Topic : Coping with STDs

This post was so funny and I appreciate it.  I've lived (in silence) with herpes for ten years alone, too ashamed and angry to let anyone else including relatives know.  I got it after being celibate for two years from someone who claimed to love me.  That betrayal was the last straw so I've avoided dating and sex since then.  Now that I'm entering my late thirties, I've [briefly] considered checking out some of the websites mentioned here but I've chickened out each time.  I hear all the scary stories about dating websites in general so I certainly don't want to end up bait for some sicko on a website that's deals with such a personal issue.  How would someone in my boat broach the subject when I've lost so much faith in the opposite sex?  I just know I'd be devastated if I opened up and then got completely rejected. 

Don't be afraid.  There are some sights which are simply geared towards support and I think that sounds like the very best place for you to start anyway as far as meeting others.  I have found that meeting people in person who also have herpes has been the very best medicine for me.  It was with a group of people and I wasn't there trying to "hook up" so it was safe with both male and females in attendance.  Before anyone else can love you, you need to get right with having herpes first  :-)     Chin up.

Check out my "supportive strangers" link on my blog.  It talks about these types of get togethers and how good they are and were for me and others.  http://herpes-virus.blogspot.com/

Luanne

Canker sores are not herpes. They are not contagious. 

Cold sores are almost always due to hsv1 and it is contagious.  In fact over 60% of adults in the US have hsv1 orally even though only 20-40% of them ever get an obvious cold sore to know that they are infected with the virus.  Indeed you can transmit hsv1 to the oral area even when there aren't any obvious symptoms present.  It's the cause of ~ 30% of all new genital herpes infections. In the under 25 crowd - it's the cause of ~ 60% of all new genital herpes infections due to an increased lack of acquistion with the virus orally during childhood.  If you already have hsv1 orally  you aren't likely to contract hsv1 genitally afterwards. 

If you want help with your blood test results - post them on Terri Warren's herpes message board over on webmd.  She or one of the regular posters there will gladly take a look at them for you and let you know if indeed you were tested properly and if you need confirmatory testing or not.  If you want us to look at your original herpes test results that you had prior to becoming married get a copy of those too and post them.  Are you sure you were tested for herpes with a type specific herpes blood test prior to marriage or are you just assuming that you were since you asked for a std test and were never told that anything from it was positive?  Routine std testing is usually just 2 or 3 tests :(

Your husband can blame the doctor all he wants. The doctor isn't out to ruin his life or anything else.  If he wants to be stupid enough to beat up the doctor then he should be prepared to do jail time - there are strict rules about assulting healthcare professionals - he won't get off with just a handslap.  He needs to grow up and get himself a type specific herpes igg blood test to know his status. You two might never figure out who had what first but if you want to save this marriage then you need to find out who has what so you can take proper precautions if needed.  I totally agree with the two of you going to counseling - it doesn't sound like he's willing to work thru this with you and there seems to be a lot of issues going on at one time in your marriage :(   If he continues to treat you badly about this - leave him until he agrees to grow up and seek help.  You don't have to put up with this kind of BS in a relationship.

I've used dating websites quite a few times and for the most part they worked out quite well for me. If nothing else I at least had quite a few entertaining stories to tell my friends...he he he  Not everyone on them is "weird" or married and looking for action on the side- there are some really good people using them ( you know - just like YOU!!! ).  When I used them I always took my time before meeting someone.  After a few emails you could usually tell if someone appeared fairly "normal" or not and if they weren't willing to correspond with me for a few weeks - months before meeting then I knew they weren' t for me.  Trust me - you can weed out the worst of them before you even think about meeting them!!  Of course I had a lot of first dates - sometimes what seemed to work in emails just didn't work when we met face to face. The last fellar I dated from a website and I dated for 4 years - it didn't work out for reasons that had nothing to do with herpes.

I know in my life - I don't know a lot of available men to ask out and my kids keep me too busy to go out with friends to meet new people. I always work nights so my hours don't always match up with the rest of the world.  Online dating was the way I could meet new men to date without having to waste time I'd rather be spending with my kids.  I actually never used any of the herpes dating sites - in my area there never seems to be anyone on them and I know I can' t relocate so I just used regular dating sites.  In the 20 years that I've had hsv2 - only 1 person ever decided he didn't want to risk herpes - it's not a deal breaker in my life - it' s just one more thing about me.  Like Jess said - my herpes is nothing compared to the other baggage I have at this point ;)   I can take their risk of contracting my hsv2 down to 1% each year. I can't take many other things in my life down to that low of a risk.  Just meeting my dog is a higher risk than contracting my herpes ;)

betsy