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Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 11:19:51 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The last of the kids have all left home, how do you handle your feelings of letting go of growing kids? Share advice and support with others dealing with empty nest blues.

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December 21, 2007, 3:32 pm CST

Empty Nest Blues

It really is a hard time to "let go" but the idea of "let grow" is an interesting outlook
 
December 28, 2007, 11:59 am CST

afnavymom

Quote From: afnavymom

Since my marriage was such a train wreck, I spent my life dedicated to my kids. School activities, little league,bowling, class mom, team mom, etc. In many ways, it was rewarding and in others a huge mistake. What you want is for your children to become independent individuals, but when they do, you are left behind. All three of mine were out of the house within 11 months. The oldest got married and moved four states away. The other two joined the military. My world was shattered. I was left to deal with all the things I had been avoiding by baking cookies and such.

 

That was five years ago. Since then, I have enrolled in Tai chi, taken classes in several topics of interest, volunteered in a homeless project, written a book, got a divorce, and became a grandmother. The point is, there is life after children. You just need to take care of you for a change.

 

 

afnavymom

 

Thanks for sharing.  Do your kids stay in contact?  I have one child, 20, will be 21 in January and I have been BEGGING for her to stay in contact and make time for me.  I raised her on my own with alot of "drama" on both sides - alot of hurt.  But I had hoped with her being out at college in the same area, we could RESTART.  Today I made up my mind to take a "break" from the BEGGING, but it is so hard as I feel I have lost the only family I have.  Being dumped by my male friend of 9 months is not helping with my sadness.

 
December 28, 2007, 11:59 am CST

afnavymom

Quote From: afnavymom

Since my marriage was such a train wreck, I spent my life dedicated to my kids. School activities, little league,bowling, class mom, team mom, etc. In many ways, it was rewarding and in others a huge mistake. What you want is for your children to become independent individuals, but when they do, you are left behind. All three of mine were out of the house within 11 months. The oldest got married and moved four states away. The other two joined the military. My world was shattered. I was left to deal with all the things I had been avoiding by baking cookies and such.

 

That was five years ago. Since then, I have enrolled in Tai chi, taken classes in several topics of interest, volunteered in a homeless project, written a book, got a divorce, and became a grandmother. The point is, there is life after children. You just need to take care of you for a change.

 

 

afnavymom

 

Thanks for sharing.  Do your kids stay in contact?  I have one child, 20, will be 21 in January and I have been BEGGING for her to stay in contact and make time for me.  I raised her on my own with alot of "drama" on both sides - alot of hurt.  But I had hoped with her being out at college in the same area, we could RESTART.  Today I made up my mind to take a "break" from the BEGGING, but it is so hard as I feel I have lost the only family I have.  Being dumped by my male friend of 9 months is not helping with my sadness.

 
January 2, 2008, 12:46 pm CST

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: dee0123

 I read your post, and I can relate.  My daughter left for College (age 18) and has left my life feelings so empty!  If you'd like to email me, perhaps we can share our feelings..  pratt0123@netzero.net

Dee

dee0123

 

I am emailing you now.  Thanks!

 
January 16, 2008, 9:52 am CST

Thanks!

Quote From: afnavymom

Since my marriage was such a train wreck, I spent my life dedicated to my kids. School activities, little league,bowling, class mom, team mom, etc. In many ways, it was rewarding and in others a huge mistake. What you want is for your children to become independent individuals, but when they do, you are left behind. All three of mine were out of the house within 11 months. The oldest got married and moved four states away. The other two joined the military. My world was shattered. I was left to deal with all the things I had been avoiding by baking cookies and such.

 

That was five years ago. Since then, I have enrolled in Tai chi, taken classes in several topics of interest, volunteered in a homeless project, written a book, got a divorce, and became a grandmother. The point is, there is life after children. You just need to take care of you for a change.

 

 

? I forgot how to take care of me! Sounds crazy but I married at 18 had my son at 20 my daughter at 21(14 months apart.) I spent the last 19 years being a mom and trying to survive a bad marriage, my kids grew up and are almost gone. I know this is a good thing, but I feel like I have been left behind with nothing. My son got a girl pregnant at 18 then got married and joined the Airforce all in 2007! And my daughter decided to add to this by acting the fool (I guess for her share of attition) Things have calmed down and the kids are doing ok, but they dont seem to care about me. I know this sounds like I am fealing sorry for my self, may be I am, I just dont know how to stop being mom and try to have a life of no kids when I put so much time into this. I feel like I just woke from a coma and the world passed me by while I was rasing my kids. I just cant seem to move on!
 
January 18, 2008, 8:23 am CST

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: airmansmom

? I forgot how to take care of me! Sounds crazy but I married at 18 had my son at 20 my daughter at 21(14 months apart.) I spent the last 19 years being a mom and trying to survive a bad marriage, my kids grew up and are almost gone. I know this is a good thing, but I feel like I have been left behind with nothing. My son got a girl pregnant at 18 then got married and joined the Airforce all in 2007! And my daughter decided to add to this by acting the fool (I guess for her share of attition) Things have calmed down and the kids are doing ok, but they dont seem to care about me. I know this sounds like I am fealing sorry for my self, may be I am, I just dont know how to stop being mom and try to have a life of no kids when I put so much time into this. I feel like I just woke from a coma and the world passed me by while I was rasing my kids. I just cant seem to move on!

airmansmom

Don't be too hard on yourself.  It is hard not to feel BITTER after you have poured your ENTIRE life into your kids and have them seem not to care.  My mom did the same thing and to this day I have nothing to do with her due to her TOXIC way of "interacting" with me.  I made a PROMISE to myself not to repeat the same mistake.  And yes, it does hurt when my only child (21, girl) does not make time in her now busy college life, but I had to learn to "get up" "get out" and CREATE my life.  I raised her on my own, so you know I got used to her being around although we had our MAJOR dramas when she lived at home.  I am still dealing with her and her "care one moment, then does not" attitude.  Several times I have "distanced" myself from her and she begs to have me back in her life.  But I have told her that one day I will just go away and not come back as I refuse to stay in "victimville" for anyone!  I spent too many years allowing people to hurt me and I ended up depressed.  Yes, you just woke up from a coma and now it is time to find a life for yourself.  I am not BITTER towards my daughter because I did not give up my life for her the way my mom did for me and my two brothers, but I have to figure out what I want to do jobwise now that I can work because I like the job and not because I am a single parent.  Take it one day at at time.  Get some counseling.  Talk.  Find hobbies you enjoy.  I am walking myself to death (smile) just to deal with a heartbreak I experienced in December 2007 from a man I thought would not "dog" me out.  And yes, I looked to my daughter to fill the "emptiness", but the bottom line is she can not and should not.  Walking has given me some "peace of mind" and sleep at nights.  Do you enjoy anything?  I like to read too and read 4 self-help books back to back in December just to UNDERSTAND why I ALLOWED this man to "dog" me out.  Yes, I ALLOWED him and now with this "knowledge" it will not be happening again.  Thanks for sharing and please keep us posted on how you are doing.  YOU CAN DO IT !

 
January 20, 2008, 7:48 am CST

Empty Nest Blues

oh my this one is a tough one for me i have 4 children my oldest is now 19 and moved out at 18 1/2 i had her at age 16  she moved because she thought she was all grown up and didnt want to live by our rules any longer she was a post secondary student so she went to college for her 11 and 12 grade  of highschool and she also had the hot butt as i call it so here she is leaveing home to move in with a boyfriend that i barely knew they had only been dateing a few short months i was scared of so many things i cried for i forget how long was so depressed and was so mean to my husband blameing him for her leaveing and it made me reflect on the day that it was just going to be me and my husband no kids still hard for me to comprehand what life will and can i have without the kids so i bought me a parrot a blue and goldmacaw he was 4 months old when i got him and he is my baby that will never leave me so now i worry bout when i leave him lol and everything is working out great my daughter is aware of my feelings so she calls me on a regular basis and comes home to visit alot (never by herself though always with her boyfriend thats my obstacle now i ask her when are we going to get some bonding time) lol and im sure it wont be any easier when my other children move on with there lives either ill be a mess lol but i hope ive raised them right to make good decisions on things and we continue to have a good relationship so they stay close with me
 
January 22, 2008, 5:48 am CST

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: knucksgal

oh my this one is a tough one for me i have 4 children my oldest is now 19 and moved out at 18 1/2 i had her at age 16  she moved because she thought she was all grown up and didnt want to live by our rules any longer she was a post secondary student so she went to college for her 11 and 12 grade  of highschool and she also had the hot butt as i call it so here she is leaveing home to move in with a boyfriend that i barely knew they had only been dateing a few short months i was scared of so many things i cried for i forget how long was so depressed and was so mean to my husband blameing him for her leaveing and it made me reflect on the day that it was just going to be me and my husband no kids still hard for me to comprehand what life will and can i have without the kids so i bought me a parrot a blue and goldmacaw he was 4 months old when i got him and he is my baby that will never leave me so now i worry bout when i leave him lol and everything is working out great my daughter is aware of my feelings so she calls me on a regular basis and comes home to visit alot (never by herself though always with her boyfriend thats my obstacle now i ask her when are we going to get some bonding time) lol and im sure it wont be any easier when my other children move on with there lives either ill be a mess lol but i hope ive raised them right to make good decisions on things and we continue to have a good relationship so they stay close with me

knucksgal

Thanks for sharing.  Yes, having pet does help some people with not feeling "lonely".  I am glad to see that your daughter is staying in contact with you and hopefully will arrive MINUS the boyfriend so you will have that SPECIAL time with her.

 
January 27, 2008, 12:41 pm CST

I'm wondering

Quote From: tessasgrammy

Wow! So I'm not the only mother who feels lost without her kids.  My youngest just moved out 4 days ago and I have done nothing but cry.  Now I need to find purpose in my life.  I feel like I have nothong and noone why am I still here. Surely it is not to make my husband happy cause hell I never see him anyway.  When I do see him all I can think about is that it's his fault all m kids left.  I need major help
Tessasgrammy, why are you so quick to blame your husband for all of your problems with your children leaving .?  I wonder. Is he abusive ? I read your profile and you state that your 16 year old son is now in to drugs and on the street .Is that all his fault too? I am so concerned with your well being .. are you okay ? I have not seen another post on the message board and am concerned.please feel free to write  I will be here for you.  
 
February 5, 2008, 1:17 pm CST

Turning that ship around...

It's been a couple weeks since he left for bootcamp.  I'm armed to the teeth with self-help books for empty nesters, web-site links for Navy moms, and the like.  I haven't found a support group though.  Any links would be very helpful.
 
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