I have never done this before, but now I am so discouraged I know I have to talk to real people instead of quacks for doctors ( who apparently don't listen half the time anyway). I don't exactly know if this goes completely with sleep problems. but that's one of many issues.
How about a little background:
I am a 24 year old mom of the most precious 2 year-old litlle girl in my life. Her father and I have been engaged for 5 years and have been together for about 7 years. I graduated from high school in 2000, met Kevin ( my fiance) that same summer, helped him take care of his ailing mother who passed away in april of '01, went to school for cosmetology and graduated June of that year, all at the same time of either waitressing in restaurants or working in a call-center. In the earlier years (1993ish), I almost lost my Mom from Breast-Cancer, had a near-deadly accident by being run over by 3/4 ton truck, almost loss my Dad in "99 from a bad mix of cholesterol drugsbeing diabetic and having CMT ( Charco Marie Toothe disease) at the same time. I give you all this background to explain how I got towhere I am today, wherever that is, and it'll all make sense in the end.
Fast forward to 2003:
Moved with my fiance 4 hours away from our families for better jobs ( I had a management transfer into a larger call center). Things were pretty typical for us, living our "Vie de genesses" when my Mom on a visit told him to make sure to bring me to a Dr. to get a lumped checked out by different specialists ( I had found the lump 2 yrs prior and the only diagnosis I got from about 4 Dr's in our are was that it had to be an infection from one of the injuries I had suffered in the "accident"). Within 2 days, an ER Dr. had scheduled me for surgery to be done within 5 days due to the fact of having it for so long and not really knowing what it was. And 3 days after I got the call no-one wants to get...it was Cancer. The Dr's were dismayed at the type it was, Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, at my age , so my mass was sent to 3 other reputable Cancer Centers in the states and I ended up at Dana-Farber in Boston about 2 months later and was confirmed as having N-HL. But there was another issue at hand, throughout all of the tests and surgery Iwas not aware of the fact that I was .....PREGNANT....with my first child. I was so scared of everything, espescially when my Boston Dr. said I could have the baby, because it was probably my last chance since I also had HPV ( had been diagnosed in '99) and we would do treatment after the baby arrived . Needless to say my pregnancy was not enjoyed but feared. Not only having all this to deal with but an alcoholic for a partner did not help the situation.
So I had my baby girl on May 7, 2004. She weighed a meer 5 pounds but luckily was healthy enough not to go to NICU. Kevin had staightened out his life just a month before and has been sober since. I went through my radiation treatments and am tested every 3 months with an unpleasant round of test, but am in "cure-rate". Before all this I had had Mono in '98 I think and I nevere came back the same. My fatigue levels were aweful and now after all of this I am even worse today. This spring I was diagnosed as being Bi-polar ( just like mustbecrazy) but as of about 2 weeks ago, I had not slept more than a few hours a night in about 3 years. After going threw about 60 diff meds, I have found Cymbalta and Amitryptaline to rely on for sleep. But the fatigue is aweful! Because of all the diff meds I had to try, I barely remember the beginng of my daughters life and feel like a HORRIBLE mother. Kevin has done so well in taking care of the both of us after he gets home from work, and I'm lifeless. I am not the vibrant person he met and I feel like a failure as apartner. He has had to overcome so much and has accomplished more in the past few years than anyone thought he would in his whole life, and I am so proud of himm. And dayd after day, it's always the same, me on the couch barely able to function. I have a hard time not putting my baby down twice in the day because I just can't seem to function. After reading "mustbecrazy" and her trials in the years of being"sick" and just not finding answers, I spoke to one of my Dr.'s about Narcolepsy and he said it can't be that, but it always seems he disregards my complaints and rushes me out. I've been to psychiatrists and oncologists and can't get anywhere. I am so sick and tired of just being sick and tired and for me it seems as if things would be easier on everyone else if I would be a fade-out in the background. I'm sick of worrying my loving parents (they've been there every step of the way). I'm sick of not being able to be active with our daughter. And I'm sick of just feeling like nothing and a bad partner. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost and alone. I can't get my Dr. to listen and feel like such a failure for being so damn tired all the time. I am desperate for answers. I am desperate for a break. I miss me and everyone else does too but I just can't seem to function anymore. My 25th birthday is coming up in December and this is not how I wanted life to be. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I didn't want life to be perfect because there is no such thing, but I wanted to enjoy every minute since I have experienced seeing the "life is so short" saying in reality. I can't keep going like this but I don't know what to do anymore. I've always looked at everything in my life that was a struggle as "just a bump in the road", but this "bump" has been here long enough and I give up. Please help if you can. I have nowhere else to turn. Please help me figure out literally what thje hell is going on here. Thanks for a listening ear.
