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Topic : Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Number of Replies: 188
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Tuesday, August 08, 2006, 01:58:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Having a baby is a major life change and postpartum depression can affect any woman who is pregnant, has had a baby, miscarried, or ended a pregnancy. Share advice and support here.

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November 30, 2006, 11:43 am CST

Confused about my marriage since the baby's arrival

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years now and the 1st year was extremely difficult, but I didn't give up.  Everytime my husband didn't like something or didn't want to compromise he would threaten to leave and I would beg him to stay.  Well the last 1 1/2 our marriage was good, we got adjusted to each other and then I got pregnant(it was planned, she is now 5 months old). Since I have had the baby, I was at home for 14 weeks and I had plenty of time to think. I became depressed and very upset about things that occurred in our marriage years ago. Now all I think about is not really wanting to be with him. I don't know if my eyes were closed in the beginning of our marriage or what but its like I had a reality check and I opened my eyes.  I have thought about how he never wanted to compromise on anything and how he always threatened to leave and I just get angry and wish that he would leave now because I don't care. I don't want to feel like this because that happened in the past and I thought we were pass that. The other week I told him how I wasn't happy with how he always making smart comments about my family and how he wouldn't participate in anything our daughter and I was involved in with family members. I told him that I refused to live like that forever and he needed to change or it wasn't going to work.  He told me later that night that he was going to leave. Well, the next day he acted as if nothing happened and I asked him about arrangements as far as putting the house on the market and so forth. He said he didn't want to leave his girls,but he still haven't mentioned anything about compromising in this marriage. During the entire marriage I have been more compromising than he and it has taken away some of my feelings towards him.  At this moment, I feel like I don't want to be a part of this marriage and I don't know if it had something to do with having the baby or what. I don't want to feel this way but I don't know how to act the same with him anymore and he says that he noticed that I different towards him.  Should I call this marriage quits or what should I do to get my marriage back on track?  I'm just confused.

 
December 4, 2006, 7:23 am CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Quote From: ruthieg

If not, why not?  They're his kids too.  Maybe he could take care of them for you, for a couple of hours so you can go for a walk.  Getting out of the house without the twins might be a great stress relief for you.  Try not to feel guilty.  As Dr. Phil says, "You can take care of those boys better if you take care of their mother."  Give yourself a break.  You need it.  Even a 21 year old mother would have her hands full with twins.

 

You are doing the best you can, and that's obviously pretty darn good, or you wouldn't come back.  What I will suggest is that you go to the doctor and get a prescription for some anti-depressants.  It is not a sign that you are a failure as a mother.  On the contrary, it is quite the opposite.  There is no shame in getting help from chemical sources.  You might be surprised at how well they help.  Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.  They don't even need to know, if you don't want to tell them.

 

Take care of yourself, so you can take care of your family.

Bye from Australia.

Ruthieg

 

you are not in need of meds. That , to me, would be the last resort. You have twin babies, a full time job, your mother died, your daughter left with her husband, your son is gone. It sounds to me more like you need some support and understanding. I would find a support group for parents of multiple births and rally with other mothers in your same situation.

I have seven children and am very familiar with the feelings of guilt when you leave for any length of time but the more you give yourself that few minutes to yourself every day the easier it gets. It doesn't hurt them and it does you a world of good. They won't even remember you were gone.

Cheer up, you are not alone, its just a tough time but remember, it doesn't last forever. Soon it will be a distant memory.

 
December 4, 2006, 1:56 pm CST

I have it all

Yup the other day I went to see a councler for the first time in a long time. She diagnosed me with having sever postpartum depression, high anxiety, and panic attacks. My doctor has put me on lexapro 20mg. Has anyone here been on or know anything about this medicine? I really hope it works for me. Any feeling right now compared to what I'm feeling would be a huge realife.
 
December 10, 2006, 11:51 pm CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Quote From: lauras3boys

Yup the other day I went to see a councler for the first time in a long time. She diagnosed me with having sever postpartum depression, high anxiety, and panic attacks. My doctor has put me on lexapro 20mg. Has anyone here been on or know anything about this medicine? I really hope it works for me. Any feeling right now compared to what I'm feeling would be a huge realife.
Sounds exactly like what I went through when my daughter was born. They put me on lexapro too. I will be honest, I wasn't on it for very long. But the mere act of DOING something for my PPD was helpful. But I suggest you take the drugs as suggested by your Dr. I have had problems with depression in the past and I knew that exercise worked best for me. So soon as I was well enough after my c-section I started taking walks and it help immensely.

The best thing that helped me through that hell was to remind myself that my perception wasn't correct. that things were not as horrid as my mind was making it out to be.

PPD is terrible, but it is temporary...it's a storm you have to ride out and Lexopro has helped many women ride out that storm.

Good luck to you, and I am so sorry you are dealing with this, my heart goes out to you, I mean that. I know how you feel...and I promise, for me at least, each day get better than the last.
 
December 12, 2006, 10:42 am CST

Thank you

Quote From: jewelmoore

you are not in need of meds. That , to me, would be the last resort. You have twin babies, a full time job, your mother died, your daughter left with her husband, your son is gone. It sounds to me more like you need some support and understanding. I would find a support group for parents of multiple births and rally with other mothers in your same situation.

I have seven children and am very familiar with the feelings of guilt when you leave for any length of time but the more you give yourself that few minutes to yourself every day the easier it gets. It doesn't hurt them and it does you a world of good. They won't even remember you were gone.

Cheer up, you are not alone, its just a tough time but remember, it doesn't last forever. Soon it will be a distant memory.

Thank you both for your replies. 

 

My husband helps as much as he can.  He is a wonderful father, however he does get a little flustered when they both start in w/ crying.  He does his very best.  When we are home together, he will pitch in and do what ever needs doing, he just not do it well alone.  He tries, but it's extremely stressfull for him..he does try.  I just know that when he gets totally stressed, it makes the babies "concerned".

 

Anyway, I did finially go to the Dr and talked in length about depression and medication.  I still have not decided to take medicine, I will if I need it, but honestly I agree with you.  It was a tremendous blow to my life haveing so much change so close together.  I do feel better.  I have since had a close family friend volunteer her and her family to watch our babies on a Saturday so my husband and I can have some time together.  I  am greatful to her.  I don't ask anyone to babysit, it's to much, but certain close family members or close family friends I will take them up on offers...when they offer.

 

God Bless all of you and I pray for a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.

 

Sincerely,

Sherry

 
December 17, 2006, 1:12 pm CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Quote From: jaimie1974

Do you know if there is a history of depression in your family?

You are the strongest female role model that your children will ever have. Everything you do and say is being recorded and normalized in their brains. That means that their moms whats the point attitude is a normalized part of life, it is how they see you living most days.

You said that youve seen counselors, how did that work for you? If you didnt click with your therapist, I urge you to try again with a new therapist. (Ive been there) It is possible that nothing seems to stick or work for you because when you are depressed, it is difficult to be a consistent person; to change behaviors you must be consistent. That is why I recommend a therapist, because a professional could guide you towards being consistent with your cognitive behaviors.

You probably already know that exercise can be helpful when you are in a depressed state. Many people deal with depression with therapy and exercise, but if medication is necessary, please know there is nothing wrong with that. It isnt a character flaw on your part. You deserve to live a happy, healthy and fully functioning life.

Thanks for replying.  Yes there is a history of depression in my family....on both sides.  Since I wrote my first quote and before reading your response I went to see a doctor and got a perscription for antidepressants.  They seem to take the edge off, but I don't feel it is a long term solution.  I know that I need to keep working at being a better more positive role model for my children and just for the simple fact of being happy.  I also saw new therapist, it was hard b/c $ is tight right now and it seems the whole session was her just trying to get my family history straight.  I know it is all a process but my last therapist I saw for about 3yrs so we could always just pick ip where we left off.  It was hard to pay someone $75 just to remember who my moms first husband was.  I love to exercise, yoga, and being outdoors but this too is difficult w/the kids being so young.  I have to find some way to incorporate it in my life.  Any suggestions?  And maybe I should give the therapist another chance. 
 
December 21, 2006, 9:07 pm CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

I just had my son, Tyven, 3 weeks ago. Steven is a great husband and an amazing father. We have everything we need and it seems like life is perfect. I don't have anything to complain about but myself. I am so moody and angy and short tempered. For no reason I am miserable and take out most of my frustrations on Steven. I feel like it's not fair to him and wish he could have a wife that isn't so complicated. I've been like this for our entire relationship but it seems worse now because with the baby I don't have time to take a break and it's hard to get "me time".  I spend on my energy on the wrong people. I am constantly helping out friends, always there for them when they need me, going out of my way to help them when I can and never have the kind of attitude in front of them that I do at home. I know what I should do. It seems so simple yet I just let myself blow up over the dumbest things and start arguments that later can't even remeber what they were about. I just can't control my emotions and I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my marriage.

 
December 23, 2006, 2:37 am CST

Give yourself a break

Quote From: april_michelle

I just had my son, Tyven, 3 weeks ago. Steven is a great husband and an amazing father. We have everything we need and it seems like life is perfect. I don't have anything to complain about but myself. I am so moody and angy and short tempered. For no reason I am miserable and take out most of my frustrations on Steven. I feel like it's not fair to him and wish he could have a wife that isn't so complicated. I've been like this for our entire relationship but it seems worse now because with the baby I don't have time to take a break and it's hard to get "me time".  I spend on my energy on the wrong people. I am constantly helping out friends, always there for them when they need me, going out of my way to help them when I can and never have the kind of attitude in front of them that I do at home. I know what I should do. It seems so simple yet I just let myself blow up over the dumbest things and start arguments that later can't even remeber what they were about. I just can't control my emotions and I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my marriage.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  You've just had a baby and you're exhausted. If your husband is so great then he will understand that.  Mine did.  I'm a bit like you, in that I help out my friends to the point where there's nothing left for my family.  I, too, blow up over the littlest things.  I sure feel silly and a little guilty afterwards.  If you say that you've been like this for the entire relationship, then your husband knows what he's in for and it shouldn't ruin your marriage.

 

Are you able to take a little "me" time?  Maybe a long, relaxing bath when your husband is home so that he can take care of your baby.  Just lock yourself in the bathroom and run the bath and put in some aromatic oils or bubble bath.  After all, it's his baby too.  It's not like you did it all by yourself.  He had something to do with it, as well.

 

Also, ask some of these friends to help out.  If they're good friends, then they'll understand what you need and will be only too willing to help you.  If they're not good friends, they'll disappear and not bother you again.

 

I wish you all the best for Christmas and the New Year.  I hope some of this helps you, or at least makes you smile.  Just remember, you are not alone and you only need to ask for help.  It will come from somewhere.  Take care of yourself.  Your beautiful family needs you.

 

Bye from Australia.

Ruthieg

 Australian Flag Hooroo  





 
December 23, 2006, 2:51 am CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Quote From: april_michelle

I just had my son, Tyven, 3 weeks ago. Steven is a great husband and an amazing father. We have everything we need and it seems like life is perfect. I don't have anything to complain about but myself. I am so moody and angy and short tempered. For no reason I am miserable and take out most of my frustrations on Steven. I feel like it's not fair to him and wish he could have a wife that isn't so complicated. I've been like this for our entire relationship but it seems worse now because with the baby I don't have time to take a break and it's hard to get "me time".  I spend on my energy on the wrong people. I am constantly helping out friends, always there for them when they need me, going out of my way to help them when I can and never have the kind of attitude in front of them that I do at home. I know what I should do. It seems so simple yet I just let myself blow up over the dumbest things and start arguments that later can't even remeber what they were about. I just can't control my emotions and I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my marriage.

I have 4 things to say to you.

1-You and your husband are and were both aware that PPD was a possibility when taking on having a baby, so I am SURE he understand what you are going through. You made him a child in your body, I am SURE he is understanding enough to recognize that PPD is a very real problem. So, if he's as good of a guy as you say he probably DOES understand that this is simply your body readjusting to the shock of having a baby.

2-It does get better...it's a slow climb, but one day you are going to turn around and it won't feel like this anymore.

3-You JUST had a baby! It's not your turn or time to help anyone but you and your baby. If you have friends who cannot understand that you just gave birth and you are suffering from PPD then to hell with them anyway...they should be doing things for YOU right now. Forget them. I mean it. You know the best "me time" you can give yourself everyday? Take a long hot shower...EVERYDAY. This sounds dumb, but new mom's sometimes do not find the moment to take a shower....but do it.  A long hot shower so you can have 20 minutes to think of YOU with out the sound of a baby, or the phone ringing, or the TV blaring....

4-Congratulations...Tyven is a gem in your life. He's a sweet spot...cherish him at every age...take the time to take a deep breath, lay in bed with your baby by you and just enjoy him...deep breaths ok?

I have been where you are. I am a "complicated" person too and PPD made it worse, but my husband was there for me and he was prepared for the PPD possibility. He was just so happy that I gave him a child...that I made the sacrifices I did to have a baby for him. If your husband is like mine at all he will feel sorry that you have to through this, not angry that you are taking it out on him.

I PROMISE it gets better..if it feels very out of control call your OB/GYN and she can give you information about antidepressants or therapy. But I do promise it gets better.
 
December 23, 2006, 2:52 am CST

Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Quote From: ruthieg

Don't be so hard on yourself.  You've just had a baby and you're exhausted. If your husband is so great then he will understand that.  Mine did.  I'm a bit like you, in that I help out my friends to the point where there's nothing left for my family.  I, too, blow up over the littlest things.  I sure feel silly and a little guilty afterwards.  If you say that you've been like this for the entire relationship, then your husband knows what he's in for and it shouldn't ruin your marriage.

 

Are you able to take a little "me" time?  Maybe a long, relaxing bath when your husband is home so that he can take care of your baby.  Just lock yourself in the bathroom and run the bath and put in some aromatic oils or bubble bath.  After all, it's his baby too.  It's not like you did it all by yourself.  He had something to do with it, as well.

 

Also, ask some of these friends to help out.  If they're good friends, then they'll understand what you need and will be only too willing to help you.  If they're not good friends, they'll disappear and not bother you again.

 

I wish you all the best for Christmas and the New Year.  I hope some of this helps you, or at least makes you smile.  Just remember, you are not alone and you only need to ask for help.  It will come from somewhere.  Take care of yourself.  Your beautiful family needs you.

 

Bye from Australia.

Ruthieg

 Australian Flag Hooroo  





LOL our advice was very similar! LOL
 
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