Topic : Coping with STDs

Quote From: bay218

 I am 33 year old woman and happily married and I am the one who brought the std's to the relationship, which many Americans perhaps even 1 out of 3 have had or have an std.  I thought my life was over at age 20 when I found out because I thought no one would love me.  I have had several relationships since then and at times found it really hard to tell the other person and even withheld this info sometimes even after we had been sexually active.  I am ashamed of that and would always tell them soon after, but realized that's not my choice to infect another person without their knowledge.  My husband does not have it and knows I do and we have been together for four years now.  I keep hoping he will never have to deal with the pain or humilation as I did, but then again he will always have me.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?  And I have been in relationships where I was told that without him I wouldn't have a pot to "pee" in .  I took this as a challenge instead of a fact.  I thought to myself and told him that I was going to be the first to prove him wrong!!  I have a girlfriend whos husband told her she couldn't afford a candy bar without him.   She is doing great by the way and supporting herself and 3 children on a waitresses salary.  She is happier than she has ever been.  Let's face it as long as you are physically able you can work and take care of yourself.  It feels a heck of alot better than relying on anyone else.  I grew up in a house where my mom worked full time to support us both and did a fine job. If  possible start taking what little money you can right now to prepare yourself if you decide to leave.  He has lied to you from the start and you have only one life to live.  He has wasted 24years of your life and it's time for you to start enjoying yourself. Sounds like all along he has had in his mind the best of both worlds.  Cheating is never necessary, if he felt the urge to do so he should have left a long time ago before he broke your heart.  It is a stomach turning awful feeling to be betrayed in such a way.  It is a selfish thing on your husbands part to think he can have his cake and eat it too!! Don't get me wrong I have suffered from depression my whole life and have not always and still am not always the strong person I can be.  But there is something to be said that even though the road ahead is full of responsibilities and you are uncertain of what to expect.  All you know is that you are scared, scared enough to not even try...in the end it is very rewarding to know that you are doing it all by yourself and that you are not letting him ruin your life anymore. It has always helped me to stay angry because it is a motivating emotion whereas being sad will definitely make you want to stay in bed all day long.  I am not saying you have to walk around with this huge chip on your shoulder, that will only hurt you.  Instead use your anger as a tool to motivate yourself in becoming the person you can be...and leave his sad miserable self all alone..He may certainly appear to move on maybe even marry someone else in which he will certainly make her miserable  too.  He is an unhappy  person inside and unfortunately is making your life awful in the process.  Just remind yourself when you are feeling sentimental perhaps even jealous if he moves on, you know first hand what is probably going on behind his closed doors.   I personally do not believe that any marriage should try to continue after infidelity because the person who has been cheated on will never forget or let the other person forget what they have done.  Summon up all the courage you have and grow a backbone and let yourself know everyday that you deserve better than he has ever given you!!!  YOU CAN DO THIS..

Quote From: amyj72

Hi, I was so touched by your message that I wanted to let you know that there are some great resources for those of living with STDs.  My favorite new one is a book by Dr. Adina Nack called Damaged Goods? Women Living with Incurable STDs.  She talks about her own experiences with HPV and shares many women's stories.  It really helped me see how others had gone on to live good lives after getting a STD diagnosis...I hope it helps you, too.