Topic : Dealing with Postpartum Depression

My husband and I have three daughters. When I found out that I was pregnant with our third daughter, I began to feel upset. Upset at the fact that I couldn't give my husband a son, and that I couldn't provide a grandson for my mother and father. I just feel almost void. The only feelings I feel are anger, and depression. I can't loose the weight from having her and feel so alone sometimes even though i have my husband and my other two daughters. The feelings that are associated with post partum are so hard to explain and to deal with. I often lash out verbally at my older daughters, and at my husband.

I have found that a lot of moms go through some of the same things as a new or single mother, and not all stories are the same but very similar in the fact that we know there is something not right about or relationship with our child....

here is a little bit about my situation as a mom...

I am  a 23 year old single mom of a 3 year old little boy.

i know in my heart i love him dearly and would never intentionally hurt him , abandon him, or deprive him of a mother.  what i have noticed is that still to this day i feel as having a child is a job , that for some reason no matter how bad i screw up i can't seem to hear the words your fired..which on some days would be a relief to my ears....

i guess my one of my problems would stem from birth not having a mother of my own to learn from. but yet still i can't put the blame on her because i don't have this "mother instinct" that i hear so much about when someone has a baby and they fall head over heels for the new arrival and think a baby is an angel sent from above....when in my mind a baby is a lot of poop and crying nothing heavenly about that  now is there?

 some moms get that instant bond , love ,and joy that a baby brings...well i missed that package deal.... i do love my son but don't really don't have that mother child bond and no matter what pill or counseling i get i can't seem to get it...i think to myself maybe i am not capable of having a bond that strong with my child...i often feel he would have been better off with a family that could have truly appreciated him and he could be their bundle of joy,hope,and love....but yet can't seem to picture life without him..? is that weird to think or feel...?

everyday is a struggle to get out of bed and do all the mom things..so recently i put him in daycare to give me that "me time"  at home alone and it has been a month now and still nothing has changed. i still dread picking him up from daycare and becoming mom again for the remainder of the evening to start all over again the next day...

in the back of my mind i am waiting for his parents to come get him and to tell them i am done babysitting for a while and that i need a long brake from their child....then the alarm goes off  in my head and i say "oh wait crap!!!! I am the parent and i cant take the long brake from him gee what do i do now?"

so my question is:

does anyone have advice on how to truly bond with your child when you really don't feel connected to them at all?  almost like the child your taking care of isn't  at all yours....please help any and all advice helpful.

first of all breathe sweetie....

i am so sorry to hear that life as you know it is so unbearable at this point and time ..

not all moms go through this but i feel every mom should have to go through this just once for a day in their life to see how real this can be..and how bad we can feel on any given day..

i read your story and came to tears because i too feel as though my child would be better off with out me as his mother...

to start off what kind of mother doesn't want their child 24/7 and and doesn't love being with them every moment making their life wonderful as it can be...well apparently that type of mother is me..

but what you do have.. that i do not ..is a husband to help you out....you should talk to your husband tell him what is going on and that he needs to help you through these hard times and let you know how much you mean to him and the kids...and that life wouldn't be the same without you in it...

what you don't realize and what took me forever to get is that even though you don't feel like being "mommy" anymore ...they will always see you as mommy and that is something you cant take from them ever...one thing all moms have in common is that we always want to do better then our mothers did by us...

which i don't know how or what your mother did or didn't do but you by nature want to surpass her efforts...

in my case my mother gave me to my father  at 2 weeks old cause she didn't "feel like being a mom" or a wife at the time..which also happened to all her kids (4) of us all grew up with our dads and no mom until we were 16 and then she decided to make up for lost time. (blah blah freaking blah)....

long story short  i wanted to be there for my children when the time came....and when i had my son i found myself in the same boat i didn't want the thing that came out of me...his dad left us when he was 1 year old "he didn't want kids all of the sudden" and for along time i was angry at my son for being born ..and ruining my life or so i thought.... but in turn i was angry that my ex got the easy way out..."why the heck didn't i think of that first and leave him stuck with the kid" and go on like he did not even exist...

.so i definitely envy you  that you have someone with you helping you through this...hopefully he supports everything you do and backs you up 100 % cause you need that right now more then anything.....and if you have family that can watch your boys even for an hour to get "away" for a bit that is great too... but if your like me even when the kids aren't around your mind works over time then you just cry and cry....

so my advice is find someone to talk to and to let you know that life it not all about those kids an being pregnant .....sometimes it needs to be about just you and you only ...not so and so's mom or so and so's wife but just you.....

when you talk about the bills piling up and cant afford to go to the doc trust me i know that feeling too ..i have adhd and bi polar disorder on top of ppd and cant afford to get on meds so don't think your the only crazy one out there i assure you i am much worse and have to self medicate and self council and it sucks big time....

but if you ever need to talk to someone as crazy as you..lol just write to me on here alright try to get some sleep with that tummy in the way and try to find a happy place for you and you only.....

hope to hear from you soon and good luck...

It was march 9th 2007 at 9am. when my best friends 2nd child was born. Her oxygen was at 50% and hardly had a blood preasure. Her right lung had shut down. her younger sister was by the window watching when her sister was delivered. At two years old she her mother fould out that her oldest daughter was in shock and newborn baby could die before being lifeflighted to childerns mercy hospital. The mother was only 25 years old and already surffing from biopolar and then got told that she could not go with the child as it was transfered. Then she found out that she had ppd.

I see this will be a topic on an upcoming show.  I hope you read my comment, Dr. Phil.

Here it follows:

I hope any person would agree the same understanding hold with women dating younger men,

as it does with men dating younger women.  How could one approve of one relationship between

two people, but not the other?

I believe that whatever the age difference between two people be, it be only a matter of what is

acceptable legally.  I would be amazed to hear the results of the poll you took with this did not

turn out a high percentage of people in favor of women dating younger men.  Those who do

disagree are either a disgruntled men in life, or a 'dark age' females taking the poll.  I think if

two people are fond of each other, enjoy each other's company, feel emotionally and sexually

compatible...GO FOR IT.  I dated a man who was fourteen years my senior one time.  We got

along great.  He was 32, and I was 18 at the time.  I also had a relationship with a fellow who

was 12 years younger than me.  Each was warranted as a fine time together.  I have seen

both sides, in other words.  It should only be acceptable for both genders.  Not one person

could give me a good reason otherwise...