Message Boards

Topic : Coping with STDs

Number of Replies: 231
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Tuesday, August 08, 2006, 01:50:08 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you or a loved one have, or suspect you may have an STD? Share support and advice with others dealing with a sexually transmitted disease.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

September 26, 2006, 10:59 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: luanne1961

Because it sounds like he never got tested for STD's (you do know that they don't always test for herpes, you must request that test to be run) it's hard to say how long he's had it or if he even does.  His refusal to get tested sounds like he could be in denial.  He could have had HSV with no symptoms and never knew it.  It's called asymptomatic shedding.  Sounds like there are possibly more issues in your relationship but of course, infidelity being a big one.  Have you tried a marriage counselor?  Good luck to you  :-)
Thank you for the reply, I actually asked him tonight to go with me to a marriage counselor and he agreed.  We can't talk with each other without screaming.  I told him I either want to schedule an appointment with a marriagage counselor or a divorce attorney.  His stone cold lack of affection has our marriage at an end.   He did admit to me tonight that his ex-wife told him after their divorce that  she gave him herpes, he said he didn't think anything of it because he didn't believe her.   This could be a cover up for his infidelity.  He's done so many other things that it's hard to trust him.
Maybe a marriage counselor is the right route to go.  Thanks alot
 
September 26, 2006, 11:12 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: doris2day

If you want help with your blood test results - post them on Terri Warren's herpes message board over on webmd.  She or one of the regular posters there will gladly take a look at them for you and let you know if indeed you were tested properly and if you need confirmatory testing or not.  If you want us to look at your original herpes test results that you had prior to becoming married get a copy of those too and post them.  Are you sure you were tested for herpes with a type specific herpes blood test prior to marriage or are you just assuming that you were since you asked for a std test and were never told that anything from it was positive?  Routine std testing is usually just 2 or 3 tests :(

 

Your husband can blame the doctor all he wants. The doctor isn't out to ruin his life or anything else.  If he wants to be stupid enough to beat up the doctor then he should be prepared to do jail time - there are strict rules about assulting healthcare professionals - he won't get off with just a handslap.  He needs to grow up and get himself a type specific herpes igg blood test to know his status. You two might never figure out who had what first but if you want to save this marriage then you need to find out who has what so you can take proper precautions if needed.  I totally agree with the two of you going to counseling - it doesn't sound like he's willing to work thru this with you and there seems to be a lot of issues going on at one time in your marriage :(   If he continues to treat you badly about this - leave him until he agrees to grow up and seek help.  You don't have to put up with this kind of BS in a relationship.

 I was tested for I know HIV @ the health department before we got married, I asked for all STD's, I assumed they tested for herpes.  I don't know for sure.  Then I was tested about  2 years ago when applying for health insurance, I don't know what tests they ran.  I would like help reading the results where could I post them?  Do you have a link? I did do a blood test for both types of herpes.   The Dr. said that the results are inconclusive but the range was 146 for one of them and 147 for the other.   I did read that Herpes type 1 that 80% of the population has.   The Dr said I have definantely been exposed to HSV1 & 2 and should use precautions to protect my partner.
 
September 27, 2006, 5:28 pm CDT

Coping with STDs

Quote From: btaylor

 I was tested for I know HIV @ the health department before we got married, I asked for all STD's, I assumed they tested for herpes.  I don't know for sure.  Then I was tested about  2 years ago when applying for health insurance, I don't know what tests they ran.  I would like help reading the results where could I post them?  Do you have a link? I did do a blood test for both types of herpes.   The Dr. said that the results are inconclusive but the range was 146 for one of them and 147 for the other.   I did read that Herpes type 1 that 80% of the population has.   The Dr said I have definantely been exposed to HSV1 & 2 and should use precautions to protect my partner.

http://boards.webmd.com/.5987f42d/  is the link to Terri's board.  Post your blood test results there for more help ( usually it's me or Terri answering over there but there are also a few other regs who also can help you )  146 probably was not your result - see if perhaps it was 1.46 or whatever the results are.  Even if your numbers were 1.46 and 1.47 they are both rather low and you should pursue confirmatory testing.  You can either retest with a herpes select igg for hsv1 and hsv2 in another month, get a biokit blood test for hsv2 ( it only tests for hsv2 but can confirm a borderline hsv2 result like you have ), get a herpes western blot blood test or have your doctor order the herpes inhibition test by Quest labs ( confusing I know - www.herpesdiagnosis.com has terrific info on how to get properly tested for herpes  to learn more ) Also there's no such thing as being exposed to herpes - you either have it or you don't. Some further testing for you should clear that question up for you!!

 

They usually do not test for herpes at the health department and they don't test for it when applying for health insurance either. It might take some digging to find out if you were actually ever tested for herpes before this - chances are good you weren't :(    Just be sure to get your partner tested too.

 

betsy

 

 

 
September 27, 2006, 7:38 pm CDT

Just do it...

Quote From: jorcel

This post was so funny and I appreciate it.  I've lived (in silence) with herpes for ten years alone, too ashamed and angry to let anyone else including relatives know.  I got it after being celibate for two years from someone who claimed to love me.  That betrayal was the last straw so I've avoided dating and sex since then.  Now that I'm entering my late thirties, I've [briefly considered checking out some of the websites mentioned here but I've chickened out each time.  I hear all the scary stories about dating websites in general so I certainly don't want to end up bait for some sicko on a website that's deals with such a personal issue.  How would someone in my boat broach the subject when I've lost so much faith in the opposite sex?  I just know I'd be devastated if I opened up and then got completely rejected. 

I'm glad you liked the post, and it really is true.

 

First, I would suggest some counseling - its helped me get over and/or through some really tough men crap in my life.  I strongly advocate getting yourself together before taking on someone's stuff, ya know?

 

Then you'll be strong enough if someone decides little old herpes is too much to handle.  And really - if they do, thank them.  How would they handle something really big, like monthly bills, in laws, etc?  Or worse, cancer? 

 

Jess

 
September 28, 2006, 10:25 am CDT

my herpes status

I work in STD as an educator for a clinic.  I have hsv2.  Who knows where I got it..my nurse practitioner said I could have had it for 20yrs and it just decided to flare up now in my 40's.  I get so angry when people judge you for this herpes..it is a skin condition that some media decided to talk about negatively about 10yrs back ...about the herpes epidemic.  Yes alot of people have it and yes it can be very annoying for some but meds have come a long way in improving those symptoms.  I lead a very normal life...met a man on the internet we started dating and then I told him about my hsv2 and he has been wonderful with it.  He read all that I gave him and he understood that there were no dangerous effects on health and saw it too has a skin condition.

 

My peeves are those who sleep with others without talking about thier status beforehand and those who laugh, make fun, of etc of those with herpes with out the knowledge or education to even know what hsv is.

and those who think they don't need tested because they are sure they don't have something.

 
September 28, 2006, 10:29 am CDT

another pet peeve about hsv

Doctors who tell people they don't need to be tested for hsv because

a. 80% of the population has herpes so testing is a mute point......yes drs do say this.....

b. you don't have any signs or symptoms so therefore you don't have herpes

c. your married or in a long term relationship.... so why do you need tested. 

 
September 28, 2006, 3:51 pm CDT

i could not agree more

Quote From: copperpenni

Doctors who tell people they don't need to be tested for hsv because

a. 80% of the population has herpes so testing is a mute point......yes drs do say this.....

b. you don't have any signs or symptoms so therefore you don't have herpes

c. your married or in a long term relationship.... so why do you need tested. 

My PCP said no big deal. My GYN said why test almost everyone has it, no big deal. My dermatoligist said if I have no symptoms I can't spread it. It is not only the general population that needs to be educated it's the medical profession too.  I wonder do THEY ALL have it??????? If it's no big deal why are we all suffering with the stigma?
 
September 29, 2006, 2:56 pm CDT

Stuff

"My peeves are those who sleep with others without talking about thier status beforehand and those who laugh, make fun, of etc of those with herpes with out the knowledge or education to even know what hsv is.   and those who think they don't need tested because they are sure they don't have something."

 

Copper - good to see you again and I couldn't agree more.  I also work in a clinic, and I hear so many people come in with something and they are so mad and are using horrible names to describe the person they got something from.  I just say "Well, tell me about your conversation about stds and testing you had before you had sex."  Most often, there wasn't one. 

 

Unless someone is forcing you to have sex, you do have the option to ask about testing, std history, etc..

 

And the reason we are all dealing with the stigma is because we are BUYING INTO IT.  We are choosing to do that - no one is forcing us.  Once we realize its just a skin condition and not a moral statement, we will be contributing to a reduction in the stigma.

 

Jess

 

 

 
October 5, 2006, 4:45 pm CDT

LIVING IN SILENCE...

I was diagnosed with HSV2 when I was tested for everything under the sun, after I found out "my husband" was having affairs with other women.  Now at 33, three years later... I strugle with being single, because it seems like most men want to have sex by the third or forth date and I don't know about anyone else, but that is way too soon to be sharing such personal information, that could potentially ruin my reputation. (The HSV2 talk)  I know what you are all thinking... I shouldn't have sex then right... (?) but then, it seems like the guys think something is wrong or less interesting about me if I want to hold-out. 

 

I am so confused on what is right and wrong in the singles-sex world these days.  Maybe a man in his early thirties could help me... Some advise please... What is it that men really want?  Should I hold out, or give in to our passions after a few dates?  I am single for three years because, I believe,  I keep "holding out."  I am to the point where I feel like maybe I appear to be a prude... I am a sexy person, so maybe they are seeing two different sides of me and getting turned off... HELP!!!!  Even though I have NEVER had an outbreak... even with protected sex, I know I could pass the virus... but I don't know which way to turn... Will anyone really ever say... "It's Ok honey, we'll just be careful."  or will they run for the hills and tell all their friends?

S~ in NY

 
October 9, 2006, 7:55 am CDT

Living With Herpes.....my freedom!!

I was married and never thought of my husband giving me anything even close to an STD. Well, I have the gift that keeps on giving. We are divorced and it was a good decision to leave him.

 

I am not like most people who have Herpes. Herpes began a journey for me that has changed my life forever. When I was initially diagnosed, I flipped out. I wanted to die. I signed myself in to a mental hospital. I recieved counseling, support, medication and care for the next 3 years. I decided that since I had an incurable STD......I needed to dig up everything that had ever had any effect on my life and deal with it right there with a counselor.

 

Herpes turned a light on in my head. I got real with myself, my life, and everything around me. I know this sounds crazy....but I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy. I have no shame in my game....I could care less who knows I have herpes. There is nothing I can do about it....just like most people who have herpes.....I was sleeping with the person I was supposed to be sleeping with!!! I am very upfront and blunt about having it. I ALWAYS FULLY EDUCATE MY SEX PARTNER. They should be able to make an informed decision and given the chance to walk away if they so desire. I was not given that chance.

 

I am a Nationally Certified HIV Educator...which also means I am very up to speed about most STD's......when I say I am serious and I don't really care who knows I have herpes......as you can see I am really serious!!!

 

It is time for America to pull her head out of the sand......80 yes 80% of American Adults have some form of herpes. However, I would venture to say the majority of the 80% either 1. Does not know 2. Is in denial (biggy) 3. Does not care

 

So this is no small issue we are discussing here.....THIS IS A REAL EPIDEMIC!!!!!!

 

 

Ms. TJ

 

 
First | Prev | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Next | Last