Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Number of Replies: 130
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Created on : Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 11:19:51 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The last of the kids have all left home, how do you handle your feelings of letting go of growing kids? Share advice and support with others dealing with empty nest blues.


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January 17, 2007, 1:52 pm PST

empty nest blues

Quote From: martakay1962

I am 44 and disabled.  I'm the mom of two grown, successful boys.  My problem is that because of my disability it's hard to have enough to fill my days and I find myself really missing my kids.  My boys are 22 and 21.  One is due to graduate from college and then is on to seminary, the other is married and doing fairly well.  They both live about 3 hours away from me.  I recently moved back home to be near family, but I don't have a lot of friends anymore in the area.  I've spent the last 10 years focuing on my kids, and since I've been sick and not working they have been my sole focus.  I felt it was important to be at home with them vs out running around.  My time was after they were out of the house...but now I'm lonely and I miss being needed.  I know they still need me (and probably if they could/would move back home they'd drive me nuts!:) But I miss them and I'm incredibly lonely.  Even though it's not the most practical solution because of my illness, I'm really thinking of getting a cat for companionship...what does everyone think?
 I think you would really like that having a pet around helps with the loneliness plus they need you .....I am married and have alot of friends...but when my youngest moved out 2 yrs ago my dog of 15yrs died around the same time ,,,I am 47 and not disabled but i was worried about getting the ENB...so I went got me another dog...which now turned into 3 dogs and now I don't have time to be lonely...They are great companions,,,and when I go out with husband or friends I don't have to get babysitter.....LOL ...I say yes you should.....
 
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January 31, 2007, 11:25 am PST

trying to concieve!!!

My husband and I are struggling with the IVF cost's and I am 35 he is 39 We have been trying and praying this will be God's will.

 

We are considering a fund raising event to help support the cost!? Any Ideas that you maybe would yourself support ( as I have no idea what to do as the event and preperations etc,,,,)

Thanks for your time and concern !!

 
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January 31, 2007, 6:14 pm PST

empty nest blues

Quote From: trying4baby

My husband and I are struggling with the IVF cost's and I am 35 he is 39 We have been trying and praying this will be God's will.

 

We are considering a fund raising event to help support the cost!? Any Ideas that you maybe would yourself support ( as I have no idea what to do as the event and preperations etc,,,,)

Thanks for your time and concern !!

 I don't know if you belong to or go to a church,.. but maybe you could talk to the people at the church and they could bake sales go around to bussinesses in your area and ask them to donate stuff you could use to have an auction....that is just some small things that I could think of....good luck I hope you get what you want...I will put u on a prayer list..prayer can go a long way....
 
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February 1, 2007, 3:24 pm PST

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: meviperchic

 I think you would really like that having a pet around helps with the loneliness plus they need you .....I am married and have alot of friends...but when my youngest moved out 2 yrs ago my dog of 15yrs died around the same time ,,,I am 47 and not disabled but i was worried about getting the ENB...so I went got me another dog...which now turned into 3 dogs and now I don't have time to be lonely...They are great companions,,,and when I go out with husband or friends I don't have to get babysitter.....LOL ...I say yes you should.....
Yes, Yes, Yes get yourself a cat. It truly helps! I am an empty nester too. My girls were my life. I have two dogs and thank goodness for them, it isn't so lonely. I am married and have a parttime job too but am still lonely. The cat will be wonderful for you.
Good Luck
 
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February 16, 2007, 12:15 pm PST

TOO MUCH!

 I KNOW they say God wont give me more than I can handle.  But now I wonder!! lol
I'm 39 and have been married almost 21 years and we have 2 boys 18 and 20.  My 20 year old got married last October and now my 18 year old will get married in 4 weeks!  He and his wife will barely graduate high school this spring, and there will be a baby in the fall.
It's such a  bitter-sweet time....I'm not even sure where my marraige will be....all I've known is work, kids, work, kids and ballgames ect.
what to do now?????????
 

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confused
February 25, 2007, 5:31 pm PST

I so identify with you

Quote From: momincalif

I am now an empty nester too. I have dreaded this day a long time. My children are not that far away but I so miss having them under my roof. I love to care for them. My husband and I don't have that much in common so when he is home I am still lonely.I got alittle partime job which helps but..... I feel pretty pathic actually Not sure why I am even writing this, for some reason tho I wanted to type my feelings down.
 I miss the noise, cooking meals and having them hang out in the kitchen while I did, talking about the day. I miss the first day of school! Even school shopping! I do have grandkids but my daughter moved 2 hours away and my son is near, but I feel I shouldn't overstep the boundary with my daughter in law. It is very tricky. I want to do all kinds of things but just can't get myself to take the step.  It doesn't help that I am pretty shy and self-conscious. I just take it one day at a time. Sometimes having a husband here and not having a relationship seems harder than not having him here. I know what we need to do is find out who we are and what we like and then do it! Lord help us! Grahms
 
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February 27, 2007, 5:02 pm PST

What do I do??

Hi, I have just sent my 11 year old daughter off to boarding school,  she will get a great education, social standing, and friends, but alas, i miss her sooo badly, She lives too far away to get her home every weekend, so she is home once a fortnight,   she is still a baby really, I have 3 other children, so my life is busy anyway, I just want her back,  am seriously considering driving up there and bringing her back.. and making do with a hillbilly education!!!

 

any advice how i can get through this time greatly apprecialted!!

 
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March 9, 2007, 12:03 pm PST

I know exactly how you feel.......

Quote From: idohair

 I KNOW they say God wont give me more than I can handle.  But now I wonder!! lol
I'm 39 and have been married almost 21 years and we have 2 boys 18 and 20.  My 20 year old got married last October and now my 18 year old will get married in 4 weeks!  He and his wife will barely graduate high school this spring, and there will be a baby in the fall.
It's such a  bitter-sweet time....I'm not even sure where my marraige will be....all I've known is work, kids, work, kids and ballgames ect.
what to do now?????????

I also have been through this situation, having one son who moved far away at 16 or so, wanted back to NJ from Florida. 

Then, my middle one had a baby when barely 18 and his girl 17.  they are nearby, but now the little one is 5, and i have enjoyed being a grandma, but now, it is like an empty nest all over again.  My daughter who is 18 has a baby nearly 2, and has been in and out of my life.  every time we get closer, her father who hates me, plays games, now, today, she is moving out with the baby, and mad at me.  i feel like i am beaten up mentally, the more good things i do, the more i feel taken advantage of, and now, my pride and joy little pal of nearly 2 is leaving, and i will most likely not see her for  her birthday in 2 weeks, and god knows for how long after that! 

I am feeling so depressed, and that it has to be something i am doing. i work a lot too, but just have not had time to have the outside interests, always busy, this all is devastating!

 
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hopeful
March 18, 2007, 12:19 am PDT

Someone I can identify with

Quote From: zoeyrn5

     I am a forty-two year old empty nester.....and I'm miserable.  I had four children by the age of 23.  Happily married to their father for the last 25 years.  I was so used to having my children near me........that when the last one left the house, I was totally heartbroken.  My husband and I raised all of our children to be independent and self-sufficient......so it's not that I'm too terribly worried about them.  I just miss being a part of their everyday life.  I know.....waaa.....waaa.   My house echoes of all the past memories of getting the kids ready for school....cooking dinner...

going to sports activities.  Now there is nothing but silence.....and it's deafening.  I have a career as a nurse, several hobbies, and lot's of close friends.  BUT...........

Hi,  I am glad to finally read about someone else who is just truly heartbroken over all the kids being out of the house.  I have 2 boys, 20 and 24. I have been happily married to their father for 21 years and still love him so much, maybe more.    I wrapped myself up in my children's lives when they were born.  I dreamed of having a house full of kids, but was very fortunate to have these 2.  They are also self-sufficient and happy in their lives, which I am so proud of, but that hasn't stopped me from missing them and wanting to be in their life everyday.  Do you ever feel like someone came along and took your whole meaning of life from you?  I knew if I never did anything right in my life, I could always say, I  was a good mother.  I always thought I could protect them from everything bad in life, because I would always be "right there".  Now I feel lost. Like you said, even having a wonderful husband, a good job and lots of friends, nothing replaces the love, laughter, warmth and security of a child.  I hope things get better, like everyone says, but it's hard to believe this pain will ever go away.
 
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upset
April 3, 2007, 3:59 am PDT

Tired of all the drama

I really need some help, I have wrote to Dr.Phil for help several times but I guess its not important enough, --yes I am upset at all the drama in my life due to kids.

My 20 year old has moved on, and that was alot to deal ith as we are really close and her leaving home was hard for me and I was depressed for a long time, She always has been such a good daughter and I have always been proud of her and she continues to make me proud. She has a really good job, is putting herself through college and has bought a new car, and her and her fiance have just moved into there first apartment.

But the bad news is she just discovered she is pregnate and is very unhappy about it, and I am supporting the decision she makes, and when they moved into there apartment yesterday they discovered the place was filthy and filled with cockroaches,on a year lease.

poor kid!!!!!!!!!!!!

My 18 year old is struggling with life, she is a good kid, no drugs, booze.

But she thinks the world is out to get her, she is a senior and is not applying herself in school, she is going to fail a subject that keeps her from getting her diploma with her class. I have been so involved in school trying to help her but I guess you cant help those that dont want to be helped,she hates my husband, and he doesnt like her. They fight all the time putting me in the middle, which causes huge blow ups with my husband and I and we dont speak for days.

Last nite she tried to talk to me about dropping out of school and going to get her GED. WHAT?????????

a month left? that desnt fly with me. I made the MISTAKE of telling my husband, we got in a big fight and not talking again.I dont think that punishment is the answer, I think helping her get through school and working hard to have her graduate is the key.

I am at the point where I want a divorce, I want her to move out. But I have divorced once and I am not about to start over again at 45. WHY does life have to be so comlicated and why do people have to work so hard to have a good family life?

I am a strong woman who has been through alot in 20 years, and I should be able to handle this. But no matter what I do it blows up in my face. I just want to give up. I need Dr. Phil

 

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