Topic : Coping with STDs

Many thanks for all of your inspiration indeed.

I HAVE THE SAME FEARS I DO! YOU SHOULD NOT LET YOURSELF FEEL LIKE DAMAGED GOODS I HAD TO REALIZE THAT VERY FAST. THERE IS SOMEBODY OUT THERE THAT'S GOING TO LOVE YOU. THERE'S SOMEONE WHO WILL MAKE YOU FEEL SPECIAL AND KNOW ABOUT YOU HSV. I AM HAVING PROBLEM THAT I AM TRYING TO COPE WITH JUST LIKE YOU AND I HAVE DECIDED TO SEEK COUNSELING. NOW I DON'T KNOW IF THAT AN OPTION FOR YOU BUT YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER FIND THE ONE WHO WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL YOU DO!!   I WILL THINK ABOUT YOU!

Wrong to be on a dating service?  How could you do that to "us?"  Please.

Did he put any health history on HIS ad?  Did he put his financial information on there?  His job history?  Any addictions?  An ex wife?  Problems with his family?  Smelly feet?  Snoring?  Flatulence?

We all have things about ourselves that we don't share on the first date, and rightfully so, and on dating sites, we are "selling" ourselves, so to speak, so we don't share all the stuff that people might not need to know right up front.

By the time we are in our 30s, we all have things that might be challenging to a relationship - herpes isn't anywhere near as challenging as some.   Don't let this guy send you right back where you were when you were diagnosed.  You WILL find someone who realizes its no big deal.

Jess

Herpes is my punishment for infidelity. 

Two years ago, I had a one-time fling outside of my marriage... and contracted HSV as a result.  (Don't know if it's 1 or 2)

I also gave it to my husband. 

However, he forgave me, and now even jokes that it is what keeps us together. ;)  I don't have many outbreaks; what was hardest was having my first outbreak while two months pregnant, four months after the affair.  I faced the possibility of risking my baby's life, and being forced into a c-section if I had an outbreak at the time of delivery.

However, I delivered a healthy, HUGE baby girl at 9 lbs, 12 ozs, vaginally, with absolutely no complications, thanks to suppressive therapy of Valtrex.

I've only had two or three outbreaks, and haven't had one in months, even though I don't take any medication anymore.

It's only a skin condition, no more, no less. It's not life threatening, just painful.  It's really not a big deal, and I don't understand what the stigma is.  You can get it by having someone with a fever blister perform oral sex! 

I recently confessed to my cousin, and there's no feeling like that feeling of him saying, "Oh, I have that too!"

Divorcing after 10 yrs of marriage, I was with my ex-high school Sweetheart a few times unprotected (always been symptom free) and then began a new relationship with a guy.  Three weeks after we started our relationship, I had an irritation down under that went away within appx 1 wk-10 days.  It happened again the next month and I went to the local health dept to have it looked at.  I was told that it looked like a pimple or an ingrown hair and not to worry about it.  Next month I went again and they thought it was nothing and again said there was nothing oozing and just a pimple or ingrown hair, not to worry about it.  I dealt with this monthly for a few more months, my boyfriend would try and pop it cause it was driving me nuts, I wanted to relieve the pain...he'd then clean it with peroxide.  Finally at appx 1 yr into the relationship, I went back a 3rd time and there was a couple "pimples" this time, but this time I went to an OB/gyn ... I told them something is just not right, this is happening monthly and it itches and is painful and annoying! The first look and the Dr. said "Oh, it looks like our little friend!" What does that mean?  She says, "We'll run a Herpes I & II tests on you."  What?? How could the state clinic (phoenix, AZ) not know or run these tests a year ago!!  Anyhow, I was started on Valtrex as I did have both Herpes I & II.  My boyfriend was supposed to get tested but wouldn't, it was much easier to blame me.  I will admit, I never saw any type of breakout on him.  I continued to have the breakouts even while on the Valtrex, they seem to be monthly and often right around my period, but they'd not last quite as long.  Finally I ended our almost 3 yr relationship and have not had a breakout since!!!!!  The breakouts stopped the next month after our relationship ended!? Its been over 21/2 years now  since I broke up with him and I continue to take a 500mg Valtrex daily and have been in another relationship now for over 2 yrs and haven't had a single outbreak!!! That is the good news, and my present boyfriend has never treated me poorly about it and we do have unprotected sex. There is life after Herpes...note my ex-boyfriend tried to get me back, also wanted to know what those test names were because NOW he wanted to get tested?  Incredible!

THIS WILL BE MY FINAL ENTRY TO THE FORUM AND I MUST SAY THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR ALL THE ADVICE GIVEN TO ME.

THERE ARE SOME THINGS WITHIN THIS STATEMENT THAT ARE WRONG AND ALMOST COST ME MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARTNER. I HAVE HURT HIM MORE THAN I THOUGHT I COULD. BOTH HE AND I CHOSE THIS FORUM (THE PLACE THAT BEGAN OUR DISPUTE)  AS MY FIRST STEP IN THE HEALING PROCESS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.

"CAN I STAY IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO I KNOW HAS NOT ONLY TOLD ME A HUGE LIE" 

HE HAS NOT LIED TO ME, MY INSECURITIES LED ME TO THIS STATEMENT AS WELL AS:

"HAS CONDEMNED ME TO A LIFE EITHER WITH HIM OR WITH NO ONE".

HE HAS NEVER BEEN MALICIOUS TO ME HE HAS ONLY LOVED AND CARED FOR ME. WE HAVE OUR ISSUES THIS IS TRUE NO ONE HERE IS A SAINT, HOWEVER,  I AM TRULY SORRY TO HIM FOR MAKING HIM SOUND SO HARSH AND EVIL BECAUSE HE'S NOT.

I HAVE HURT THE ONE PERSON WHO NOT ONLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH BUT JUST AS HE HAD FEARS IN THE BEGINNING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP HE EXCEPTED ME,  MOVED ON FROM THIS PROBLEM AND FOCUSED ON STRENGTHENING OUR RELATIONSHIP.

I MUST SAY THAT MY CONDEMNATION WOULD BE TO NOT HAVE HIM IN MY LIFE!!!

THERE IS ONE GOOD THING THAT HAS COME FROM ALL OF THIS:  IT HAS ALLOWED US TO TALK ABOUT THESES ISSUES AS WELL AS OTHERS. WE ARE MOVING FORWARD VERY SLOWLY BUT MOVING FORWARD TO BETTER OUR COMMUNICATION WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP!

I HAVE CREATED WOUNDS THAT I HOPE AND PRAY CAN BE HEALED AND FORGIVEN. I CAN ONLY SAY TO ALL OF THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO DEAL WITH HSV IS THIS:

'KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH AND REMEMBER YOU ARE WONDERFUL. THERE IS HOPE IN ALL OF LIFE'S OBSTACLES AS LONG AS YOU CAN BE TRUE TO SELF AND WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IN GOD OR A HIGHER BEING, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. IT IS YOUR CHOICE, YOUR OBLIGATION, TO FIND THE REASON AND VALUE WHAT IS GIVEN'.

BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I WILL TRY TO FOLLOW THESE WORDS AND ALL ADVICE GIVEN.