There were a series of precipitating events leading up to my 32wk pre-term labour. Amongst the father leaving me 5 months pregnant, my grandmother died and I had a face down fall in my lounge room. So why wouldn't I go early with all the stressors I experienced!
My son was strong and healthy despite his earliness, but remained in NICU for 4 wks. I was sent home on day two after my natural delivery so it was a daily 40 min bus ride alone to be with him. After bringing him home the slow spiral into PND crept up on me.
First I began isolating myself, keeping the curtains drawn, crying all day, barely wanting to interact with my newborn, struggling to eat and craving more sleep just to escape.
The hollowness deepened and soon I was aggitated by little things that fell outside my strict routine of control. I had a good, happy baby but If my son even squeeked I would become distressed, all things seemed over exaggerated in seriousness. I would boil up in anger and feel like hurting my baby, just for some rest.
I would recognise this and put him safely in his crib while I had anxiety attacks in my lounge.
Finally my health nurse gave me the Edinborough scale, a series of questions designed to highlight pre- cursurs to PND. I realised this was my chance to let someone know just how serious it was in the darkest folds of my mind. She reccommended seeing my GP for medication.
I am a student of Holistic Counselling and opted for natural medicine to aid my recovery. This consisted of weekly counselling sessions, weekly Traditional Chinese Medicine treatment inc massage and herbs that addressed my anxiety and monthly homeopathy treatment.
My son was 6 mths before I got help and extremely lucky my post natal psychotic thoughts of harming him never saw light. I was very close several times but a higher force was protecting us both.
We are both healthy now, he's a rambunctious 2 yr old with great spirit, humour and inventiveness and I along for the best ride of my life!
