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Topic : Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Number of Replies: 188
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Created on : Tuesday, August 08, 2006, 01:58:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Having a baby is a major life change and postpartum depression can affect any woman who is pregnant, has had a baby, miscarried, or ended a pregnancy. Share advice and support here.

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December 23, 2006, 3:24 pm CST

new mom

Two months ago I gave birth to my very first son Preston. I didnt realize how hard it really would be until I was the one in the hot seat. Before I had my son, I had many issues during the pregnancy. I was very sick the first 4 months, I lost 30 pounds and it was horrible. Then when I was about 28 weeks, the baby stopped moving, I went to the doctor and he didnt seem to think anything was wrong. I went the whole day without any movement from him so I went back to the doctor and demanded that something be done. He sent me to a bigger hospital where they had found that I was dialated to 2cm and 50% efaced. From then on I had to go to the doctor once a week. Then when I was 32 weeks my body tried going into labor, they had to stop me, and this happened again two other times until I was 38 1/2 weeks and started the early labor. Doctor said it was safe and so I sat in the hospital all day, all night, until the next morning when my labor had stopped all together. He said I could stay there and labor or go home. I chose home for another 3 days when I was officially 39 weeks. I think with all the issues that I had, it made my mind go crazy. I mean I was a first timer and I had no idea what to expect, so this all scared me very much. This is when I think my depression started, although I didnt even think about depression because I thought it wouldnt happen to me. My marriage was on water the whole pregnancy, I didnt even want him to look at me or touch me. The sex, well that was out the window pretty much. And then there was the mother in law. She really put a strain on me, my husband and our marriage. After I had Preston I was so tired, very sad all the time, I didnt want to clean the house, cook, go out with friends or anything of that sort. It wasnt until Preston was 1 month 1/2 before I realized that there was something wrong. He was up all night, I was so tired, my husband had gone to work, and by 8:00 I was calling my best friend to come over because I didnt want my baby anymore and I wanted him gone, however that had to happen. I was very upset, my friend Lisa sent me to the doctor, they gave me med, and sent me to mental health because I wanted to kill myself and possibly my baby. That was my peek and it sucked royaly. I've been getting help and I suggest the same to anyone in this position. Even if you think its mild, its best to do something right away. I'm still very depressed but I'm learning ways to deal with it, and I'm also learning how to deal with my mother in law. Anyway if you have or are dealing with any of these issues, I'd love to hear from you. Its always better to talk about it then hold it in and I love to listen!

 

Good luck,

Amber

 
December 24, 2006, 2:22 pm CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Quote From: mybabypreston

Two months ago I gave birth to my very first son Preston. I didnt realize how hard it really would be until I was the one in the hot seat. Before I had my son, I had many issues during the pregnancy. I was very sick the first 4 months, I lost 30 pounds and it was horrible. Then when I was about 28 weeks, the baby stopped moving, I went to the doctor and he didnt seem to think anything was wrong. I went the whole day without any movement from him so I went back to the doctor and demanded that something be done. He sent me to a bigger hospital where they had found that I was dialated to 2cm and 50% efaced. From then on I had to go to the doctor once a week. Then when I was 32 weeks my body tried going into labor, they had to stop me, and this happened again two other times until I was 38 1/2 weeks and started the early labor. Doctor said it was safe and so I sat in the hospital all day, all night, until the next morning when my labor had stopped all together. He said I could stay there and labor or go home. I chose home for another 3 days when I was officially 39 weeks. I think with all the issues that I had, it made my mind go crazy. I mean I was a first timer and I had no idea what to expect, so this all scared me very much. This is when I think my depression started, although I didnt even think about depression because I thought it wouldnt happen to me. My marriage was on water the whole pregnancy, I didnt even want him to look at me or touch me. The sex, well that was out the window pretty much. And then there was the mother in law. She really put a strain on me, my husband and our marriage. After I had Preston I was so tired, very sad all the time, I didnt want to clean the house, cook, go out with friends or anything of that sort. It wasnt until Preston was 1 month 1/2 before I realized that there was something wrong. He was up all night, I was so tired, my husband had gone to work, and by 8:00 I was calling my best friend to come over because I didnt want my baby anymore and I wanted him gone, however that had to happen. I was very upset, my friend Lisa sent me to the doctor, they gave me med, and sent me to mental health because I wanted to kill myself and possibly my baby. That was my peek and it sucked royaly. I've been getting help and I suggest the same to anyone in this position. Even if you think its mild, its best to do something right away. I'm still very depressed but I'm learning ways to deal with it, and I'm also learning how to deal with my mother in law. Anyway if you have or are dealing with any of these issues, I'd love to hear from you. Its always better to talk about it then hold it in and I love to listen!

 

Good luck,

Amber

 I'm so glad you got the help you needed Amber. I want to tell you that it does get better. I said this to the poster below...it does get better day by day, it may seem slow but before you know it the PPD will be a memory and you will feel so much better, so real and so in the moment.

PPD sucks the life out of you, but for me, it did come back, just a slow steady climb out of the hole.

Good luck and congrats on your baby!
 
December 25, 2006, 7:35 pm CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Quote From: purplepenny

 I'm so glad you got the help you needed Amber. I want to tell you that it does get better. I said this to the poster below...it does get better day by day, it may seem slow but before you know it the PPD will be a memory and you will feel so much better, so real and so in the moment.

PPD sucks the life out of you, but for me, it did come back, just a slow steady climb out of the hole.

Good luck and congrats on your baby!

Thank you for the words of encouragment. Some days seem better than other, I think its when I get alot of sleep that makes my day alot better. Anyway thanks for helping me keep my head above water!

 

Thank you

 
December 26, 2006, 3:52 pm CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Quote From: mybabypreston

Thank you for the words of encouragment. Some days seem better than other, I think its when I get alot of sleep that makes my day alot better. Anyway thanks for helping me keep my head above water!

 

Thank you

No problem, if you ever want to talk you can always email me, I check on this board now and then...I had my daughter 2 and a half years ago, but I remember PPD well.

And YES! Sleep can make all the difference in the world. I was lucky enough to let my daughter sleep at my parents house when she was a couple months old...that was the first full night of sleep I had had in like 6 months! (I couldn't breast feed, so that wasn't an issue for me.) And I remember waking up that morning feeling like things weren't so bad for the first time in weeks and weeks.

Good luck to you. :)
 
December 28, 2006, 4:14 pm CST

It's uncanny, isn't it?

Quote From: purplepenny

I have 4 things to say to you.

1-You and your husband are and were both aware that PPD was a possibility when taking on having a baby, so I am SURE he understand what you are going through. You made him a child in your body, I am SURE he is understanding enough to recognize that PPD is a very real problem. So, if he's as good of a guy as you say he probably DOES understand that this is simply your body readjusting to the shock of having a baby.

2-It does get better...it's a slow climb, but one day you are going to turn around and it won't feel like this anymore.

3-You JUST had a baby! It's not your turn or time to help anyone but you and your baby. If you have friends who cannot understand that you just gave birth and you are suffering from PPD then to hell with them anyway...they should be doing things for YOU right now. Forget them. I mean it. You know the best "me time" you can give yourself everyday? Take a long hot shower...EVERYDAY. This sounds dumb, but new mom's sometimes do not find the moment to take a shower....but do it.  A long hot shower so you can have 20 minutes to think of YOU with out the sound of a baby, or the phone ringing, or the TV blaring....

4-Congratulations...Tyven is a gem in your life. He's a sweet spot...cherish him at every age...take the time to take a deep breath, lay in bed with your baby by you and just enjoy him...deep breaths ok?

I have been where you are. I am a "complicated" person too and PPD made it worse, but my husband was there for me and he was prepared for the PPD possibility. He was just so happy that I gave him a child...that I made the sacrifices I did to have a baby for him. If your husband is like mine at all he will feel sorry that you have to through this, not angry that you are taking it out on him.

I PROMISE it gets better..if it feels very out of control call your OB/GYN and she can give you information about antidepressants or therapy. But I do promise it gets better.

We must have been reading each other's minds, or something, to come up with such similar advice. Lolz.

 

Sorry I didn't reply to your post sooner,  I've been busy with Christmas preparations.  Yay!! It's all over for another year.  Now I have to worry about birthdays.  There's one in February and another, five weeks later, in March.  I didn't plan that well, I know.  Oh well, it can't be helped.

 

Well, that's about it for now.  Take care of yourself.  Bye from Australia.

Ruthieg

 Australian Flag Hooroo Happy New Year 





 
January 1, 2007, 6:57 am CST

Feeling down all the time!

My baby is 5 months old and I had a bit of sadness since then.  My hubby told me that it's baby blues and I must pull myself together.  That's the advice he got from his boss who had the same "problem" with his wife.  I tried to pull myself together, meaning hiding what I was feeling and trying to smile and be happy all the time in front of other people.  I don't think I have a great amount of postpartum depression, but we are fighting a lot.  We never used to fight.  I'm sad most of the time and I haven't been eating well.  I've lost all the weight I gained during the pregnancy and a little more.  I was already underweight when I got pregnant and my doctor was worried about it.  I think the reason why I'm losing weight is because of all the stress.  My hubby started telling me how big and wobbly my butt got when I was about 4 months pregnant and he's still telling me (and the baby) everyday.  I know he's making a joke, but it's not funny anymore.  I can't tell him, because he'll tell me it's just a joke and that from now on he'll never make jokes or say anything.  I've also had a lot of pressure to get pregnant again and I kind of decided that the more weight I lose the less likely I am to get pregnant.  My husband decided that we're not having another baby after his mom passed away a month a go, but he's still mentioning having one every couple of days, even though he knows exactly how I feel about it.  The other day he told me I'm not a good wife, but at least I'm a good mother.  It's because the house is such a mess.  The house were tidy, but then we got all the stuff he inherited and now it's standing around everywhere.  It's so difficult getting things done while taking care of the baby and I don't have anybody that can take care of the baby when I need a break or just some time to clean properly.  Hubby also told me that I fight with him every day, that he can't do anything right and that he doesn't even want to come home anymore.  I'm really trying my absolute best, smiling, joking but nothing works.  Today he gave me some cutlery of his moms to wash and I asked him if we can just put it in a box until the kitchen is finished (we're busy painting it) and until I've cleaned the cupboards and made some space for it.  He got so mad, he grabbed it, throught it in a bag with some other cutlery and rushed outside to throw it in the outside room.  Then later on I went outside to ask him if he would like some coffee and he asked me why I'm looking so mad.  I told him I'm not mad, but I'm upset because he didn't listen to my explanation about the cutlery.  He told me he didn't do anything wrong, he just took the cutlery to the outside room because that's what I wanted him to do.  I told him the way he did it, upset me.  He said he did nothing wrong and that's it.  Later on he said he was sorry if he did something to upset me.  That's the kind of fights we have.  Small things, which are really just misunderstandings or overreacting.  I just don't know anymore. 
 
January 1, 2007, 2:15 pm CST

It sounds a bit more than the baby blues

Quote From: charmainevdm

My baby is 5 months old and I had a bit of sadness since then.  My hubby told me that it's baby blues and I must pull myself together.  That's the advice he got from his boss who had the same "problem" with his wife.  I tried to pull myself together, meaning hiding what I was feeling and trying to smile and be happy all the time in front of other people.  I don't think I have a great amount of postpartum depression, but we are fighting a lot.  We never used to fight.  I'm sad most of the time and I haven't been eating well.  I've lost all the weight I gained during the pregnancy and a little more.  I was already underweight when I got pregnant and my doctor was worried about it.  I think the reason why I'm losing weight is because of all the stress.  My hubby started telling me how big and wobbly my butt got when I was about 4 months pregnant and he's still telling me (and the baby) everyday.  I know he's making a joke, but it's not funny anymore.  I can't tell him, because he'll tell me it's just a joke and that from now on he'll never make jokes or say anything.  I've also had a lot of pressure to get pregnant again and I kind of decided that the more weight I lose the less likely I am to get pregnant.  My husband decided that we're not having another baby after his mom passed away a month a go, but he's still mentioning having one every couple of days, even though he knows exactly how I feel about it.  The other day he told me I'm not a good wife, but at least I'm a good mother.  It's because the house is such a mess.  The house were tidy, but then we got all the stuff he inherited and now it's standing around everywhere.  It's so difficult getting things done while taking care of the baby and I don't have anybody that can take care of the baby when I need a break or just some time to clean properly.  Hubby also told me that I fight with him every day, that he can't do anything right and that he doesn't even want to come home anymore.  I'm really trying my absolute best, smiling, joking but nothing works.  Today he gave me some cutlery of his moms to wash and I asked him if we can just put it in a box until the kitchen is finished (we're busy painting it) and until I've cleaned the cupboards and made some space for it.  He got so mad, he grabbed it, throught it in a bag with some other cutlery and rushed outside to throw it in the outside room.  Then later on I went outside to ask him if he would like some coffee and he asked me why I'm looking so mad.  I told him I'm not mad, but I'm upset because he didn't listen to my explanation about the cutlery.  He told me he didn't do anything wrong, he just took the cutlery to the outside room because that's what I wanted him to do.  I told him the way he did it, upset me.  He said he did nothing wrong and that's it.  Later on he said he was sorry if he did something to upset me.  That's the kind of fights we have.  Small things, which are really just misunderstandings or overreacting.  I just don't know anymore. 

Have you been to a doctor and been diagnosed?  If you haven't, then I strongly suggest that you do.  Does your husband help you with the housework?  Just between you and me, it's probably for the best if he doesn't make any more jokes or say anything.  Because you are the butt of his jokes(no pun intended), and they are not funny if they are hurtful. 

 

Does your husband help with the baby at all?  Does he spend time bathing it or changing its(I don't know if you've got a boy or a girl) nappy(that's Australian for diaper)?  If not, why not?  Your husband did have something to do with creating your child, so he should have something more to do with the care of it and not leave it all up to you.  Plus the housework.  That's asking too much in this day and age. 

 

One more thing.  Just yourself a break, you've just had a baby.  You are exhausted, caring for a beautiful small human being.  Make your husband take his child for a while so you can have some time to yourself and take a bath or something else nice.  But, above all, go to a doctor and tell them everything.  The doctor should be able to help you more than we can here.  I will be a shoulder for you to cry on, but that's about all I can do for you.  Most of all, take care of yourself.  Bye from Australia.

 

Ruthieg 

 
January 1, 2007, 7:17 pm CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Quote From: ruthieg

Have you been to a doctor and been diagnosed?  If you haven't, then I strongly suggest that you do.  Does your husband help you with the housework?  Just between you and me, it's probably for the best if he doesn't make any more jokes or say anything.  Because you are the butt of his jokes(no pun intended), and they are not funny if they are hurtful. 

 

Does your husband help with the baby at all?  Does he spend time bathing it or changing its(I don't know if you've got a boy or a girl) nappy(that's Australian for diaper)?  If not, why not?  Your husband did have something to do with creating your child, so he should have something more to do with the care of it and not leave it all up to you.  Plus the housework.  That's asking too much in this day and age. 

 

One more thing.  Just yourself a break, you've just had a baby.  You are exhausted, caring for a beautiful small human being.  Make your husband take his child for a while so you can have some time to yourself and take a bath or something else nice.  But, above all, go to a doctor and tell them everything.  The doctor should be able to help you more than we can here.  I will be a shoulder for you to cry on, but that's about all I can do for you.  Most of all, take care of yourself.  Bye from Australia.

 

Ruthieg 

 

PPD can effect more then the Mother too!! I am 26 and I was diagnosed with PPD with my 1st child when she was 9mns old!!(she is now 2.5)  It was actually my co-workers who reconized it!! AS I sat on the floor at my work place with a crying baby, trying to put on a "i'm the happiest mom ever" face, I broke down...I have never cried like I did that day. I went to the doctors that afternoon and he had me an appointment with a psychiatrist the next day!! And through many appointments and finding that I do need the help of meds I am a changed MOM! But it took ALOT of courge and support and time to get were I am today!!  

I ,too thought that it was just my body and my mind getting back to the "norm" after having a baby. (I mean I wasn't sad all the time, when I was sleeping I wasn't sad!!)  I am a daycare teacher, I deal with crying infants, tempertantrum toddlers and preschoolers who have a an answer for everything, so for me to be having these feelings and thoughts were very confusing. "Why can't I be happy to be with my baby, why do other new moms say they are SOOO happy and having a baby was the best thing that happened to them!! Are they crazy I thought, what have I done, having this baby has made everything worse, and if one more mother or women tells me how much she loved becoming a mother, i'm gunna sceam!!               I'M NOT HAPPY!! "

If this has your attention now, and you are nodding your head and saying" yeah i feel that way too" its time to talk to someone outside of your relationships with your baby and your husband. Someone with "clear eyes" its a big step that only you, deep down in your heart of hearts knows needs to be done!! Baby blues are normal, but if they last longer then 2weeks, even if you have one good day a week, it could very well be PPD!

I wish you the best, because nobody knows how it feels to feel the way you do!! And talking and seeking the proper help will get you back to being you!!

At the begining I said that PPD effects more then the mom too, cuz it does.Your husband can be feeling the symptoms  of PPD too!!! I know my did and yes it is different, because they didn't have the baby, so thier horemons didn't change, but the world around them did!!

I hope this has shed some light for you, and hopefully helped you and your husband

jaime.....from Canada      

 
January 2, 2007, 12:28 am CST

To: Ruthieg

Quote From: ruthieg

Have you been to a doctor and been diagnosed?  If you haven't, then I strongly suggest that you do.  Does your husband help you with the housework?  Just between you and me, it's probably for the best if he doesn't make any more jokes or say anything.  Because you are the butt of his jokes(no pun intended), and they are not funny if they are hurtful. 

 

Does your husband help with the baby at all?  Does he spend time bathing it or changing its(I don't know if you've got a boy or a girl) nappy(that's Australian for diaper)?  If not, why not?  Your husband did have something to do with creating your child, so he should have something more to do with the care of it and not leave it all up to you.  Plus the housework.  That's asking too much in this day and age. 

 

One more thing.  Just yourself a break, you've just had a baby.  You are exhausted, caring for a beautiful small human being.  Make your husband take his child for a while so you can have some time to yourself and take a bath or something else nice.  But, above all, go to a doctor and tell them everything.  The doctor should be able to help you more than we can here.  I will be a shoulder for you to cry on, but that's about all I can do for you.  Most of all, take care of yourself.  Bye from Australia.

 

Ruthieg 

Hi, thank you so much for your reply!  I haven't been to a doctor yet, it's bit difficult to go without my husband knowing, because he's got the car and he sees the bill.  It's bit tough when you're a stay-at-home mom.  He has been nagging me to go for my yearly checkup, so I guess if I go I can mention it to the doctor.

 

My husband do help with the baby and the housework, but sometimes I just wish he would hold the baby for a while so I could get things done.  I feel bad if he has to help around the house (normally it's just making dinner) because then I feel like I'm a worst wife.

 

It's funny that you should mention a nice bath, because in this whole time it is the one thing I would love to do.  It was my birthday the other day and I told him I'm gonna take a long bath and just soak.  So when I got in the bath the baby (it's a boy) started crying and I pretended to be deaf.  I just sat their and it was great! 

 

I will definitely tell the doctor, because I can't go on like this.  Thank you again so much, I really appreciate it!

 

Charmaine from South Africa!

 
January 2, 2007, 12:56 am CST

I'm glad to be able to help

Quote From: charmainevdm

Hi, thank you so much for your reply!  I haven't been to a doctor yet, it's bit difficult to go without my husband knowing, because he's got the car and he sees the bill.  It's bit tough when you're a stay-at-home mom.  He has been nagging me to go for my yearly checkup, so I guess if I go I can mention it to the doctor.

 

My husband do help with the baby and the housework, but sometimes I just wish he would hold the baby for a while so I could get things done.  I feel bad if he has to help around the house (normally it's just making dinner) because then I feel like I'm a worst wife.

 

It's funny that you should mention a nice bath, because in this whole time it is the one thing I would love to do.  It was my birthday the other day and I told him I'm gonna take a long bath and just soak.  So when I got in the bath the baby (it's a boy) started crying and I pretended to be deaf.  I just sat their and it was great! 

 

I will definitely tell the doctor, because I can't go on like this.  Thank you again so much, I really appreciate it!

 

Charmaine from South Africa!

You and I are very lucky, our husbands are willing to help out with the baby and the housework.  Though, I must say, don't feel bad about asking for his help.  It's his house too and he contributed to the mess(if there is any).  You are not a bad wife, you are exhausted.  Does your husband know you want him to take your son every now and again?  I ask because, if you're anything like me, you probably expect your husband to be a mind reader.  I am a stay at home mum as well and while it's been tough, I wouldn't have it any other way.  Congratulations.  You're doing the best you can under the circumstances.

 

I'm so glad you were able to take your bath.  It's always so relaxing and therapeutic, isn't it?  This sounds horrible and feels even worse, but sometimes you just have to let the baby cry.  You can't always be carrying him around, especially when you need to use the toilet or cook dinner.  Trust me, it doesn't hurt them.  Just our eardrums, lolz.  I suffered with post-natal depression five years ago with my first child and recovered.  You will recover too. 

 

I wish you all the best for the new year.  Things can only get better, especially after you talk to your doctor.  Take care of yourself.  Bye for now.  Keep up the good work.

 

Ruthieg in Australia

 
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