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Topic : Coping with STDs

Number of Replies: 231
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Created on : Tuesday, August 08, 2006, 01:50:08 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you or a loved one have, or suspect you may have an STD? Share support and advice with others dealing with a sexually transmitted disease.

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May 30, 2007, 8:26 am CDT

Not my baby

OKAY;I HAVE HOPES THAT SOMEONE WILL READ THIS WILL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND AND NOT JUDGE.IAM A MOTHER OF TWO.17 AND 14...LIFE HAS BEEN A STRUGLE RAISING A BLENDED FAMILY.TO MAKE A VERY LONG STORY SHORT MY OLDEST SUFFERS FROM BI-POLAR DISORDER.SO THAT IT SELF HAS BEEN A VERY HUGE ISSUE WITH OUR FAMILY.EVERYONE HAS HAD TO SUFFER DUE TO ISSUES GOING ON WITH HER THREW THE YEARS.A FEW MONTHS AGO I HAD TO TAKE MY YOUNGEST TO THE ER.NOT REALLY KNOWING WHAT WAS WRONG OTHER THAN A FEVER AND SHE WAS JUST SO SICK.SHE DIDNT WANT ME IN THERE WITH THE NURSE.MY HEART WAS IN MY STOMACH, STANDING OUTSIDE OF THE ROOM WAITING FOR THE DOCTOR TO COME TELL ME WHAT WAS WRONG.WHEN I WALKED IN THE ROOM MY BABY WAS ON THE TABLE CRYING HER LITTLE HEART OUT.I WILL SAY SHE IS ONE THAT DOESNT CRY EASY.THE DOCTOR TOLD ME THE NEWS.SHE WAS INFECTED WITH HERPIES.LATER TO FIND OUT SHE ALSO HAD CLMAYDIA,ALONG WITH HPV.AS A MOTHER I CAN ONLY SAY I WAS SO VERY HEARTBROKEN.WHY MY BABY.I WANTED IT TO BE ME NOT HER.SHE WAS OUT OF SCHOOL FOR TWO WEEKS.I DIDNT LEAVE HER SIDE.I COULDNT GO TO WORK.NOT UNTIL SHE WAS GOING TO BE OK.TIME HAS WENT BY.I HAVE WENT THREW SO MUCH FEELINGS.DENIAL,GUILT,AND ANGER.THEY SAY THE FIRST OUTBREAK IS THE WORST.IF THERE IS ANY MOTHER THAT HAS GONE THREW THIS I WOULD LIKE YOUR SUPPORT.I HAVE HOPE IN ONEDAY THAT I MAY HELP ANOTHER ..
 
June 5, 2007, 10:47 pm CDT

Is this herpes? (pictures)

Not that I'm trying to dodge seeing a professional, but I am a notorious hypochondriac and I want to make sure I am not freaking out over nothing. I used to get little bumps like this around

my mouth as a tweenager, before I had even kissed anyone, so I'm not sure if this is the same thing or something new.

 

Let me explain the circumstances.

 

 

I am not very sexually active. But on Friday night I ended up in a heavy makeout session with a friend (an older male with something of a reputation with the ladies). Usually we don't go farther than kissing, but, silly me, I wanted to perform oral sex on him without a condom (I hate the latex smell and taste--but I really should have used one). During this bout, we headbutted accidentally (yes, that's important).

 

The next day I napped late and we went out to do some outdoor activities where I had to retrieve a ball from a patch of what looked like poison ivy (three leaves, hey).  Soon after the adventure, at home, I noticed a tingling in the corner of my mouth. Upon inspection, it appeared to be weeping a little. Soon, another patch appeared on my chin, this one itching and weeping like run of the mill poison ivy. Weird. Later that day, they formed little crusty yellow scab thingies which I only noticed when I wiped them off.

 

The spots were very small, a few of them on a patch of reddish skin. If I had touched poison ivy, then my face, I could have gotten these. But what about that big bump that appeared on Monday, yesterday? It didn't weep until I rubbed it today.

 

On Sunday, another patch sprang up on the other side of my mouth (where you see the bump in the picture, although that appeared next to the weeping part). They are still tingling today, Tuesday, and if I lick them, they feel sore but not painful. If I rub them a little, they start weeping again.

 

Yesterday, Monday, I had a headache in the same place where he bonked my head. Today I have a sore throat. I hear headaches and sore throats are not uncommon in new herpes infections. However, my sore throat IS accompanied by sniffling and lots of mucus production.

 

Does this sound like herpes or what? What is that little, painless raised bump on my skin? Am I freaking out or should I see a doctor?

 

Also, I will mention that have been vigorously washing after touching them, just in case. Wouldn't want to spread the disease!

 
June 5, 2007, 10:49 pm CDT

Is this herpes? (with clarification)

Ah, the pictures obscured this paragraph:

 

"I am not very sexually active. But on Friday night I ended up in a heavy makeout session with a friend (an older male with something of a reputation with the ladies). Usually we don't go farther than kissing, but, silly me, I wanted to perform oral sex on him without a condom (I hate the latex smell and taste--but I really should have used one). During this bout, we headbutted accidentally (yes, that's important). "

 
June 9, 2007, 1:33 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

hi, im 22 yrs old and i was just diagnosed with genital herpes on monday. About 2 months ago i met this guy whom i really liked and believed when he said he was 'clean'. I ended up sleeping with him and about a week later started developing some lesions.  I went to the doctor and i was only diagnosed with a UTI and the doctor told me the lesions were just just some dermatitis due to my soap or detergent. The doctor even said it did not look like herpes. Two months passed and I just finally got a call telling me i tested positive for herpes. I've been living an emotional hell, afraid of a long future full of rejection.  I've never been the one to sleep around, i lost my virginity when i was 20. I've been reading a lot of personal stories of people going through the same thing and it has helped a little bit. I just feel so ashamed and dirty.
 
June 19, 2007, 5:49 am CDT

Hpv

Quote From: rose713

The past two weeks of my life have been an emotional roller coaster.  I found out I am pregnant. Then I go for my ob/gyn physical and my pap comes back with mild dysplasia and postive for HPV!  I have been with my husband for 13 years!  I have tested negative for everything until now. He insists that he has been faithful.  Then last night he drops this bomb on me that he "thinks" he got an std from his first wife.  He says she "gave him something" even before they got married. He says he never was treated and he "didn't think" he would have it forever and he "didn't think" to ever tell me about it till now. I am so angry I can't even look at him. He has always prided himself on being so smart and educated, now out of the blue-he plays "stupid"!  How can I trust him ever again? 
I was also diagnosed with HPV while i was pregnant.  It was my second pregnancy and It was disgnosed in the same way.  I was told by my doctor that many people have HPV and there really isnt a way to tell when or, who  from, someone got it.  For a little background I will say that this was my second child, with only the second person I have been sexually active with.  There were no problems with my first child, and my pap came back normal with my first.  This does not mean though, that I did not recieve it from my first sexual partner.  It is however pretty likely that I received it from my current relationship, assumed because he has been with an ungodly number of women and did not deny that he could have something.  HPV is something that can go un-noticed for a very long time.  Men usually do not have any symptoms of hpv so unless he did research or saw a doctor than he really didnt know what this was.  Especially since it was so long ago and there wasnt any information on it, I wouldnt be too upset myself.  I was in the same position, my fiance acted like it wasnt a big deal, I think this is only because he felt really guilty and scared.  He asked me questons and tried to understand it better, but it never reaally sunk in for him until he found out that I ould develop cervical cancer because of it. That was the turning point.  He apologized for not showing any true care about the situation and has tried to be supportive since,  Back to what you said, I too would be very angry if he knew he had something, no matter what it was, and didnt say a word.  As for him priding himself on being smart and educated, HPV is something new to the spotlight, many people still dont know alot about it.  Unfortuanatly women usually get worse of it, so men can't fully appreciate the seriousness of it.  As for trusting him, that is all up to you.  Like I said, many people do not know what HPV is, or what is does, or can do.  Explain this to him and you may see a different reaction of him.  And part of yoru anger could just be the fact that you ended up with something that can be dangerous to women.  I was very upset with my fiance, expecially when he didn't seem to bo concerned for me.  The turning point happened when I sat him down and asked him how he would feel if he was diagnosed with something that could end up giving him penial cancer, and the reason he had it was because of me.  How would he react, how would he feel.  After he thought about it that way everything got better.
 
June 27, 2007, 11:50 am CDT

Coping with STDs

I am 19 years old and was living with my boyfriend that I had been talking to for almost seven years.  We had just become sexually active this past Aug 2006.  In November I found out that I was about 4 weeks pregnant and was also diagnosed with dysplasia and HPV.  For other reasons I had left him.  He was unfaithful and in addition to having me pregnant I found out about 2 other women that he had pregnant at the same time.  I am an emotional wreck most of the time.  I don't like to talk about it with family and friends because I am ashamed and feel nasty.  I know that they don't look at me differently or anything and will love me regardless of my condition.  But I do feel like I am at the end of the rope when it comes to having a relationship with someone.  I also contacted some of the women that I knew he was still sexually active with and informed them of what was going on.  He refuses to go to the doctor or tell anyone that he has it.  Telling those women only seemed to get me a bad reputation through out my town and upset me even more.  But I felt like they should know so they can be protected and get tested.  It is definitely more serious for women than men ( especially men who don't care if they pass it on) because it causes cervical cancer.  Any suggestions on how to deal with this? My baby is due on July 22nd, 2007 and I really need to find some coping methods
 
July 9, 2007, 1:58 pm CDT

Can we make this work?

I'm a 23 year old male, still in college and working full time. A few months ago, both I and my girlfriend were diagnosed with HSV-1. She had her first genital outbreak six months into our relationship, while I have never had one. From my understanding, the area of preference for HSV-1 is the mouth. However, it's been about three months and she still continues to have minor outbreaks every 3-4 weeks.

She was also just diagnosed with with HPV, after consulting her doctor about a bump which we now know is a genital wart. I most likely have it, but there are no tests for men.

Needless to say, this has been a great struggle for the two of us. We talk about it, but when we do I feel like a used car salesman, telling her genital HSV-1 outbreaks will most likely subside in time. Now with the HPV diagnosis, I find myself looking only for encouraging facts to pacify the situation and support her in this difficult time.

I love this woman very much, but feel terribly guilty with the situation. She has helped me immeasurably in fighting alcoholism and depression. And this is my gift to her. Herpes and HPV. The doctors say we can not know who it came from, but the odds point to me. I've slept with 23 women, and she's slept with only a few men. I feel like my putrid existence has only brought misery into her life. (Sure, that's a bit dramatic, but I'm a feeling a bit low at the moment.)

One thing I've learned in my battles in life is to stay positive, no matter what. And that's the view I try to maintain when talking to her about it. But it's difficult to be the counselor and the cause at the same time. Especially when she's the one who must deal with the symptoms.

Our relationship has been strong till this point. We're coming up on a year together, and I want it to work. How can I be helpful to her without stifiling her need to express emotion at the same time? She has every right to feel irate and violated. She's expressed these emotions several times. But she's always valued our love more than the hurt, and we manage to work through it.

Now, I feel like I'm entering the ring again, having to put in overtime to earn her smile again. While she's the only one who can make herself happy, there's alot I do to help and show her I care. The problem is finding a balance between coping with my own problems of drinking and depression, and trying to do penance in the relationship at the same time. I feel consumed with coping, maybe because I don't know how to do it properly. I'm left with very little of who I am to put into my creative passions and hopeful career.

What can I do? I know from dealing with herpes that we'll need time to reconnect. But how can the cause of this (me) also be a supportive, worthy boyfriend? And how can I manage to grow and develop as the person she fell in love with, at the same time?

Please leave comments or questions. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
 
July 10, 2007, 1:58 am CDT

You can make it work

Quote From: newlight

I'm a 23 year old male, still in college and working full time. A few months ago, both I and my girlfriend were diagnosed with HSV-1. She had her first genital outbreak six months into our relationship, while I have never had one. From my understanding, the area of preference for HSV-1 is the mouth. However, it's been about three months and she still continues to have minor outbreaks every 3-4 weeks.

She was also just diagnosed with with HPV, after consulting her doctor about a bump which we now know is a genital wart. I most likely have it, but there are no tests for men.

Needless to say, this has been a great struggle for the two of us. We talk about it, but when we do I feel like a used car salesman, telling her genital HSV-1 outbreaks will most likely subside in time. Now with the HPV diagnosis, I find myself looking only for encouraging facts to pacify the situation and support her in this difficult time.

I love this woman very much, but feel terribly guilty with the situation. She has helped me immeasurably in fighting alcoholism and depression. And this is my gift to her. Herpes and HPV. The doctors say we can not know who it came from, but the odds point to me. I've slept with 23 women, and she's slept with only a few men. I feel like my putrid existence has only brought misery into her life. (Sure, that's a bit dramatic, but I'm a feeling a bit low at the moment.)

One thing I've learned in my battles in life is to stay positive, no matter what. And that's the view I try to maintain when talking to her about it. But it's difficult to be the counselor and the cause at the same time. Especially when she's the one who must deal with the symptoms.

Our relationship has been strong till this point. We're coming up on a year together, and I want it to work. How can I be helpful to her without stifiling her need to express emotion at the same time? She has every right to feel irate and violated. She's expressed these emotions several times. But she's always valued our love more than the hurt, and we manage to work through it.

Now, I feel like I'm entering the ring again, having to put in overtime to earn her smile again. While she's the only one who can make herself happy, there's alot I do to help and show her I care. The problem is finding a balance between coping with my own problems of drinking and depression, and trying to do penance in the relationship at the same time. I feel consumed with coping, maybe because I don't know how to do it properly. I'm left with very little of who I am to put into my creative passions and hopeful career.

What can I do? I know from dealing with herpes that we'll need time to reconnect. But how can the cause of this (me) also be a supportive, worthy boyfriend? And how can I manage to grow and develop as the person she fell in love with, at the same time?

Please leave comments or questions. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

Love knows no physical boundaries, it does not ask for health status or anything of the sort but the fact remains it is affecting your relationship in a negative way. You answered the question yourself when you said you really love that woman and therefore you will MAKE IT WORK. Do whatever it takes, try not to stress too much and embrace one anothers emotions, Talk about it. Be there for one another because in this relationship you're both suffering from the effects so you need to heal together. It won't happen overnight...

As yourself this, if you love her so much that you say you'll die for her...turn it around and live for her. You're both worth it :)

 
July 25, 2007, 9:56 am CDT

Coping with STDs

I completely understand. I was a virgin until I met my boyfriend of 7 months and I was tested for STDs before I had ever met him and I tested negative for everything. As time went on I started to realize spots on my boyfriend and I started to think it looked alot like Herpes or HPV. I asked him about them and he said they have been there for years. His ex wife tested positive for HPV and they never used a condom together. I've been stressing over this for over a month now because we never used condoms. I'm only 16 years old. I have other things to be worrying about than some STD. I dont want this to tear our relationship apart but I'm afraid it will. He refuses to go get tested to find out what it is because he doesnt want to know. Please help.
 
July 25, 2007, 1:55 pm CDT

TIFF

Quote From: tiff_2008

I completely understand. I was a virgin until I met my boyfriend of 7 months and I was tested for STDs before I had ever met him and I tested negative for everything. As time went on I started to realize spots on my boyfriend and I started to think it looked alot like Herpes or HPV. I asked him about them and he said they have been there for years. His ex wife tested positive for HPV and they never used a condom together. I've been stressing over this for over a month now because we never used condoms. I'm only 16 years old. I have other things to be worrying about than some STD. I dont want this to tear our relationship apart but I'm afraid it will. He refuses to go get tested to find out what it is because he doesnt want to know. Please help.

GIRL, stop having sexual intimacy with this man, until such a time that he will get tested and find out what those spots are!

GREIF! In some cases a individual can be a carrier only and not a recipient!

Meaning some people can have a disease but not be affected by it. However, people that they come in contact with can be the recipient of the disease and have the full blown effects if the disease.

The fact that he is willing to so callously and selfishly fool with peoples health in such a manner boogles my mind! I can understand his fear, but geez his sense of moral obligation to his intimate partner should by far be the driving force that compels him to get medical attention, pronto.

You are so right when you say you should not have to worry about STD! Stop all intimate contact with this man, today, go see a doctor immediatly and describe the spots and history of HPV being present in your partners former relationship.

Get checked out, and get help if he has passed on a disease to you.

Kiddo, you deserve way better than this, and you are 16 years old, you got a lot to look forward too, and living a life coping with a STD is not one of them!

This man has no compassion, no sincerity, and seriously no love for you, he is selfishly placing your life in jepardy, simply becasue he wants his sexual needs fullfilled without any of the responsabilty. Please, go see you doctor, do not have sexual contact with this man, he is poision!

Let me know how you are doing Kiddo, Now im in a dither lol! Flip, way to much to lose hun, you are way to smart and mature to take the kind of risks this man wants you to take, he does not deserve you or any other woman for that matter, he needs to get real and stop jepordizing lives.

HUGS

Tammy

 
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