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Topic : Coping with STDs

Number of Replies: 231
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Created on : Tuesday, August 08, 2006, 01:50:08 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you or a loved one have, or suspect you may have an STD? Share support and advice with others dealing with a sexually transmitted disease.

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September 19, 2007, 8:08 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: chapom

hi,

 

i am new to this and just thought i would see if this sight had some people to talk to that are going through the same kind of thing. I too can't say for sure where this came from, i have had 3 partners including my husband and he has had several. i guess the reality is, it doesn't matter who is at fault it is something we will have to deal with. Right now i am more scared then anything. i was just told that i had herpes last week. i went to one doctor after excrutiating pain last weekend, he said it wae s a bad yeast infection and 80.00 in meds later and 4 days later i was still in so much pain i went to my regular doctor. before she even looked at me she said man that really sounds like herpes to which i started crying, how could i have gotten that? from a toilet seat? she said not likely, i was just devastated. its so painful and this never goes away?? i dont know how people deal with these outbreaks especially if they happen all the time. my job is sitting all day i couldn't sit i had to take the week off. i can't take a week off everytime this occurs. how do you know when these symptoms are coming?> i have read alot of websites on the subject to try and get informed. my husband thankfully has been very supportive and says he will go get tested next week. he has since informed me that he always had cold sores as a kid , perhaps he gave it to me mouth to genital and didn't know it. i have never heard that the first kind can transfer to the second kind. i guess im still in the depressed and ashamed stage. im ashamed b/c my two former partners i didn't use anything b/c im allergic to condoms. i never even thought about std i dont know why,. i guess i assumed they would have said something if they had somethihng,. but then people can have it and not know it themselves so i guess i cant really find blame in anything maybe thats the hardest part not knowing why or where this came from. but what would that help anyways?? how do you deal with the idea that this will keep happening im so scared of this pain again. thanks for listening,.

HI there -

 

I'm sorry you are going through so much confusion and pain.  I can tell you that your subsequent outbreaks will be NOTHING like your first.   The first is almost always the worst.

 

If your husband did give you this via oral sex, then you have genital herpes type 1.  It doesn't change into type 2 because of the location.  If this is what happened,  then you can expect fewer and milder outbreaks than someone who has genital herpes type 2.

 

I urge you to visit the herpes homepage at www.herpeshomepage.com .  Its where I went when I was first diagnosed, and its a wonderful site.  It has a wonderful support forum.  :)

 

Jess

 
September 21, 2007, 12:10 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: jessilynn6

HI there -

 

Please read the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com and check out the herpes home page at www.herpeshomepage.com .

 

There is lots of info I could give you, but my best advice would be to have your partner tested to find out what type he has, and talk to him about taking suppressive therapy.  That would cut your risk down to about  4% a year that you would get it, (meaning a 96% chance that you wouldn't).

 

I could go on, but please check out those sites.  :)

 

Jess

thanks for the information,I have the handbook and I'm reading it, I gave my partner a copy too..

 

 
October 8, 2007, 8:45 pm CDT

living as if i was with out

 Iam 19, and my boyfriend just turned 20. we have been together fo 1 year and 5 months, and in the first month together, i was diagnosed with herpes. i did some bad things in the few years leading up to him, no drugs, no reckless driving, but sex, yes. i was at the clinic just crying, thinking that i finally found a guy I truly cared about, and that once i told him, he would leave me. i called him up crying as he was at work, and i told him, he told me hold on one moment as he went somewhere quiet, and then told me not to worry because "i love you"..that is the first time he told me, and though it wasnt the romantic way i hoped, it was probably the most romantic way it could of happened, and it saved me. we cried a lot, because we didn't know much bout what was going on, and how everybody makes fun of the std. because of my boyfriend, the only thing herpes has changed in my life is how i dont share water bottles and such with people, and how i wash my hands really really good after going to the bathroom. my family doesnt know, and other than my best friend none of his or my friends know. they all make fun of it still, and i just ignore it because they dont know. i hardly ever get outbreaks, but i realise that people who make fun of std's just dont know a darn thing. we are still people, and its not discusting. two weeks ago i was also diagnosed with high risk hpv...great! my dr says not to worry too much because 90% of women who are sexually active in their lifetime get it and never know...because it can go away. i pray that it will, but if it doesnt my dr also says that as long as i keep up on my normal yearly screenings, due to the medical advances, i will probably never get cancer and if i get a few cells, they will be caught on time. again it was another thing to break to my boyfriend. we dont know who gave who what (i had more partners than he did before we met, but he still was with some people).  we dont fret over who is to blame, because we know we both made mistakes, and we know we love eachother for who we are.  we also know if it doesnt work out (which we dont talk about because we are crazy in love) herpes and hpv wont get in our way. we aren't still together because we are scared of being rejected by people, we are still together because we love eachother.  i worry about having a baby one day and passing the std's on, but when that time comes, he and i will talk it out together with a dr, and take each day one at a time.

 

sometimes the thought does come to mind that if i was single and  the guys who look at me knew i had two stds, they wouldnt want to even touch me. i can just see their lips curl up in disgust. but i remind myself  that if they were truly worth my time and feelings, they would just smile even bigger and ask me out on a date. i think of this when i dwell on my "condition" and wonder if i am a less attractive of a person. i always come to the conclusion however that if they are genuine people and can see you for who you are, they will accept the faults, even if their Std's... i know because my boyfriend has even though he was scared.

 

sometimes when i think too much about it i play a game. according to dr.'s, 1 out of 4 to 5 people have herpes. so i sit in my window and count people walking by...1...2...3...herpes! if number 4 is a dog..hey, he has herpes too. my best friend and i get a kick out of it. you just never know :)

 
October 10, 2007, 3:07 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: frcharbar24

 Iam 19, and my boyfriend just turned 20. we have been together fo 1 year and 5 months, and in the first month together, i was diagnosed with herpes. i did some bad things in the few years leading up to him, no drugs, no reckless driving, but sex, yes. i was at the clinic just crying, thinking that i finally found a guy I truly cared about, and that once i told him, he would leave me. i called him up crying as he was at work, and i told him, he told me hold on one moment as he went somewhere quiet, and then told me not to worry because "i love you"..that is the first time he told me, and though it wasnt the romantic way i hoped, it was probably the most romantic way it could of happened, and it saved me. we cried a lot, because we didn't know much bout what was going on, and how everybody makes fun of the std. because of my boyfriend, the only thing herpes has changed in my life is how i dont share water bottles and such with people, and how i wash my hands really really good after going to the bathroom. my family doesnt know, and other than my best friend none of his or my friends know. they all make fun of it still, and i just ignore it because they dont know. i hardly ever get outbreaks, but i realise that people who make fun of std's just dont know a darn thing. we are still people, and its not discusting. two weeks ago i was also diagnosed with high risk hpv...great! my dr says not to worry too much because 90% of women who are sexually active in their lifetime get it and never know...because it can go away. i pray that it will, but if it doesnt my dr also says that as long as i keep up on my normal yearly screenings, due to the medical advances, i will probably never get cancer and if i get a few cells, they will be caught on time. again it was another thing to break to my boyfriend. we dont know who gave who what (i had more partners than he did before we met, but he still was with some people).  we dont fret over who is to blame, because we know we both made mistakes, and we know we love eachother for who we are.  we also know if it doesnt work out (which we dont talk about because we are crazy in love) herpes and hpv wont get in our way. we aren't still together because we are scared of being rejected by people, we are still together because we love eachother.  i worry about having a baby one day and passing the std's on, but when that time comes, he and i will talk it out together with a dr, and take each day one at a time.

 

sometimes the thought does come to mind that if i was single and  the guys who look at me knew i had two stds, they wouldnt want to even touch me. i can just see their lips curl up in disgust. but i remind myself  that if they were truly worth my time and feelings, they would just smile even bigger and ask me out on a date. i think of this when i dwell on my "condition" and wonder if i am a less attractive of a person. i always come to the conclusion however that if they are genuine people and can see you for who you are, they will accept the faults, even if their Std's... i know because my boyfriend has even though he was scared.

 

sometimes when i think too much about it i play a game. according to dr.'s, 1 out of 4 to 5 people have herpes. so i sit in my window and count people walking by...1...2...3...herpes! if number 4 is a dog..hey, he has herpes too. my best friend and i get a kick out of it. you just never know :)

Have you had a blood test to determine what type of herpes you have?  Just because you have it genitally doesn't mean that you have type 2.  If you have type 1, then you can expect fewer outbreaks, and its less infectious than type 2 is, so its important to know what type.

 

I love your game!!  I think that really helps to know you aren't alone in this.  :)

 

And you don't need to not share drinks, etc., because of genital herpes.  You are only infectious from the genitals.  Of course, sharing drinks, etc., isn't such a good idea, especially with the cold and flu season coming up.

 

I would love for you to read the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com and check out the herpes home page at www.herpeshomepage.com.  And lots of women have both herpes and hpv, since both are so common.

 

Jess

 

 

 
November 14, 2007, 6:17 pm CST

My ex boyfrend knew

My ex boyfriend knew he had an std, and still chose to pass it on to me.  I'm not the first girl he's given it to.  We'd been seeing eachother for about a year when I agreed to sex wihout a condom. He lookd me tenderly in the eye, in that most intimate moment, and promised me he as clean. Maybe I shouldnt have trusted him (thats obvious now) but after a year Ithought I knew him.

 

Ive been dealing wih the health issue, and the relationship had ended (for other reasons). I jus recently found out he was aware of the problem prevously.  I'm concerned, because I see a pattern that affects many girls.  I've talked to everyone from the health department to planned parenthood to the local police.  They all say the same thing- its his right and I need protect myself.   I understand my resonsbility in this, but  doesn't he have a responsibilty, too? What can I do to stop this pattern?

 

This virus doesn't affect men, but it could potentially kill a woman.  I can't ven get him to address this issue with me.  Is it realy true that society accepts this behavior, and there are no consquences for men?

 

 
November 27, 2007, 12:35 pm CST

... my story so far...

I've had HSV2 for 18+ years.  I know exactly how, when, where/who I got it.  What I didn't know at the time was that I was being put at risk.  He didn't tell me until 2 days later (after we first had unprotected sex) that he had HSV2.  By then, I already had it.  I knew something was wrong.

So I was involved with him on and off for about 5 years.  I was alone for 4 years then met someone really great.  We dated for about 2 years - he never had it and never got it from me.  I was on Valtrex at the time.  I can't say "no one" has been willing to accept this since that time.  There was 1 guy - and he already had it.  I am just all over the board with this thing.  I've been up (ok with it, feeling positive about life), down (suicidal, sometimes Very suicidal), and everywhere in between.

Apparently, I've always had it a lot worse than most people.  I *wish* I could be one of the people who only break out 1 or 2x a year.  That would be wonderful!  The Valtrex did it's job for a while, but then even it stopped working and I had ob's all the time.

I've been researching and using natural / homeopathic remedies for a couple years now with varying results.  My problem right now is that while the HSV2 seems under control (as long as I keep taking the various pills), it has spread to my mouth - can it be called HSV1... i don't know.  Frankly, I'm slightly in denial about this right now.  This just happened a month ago and I am (internally) devasted.  Pretty much NO ONE in my life knows about this.  This is a secret I keep locked down tight.  My family is a bunch of teasers.  There's no way I could tell them something like this and not have it come back at the worst possible time. 

On the up side (if there is one in this freaking mess), when I do have ob's they are mild and go away quickly.  I went without any ob's (when i still only had HSV2) for a full year.  That was wonderful! I felt invincible - but yes, I would have had the talk/been responsible if I had met anyone to date.  That was up until Feb 2007.  Then I started having small ob's around the time of my period each month.  I got back on a maintenance/suppression protocol a couple weeks ago - after I got a cold sore :( - and have not had any HSV2 outbreaks since.  But I did just have what would have been a large cold sore on my mouth - but thankfully it only looked like a rash and is pretty much gone now - 2 days after it appeared.

So,  I *want* to be positive about this since my ob's seem mild and easily suppressed... I feel really down, and really infected.  Frankly, I feel horrible right now.

I've tried a couple H dating sites in the past.  I must attract the weirdos.  I see cute/normal guys on there but they never talk to me, or ignore me if I talk to them.  I've met 1 guy from one of those sites but it just didn't work out - so I try, try again every few months.  How depressing.

And just for the record, I'm a 39 yo single professional with a good job and a good family.  They all wonder why I don't date, or why I'm always alone.  I can't confide in them.  My friends tell me I'm cute/sexy and that I shouldn't be so picky.  I don't tell them either.  I don't have a friend close enough to tell right now - and I probably wouldn't tell them anyway.   I know I have lots of reasons to be grateful and thankful, and I am.  But right now, I feel horrible.  I'll go check out some more blog sites to make me feel better - i.e., remind me I'm not really alone.

 
January 15, 2008, 1:23 pm CST

it can be true!

Quote From: mama5x

I have been with my husband for almost 8 years we have 2 children. The last 3 years we have had no sex because he tested positive for herpies. He claims he must of got it from his ex but I have a hard time believing that for the fact that we were having unprotected sex for 5 years and I tested negative now how is that possible?

My ex has herpies and told me right fromt he begining.  We did stop using protection and have a child. I have been tested many times and I never did get it.  We were together for over 7 years.

 

Don't be too quick to judge, he may not be lying!

 
January 15, 2008, 1:29 pm CST

hum...

Quote From: leajia

My ex boyfriend knew he had an std, and still chose to pass it on to me.  I'm not the first girl he's given it to.  We'd been seeing eachother for about a year when I agreed to sex wihout a condom. He lookd me tenderly in the eye, in that most intimate moment, and promised me he as clean. Maybe I shouldnt have trusted him (thats obvious now) but after a year Ithought I knew him.

 

Ive been dealing wih the health issue, and the relationship had ended (for other reasons). I jus recently found out he was aware of the problem prevously.  I'm concerned, because I see a pattern that affects many girls.  I've talked to everyone from the health department to planned parenthood to the local police.  They all say the same thing- its his right and I need protect myself.   I understand my resonsbility in this, but  doesn't he have a responsibilty, too? What can I do to stop this pattern?

 

This virus doesn't affect men, but it could potentially kill a woman.  I can't ven get him to address this issue with me.  Is it realy true that society accepts this behavior, and there are no consquences for men?

 

depends where you live.  It can be changed as an assault. And don't forget civil liability.  If he knew, and you can get medical records to show that he did, and he passed it on... Well he's liable my dear! Seek advice from a lawyer in your state / province /  country...

Some people need to be reminded of their obligaiton to others...

allt eh best!

 
January 18, 2008, 5:43 pm CST

Clamydia

I was tested in March of 2007 for all STDs just to be sure that everything was ok.  My tests came back negative.  My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in Feb 2007 even though it was for only a short period of time ( maybe 30 sec).  He hadn't been tested since May 2006, and he told me his tests came back negative.  In December of 2007 we both went to the clinic to get tested because I suggested that that is something that ll couples should do, and he agreed.   A couple of weeks ago his test came back positive for clamydia and mine did too.  I have never had sex with anyone besides him, so I know he gave it to me.  He swears that he has never cheated and that he must have had it before he met me.  As I understand it, you can have clamydia for years with no symptoms.  Besides this big issue, he is a very good man, and he really wants to work it out.  I am in love and he tells me he is in love with me and he is willing to do whatever to make it work.  Should I take him back or let the relationship go?

 
January 26, 2008, 8:33 am CST

Me Too

Quote From: mimi_s

depends where you live.  It can be changed as an assault. And don't forget civil liability.  If he knew, and you can get medical records to show that he did, and he passed it on... Well he's liable my dear! Seek advice from a lawyer in your state / province /  country...

Some people need to be reminded of their obligaiton to others...

allt eh best!

I recently found out that my husband of 24 years has had other sexual partners during our marriage.  I also found out that he has herpes ( I found his Valtrex).  I assumed he got it during his times of infidelity.  He finally told me that he was diagnosed with Herpes before we ever met!  I, of course, got tested and was found to be positive.  I was so angry at him that my first reaction was to kick him out.  After I calmed down I realised that if I got rid of him it would would mean that everything in my life would change and that all his responsibilties would fall onto my shoulders.  I allowed him to stay, but, I am so sad and angry.  I am trying to face the truth about myself, but I feel so abused and dirty and violated that my self esteem and confidence in myself has been shaken to the core.  I can hardly stand to look at him,  The fact of the matter is that I am begining to hate him, and when I look at myself, I hate what I see too.  I don't know how this situation can be resolved because I am stuck in this place now and can't see a way to move ahead.  How can anybody deal with such betrayal and manage to come out of it whole?

 
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