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Topic : Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Number of Replies: 188
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Tuesday, August 08, 2006, 01:58:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Having a baby is a major life change and postpartum depression can affect any woman who is pregnant, has had a baby, miscarried, or ended a pregnancy. Share advice and support here.

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November 30, 2007, 2:24 am CST

i don't know what to think

This summer I have misscarried triplets. I found out I was pregnant in June and a couple weeks later I had bleed a lot and thought that I had miscarried. I went to the doctors and one told me that I had a misscarriage and another told me that I was still pregnant. I was thinking that i might have been pregnant with twins and lost one. Well I was put on partial bedrest and a few weeks later I bleed again. i went to the ER and they said that I had misscarried. I told them that this happend before and they refused to give me an ultrasound they said just follow up with my doctor, go home and take it easy. I went to my doctor and finally had an ultrasound found out that there had been 3 babies and I lost 2. The one alive looked and acted healthy. It was moving around a lot and had a good heartbeat. i thought that everything was finally going to be ok. I was getting excited and wanted to buy baby cloths I had bought a bassinet. Then a few weeks later I have cramping. I did not think anything of it at first then a couple days go by and it worsens. I went to the ER and the doctor says oh you might be having a misscarriage and instead of trying to stop my contractions she just gives me a shot for the pain and sends me home. On the way home from the hospital I feel sick and the cramps come back. I think nothing of it and go to sleep. Well I woke up later went to the bathroom felt really dizzy. I rush back to my bed am now in severe pain. I cry for my sister to call my husband who at work he says he will try to get here as soon as he can but the pain was so bad that I just cried to call 911. I started to bleed a lot the Paramedics say I lost about 2 units of blood. I am rushed to the hospital I almost died. they finally got my blood pressure stablized and i had another ultrasound and the baby seemed fine to everyone's suprize. The next day I find out the baby had died. I was so upset but I chose to have a DNC to get it all out. Turns out that I almost bleed to death again but Ihad 4 churches praying for me when I wnet into surgery so I was ok

 

. The reason that I explained all of this is because ever since I lost the last baby in August my hormones have been way out of control. Up until October I still felt like I was pregnant. Then after my first normal period I have felt very weepy and sometimes really depressed. I do not know if it is post Pardom or not. I get crazy too. I tend to think that everyone hates me or is talking about bad about me. I get very paranoid and my second period seemed worse. I don't know what to do or what to think. I can not afford to go to the doctor so I am stuck like this.

 

 

 
December 21, 2007, 3:34 pm CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

I never knew it was such a thing .. I saw an episode of Scrubs after a character had a child .. and man, it definitely is something to think about
 
January 2, 2008, 8:02 am CST

I understand

 As soon as my son was born I knew there was something wrong.  The doctor laid him in my arms and all I could think was, "Oh my God... What the hell have I done?"  He was so beautiful, but at the time I couldn't see that at all.  I stayed in the hospital for roughly three days, and during that time I just wanted to scream at everyone who came to visit.  I just wanted to be left alone.  When we arrived home with our new son alll I did was cry.  My fiance was going to have to go back to work the next day and then there was just going to be me.  I would feel angry when people would call asking how the baby was doing.  "He's FINE!  Why don't you ask me how I'M doing!?  I'm the one suffering!!"  I didn't actually say that... but oh how I wanted to.  I felt so many different emotions.  Anger.  Guilt.  Betrayel.  Sadness.  You name it, I felt it.  I talked to my doctor a few months later when I realized that my feelings were getting much worse.  He referred me to a councillor who was definatly good to talk to.  The only problem was my fiance was scared about what I was going to say to her.  I told him I was going to tell her the truth about how I felt!  One day when he came home I was crying, and I told him that earlier I had wanted to shake our son so bad.  I cried and cried.  How could a mother actually want to do that?  I was now officially a monster.  So, my fiance was worried that I was going to tell the councillor that and we would have Connor taken from us.  Part of me thought, "So what?"  But I still had a bit of rationality left me.  I could go on and on about my struggles for the first 2 years of his life, but I won't.  People told me it would get better, and it did.  Even though I truly didn't believe it at all. 

I started college in September, and one of our classes was a 'public speaking' class.  Every week we would have to present speeches to our classmates.  We started by doing a one minute speech, and worked our way up to a 10 minute speech.  That speech was our final presentation.  I knew what I was going to do for my topic.  I produced an awesome slideshow about the baby blues, postpartum depression, and post partum psychosis.  I wanted to bring awareness to these issues that many people still know nothing about.  My class loved it.  I had people coming up to me later saying how much they learned.  To me I think that was like my last stage in my road to recovery.  I think I needed to stand up in front of a group of strangers and say, "I had postpartum depression."  Let me tell you, it felt wonderful! 
 
January 6, 2008, 11:56 am CST

Post partum depression/psychosis

Quote From: courtney_5

 As soon as my son was born I knew there was something wrong.  The doctor laid him in my arms and all I could think was, "Oh my God... What the hell have I done?"  He was so beautiful, but at the time I couldn't see that at all.  I stayed in the hospital for roughly three days, and during that time I just wanted to scream at everyone who came to visit.  I just wanted to be left alone.  When we arrived home with our new son alll I did was cry.  My fiance was going to have to go back to work the next day and then there was just going to be me.  I would feel angry when people would call asking how the baby was doing.  "He's FINE!  Why don't you ask me how I'M doing!?  I'm the one suffering!!"  I didn't actually say that... but oh how I wanted to.  I felt so many different emotions.  Anger.  Guilt.  Betrayel.  Sadness.  You name it, I felt it.  I talked to my doctor a few months later when I realized that my feelings were getting much worse.  He referred me to a councillor who was definatly good to talk to.  The only problem was my fiance was scared about what I was going to say to her.  I told him I was going to tell her the truth about how I felt!  One day when he came home I was crying, and I told him that earlier I had wanted to shake our son so bad.  I cried and cried.  How could a mother actually want to do that?  I was now officially a monster.  So, my fiance was worried that I was going to tell the councillor that and we would have Connor taken from us.  Part of me thought, "So what?"  But I still had a bit of rationality left me.  I could go on and on about my struggles for the first 2 years of his life, but I won't.  People told me it would get better, and it did.  Even though I truly didn't believe it at all. 

I started college in September, and one of our classes was a 'public speaking' class.  Every week we would have to present speeches to our classmates.  We started by doing a one minute speech, and worked our way up to a 10 minute speech.  That speech was our final presentation.  I knew what I was going to do for my topic.  I produced an awesome slideshow about the baby blues, postpartum depression, and post partum psychosis.  I wanted to bring awareness to these issues that many people still know nothing about.  My class loved it.  I had people coming up to me later saying how much they learned.  To me I think that was like my last stage in my road to recovery.  I think I needed to stand up in front of a group of strangers and say, "I had postpartum depression."  Let me tell you, it felt wonderful! 

You have done a tremendous service to new moms and new moms to be by posting your information.  

Maybe to new dads, too. As I see it, this door has only been partly opened by the medical profession.

 

I had the psychosis complication of post partum. That was a trip to say the least.

By the time my daughter was three months old, I was put on medication after seeing my doctor several times. He referred me to an idiot Psychiatrist. Both were too ignorant concerning post partum symptoms.

 

They treated me, but did not EXPLAIN anything to me, so I was put on two drugs that I became addicted to in a very short time. After two years of addiction, it took two months of teeth clenching determination to break free of the affects, but I succeeded, and then I educated myself about this illness. 

If I had been properly informed about post partum depression I could have helped myself more at the time.

 

Keep it up! 

 

 
January 24, 2008, 8:57 pm CST

Maybe I can help?

Quote From: frazzledmom2

I'm trying to post in post-partum....

Is it possible to feel post-partum towards an adopted child?

My husband and I have two biological children and one adopted. Our adopted child and our oldest are the same age.

I never went through the baby blues with my biological children. Our adopted child, on the other hand... I cannot describe any better what I feel for him then post-partum.

We adopted him when he was 7months old. Both of his parents are deceased. He spent several months in foster care before being placed with us.

I wanted him so badly and was extremely excited to learn that our home study had been accepted and that we were going to be able to adopt him.

A month after he came into our home, I started feeling regret for ever wanting him. He didn't want to be held, touched, nor would he play with us. All he would do is suck a bottle. I told myself that it would get better and, as the monthly visits from the social worker continued, I kept a happy face.

The adoption papers went to the judge and were notarized, sealed and done within 6months. All the while, I felt the same way. How was I going to learn to love a child that wanted nothing to do with me?

As he got older, he wanted to be more apart of our family. He took quickly to my husband and our child of the same age. He still wouldn't have anything to do with me.

Now that he wants my attention, I have none to give him. I feel as if it's too late. I don't like it when he touches me or even when he calls me "mom." Even minute things about him disgust me - I was noticing the shape of his head today and couldn't help but think how odd it was.

It's not just his head or the sound of his voice that makes me cringe. His attitude: he's hard headed and aggressive. He was kicked out of our church's play group for biting and taking toys from the smaller children. I have escorted company out of my house early b/c he seems to get extremely hyper when we have people over (jumping off of the furniture, biting the guests when they try to play with him, and I swear he gives me the "I don't care what you say, I'm doing it anyway" evil eye). I have had people refuse to keep him b/c he is so hyper.

My biological children - yeah, they're your typical kids and have their moments when you feel like burying your head in the sand, but they're good kids. They are invited to all kid events (our adopted is normally excluded or we're told if we have to bring him, do so). One loves to read and will build with his blocks all day long. The other is into music and being outside. Neither have had a bad report from daycare.

I know our adopted child is not a bad kid and I know that I am not a bad mother. But the feelings I have for this kid are sometimes right out scary. Today, he burned himself. I kept telling him to stay out of the kitchen - out of the kitchen! The phone rang, and he pulled down a pot of water on his head. Luckily it wasn't boiling, but it was hot enough to make his skin break out in little ride bumps. Instead of being concerned like any parent would be, I was angry that I had to restart dinner. I put some burn gel on him and called the doctor, then went back to cooking, all the while blaming him for a late dinner. After dinner, we went to the pharmacy to pick up the cream the doc called in. I was so ashamed of my kid that I didn't want to bring him in (I did as the weather is warm, but b/c I was afraid of getting into trouble, not b/c I wanted him with me). I've told my husband that I don't feel like I can be left alone with him any longer then necessary - if he is going to be late from work, he can meet us for dinner at the local McDonald's playground - that way he is out of my hair.

I have never had a negative nerve in my body towards my biological children. They are my sunshines; my worlds. I would die if anyone ever tried to take them from me. But my adopted son... sometimes I wish his parents were still alive and would come back for him. To me, he feels like an extra table setting or another bedroom to clean. B/c of his "playful aggression" I won't let him be alone with our younger child. I don't trust him. I'm so afraid someone is going to find out that I have these regrets and try to take my biological children, calling me mental or whatever, that I almost rescent the power this little adopted boy has over our family.

I wanted to do right... But now I am just trying to cope.

Hi there, I was just looking up stuff on postpartum and came across your message on the board. I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to feel so alone. Your story is practically the very same to the experience my mom had adopting a child from Korea 2 weeks after I was born. She really struggled but I want you to know that her relationship with my adopted sister is very good now, but it definately takes time. If you want someone to talk to who will know just what you are going through please contact me, I am sure my mom would be willing to talk to you, even if you just need to unburden to someone who won't pass judgement because she's been there. It was very brave of you to write about this, it is not an easy thing to admit!
 
January 25, 2008, 3:07 pm CST

My new daughter

My husband and I have three daughters. When I found out that I was pregnant with our third daughter, I began to feel upset. Upset at the fact that I couldn't give my husband a son, and that I couldn't provide a grandson for my mother and father. I just feel almost void. The only feelings I feel are anger, and depression. I can't loose the weight from having her and feel so alone sometimes even though i have my husband and my other two daughters. The feelings that are associated with post partum are so hard to explain and to deal with. I often lash out verbally at my older daughters, and at my husband.

 
February 7, 2008, 4:08 pm CST

Baby with cleft lip

Hi, my name is Brandi, i had a beautiful daughter 3 months ago, shortly after she was born i started to deal with a feeling, that i knew wasn't me, I am a young mother, but i think that , it has nothing to do with that, I wanted a baby, and i am very happy i have one. I didn't like feeling the way i did, and eventually i got diagonsed with PPD, having a daughter with bilateral cleft lip and palate doesnt make it any easier, I love her to death, i just feel sad for what she has to go through. If anyone has a child like this, or has known of this it would be really nice to hear from you . Thanks
 
March 5, 2008, 12:04 pm CST

Depression during Pregnancy

I am very familiar with post partem depression...but I am currantly pregnant with my 3rd child, which was a unplanned pregnancy and to be perfactly honest, unwanted. I am now 6 months pregnant and the depression is getting worse and worse. I should be happy, I have 2 boys, I'm pregnant with a girl, I have a loving husband and we are in the process of building a bigger house, I have no real reason to be unhappy. But, I am getting sadder and sadder and more and more stressed out and I cry about half the week, I scream and yell at my 6 year old and my 2 year old and my depression has gotten out of control that it's about 2-3 days a week where I am having suicidal thoughts and I think the only thing that has stopped me, because I couldn't have an abortion because I believe that is wrong...is if I kill myself I would kill my daughter, so now I am "planning" a suicide after her birth because I know my children will be better without me, because I fear I am turning into my abusive mother and I know I would have been better off if she would have killed herself so I just know my children will be better off without me....I don't want to turn into my mother....I know I should go and see my doctor, but I don't have anyone to watch my two boys while I go, and we have enough Doctor bills as it is. By the way, I am not eating right...you see I have no top teeth and since I got pregnant my dentures make me very sick...so for the last three months...I have been eating nothing but slim fasts, toast, yogurt, etc and my 2 year old still does not sleep through the night and so he usually climbs into bed with me and my husband but because he kicks me so, I usually go and watch tv in the living room until I fall asleep again. I know what I need to do, eat right, sleep better and go to the doctor, but these are all things that I can not do right now, so if anybody has any other suggestions, I would like to hear them because I can't take too much more of living like this.
 
March 11, 2008, 8:48 pm CDT

dealing with day to day life as a mom

I have found that a lot of moms go through some of the same things as a new or single mother, and not all stories are the same but very similar in the fact that we know there is something not right about or relationship with our child....

 

here is a little bit about my situation as a mom...

I am  a 23 year old single mom of a 3 year old little boy.

i know in my heart i love him dearly and would never intentionally hurt him , abandon him, or deprive him of a mother.  what i have noticed is that still to this day i feel as having a child is a job , that for some reason no matter how bad i screw up i can't seem to hear the words your fired..which on some days would be a relief to my ears....

i guess my one of my problems would stem from birth not having a mother of my own to learn from. but yet still i can't put the blame on her because i don't have this "mother instinct" that i hear so much about when someone has a baby and they fall head over heels for the new arrival and think a baby is an angel sent from above....when in my mind a baby is a lot of poop and crying nothing heavenly about that  now is there?

 some moms get that instant bond , love ,and joy that a baby brings...well i missed that package deal.... i do love my son but don't really don't have that mother child bond and no matter what pill or counseling i get i can't seem to get it...i think to myself maybe i am not capable of having a bond that strong with my child...i often feel he would have been better off with a family that could have truly appreciated him and he could be their bundle of joy,hope,and love....but yet can't seem to picture life without him..? is that weird to think or feel...?

everyday is a struggle to get out of bed and do all the mom things..so recently i put him in daycare to give me that "me time"  at home alone and it has been a month now and still nothing has changed. i still dread picking him up from daycare and becoming mom again for the remainder of the evening to start all over again the next day...

in the back of my mind i am waiting for his parents to come get him and to tell them i am done babysitting for a while and that i need a long brake from their child....then the alarm goes off  in my head and i say "oh wait crap!!!! I am the parent and i cant take the long brake from him gee what do i do now?"

 

so my question is:

 

does anyone have advice on how to truly bond with your child when you really don't feel connected to them at all?  almost like the child your taking care of isn't  at all yours....please help any and all advice helpful.

 

 

 

 

 

 
March 11, 2008, 9:29 pm CDT

find something that makes "you" happy

Quote From: amynichole

I am very familiar with post partem depression...but I am currantly pregnant with my 3rd child, which was a unplanned pregnancy and to be perfactly honest, unwanted. I am now 6 months pregnant and the depression is getting worse and worse. I should be happy, I have 2 boys, I'm pregnant with a girl, I have a loving husband and we are in the process of building a bigger house, I have no real reason to be unhappy. But, I am getting sadder and sadder and more and more stressed out and I cry about half the week, I scream and yell at my 6 year old and my 2 year old and my depression has gotten out of control that it's about 2-3 days a week where I am having suicidal thoughts and I think the only thing that has stopped me, because I couldn't have an abortion because I believe that is wrong...is if I kill myself I would kill my daughter, so now I am "planning" a suicide after her birth because I know my children will be better without me, because I fear I am turning into my abusive mother and I know I would have been better off if she would have killed herself so I just know my children will be better off without me....I don't want to turn into my mother....I know I should go and see my doctor, but I don't have anyone to watch my two boys while I go, and we have enough Doctor bills as it is. By the way, I am not eating right...you see I have no top teeth and since I got pregnant my dentures make me very sick...so for the last three months...I have been eating nothing but slim fasts, toast, yogurt, etc and my 2 year old still does not sleep through the night and so he usually climbs into bed with me and my husband but because he kicks me so, I usually go and watch tv in the living room until I fall asleep again. I know what I need to do, eat right, sleep better and go to the doctor, but these are all things that I can not do right now, so if anybody has any other suggestions, I would like to hear them because I can't take too much more of living like this.

first of all breathe sweetie....

 

i am so sorry to hear that life as you know it is so unbearable at this point and time ..

not all moms go through this but i feel every mom should have to go through this just once for a day in their life to see how real this can be..and how bad we can feel on any given day..

 

i read your story and came to tears because i too feel as though my child would be better off with out me as his mother...

to start off what kind of mother doesn't want their child 24/7 and and doesn't love being with them every moment making their life wonderful as it can be...well apparently that type of mother is me..

but what you do have.. that i do not ..is a husband to help you out....you should talk to your husband tell him what is going on and that he needs to help you through these hard times and let you know how much you mean to him and the kids...and that life wouldn't be the same without you in it...

 

what you don't realize and what took me forever to get is that even though you don't feel like being "mommy" anymore ...they will always see you as mommy and that is something you cant take from them ever...one thing all moms have in common is that we always want to do better then our mothers did by us...

 

which i don't know how or what your mother did or didn't do but you by nature want to surpass her efforts...

in my case my mother gave me to my father  at 2 weeks old cause she didn't "feel like being a mom" or a wife at the time..which also happened to all her kids (4) of us all grew up with our dads and no mom until we were 16 and then she decided to make up for lost time. (blah blah freaking blah)....

 

long story short  i wanted to be there for my children when the time came....and when i had my son i found myself in the same boat i didn't want the thing that came out of me...his dad left us when he was 1 year old "he didn't want kids all of the sudden" and for along time i was angry at my son for being born ..and ruining my life or so i thought.... but in turn i was angry that my ex got the easy way out..."why the heck didn't i think of that first and leave him stuck with the kid" and go on like he did not even exist...

 

.so i definitely envy you  that you have someone with you helping you through this...hopefully he supports everything you do and backs you up 100 % cause you need that right now more then anything.....and if you have family that can watch your boys even for an hour to get "away" for a bit that is great too... but if your like me even when the kids aren't around your mind works over time then you just cry and cry....

 

so my advice is find someone to talk to and to let you know that life it not all about those kids an being pregnant .....sometimes it needs to be about just you and you only ...not so and so's mom or so and so's wife but just you.....

 

when you talk about the bills piling up and cant afford to go to the doc trust me i know that feeling too ..i have adhd and bi polar disorder on top of ppd and cant afford to get on meds so don't think your the only crazy one out there i assure you i am much worse and have to self medicate and self council and it sucks big time....

but if you ever need to talk to someone as crazy as you..lol just write to me on here alright try to get some sleep with that tummy in the way and try to find a happy place for you and you only.....

hope to hear from you soon and good luck...

 

 
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