Topic : Coping with STDs

I firmly believe that in order for a partner to accept that you have herpes, you must also accept it.   How can you expect your partner to accept something that you are still struggling with? 

 

I have told several potential partners that I have herpes, and no one has had any issues with it.  If they did, that's ok.  That's their choice.  That just means he's not the guy for me, and I am free to move on and find someone who is. 

 

When to tell is your decision, as is when to have sex.  If you aren't ready to have sex, and a guy keeps pushing you, why do you want to be with that man?  He isn't respecting your feelings.   On the other hand, if you are ready to have sex, why not just tell the person?  Its not nearly as big a deal as you are making it seem. 

 

If you are having sex with a non-infected man, he has only a 4% chance to get herpes from you if all you do is avoid sex during an ob.  Oh - and that's over the course of a year - not per sexual encounter.  If you take daily suppressive meds, that chance drops down to 2%. 

 

Flip that around, and he has a 96 or 98% chance of NOT getting it over the course of a year. 

 

Oh - and condoms?  Those are a must in any new relationship, and that will drop it down to 1%.  And if you aren't talking about your herpes with these men, are you asking them about THEIR std history?  Are you asking for copies of their most recent tests?  Just because you have herpes, don't forget that there are other stds out there that you need to know if your partner has.

 

Like Ms. TJ, I am a certified HIV educator, and I also test for HIV.  I work in an STD clinic, and do STD education and testing all the time.  You have got to arm yourself with info, and then this won't seem like such a whopper of a big deal.

 

PLEASE read the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com for the best,  most up to date info on herpes.

 

Jess

 

 

How do you tell your long time boyfriend that you got a curable STD, and now need him to get the shot you just got. Situation is, you slept with an old flame while seperated from your long time boyfriend, went back to your boyfriend, starting sleeping with him unprotectedly, then found out about the curable STD from your old flame, and now cant have unnprotected sex with your boyfriend because of fear of getting the STD back. How do you even approach the situation? Oh and Yes children involved with long time boyfriend!

Unfortunately, you just have to do this.  If you let it go untreated, he can have all kinds of problems, including prostatitis and others. 

 

If you were apart from your current bf, had you all talked about being with others?

 

In any case, he might be able to forgive you for the other man, but he probably would stay mad for a long long time if he has severe problems from an untreated std.

 

Good luck,

Jess

I agree with the other response.  You just have to be up front and talk about it.  The bright side is at least it is curable.  what if it was herpes, not cureable.  As with anything, it the love is real, then he should respect and love you more for being honest.  Youn contracted this disease while apart, so it's not like you were cheating on him.  But until everthing is in the open, you will not be happy.

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I did know beforehand and still took a chance. Yes, I lost the gamble, however my life didnt end.  Further, I have always told the person before having sex that I had herpes. 

The past two weeks of my life have been an emotional roller coaster.  I found out I am pregnant. Then I go for my ob/gyn physical and my pap comes back with mild dysplasia and postive for HPV!  I have been with my husband for 13 years!  I have tested negative for everything until now. He insists that he has been faithful.  Then last night he drops this bomb on me that he "thinks" he got an std from his first wife.  He says she "gave him something" even before they got married. He says he never was treated and he "didn't think" he would have it forever and he "didn't think" to ever tell me about it till now. I am so angry I can't even look at him. He has always prided himself on being so smart and educated, now out of the blue-he plays "stupid"!  How can I trust him ever again? 

Greetings, all.

It has been thirteen months since I received my official H diagnosis. I believe I have had it for three years, however was told that I either tested negative or had something else (at one point my family doctor said I had jock itch). Nevertheless, I have experienced more emotions in the past thirteen months since my diagnosis than I could have ever imagined, all of which I'm sure you yourself either all ready have experienced or are currently experiencing; from the depression and thoughts that no one will ever want to be with me to the contentment that I am happy with who I am and what I have endured to the hope I am now experiencing. Like many, I contracted it from someone I knew and trusted; the very person I lost my virginity to and thought I would marry. I am still coping with my diagnosis and if anything, H has reaffirmed my belief in accepting others for who they are regardless of what they may have; I absolutely despise the stigma society places upon us.  

That said, I came across this on one of the other H groups I belong to and thought that I'd share it with you. Montana State University researcher William Halford is working to find a Herpes Vaccine. A link to an article on his work is below:

http://www.montana.edu/cpa/news/nwview.php?article=4115

I contacted Mr. Halford asking him what we can possibly do to help him with his research. His reply was to write to the BBC, who has already contacted him and express our frustration living with H.  The link for the BBC is:http://www.bbc.co.uk/ 

I think we can do this, people!

Take care,
Anie Caryn

Well, I don't know what he might have gotten from his ex, but HPV can remain dormant for YEARS, so if either of you had partners before meeting, then either one of you could have had it.

 

HPV is very common, and its estimated that 80% of the population has had it or has it.

 

The same thing happened to my sister - been with the same man for years, and when she was pregnant, she had an abnormal pap.  After she delivered, her pap was fine.  Then she got pregnant again, and again, abnormal pap.  She delivered - normal pap.

 

Being smart and educated for most people doesn't include stds.  Its estimated that 70% of women haven't even heard of HPV.  And there is no test for men, so there is no way he could have even gotten tested. 

 

I understand fear when you don't know about something, but I am not sure why you are so angry.  It seems you didn't know either.

 

Jess