Message Boards

Topic : Sleep Issues

Number of Replies: 119
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 01:21:39 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your child afraid of monsters under the bed? Do you have a hard time getting them to stay in their bed at night or setting a regular bedtime? Do you have a bedwetter? Share advice and support with other parents of children with sleep issues.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 13, 2006, 2:16 pm CST

My 9 yr old keeps waking up...

I've made a mess of my kids and now i don't know how to fix it.  We let our daughter share our bed, when she woke in the night, for her first 6 years.  When I became pregnant we tried to make her stay in her bed.  She did ok because she could see that I was getting bigger and there really wasn't much room for her.  After my son was born, he stayed in our room (not our bed) because he had breathing issues.  Our daughter started coming back to our bed.  When our son was a year old (daughter 7), we bought a house and made them each a wonderful room to sleep in.  At first, everything was new, so they slept with us.  One excuse after another... they are still sleeping with us.  My daughter is 9 now, and my son is 3.  We have tried everything we've heard or read to get them in their own beds.  Everyone is so helpful with the advice, but nothing is working.  Here's what I'm looking at from just this week:  My daughter is very active during the day, she likes to run and play outdoors, she rides horses and does exercises at the YMCA, so I feel she has enough daily activity to burn that energy down for bedtime.  She does her homework , eats well, feeds her animals, and plays games or watches tv all before 7:30.  At 7:30 she showers and gets ready for bed.  By 8pm she's in bed with a book and usually reads herself to sleep by 9pm... sounds great, right?  Well, come midnight, 2am, 3am, 5am... she is up, standing by my bed telling me she had a bad dream, or she heard a noise or she's scared....  I'm soooo tired at those times, i know i nod off on her and wake suddenly and find her still standing there.  I've sent her back to her room, but she comes back... I tell her to put her tv on, she comes back, i let her turn lights on, or read... she comes back... I sit with her, but she is panicked when she hears a creak or the wind. She just wants to be in my room, doesn't matter where, in bed, at the foot of my bed, on my floor...doesn't matter... I give in after doing this all night because i know she needs sleep for school and i need some rest.  She's really hard to wake in the morning, but she seems fine during the day.  I don't know what else to do with her.  My husband tries to be really strict and tries punishment, she doesn't care, she'll take it to sleep in our room.  I want to just make a place on the floor for her and tell her to not wake me up anymore, just lay down there and sleep.  But i can hardly stand the thought of my precious girl sleeping on the floor like a dog when she has a beautiful bed to sleep in.  And my husband completely disagrees with that idea (letting her lay on the floor), he feels that she is getting her way and says we should be stern with her and not let her stay, however, he doesn't wake up all night long when she comes in the room, so it's all on me.   

Now my son is different, he's 3 and can't fall asleep with out me, I've tried to be strict with him and let him scream and cry himself to sleep, but he keeps my daughter awake, so it seems to be a vicious circle.  When he does fall asleep in his room, he also wakes, but he sneaks in my bed without me realizing it, most of the time.  When my daughter wakes me up and i see him in my bed, i take him back to his room (he usually stays asleep), but just the habit, I guess, that he wakes and comes to my room.  So, should I make a place for both of them?  Then we can all get a good nights sleep?  Sounds like the easy way, so I'm very leery of it, plus the fact that my husband doesn't agree with it....   I'm at a loss.... and trying to find stuff on the Internet about 9 year olds still waking up is useless, I feel like i have the only one!!!!  Please help. 

 
January 16, 2006, 7:41 pm CST

Sleep Issues

Quote From: thumper23

 I have a 31/2 boy. for about six months he never sleeps(so it seems). I do have a bed time routine. dinner at  5:30 pm, bath at 6:00pm, movie at  6:30- 7:30, and a bed story from 7:30-8:00pm.  He seems to go to bed without a problem , but at around mid-night he wakes up. He does't talk very well so i don't know what he wants when he comes out. I play the game of putting him back in bed from mid-night until aroud 3am. He never goes back to sleep. If i don't here him come out he tears everything out of the frige, floods the bathroom, goes outside, everything the is dangerous he does. I took him to the doc. and they put him on aderul( an adhd med.) it does't help at all. He never naps either. I work alot.  I have to get everyone up at 5:30am just to get out the door at 7:00am to start the day. I am not getting enough sleep to do well at my job, and i get  craby from the lack of sleep.  I cant countinue to sleep on the couch. How do i get this 3 yearold to sleep and stay aslpeep? I am at wits end.
First of all, ask your doctor about getting him OFF that medication. Our 8 year old has ADHD, and we have been through several different medications looking for the one that works best for her. When she was on Adderall, she was up ALL NIGHT, EVERY NIGHT. Thank God it was summer time. My 13 year old niece was spending a couple of weeks with us and sharing a room with our daughter. She was the one that told us our daughter was up until 5 or 6 in the morning. Thank God or we may have never known. She was quiet and we were sleeping. But MAN after a few days that kid was GROUCHY! She became downright mean. We took her off the med and THAT night she slept for 14 hours. Poor little kid was wore out. Luckily now, she is on the right medication and gets a healthy night's sleep. Adderall is a "Ritalin cousin". It is an upper and some kids DO NOT tolerate it. Get your kid off that medication ASAP. Always talk to your pharmacist about medications. That is their specialty, and you don't need an appointment to ask them a question. Good luck to you:)
 
January 19, 2006, 6:24 pm CST

Night Terrors

I don't know how to deal with the problem of night terrors in my 18 month old daughter. She'll wake up screaming uncontrollably in the middle of the night and there's no consolling her. Please help if anyone has any advise for me. I can't afford to go to a specialist about this, I am a single parent on a very limited budget, have read some of the postings about night terrors to know this is most likely what is happening to her. I feel so helpless when it happens...please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
February 21, 2006, 9:21 am CST

Night Terrors Usually Age Specific

Quote From: rsdaniels2

I don't know how to deal with the problem of night terrors in my 18 month old daughter. She'll wake up screaming uncontrollably in the middle of the night and there's no consolling her. Please help if anyone has any advise for me. I can't afford to go to a specialist about this, I am a single parent on a very limited budget, have read some of the postings about night terrors to know this is most likely what is happening to her. I feel so helpless when it happens...please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Night terrors are common among 18 months old to about age 3. They usually out grow them. You are right about not being able to console your child verbally because she isn't understanding all your words.  Just be there. In due time, she won't have them anymore.  I doubt there's any need for medication, specialists, etc.  Your child's brain is developing and growing. She's probably not remembering any of these dreams either, so make sure you aren't over-reacting to the situation by bringing her to your bed, etc., and creating more problems down the road!  It will pass, so be patient, and don't panic.  Hold her and rock her back to sleep to help her make it through this difficult stage. It's not anything that you are doing - or not doing.
 
February 21, 2006, 2:09 pm CST

About the sleep issues.....

   Okay, this is going to sound like preaching, but I don't mean it that way.  I'm just telling you MY opinions here and my experience.  Your experience is undoubtedly different and you know what they say about opinions :P     

  

   My daughter is almost 18 months old.  The best thing we have done to help with her getting up at night or not wanting to go to sleep in the first place is to be firm.  we have the routine down.  She gets changed, put in her jammies, she helps pick out a bedtime stuffed animal and she carries her blankie to her bed. She also has a sound activated lullaby toy which we start up when it's time for bed.  It goes through a one hour song cycle then kicks in any time in the night she cries.  This is a godsend. 

         After that if she gets up, my husband is the one who deals with her.  He is very firm.  He puts her back in bed, tucks her back in and tells her repeatedly "You have to be in BED now. It is night night time".  He stays in with her occassionally for short periods, rubbing her back and telling her she is a good girl.  But if she tries to get back out of bed after he leaves, he is stern with her.  He tells her flatout NO!  and puts her right back in.  If she tries to throw a tantrum he just restrains her gently so she stays on her side laying down and he talks to her softly and rubs her back.  Sometimes he goes through this once or twice a night, but it works.  The biggest thing we have going for us is consistency.  That and I am a light sleeper.  I know immediately if she gets out of bed.   

  

        We love her, but we both agree-WE MAKE HER SCHEDULE, SHE DOES NOT.  Getting up at night to reinforce this is trying, but it is worth it to make sure she knows we mean business. 

        Also PLEASE parents, stop beating yourself up over divorces you got years beforehand.  I guarantee you, sleep troubles are not gonna be rooted in a 5 year old divorce if your child was too young to remember when it happened.   

        Kids with both parents often don't want to sleep alone or stay in bed either.  The only thing I think a few divorces may have caused is lingering guilt.  For that matter, seems like some may be allowing that guilt to lead them to become a bit more lenient with their children than they would like to be.  Being firm with your child and letting them know there are rules they need to follow is a GOOD thing.  And that doesn't change just because you and their other bio parent are not together. 

        As for those whose children have been sleeping in bed with them, I sympathize.  The sleep deprivation must be Hell.  But, not to be cruel,  you allowed a bad habit to develop and habits are always gonna be harder to break than they were to form.  It's going to take time, firmness, consistency and patience.  It will pay off in the long run.  What you're doing is resetting boundaries and it's important that kids have those boundaries.   

     "Mommy loves you, but mommy has her own space/time/food/bed", etc.   

       I can do this.  You can do this.   Let's just take it one day at a time and thank our lucky stars for these amazing little people (even if they are opposed to regular sleep schedules). 

I apologize for such a long post.  Take care everyone.   

 
February 22, 2006, 6:03 am CST

I understand !!

Quote From: simply26

I have a 7yr old daugher who refuses and panics if she is asked to sleep alone.  A little history...Her father and I divorced when she was 1 yr old.  Since then and even before we divorced she has been attached to me.  She slept in my bed till she was 3.  I since moved in with this guy whom we've lived together for 4 years.  The first two years we lived with his parents (money issues on their side) so we shared a room but she had her own bed.  She would sleep with us, but as soon as she was sleep i would put her in her bed and sometime at night she would end up in mine sometimes.  We moved out two years ago, she has her own room but she refuses to sleep unless i sleep with her.  Sooo, i sleep with her but when she falls asleep i go to my bed, sure enough at least 5 times out of the week she ends up in our bed.  I usually end up going to my room after 12 sometimes after she is in a deep sleep.  This is causing problems in my current relationship because he is fed up with me sleeping in my daughters room and then going to my room like a zombie...But when i tell my daughter that she has to sleep by herself she panics badly, and if I tell her that i'll be there till she falls asleep she wont be able to sleep and she'll panic when i leave.  Please HELP!!!!! I feel alone at this, because he is not helping me solve the problem, and i dont think i do much to solve it because i seee the panic in her face and i dont know what to do.
HI!  I completely understand what you are going through!  My son is 10 years old.  His father and I divorced when he was 6 yrs old.  I had him sleeping in his own bed although I would often lay with him until he fell asleep.  Then last year, my fiance and I built a house together.  My son had a beautiful new room. At first, he claimed that he couldn't sleep alone because he was afraid - everything was new ... new room, new house etc.  A year later Im still in his bed.  My fiance is frustrated and says its not normal and that im going to "mess him up".  However, when I tell him he has to sleep alone he completely freaks out and cries.  I too can see the panic that you speak of.  It breaks my heart.  So, im still sleeping with him relying on the fact that pretty soon he won't want me to do it anymore since he is getting so much older.  But it really affects my relationship with my future husband.  I long to spend quality alone time with him after my son is asleep.  I struggle to stay awake while my son is going to sleep so I can "sneak" out of his bed but usually find that I end up falling asleep myself.  And, if he wakes up at 12 or 1 and finds me missing he yells for me to come back.  I wish I could give you advice but I can't as I am in the exact same situation.  I wonder if I allow  this out of guilt from the divorce? I took him to a psychiatrist for nearly a year after the divorce to help him work through his feelings but he refused to talk to her about it.   I really hope that you can get some sound advice  on this matter because I could really use it too.  If not, maybe you and I could work together on some strategies to get this worked out  or at least  try to support one another.
 
February 22, 2006, 10:19 am CST

My Two Boys WILL NOT STAY IN BED

Back in July 2005 we finally bought our first house. This marked a time of great pleasure and the beginning of severe frustration. My two boys, ages 3 1/2 & 4 1/2 will not stay in bed. Sometimes they continue to get up until 10 or 11 o'clock at night! We have a very nice routine every evening of bath time and story time. I've even tried doing the bath/book thing to each of them, so they are both getting my undivided attention (I thought maybe they just craved more time with Mom & Dad) I've tried yelling, spanking, locking the door, repeatedly putting them back in bed (standing outside the door, wait for them to come out, put them in bed, walk away), taking away toys, TV, laying in bed with them...We've even implemented the "PRACTICE GOING TO BED GAME"...they have to go to bed early every night until they can stay in bed. This worked for about 2 days. I don't know what to do because NOTHING IS WORKING. This is affecting our entire household. Not only does it impact their behavior, because they are so exhausted, but it is also beginning to wear on me as I feel I never have any time to myself.  I AM DESPERATE. Someone please give me some insight before this bad habit ruins our family.  

 
February 22, 2006, 10:19 am CST

My Two Boys WILL NOT STAY IN BED

Back in July 2005 we finally bought our first house. This marked a time of great pleasure and the beginning of severe frustration. My two boys, ages 3 1/2 & 4 1/2 will not stay in bed. Sometimes they continue to get up until 10 or 11 o'clock at night! We have a very nice routine every evening of bath time and story time. I've even tried doing the bath/book thing to each of them, so they are both getting my undivided attention (I thought maybe they just craved more time with Mom & Dad) I've tried yelling, spanking, locking the door, repeatedly putting them back in bed (standing outside the door, wait for them to come out, put them in bed, walk away), taking away toys, TV, laying in bed with them...We've even implemented the "PRACTICE GOING TO BED GAME"...they have to go to bed early every night until they can stay in bed. This worked for about 2 days. I don't know what to do because NOTHING IS WORKING. This is affecting our entire household. Not only does it impact their behavior, because they are so exhausted, but it is also beginning to wear on me as I feel I never have any time to myself.  I AM DESPERATE. Someone please give me some insight before this bad habit ruins our family.  

 
February 22, 2006, 3:25 pm CST

Boys in Bed!!

Quote From: mumma2boyz

Back in July 2005 we finally bought our first house. This marked a time of great pleasure and the beginning of severe frustration. My two boys, ages 3 1/2 & 4 1/2 will not stay in bed. Sometimes they continue to get up until 10 or 11 o'clock at night! We have a very nice routine every evening of bath time and story time. I've even tried doing the bath/book thing to each of them, so they are both getting my undivided attention (I thought maybe they just craved more time with Mom & Dad) I've tried yelling, spanking, locking the door, repeatedly putting them back in bed (standing outside the door, wait for them to come out, put them in bed, walk away), taking away toys, TV, laying in bed with them...We've even implemented the "PRACTICE GOING TO BED GAME"...they have to go to bed early every night until they can stay in bed. This worked for about 2 days. I don't know what to do because NOTHING IS WORKING. This is affecting our entire household. Not only does it impact their behavior, because they are so exhausted, but it is also beginning to wear on me as I feel I never have any time to myself.  I AM DESPERATE. Someone please give me some insight before this bad habit ruins our family.  

I think the hardest part is having compassion for them and, yet, helping them sleep on their own when you are also tired.  Seems like we had a lot of issues when they were 3 and 4.  My husband didn't like it, but I would hold the hand of my youngest until he fell asleep, sitting by the side of the bed.  Took a few months with gradually shorter times and he was fine.  The other one would see snakes at night, so he had a sleeping bag next to our bed.  Later, he slept in a tent in his bedroom.  Whatever works so they get their sleep and don't disturb the other one.  Sometimes both my boys (4 years apart in age which is way different than yours) would sleep together.  I think one other thing is for you to not to share the bed, since the big thing is for them to find a way to go to sleep on their own.   

 
February 22, 2006, 3:30 pm CST

Sleep aids for kids

Quote From: jjwrite

       A kid isn't calm during the day, so he's medicated, and then can't sleep at night so again, medicated.   

                   I'm not criticizing anyone doing this per se.  I know many times parents are just following the orders of pediatricians.  But geez, I hope somebody finds a better way soon.  A medicine that by itself causes need for yet another medicine doesn't sound like a great thing at all.  They need to come out with something that helps the initial probem without causing others.  Otherwise there'll be no end to this medication chain. 

Usually, if they have had enough of the right kind exercise, they get tired (swinging, bike riding, running).  One on one time reading or talking helps before bed.  I used to also feed mine oatmeal (homemade with milk) and let them play in a warm bath.  Benedryl works and is not habit forming, and I use it myself. 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last