I tried to get her to stay  home and take care of him (she now denies being gone all the time).  For the most part, I raised him almost entirely myself his first year until she moved out at 18. 

 

Last November, just before he turned 4, my daughter moved to a new trailer, got a new boyfriend, and decided to make my grandson sleep in his own room.  So all at once, he went from sleeping WITH her, to suddenly being forced to sleep in a new room by himself, in a new trailer, and lost his mother's attention to a new guy (what little attention she gave him, due to the new grandson getting all the attention).  All those big changes took place at once.

 

Well, the way she went about "weaning" him into his own bed was less than desireable, and actually was very traumatic for him and has now caused lasting issues.  He has always been afraid of the dark.  He has had nightmares since he was two.  He was suddenly forced to sleep in a dark bedroom, with the door shut, while he screamed hysterically for hours (I was there on numerous occasions to witness this).  If he came out of the room, she screamed at him to go back to bed, even though he was just trying to tell her how scared he was (he's very advanced and has a huge vocabulary, and told me all this).  Eventually, he would fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion, because of screaming for hours.  Next night...same scene.  After a few months.....instead of getting better, it was the same.  I bought him a nightlight for his room, and a flashlight too.  She gave the flashlight to the younger brother to play with as a toy.  He would go into school (headstart) the next morning tired, exhausted, and sick to his stomach.  My daughter's car wasn't working, so the teacher would call me to come get him, not realizing why he'd go into school and vomit on several occasions (it was because of the trauma from the night before).

 

Now, at 4.5 yrs old, after nine months of sleeping in his own room, it's really no better.  He calls me at bedtime begging me to come get him. As his mother takes the phone from him yelling at him to go to bed, I can hear him screaming hysterically in the background.  When he's with me and it's time for him to go home, he begs me not to take him home.  He tells me that as we get close to his house, his stomach feels sick.  He's also told me when he wakes up in the middle of the night, his stomach feels sick because he's so scared.  When I drop him off, he hangs on my legs, screams for me not to leave, blocks to the doorway trying to prevent me from leaving and you can just see the terror in his face.  When I finally do leave, I can hear him crying and screaming hysterically in the trailer, trying to get to the door, screaming "Nana!!!!!!! Please don't leave!!!!!!!!!!", while his mother yells at him to shut up.  His nightmares are just as vivid as ever for him.  The way she handles bedtime doesn't help.  She now uses bed as a punishment for him if he doesn't behave.  Everytime he does something she says "Stop it or you're going to bed!".  He's petrified of bed, and she knows it and uses it against him!

 

I'm sick over this.  I can't do anything to help him.  She has donned herself the "Perfect Mother", "Goddess of mothers", etc.  She absolutely will not even entertain the thought that she's anything other than perfect.  She's definitely immature for her age, and still acts very much like a rebellious teenager, so I've tried to very kindly and delicately approach the subject, and she immediately yells at me that she knows what she's doing, she's doing everything just right, etc.  I always have to walk on eggshells with her, and word things very carefully.  Because, if I say anything to upset her, she prevents me from seeing my grandson.  The "madder I make her", the longer it will be before I can see him.  He's nothing more than a pawn to her, to get what she wants from me.  She uses him to control me, and I would cut off contact with her entirely, but it would only hurt my grandson, so I"m not willing to do that.  She treats him like he's property, not a living human with feelings and needs.  When he's upset, you can see pleasure in her face. 

 

He always tells me that he doesn't think she likes him, or loves him, or says things like she loves his brother more than him, etc.  I've tried telling him that she loves them both very much, but he immediately tells me, no that's not true, she loves his brother, but not him.  She does tell him she loves him, but frequently does things that says otherwise, and he's a very perceptive, intelligent boy.  There isn't one single time that he's with me, that he doesn't say things like "Nana, when will my mommy start loving me?", "Why is my mommy more interested in G than in me?" (G=his younger brother).  He tells me everytime how much he hates his brother, hates his mother, etc.  I try telling him that his mother loves him, etc....try talking to him about lots of things, but what I tell him doesn't even compare to the way his mother treats him, so my words really don't mean much to him. 

 

There is NO talking to her about any of this.  Does anyone have any suggestions that I could do myself for him....that would help him at bedtime?  I guess it would have to be something that would not be real obvious, because if she knows that I'm trying to make him feel better, she'll immediately prevent what I'm doing.  I just can't go on seeing my grandson scream and cry every night when he goes to bed.  He's ok during the day....but as soon as it gets dark, he spends the entire night obsessed with asking her "I don't have to go to bed yet do I mommy?".  or "It's not bedtime yet is it mommy?".  That's his entire evening...every couple minutes.  He really can't even play or watch tv much, because he spends the entire evening in dread....knowing what's coming.  It makes me sick to think about it.  My husband truly hates her for what she's done to this baby.  I just need to do something to make bedtime easier for him (I wish I could do something to make his LIFE easier....this boy is going to end up either hurting someone, or killing himself by the time he's a teenager because he has so much anger, resentment, hatred, etc, in him).  There is a whole lot more to this with what she does to him...this is just a small issue, but I really need suggestions on how to help him be less scared.  He should feel safe and secure in his home and he doesn't.  He truly hates being there altogether.  Any ideas please???

 

 

 
August 23, 2006, 1:02 am CDT

7 year old won't sleep alone

Our daughter is 7 years old and refuses to sleep in her bed.  This has never been a problem of this size before.  She would wake through the night and come into our bedroom or downstairs if we were still awake.  We would simply put her in her own bed and usually that was the end of it.....now however, she will wake up at night and WILL NOT go back to sleep.  I have tried talking...sleeping on the floor outside of her room, shutting her door and forcing her to stay in her room.  She seems truly scared.  During the day she is a typical 7 year old.  She is a very well behaved child and she knows how much this is upsetting myself and her father.  She is literally up all night back and forth between our bedroom and her bedroom...she comes into our room every 15 minutes to tell us she can't get back to sleep.  We tell her to go back to bed and stay there even if she has to lay there awake.  Still she comes in.  My husband says lock our door but....that has to be the last step for me.   We recently returned to Belgium after a month in the states, where for the most part she slept with me (lack of space at family members) but when she fell asleep, she stayed asleep.  Even if I woke her up to move her, she went right back to sleep and was not scared.  We have lived in Belgium since Jan. and will be here at least another year.  She has never been truly at ease here. (This is not an ideal situation for any us, but it is the way it is right now and we can not change that) She is starting school in one week and I am concerned with the lack of sleep how she is going to make it through the day....(English is the second language here and she goes to a Dutch/Flemish speaking school and I know it takes a lot of concentration to learn in a different language.)  I know this can not continue for many reasons.  (This is affecting our marriage.) I am trying to do the best I can but at this point I am struggling.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 
August 29, 2006, 7:51 pm CDT

Sleep Issues

Quote From: azuil1

It is very difficult to break the habit of having your children sleep with. Perhaps you could compromise so to speak though she doesn't understand what that is. 

  

Perhaps you could make a deal where she sleeps with you one night...and the other night she sleeps on her own and switch off that way. Maybe a ritual could be established...children love repetition and maybe a bath and reading time before sleeping alone might entice her. Find out what she might enjoy as a before bed ritual and maybe start doing that right before bedtime on the nights she sleeps alone. Maybe that will jump start her desire to sleep alone if she has something she really enjoys to look forward to. 

  

  

   I was a young single mother when my daughter was born. We lived with my Grandmother so we shared a bedroom. We lived there until she was 3 and she would either sleep in the bed with me or my grandmother. So when we finally were able to move inyo our own place to say the least  it was very hard to get her to stay and sleep in her own room. I tried everything I could think of and nothing seemed to work. So one night laying in bed with her I thought about the things she really enjoyed. Well she was really into stickers. So I typed up this letter to her from the ''Sticker Fairy'' it pretty much said that she had heard that she just moved in to her own room and that she was such a big girl. And that the sticker fairy would visit as long as she stayed in her room and went to sleep and when she wakes up she would find to great new stickers for her sticker book. It worked great!!!!!!! Good Luck

 
September 23, 2006, 7:57 pm CDT

worried mom

My nine year old son is afraid at night. We have to lay with him until he falls asleep, then wakes up once or twice a night. He says he sees shadows, afraid someone is behind him or under his bed. He is so scared.  We try to comfort him, and tell him he is safe, no one is going to hurt him, but yet night after night this behavior cont. This has been going on now for two months, we need help. We dont know what to do for him. If anyone has any advice for us, we would be so greatful.

I am so worried something is wrong with him. 

 
October 20, 2006, 8:35 am CDT

Help! My son won't go to sleep at night!

I have 3 children ages 5, 3 1/2 and 2 (next week). My first two children are boys and they were never on a schedule and both slept in our bed until about 2 years ago. We moved and I decided it was enough they needed to be in their own beds and rooms. I started a reward chart and within no time they were both in their beds and finally sleeping through the night. My daughter on the other hand has never slept in our bed and has always been on a schedule (best thing I ever did). Recently, my oldest son will not sleep at night. We have a bedtime routine and they are usually in bed by 8 p.m. My second son usually falls asleep right away however lately the older one is out of bed continuously and my 3 year old is starting to do the same. (He will give up and fall asleep about 9:30). My 5 year old though will stay up until we go to bed around 11 or 12. He is tired and he admits it but I can not figure out why he can't sleep. I've tried letting them read books in their bed, we leave the hall light on, we also have a dimmer light for their room (the boys share a room). We do snack, stories, bath every other night, I tuck them in and so does my husband but nothing seems to make him stay in bed. The next day he is sluggish and admits he is tired. He complains of having a headache and his belly is always hurting and I try to tell him it's because he needs to sleep at night. Last night he was up at least 3 times and that was after he went to bed at 11p.m. he was up this morning at about 8:30a.m. (He has been to the doctor about his belly hurting and nothing is wrong other than constipation, a "poop train" as the pediatrician called it. He goes every day and does not have trouble but for some reason he is constipated). I am at my wits end because I get frustrated that he will not sleep and then when he wakes in the night and my daughter wakes as well from time to time (4 times last night), I am exhausted the next day and am cranky with the kids (not fair to them). I try my best to not be cranky but lack of sleep is no fun. So ... I need help to try and get my son back to going to sleep at night. I feel like I have tried everything but nothing works. I don't want to lock him in the room (we leave the doors open) and I don't agree with spanking nor do I think it is necessary but those are the only things I have not done. If anyone has any other advice for me I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks.
 
November 17, 2006, 7:17 pm CST

5 year old sleep issue

we are a family that consists of mom, son and step dad.  real father is in his life, just lives afar and does not have great opportunity for visitation, mainly just phone calls now and again.  the 5 year old is very 'mommy' loved!!  every chance he will tell her so....  and is always calling for her to do everything.  that might be an underlining issue to the recent crying and whining at bedtime.  he seems to call out several times while trying to go to sleep, and crys alot in between.  we have asked him several times what we can do, and yet he will not answer, or will seem to have a 'fake' answer to why he was crying (i.e. the pillow was on the floor, or his sheets are not straight)

 

we have a routine bed time, and a routine at bedtime.  he is in bed by 8pm and mom will tuck him in.  they will kiss, hug, and he will say ' miss you, see you tomorrow, night night, love you, miss you, see you in morning, sweet dreams, miss you, love you. over and over, with her having to repeat that sequence untill the light is out.  even then he will say it louder as she leaves the room. 

 

the step dad sorta feels left out, and has tried to be the 'tucker' at bed time; however, it will turn into a real fit if she is here and is not the one to make it happen.  step dad thinks maybe he needs to participate more, but does not want to make the kid resent him for 'getting between the two'

 

any suggestions?!! comments

 
November 17, 2006, 8:43 pm CST

Sleep Issues

Quote From: samandmaggie

we are a family that consists of mom, son and step dad.  real father is in his life, just lives afar and does not have great opportunity for visitation, mainly just phone calls now and again.  the 5 year old is very 'mommy' loved!!  every chance he will tell her so....  and is always calling for her to do everything.  that might be an underlining issue to the recent crying and whining at bedtime.  he seems to call out several times while trying to go to sleep, and crys alot in between.  we have asked him several times what we can do, and yet he will not answer, or will seem to have a 'fake' answer to why he was crying (i.e. the pillow was on the floor, or his sheets are not straight)

 

we have a routine bed time, and a routine at bedtime.  he is in bed by 8pm and mom will tuck him in.  they will kiss, hug, and he will say ' miss you, see you tomorrow, night night, love you, miss you, see you in morning, sweet dreams, miss you, love you. over and over, with her having to repeat that sequence untill the light is out.  even then he will say it louder as she leaves the room. 

 

the step dad sorta feels left out, and has tried to be the 'tucker' at bed time; however, it will turn into a real fit if she is here and is not the one to make it happen.  step dad thinks maybe he needs to participate more, but does not want to make the kid resent him for 'getting between the two'

 

any suggestions?!! comments

My husband does the bed time routine most of the time but I have my "special" time witt the girls as well.  The step dad can be involved , figure out a time and activity that step dad can do with the son, make sssssure the son knows that it is a specil thing between step dad and him. My oldest daughter is in school and sometimes my 3 year old feels a littel left out casue she wants to go to school as well, so to make things  alittel bit more easier, She has a special activity that sister doesn't know about, it's simple but it is three year olds thing and she knows it. she gets to stand at the sink and play in the water and bubbles, doing her thing, it gets messy butit is her thing for when sister is away and she has mommy all to herself. We make that activity special.

I go out just about every Satuirday all by myself but on accasions I will take one of the girls with me, that is mommy and daughter time,t he following week, I take the other out twith me, they love the one on one whether it is mommy or daddy, gotta figure out what makes the child tick and use it for your advantage.

can also have a family story time wheich works with our family as well, when we are done, daddy takes the girlies to bed and sometimes it is by giving piggy back rides, my oldest is almost 6 and loves those rides,LOL. gotta be creative and make the activity fun.
 
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