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Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 11:19:51 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The last of the kids have all left home, how do you handle your feelings of letting go of growing kids? Share advice and support with others dealing with empty nest blues.

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October 1, 2006, 8:41 pm CDT

i know how you feel

Quote From: playchordpiano

After 26 years of marriage my husband left last March 2006 and our divorce was final Sept 11, 2006.  My daughter is married with two beautiful boys and they live in Nevada and my son is in the Army and stationed in Colorado and  just came home from Iraq.  I realize my marriage couldn't last much longer but now I am having to deal with being alone in my apartment.  I have never lived alone before and I'm 52 years old.  On one hand I feel free and creative and on the other hand I get scared.  I am getting more involved in church and in teaching my piano students and am real upbeat then.....but there is always coming home to an empty apartment.  How can I find fulfillment all alone now.

   let me start by telling you  i am married for 24yrs. and in march of this year i found out  my husband is/ or was having an afair thou he said , anyway is cheating  with a 29yr, and he is 54  she was was friend and we worked together and to top it off my 18yr. daughter is dating her brother so dad and daughter double date,  my older daughter had to move out cause of my husband but  she is on my side,  i know  it is hard but we have to stick together, my husband told me he feel out of love with me , and i don't understand how  he can after 24yr, of marriage, and i was a good wife to him  *** [but yet  he was married 2x before his family told me look at his rack record] *** he told he  just just don't want to be married anymore wants to be free and just  come  and go as he pleases,  All i can  say to you is like everyone is telling me  keep you chin up  and try to go on with you life i know it is hard but you have to fine someone you will be happy with and have  fun, *** i met this guy and i am going out i know i an not divorce yet but  if he can go out  and be happy so can i ***  he is nice guy  and we go out just to dinner and talk at least 1 a week he makes me happy i know  sometimes i feel bad i am doing this but like i said if he can have fun so can i .  i tryed to keep my marriage together for 6 months and i am  tried of crying and not eating  i lose 24 lbs, and the other thing that  got me strong is my 22 yr. daughter she told me ***  mom  you have to go on i know you are scared but i will help you anyway i can even come and help you get a job to get you on your feet and i don't want my kids when i have them , have to know there nanny by looking at pictures and they never get to see you and i see you in a box *** she made a lot of sense and i don't want to hurt her cause she is the love of my life  so i am trying to be strong for her , 

************** so  just try to keep on going and be strong and there is a God  and he works in funny way , keep you chin up ,

If you ever want to  chat i am alway on line aim, or yahoo  AIM  screen name is smagic613/// yahoo  is smagicgs0613  or e-mail  me  at smagicgs0613@yahoo.com  or smagic613@aim.com  take care  be strong GOD  BLESS YOU AND YOU FAMILY   hope to here from you

 
October 1, 2006, 9:15 pm CDT

my life is a empty nest

  i am a woman and i feel i have a empty nest  cause after 24yrs of marriage my husband  wants to leave me and  he said he fell out of love and wants to be alone and not with anyone. I am worried i am not going to make it and on my own. [ i found out  that my hubby was cheating on me and that is why he don't love me anymore he was cheating on me with a 29yr. he is 54 .

and my 18yr. daughter is dating his girlfriends brother so dad a daughter double date.  The reason  why i am on this message broad is cause i will have a empty nest cause the day when my husband and my daughter leaves cause  i told him to take her , i will be here with  a big house with no one.  i am trying to go on with my life and  it is hard  and  i felt i need to share this you and if there is anyone that can help me i will read your  message,  thank you

 

 

 
October 2, 2006, 2:50 pm CDT

what to do for the child...

I have gone thru "empty nest" four times....with one more child still at home who leaves for college in the fall of next year.   Here is my dilemma...she is having such a hard time realizing she will be leaving me and  knowing all her friends will not be  nearby anymore. How can I help her become more excited for her future and not be afraid of being wihthout me.  I have struggled thru major depression in my life and think this plays a part on her fears of leaving.  She wants to go to college to become a Chrisitan teacher and I know she will be fine...any suggestions on how to help her cope and not be so afraid that she is in tears this far from leaving in time?
 
October 10, 2006, 7:21 am CDT

Assurances

Quote From: godskiddj

I have gone thru "empty nest" four times....with one more child still at home who leaves for college in the fall of next year.   Here is my dilemma...she is having such a hard time realizing she will be leaving me and  knowing all her friends will not be  nearby anymore. How can I help her become more excited for her future and not be afraid of being wihthout me.  I have struggled thru major depression in my life and think this plays a part on her fears of leaving.  She wants to go to college to become a Chrisitan teacher and I know she will be fine...any suggestions on how to help her cope and not be so afraid that she is in tears this far from leaving in time?
 Is it possible that your daughter is afraid to leave YOU alone? She has witnessed you go through "empty nest" 4 times and she is the last one, she is aware of your struggles with depression. What do you think the chances are that she is not afraid of going away at all, but feels a responsibility towards you?
Here's what I would do, get yourself signed up for some programs, activities, groups, classes, etc.
Sit down and have a long heart-to-heart with your daughter and bring up the possibility that I mentioned. Assure her that you are going to be just fine and wish her well in her own journey through life. But don't just tell her you will be fine, let her see you getting involved in life for herself.
Good luck to you.
 
October 10, 2006, 7:31 am CDT

Hey sisters...

 I say sisters because I haven't read any posts from men on this board. My youngest just left for college at the end of August so I'm now officially an "empty nester."
I went through a depression all summer long, knowing that this was coming. And now that it's arrived, it's not so bad.
I consider my children to be the most important human activity I've ever undertaken. I didn't become a mother until I was 28 years old. I came from a family with 7 siblings, as I was the third oldest I had no illusions as to what it takes to care for infants and toddlers. I helped Mom with all 4 of my younger siblings. So, when I became an adult, motherhood didn't top the list of my aspirations for awhile. But when I discovered I was pregnant with my first child, it all became clear to me. I finally understood my own mother. It truly IS the most important vocation you can have in life.
And now, so many of the other important things I can do just seem to pale in comparison.
But, it's a new challenge and a new day. I'll keep looking around.
 
October 13, 2006, 2:44 pm CDT

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: ritehere

 Is it possible that your daughter is afraid to leave YOU alone? She has witnessed you go through "empty nest" 4 times and she is the last one, she is aware of your struggles with depression. What do you think the chances are that she is not afraid of going away at all, but feels a responsibility towards you?
Here's what I would do, get yourself signed up for some programs, activities, groups, classes, etc.
Sit down and have a long heart-to-heart with your daughter and bring up the possibility that I mentioned. Assure her that you are going to be just fine and wish her well in her own journey through life. But don't just tell her you will be fine, let her see you getting involved in life for herself.
Good luck to you.
 I have considered that a possibility.  I am working on lots of crafts, joined a few game site, studying to be a medical transcriptionist, and am getting involved with the church.  My daughter and I talk quite a bit about college, and from what I have heard from her, I think she is afraid to leave because she is the baby and she told me she was being very selfish, but that is was our mommy daughter time together she will highly miss.  After our last child left, daughter and I spend alot of time doing things together. Husband is a long haul truck driver, so he is not home often. Thank you for the vote of confidence, much appreciations.
 
October 15, 2006, 9:16 am CDT

I miss my kids!

Hubby and I drove over to the town where our son is attending college last night. We had some things to take to him and wanted to have dinner and visit with him. We've visited a couple of other times since he left in August, but I noticed a difference in him this time.
He had been sick, caught the cold that's being passed around in the dorms and still had some residual congestion. He had bought me a CD that he knows I like. When we sat down to eat, he made sure his father and I had our menus first, and that we ordered first. He opened doors and waited on us. These are small things, but as a parent I was moved beyond words. He is homesick, but assured us that he loves college. He is finding his classes challenging but enjoys them. He is trying to qualify for a master's program.
He did say that weekends are boring right now because there's only one other guy in the whole dorm that does not drink or do drugs on the weekends. Until he finds others like himself, he has taken up running in his spare time. A bicyclist following him one day informed him that he kept up a steady 8 miles an hour for quite a ways.
 He mentioned all of this in an off-hand, casual way, but I know that it's hard for him. My heart aches with pride.
 
October 18, 2006, 4:47 am CDT

leaving home

I am so afraid to have my kids all gone.

In July of this year my 19 year old moved to Georgia with her boyfriend and his family, where she transfered her college to, and is doing very well adjusting, sometimes she needs me and I do talk to her alot. It was very hard for me to let her go, and I knew I had to, and I had to be strong for her. But I miss her so much.  We were so close and Being my first born has made it harder.

Now I have a 17 year old that is planning on being a physical therapist andhas done her research, and is planning on going to school in South Carolina, and move in with her dad.

He is a good man and I know he will take care of her, But he lacks in the love department.

I know its 9 months away but Brittany and I had a long serious talk about it last night and the feeling of loosing my last daughter is killing me.

Yes, I have a wonderful husband, and he has no children, so he thinks I am being silly, crying all the time, but he doesnt know the connectin you have with a child and Its so hard to let go,

I have dedicated my life to my kids and now I am loosing them. I am so afraid of feeling lost, I will have that huge hole in my heart, I dont want to be without them.

I dont know how to handle this, Can someone please help me understand how to move on without my kids. They are all I know!!

Depressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
October 20, 2006, 7:18 am CDT

empty nest

I have been raising children since I was 17 years old.  Just a kid myself. My youngest son, (of 5) just left for college in Aug. To say the least it has  been very quiet around my house.  I find myself calling my son daily.  He has been great about it. Never complains or tells me to back off or anything.  He lives 3 hrs. from home and seems to be doing great.  He came home to visit once since he has been gone.  He is talking about transfering to a school that is 1 hr. away which would be nice.  I think it  is hard to let go,  but you have to trust in the values you have instilled in your children and let them learn from their mistakes which we hope are far and few between.  I am now starting on a new journey in my life having just turned 50 in May.  I can't wait to see what the future brings.  Thanks, Linda
 
October 20, 2006, 9:34 am CDT

empty nest

You don't have to have all your children out of the house to have the empty nest feeling. We asked my oldest son to leave in May. I miss him dearly. We tried to work with him for years. We insisted that he see a counsellor. He did go(that was the condition to remain living in our house).He has addiction problems. We finally told him that he would be happier making all of his own decisions outside of our house. He cried and said that he would never be any happier except to live here. (partly guilt trip partly true). As his father and I were talking to him I was almost sick to my stomach( I had to excuse myself). We still include him in every family function and even invite him to come on vacation with us. I have driven him for job interviews and occasionally surprised him with a few groceries. I could not let him continue to bring drugs into the house and have parties with 30-50 people all drinking and doing drugs while we were away.

I consulted with his counsellor before I did this. We still pay for part of his schooling(thank God for that). My heart aches to see him struggle to pay the bills, but......I can not enable him any longer. I still have 3 children at home 21yrs,17 yrs and 15yrs. My son will be 20yrs next month(not the way I wanted him to leave) I love him and part of me is missing now.

 

Torrie

 
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