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Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 11:19:51 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The last of the kids have all left home, how do you handle your feelings of letting go of growing kids? Share advice and support with others dealing with empty nest blues.

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December 25, 2006, 9:57 am CST

lonely mom

I am the youngest adult child of a single parent.  We have a wonderfulrelationship; I'm sure I talk to her everyday and we spend many weekends at the eldest daughter's house with her family.  However, I get the idea that my mother is VERY lonely and borderline depressed.  In the last year, she's lost her sister, her next door neighbor of twenty years,her next door neighbor's daughter, and after a few years of battling with manic-depression, her boyfriend of 25 years died of heart complications.  

Recently, her aging (ungrateful) mother has come to live with her.

They say that three back-to-back traumatic events is enough to completely break someone and I know that my mother is reaching the breaking point.  She's not an extrememly social person, she's in bed by 9 pm every night and rarely spends time with anyone other than herthree children and gradnchildren.  That's not to say that she has a hard time meting people: she has the infectious Leo personality.  She's magnanimous, has a wonderful sense of humor,  she's very intelligent, has strong values, and doesn't have a problemmeeting/talking to people.  People are naturally drawn to her.

I think that she's struggling with the empty nest syndrome: I'm the youngest at 30, my brother is 37 and my sister 41.  Our lives no longer revolve around her as the matriarch anymore.  I want my mother to havea fuller life.  She is 62 years old, is in fantastic shape and doesn't look a day over 40.  I would love for her to meet someone, but that isn't in and of itself the goal.  How do adult single parents make friends?  What do they do with their time? 
 
December 26, 2006, 4:14 pm CST

Empty Nest Repercussions

I am a "victim" of my mom's empty nest syndrome, and so are my sisters.  My mom actually enrolled in the college that I and my two sisters were attending, 4 hours from home.  She became a roommate with a lady from the registrar's office.  I didn't have any classes with her (thank god), but we did have some of the same teachers.  Pretty horrifying.  She ended up dropping out.  She already had a degree in geology anyway.  What a trip!  Ten years later, I'm happy to report that I enjoy an adult relationship with my mom, but I have to be really firm about boundaries or they just go out the window.

 

I challenge anyone to top this story. LOL! 

 

 
December 26, 2006, 4:20 pm CST

Making Friends...

Quote From: esonegra

I am the youngest adult child of a single parent.  We have a wonderfulrelationship; I'm sure I talk to her everyday and we spend many weekends at the eldest daughter's house with her family.  However, I get the idea that my mother is VERY lonely and borderline depressed.  In the last year, she's lost her sister, her next door neighbor of twenty years,her next door neighbor's daughter, and after a few years of battling with manic-depression, her boyfriend of 25 years died of heart complications.  

Recently, her aging (ungrateful) mother has come to live with her.

They say that three back-to-back traumatic events is enough to completely break someone and I know that my mother is reaching the breaking point.  She's not an extrememly social person, she's in bed by 9 pm every night and rarely spends time with anyone other than herthree children and gradnchildren.  That's not to say that she has a hard time meting people: she has the infectious Leo personality.  She's magnanimous, has a wonderful sense of humor,  she's very intelligent, has strong values, and doesn't have a problemmeeting/talking to people.  People are naturally drawn to her.

I think that she's struggling with the empty nest syndrome: I'm the youngest at 30, my brother is 37 and my sister 41.  Our lives no longer revolve around her as the matriarch anymore.  I want my mother to havea fuller life.  She is 62 years old, is in fantastic shape and doesn't look a day over 40.  I would love for her to meet someone, but that isn't in and of itself the goal.  How do adult single parents make friends?  What do they do with their time? 
My auntie volunteers for an animal shelter, and goes to yoga.  She also used to volunteer for the library, and volunteer fire dept.  Church is always a good one, too, if your mom's into that kind of thing.  Take her to do stuff-try a class together-art, yoga, whatever, if you live near, or when you visit.  My father had to go to rehab/physical therapy after his heart attack, and made some buddies there, too.  You're sweet for wanting to help your mom.  Good luck!
 
January 4, 2007, 9:39 am CST

what do they do with their time?

Quote From: elephant217

My auntie volunteers for an animal shelter, and goes to yoga.  She also used to volunteer for the library, and volunteer fire dept.  Church is always a good one, too, if your mom's into that kind of thing.  Take her to do stuff-try a class together-art, yoga, whatever, if you live near, or when you visit.  My father had to go to rehab/physical therapy after his heart attack, and made some buddies there, too.  You're sweet for wanting to help your mom.  Good luck!
As a single Mom empty nester, I remember as an offspring wondering what my mom in the same boat did with her time. Well, we all called her with our problems,and she took an interest and was very good to us.  She managed her home, finances, personal affairs  and meals all by herself now that we were gone, and none of us thought anything of it since she made such a show of independence.  She became prominent as a nursing instructor at the red cross and became communications officer with the sherrif department volunteers.  She dept in touch with her friends and occasionally asked for help.  But still, she was at home a lot of the time eating meals alone, watching TV alone, sleeping alone, cooking for one, .  I did not realize it at the time how difficult it is for someone to do all this cheerfully after having a full house most of their life and doing everything for the children.  Then I found myself doing it now.  I think that finding someone to eat a meal with, even going out to eat which I really can't afford so that I have company are really blessings.  A Sunday lunch or dinner,occasionally popping by for coffee in the afternoon,or meeting out shopping are nice simple things that ease the lonliness.  2 generations ago it was not popular and accepted to lose touch with the family, but now  it seems we want TV to compensate for all of the social realtionships we have with our family and friends.  I work hard every day to make sure this does not happen to me, but hey-everyone has his own life.  Anyway, what I want to say is that every kind word, and every little thing really count for most of us.  People do not have to wait until they have their own children, or until those children go off to college or move away, to understand how it feels.  If you want to know what single parents do with their time, why not give them a call or go for coffee? Much love to you.L     
 
January 12, 2007, 8:37 am CST

OY I'M LONELY

I am now an empty nester too. I have dreaded this day a long time. My children are not that far away but I so miss having them under my roof. I love to care for them. My husband and I don't have that much in common so when he is home I am still lonely.I got alittle partime job which helps but..... I feel pretty pathic actually Not sure why I am even writing this, for some reason tho I wanted to type my feelings down.
 
January 16, 2007, 11:28 am CST

empty nest blues

 I have to admit I was worried about the time when all 4 of my kids would leave home....But we raised them to want to move out and be responsible so I had to let them go.....It helps being married.. My husband and I have gotten even closer than we were.. We can even talk now without getting interupted all the time...LOL......We went through and redid each of the kids rooms the way we wanted to...Now we have 3 dogs that keep us busy and we have fun with them....They help alot with the empty nest.......
 
January 17, 2007, 8:13 am CST

disabled empty nester

I am 44 and disabled.  I'm the mom of two grown, successful boys.  My problem is that because of my disability it's hard to have enough to fill my days and I find myself really missing my kids.  My boys are 22 and 21.  One is due to graduate from college and then is on to seminary, the other is married and doing fairly well.  They both live about 3 hours away from me.  I recently moved back home to be near family, but I don't have a lot of friends anymore in the area.  I've spent the last 10 years focuing on my kids, and since I've been sick and not working they have been my sole focus.  I felt it was important to be at home with them vs out running around.  My time was after they were out of the house...but now I'm lonely and I miss being needed.  I know they still need me (and probably if they could/would move back home they'd drive me nuts!:) But I miss them and I'm incredibly lonely.  Even though it's not the most practical solution because of my illness, I'm really thinking of getting a cat for companionship...what does everyone think?
 
January 17, 2007, 1:52 pm CST

empty nest blues

Quote From: martakay1962

I am 44 and disabled.  I'm the mom of two grown, successful boys.  My problem is that because of my disability it's hard to have enough to fill my days and I find myself really missing my kids.  My boys are 22 and 21.  One is due to graduate from college and then is on to seminary, the other is married and doing fairly well.  They both live about 3 hours away from me.  I recently moved back home to be near family, but I don't have a lot of friends anymore in the area.  I've spent the last 10 years focuing on my kids, and since I've been sick and not working they have been my sole focus.  I felt it was important to be at home with them vs out running around.  My time was after they were out of the house...but now I'm lonely and I miss being needed.  I know they still need me (and probably if they could/would move back home they'd drive me nuts!:) But I miss them and I'm incredibly lonely.  Even though it's not the most practical solution because of my illness, I'm really thinking of getting a cat for companionship...what does everyone think?
 I think you would really like that having a pet around helps with the loneliness plus they need you .....I am married and have alot of friends...but when my youngest moved out 2 yrs ago my dog of 15yrs died around the same time ,,,I am 47 and not disabled but i was worried about getting the ENB...so I went got me another dog...which now turned into 3 dogs and now I don't have time to be lonely...They are great companions,,,and when I go out with husband or friends I don't have to get babysitter.....LOL ...I say yes you should.....
 
January 31, 2007, 11:25 am CST

trying to concieve!!!

My husband and I are struggling with the IVF cost's and I am 35 he is 39 We have been trying and praying this will be God's will.

 

We are considering a fund raising event to help support the cost!? Any Ideas that you maybe would yourself support ( as I have no idea what to do as the event and preperations etc,,,,)

Thanks for your time and concern !!

 
January 31, 2007, 6:14 pm CST

empty nest blues

Quote From: trying4baby

My husband and I are struggling with the IVF cost's and I am 35 he is 39 We have been trying and praying this will be God's will.

 

We are considering a fund raising event to help support the cost!? Any Ideas that you maybe would yourself support ( as I have no idea what to do as the event and preperations etc,,,,)

Thanks for your time and concern !!

 I don't know if you belong to or go to a church,.. but maybe you could talk to the people at the church and they could bake sales go around to bussinesses in your area and ask them to donate stuff you could use to have an auction....that is just some small things that I could think of....good luck I hope you get what you want...I will put u on a prayer list..prayer can go a long way....
 
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