Message Boards

Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 11:19:51 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The last of the kids have all left home, how do you handle your feelings of letting go of growing kids? Share advice and support with others dealing with empty nest blues.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 7, 2007, 11:02 pm CDT

To quote Dr Phil

Quote From: granniepat64

As we know, saying something in anger is not the right way to handle emotions.  But living a life of lies doesn't help to deal with past memories.   My family have discarded me because I've told true stories about their father.  I, too, have tried to apologize for things said.  I realize now that you can't take any of it back.  BUT--what if I don't want to take it back?  Why is it more important to not say the things that weigh on your mind, fill your memories, and take over your life? 
How's that working for you?
or his other little gem
Do you want to be happy or right? Don't be a right fighter.

Having read your earlier post, you seem to enjoy a drink or two. Drink and family harmony are not a usual happy  combination. If you have apologised for things you have said that have upset your family then give it time for people to come round. It's hard but if you want happy times with your family that's the price you have to pay.
 
 
October 9, 2007, 5:18 pm CDT

Holidays?

My nest is empty and has been for a while.  I still have difficulties during the holidays getting us all together.....you know.....marriage and other parents, work schedules.  Can anyone give me a balance on this.  Do we stay home, do the usual stuff and whoever shows up fine.  Or do we drive all holiday seeing every child.  Or cook the whole time to accommodate the different days they can come. 

 

Also, what about gift giving at xmas.  If all can't be together Thanksgiving to draw names, as mother, is it proper for me to get it done?

 

What's working for those ahead of me?  I'd like to hear from ya!

 
October 25, 2007, 4:50 pm CDT

Empty Nest Revisited.

Quote From: maryarmstrong

I feel a bit like that too. My kids are practically the same age i.e. 17 and 13. The 13 year old is constantly telling us she can't wait to leave. I know its not directed at us but it reflects the fact that she want's to spread her wings & experience life. But when I hear her say how desperately she wants to leave it breaks my heart. I don't truely believe they know what they are saying at that age as they have never been truely independent. So that's the only consolation. Also I think as parents & adults we need to find a new interest .... what do you think?

 

 I am so sorry that you are already worrying about the kids leaving in the next few years. My advice is to enjoy them right now while they are with you. Yes, your child may leave as soon as she grows up. Mine moved clear from Florida to Milwaukee and I do still miss her six years later.

In fact I just hung up the phone from talking to her. She had to grow up and leave home. That's what kids do! But I do get sad at times, she is my only one.

I think when teens lash out in anger and say they are going to leave and can't wait to leave. They are saying, "Look Mom, back off a little I am trying to grow up here!" God created them to want to leave home or we'd be stuck with them until they are 70 years old! LOL!

Use the time left to teach them valuable skills for survival like check book balancing and budgeting.

And grow a warmth between you that will keep them calling and wanting to continue the relationship well after they have left. AND remember half of what they say as teenagers are a result of an overload of hormones! AND yes you are right us MOM's tend to put all our eggs in one basket and when the kids leave we wind up feeling empty handed. Making valuable friendships and having other activities of interest is important to us.

 
October 26, 2007, 7:32 pm CDT

Empty Nest Blues

Our 23 year old "baby of the family" is getting married in May 2008.  He is our fifth child, and our only, as we are a blended family with our first four being his and mine.   For no good reason, he has stayed home longer than his siblings did and at the age of 23, he is taking a wife and leaving home.  I am looking forward to finally having a guest room.  I am looking forward to finally planning a meal knowing that only we two are eating.   I am going to miss him the most - not because I love him more - because he is the last one and it's only going to be the two of us after that.  In the 28 years we have been together, we have never known a relationship without children in it.  I hope it's everything we imagined it would be.  
 
October 26, 2007, 7:47 pm CDT

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: msnicegal

My nest is empty and has been for a while.  I still have difficulties during the holidays getting us all together.....you know.....marriage and other parents, work schedules.  Can anyone give me a balance on this.  Do we stay home, do the usual stuff and whoever shows up fine.  Or do we drive all holiday seeing every child.  Or cook the whole time to accommodate the different days they can come. 

 

Also, what about gift giving at xmas.  If all can't be together Thanksgiving to draw names, as mother, is it proper for me to get it done?

 

What's working for those ahead of me?  I'd like to hear from ya!

There are 23 of us (children, step children, in-law children and grandchildren).  I put the invitation out several weeks in advance for holiday meals and, miracle of miracles, they usually all come.  They tell me that I asked first.  I do feel, however, that inviting my adult kids and families is all I can do.  If they chose to go elsewhere, that's O.K. too.  I totally understand, but ask to be informed of their alternate plans so I too can plan accordingly.  I don't expect to get them everytime, but it usually works out that way.  As for gifts - they get them whether they join us or not.  It might not be on the day, but it's close to the day. 
 
October 27, 2007, 12:10 pm CDT

To Lashy

I have not been on in a while, I am dragonfly that wrote about Empty nest blues.

I really wish we could e-mail or chat. I have been researching for groups of mothers that feel lost and not sure how to handle the kids moving on.

Its been a year since my oldest has moved out and I miss her like the day she left. She is doing fantastic, and is so happy and I am so proud of her. She did come home, but because Grandma died on her fathers side so I did not get to see her, as I had to back off because this was not about me it was about Grandma--I felt so selfish wanting to spend time with her, but I couldnt, and it was one of those where I was not allowed to pay my respects because of the EX.

I miss her so much, and she is going to dads for X-mas and my 18 year old is flying to dads too. CHRISTMAS  without  my kids is going to KILL me.

The issues with my 18yr old keep getting worse. She failed her senior year, failed summer school, and has been givin the opportunity to be tutered, I think she is doing it, but hope she does not mess it up. Some how she was able to get credit cards and is racking them up, even though she is making the min. payment I am worried. she only comes home to take a shower and eat, stays at friends for the night. I recently found out her and 8 friends have been cruising on crotch rockets( High speed bikes). Her best friend was messed up for life because of  these.

She treats me like dirt, telling me to f-off, or grow up etc etc etc.. The lack of respect is so bad, and tears my heart apart. She has informed me that she is moving in with her sister, BAD idea. But her sister said if she is not responsible, and wild they will kick her out to her dads-

 

This is what I am getting at....this kid has no structure in her life, cant and wont be reponsible,organized and is also a very angry child that runs from her problems. If she keeps getting kicked around from home to home what is that going to do to her. She will end up in places and problems I dont even want to think about.  A parents  job is to love, protect, teach and guide our children.. I know I have done  a good job, probably could have done better, but I cant seem to not do those things anymore.. Yes I can let her go--to another place, but I am so lost not taking care of them. I need to... I think what you wrote to me helped, I guess things could be worse, I feel for you and your pain and the desire to make things good. I cried when I read what you wrote and wished  I could hug you. I wish I could help.. I hope things have gotten better, wish we could talk. I guess we just need to keep our chins up and pray alot.

Love

Roxanne

 

 
November 2, 2007, 8:40 am CDT

ER Secretary does hands on patient care

I was hired as a Emergency Department Secretary and over time I was also asked to perform clinical duties such as take a patients first vitals, help with transport from ambulance stretch to er stretcher, put patients on bed pans and commodes. Transport patients to inpatient bed on other floors, operating rooms, helped with catherization of patients (male and female), cleaned up bodily fluids, helped patients from stretchers into wheel chairs, helped with suture care, cleaned patience's, transported deceased patients from emergency room to cooler located on the other side of hospital. Transported patients with and without oxygen. This is to mention a few. I resigned from my position with a letter. The policy give an employee 3 days to contact and I did call in the first two days to explain I was ill and had been seeing a doctor. I became very depressed as I knew I could not fulfill my secretarial duties while caring for patients as requested by nurses and doctors of the emergency department. They put in my record that I abandoned my job . I have not been able to get a job in medical offices as (where this hospital is located) anything affiliated with this hospital cannot hire me as a result of the determination. The human resource manager refuses to change the status (she wasn't employed by the hospital at the time of occurrence and will not even consider listing to me. I received unemployment as it was determined I left due to the demands put on me. I had NO certification and was not even CPR certified. This just gives you an idea why I need help to correct this emotionally disturbing situation say nothing about all the money I could have made during this time. WHAT IS YOUR RESPONSES?

 
November 8, 2007, 12:49 pm CST

A job well done but, still miss my son.

For the last 25 years my husband and I have raised a responsible,intelligent, loving son. Myself, coming from a loving family I was never in doubt what to do when it was my turn . First there were sleepovers, hard to let go, even though you knew the family and yet, that moment's lingering thought of: Is he ok? Then, it was staying out late w/curfew, letting my son drive the car w/out me. I never knew I had a talent  for sleeping with my eyes open.  The blow came when my husband and I drove our son to college. I cried all the way home. I knew he would manage, the question was, would I? I tried to give him the independence he needed, how many times I just wanted to call and hear his voice. I did not. I let  him come to me. It was worth it. Now, my beautiful son has celebrated his 1st wedding anniversary with his lovely wife. Boy how time passes.  To this day, I miss him terribly. I go through phases of needing him as a little boy and when he comes to visit I cannot wait to have my freedom back. Crazy thoughts stand right along side of Empty Nest Blues.

 

I truly think we forget that we are just as needed by our children as they are needing of us. We should embrace the great jobs we have done with our children and use this wonderful time to re-connect with our spouses, friends and most of all, ourselves. It is equally important to find a balance within yourself and seek out the person you used to be. It won't be too long before you are asked to Babysit. 

 

 

I have a new found respect for my peace and quiet, no dam diapers, cash withdrawls, etc.

 

Have a great life...

 

I will never lose the love I have for my son. It is because of him that I am a great Mom.

 

olderthanu

 
November 8, 2007, 1:01 pm CST

I am so sorry you were placed in this predicament

Quote From: maikala

I was hired as a Emergency Department Secretary and over time I was also asked to perform clinical duties such as take a patients first vitals, help with transport from ambulance stretch to er stretcher, put patients on bed pans and commodes. Transport patients to inpatient bed on other floors, operating rooms, helped with catherization of patients (male and female), cleaned up bodily fluids, helped patients from stretchers into wheel chairs, helped with suture care, cleaned patience's, transported deceased patients from emergency room to cooler located on the other side of hospital. Transported patients with and without oxygen. This is to mention a few. I resigned from my position with a letter. The policy give an employee 3 days to contact and I did call in the first two days to explain I was ill and had been seeing a doctor. I became very depressed as I knew I could not fulfill my secretarial duties while caring for patients as requested by nurses and doctors of the emergency department. They put in my record that I abandoned my job . I have not been able to get a job in medical offices as (where this hospital is located) anything affiliated with this hospital cannot hire me as a result of the determination. The human resource manager refuses to change the status (she wasn't employed by the hospital at the time of occurrence and will not even consider listing to me. I received unemployment as it was determined I left due to the demands put on me. I had NO certification and was not even CPR certified. This just gives you an idea why I need help to correct this emotionally disturbing situation say nothing about all the money I could have made during this time. WHAT IS YOUR RESPONSES?

 In the healthcare industry myself, I can tell you, not a single self respecting individual would ask you to risk your job and their job as licensed professionals, not to mention thwe patient's. My first inclination would have been to document everything in a concise and professional manner. I then would have sent a letter to the administrator of the hspital for an investigation. Healthcare especially good healthcare is becoming rare. I would never consider performing any procedure without the proper training and certification.  You need to consult your policy and procedure manual and find  the ear your looking for. Self esteem and worth and the good name you carry is worth fighting for.

 

 olderthanu

 
December 21, 2007, 3:31 pm CST

Empty Nest Blues

It's hard to see your kid leave the nest, but at the same time, it's exciting times for them .. as long as they are able to make it out there, I am all support for them when needed.
 
First | Prev | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Next | Last