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Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 11:19:51 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The last of the kids have all left home, how do you handle your feelings of letting go of growing kids? Share advice and support with others dealing with empty nest blues.

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February 1, 2007, 3:24 pm CST

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: meviperchic

 I think you would really like that having a pet around helps with the loneliness plus they need you .....I am married and have alot of friends...but when my youngest moved out 2 yrs ago my dog of 15yrs died around the same time ,,,I am 47 and not disabled but i was worried about getting the ENB...so I went got me another dog...which now turned into 3 dogs and now I don't have time to be lonely...They are great companions,,,and when I go out with husband or friends I don't have to get babysitter.....LOL ...I say yes you should.....
Yes, Yes, Yes get yourself a cat. It truly helps! I am an empty nester too. My girls were my life. I have two dogs and thank goodness for them, it isn't so lonely. I am married and have a parttime job too but am still lonely. The cat will be wonderful for you.
Good Luck
 
February 16, 2007, 12:15 pm CST

TOO MUCH!

 I KNOW they say God wont give me more than I can handle.  But now I wonder!! lol
I'm 39 and have been married almost 21 years and we have 2 boys 18 and 20.  My 20 year old got married last October and now my 18 year old will get married in 4 weeks!  He and his wife will barely graduate high school this spring, and there will be a baby in the fall.
It's such a  bitter-sweet time....I'm not even sure where my marraige will be....all I've known is work, kids, work, kids and ballgames ect.
what to do now?????????
 
February 25, 2007, 5:31 pm CST

I so identify with you

Quote From: momincalif

I am now an empty nester too. I have dreaded this day a long time. My children are not that far away but I so miss having them under my roof. I love to care for them. My husband and I don't have that much in common so when he is home I am still lonely.I got alittle partime job which helps but..... I feel pretty pathic actually Not sure why I am even writing this, for some reason tho I wanted to type my feelings down.
 I miss the noise, cooking meals and having them hang out in the kitchen while I did, talking about the day. I miss the first day of school! Even school shopping! I do have grandkids but my daughter moved 2 hours away and my son is near, but I feel I shouldn't overstep the boundary with my daughter in law. It is very tricky. I want to do all kinds of things but just can't get myself to take the step.  It doesn't help that I am pretty shy and self-conscious. I just take it one day at a time. Sometimes having a husband here and not having a relationship seems harder than not having him here. I know what we need to do is find out who we are and what we like and then do it! Lord help us! Grahms
 
February 27, 2007, 5:02 pm CST

What do I do??

Hi, I have just sent my 11 year old daughter off to boarding school,  she will get a great education, social standing, and friends, but alas, i miss her sooo badly, She lives too far away to get her home every weekend, so she is home once a fortnight,   she is still a baby really, I have 3 other children, so my life is busy anyway, I just want her back,  am seriously considering driving up there and bringing her back.. and making do with a hillbilly education!!!

 

any advice how i can get through this time greatly apprecialted!!

 
March 9, 2007, 12:03 pm CST

I know exactly how you feel.......

Quote From: idohair

 I KNOW they say God wont give me more than I can handle.  But now I wonder!! lol
I'm 39 and have been married almost 21 years and we have 2 boys 18 and 20.  My 20 year old got married last October and now my 18 year old will get married in 4 weeks!  He and his wife will barely graduate high school this spring, and there will be a baby in the fall.
It's such a  bitter-sweet time....I'm not even sure where my marraige will be....all I've known is work, kids, work, kids and ballgames ect.
what to do now?????????

I also have been through this situation, having one son who moved far away at 16 or so, wanted back to NJ from Florida. 

Then, my middle one had a baby when barely 18 and his girl 17.  they are nearby, but now the little one is 5, and i have enjoyed being a grandma, but now, it is like an empty nest all over again.  My daughter who is 18 has a baby nearly 2, and has been in and out of my life.  every time we get closer, her father who hates me, plays games, now, today, she is moving out with the baby, and mad at me.  i feel like i am beaten up mentally, the more good things i do, the more i feel taken advantage of, and now, my pride and joy little pal of nearly 2 is leaving, and i will most likely not see her for  her birthday in 2 weeks, and god knows for how long after that! 

I am feeling so depressed, and that it has to be something i am doing. i work a lot too, but just have not had time to have the outside interests, always busy, this all is devastating!

 
March 18, 2007, 12:19 am CDT

Someone I can identify with

Quote From: zoeyrn5

     I am a forty-two year old empty nester.....and I'm miserable.  I had four children by the age of 23.  Happily married to their father for the last 25 years.  I was so used to having my children near me........that when the last one left the house, I was totally heartbroken.  My husband and I raised all of our children to be independent and self-sufficient......so it's not that I'm too terribly worried about them.  I just miss being a part of their everyday life.  I know.....waaa.....waaa.   My house echoes of all the past memories of getting the kids ready for school....cooking dinner...

going to sports activities.  Now there is nothing but silence.....and it's deafening.  I have a career as a nurse, several hobbies, and lot's of close friends.  BUT...........

Hi,  I am glad to finally read about someone else who is just truly heartbroken over all the kids being out of the house.  I have 2 boys, 20 and 24. I have been happily married to their father for 21 years and still love him so much, maybe more.    I wrapped myself up in my children's lives when they were born.  I dreamed of having a house full of kids, but was very fortunate to have these 2.  They are also self-sufficient and happy in their lives, which I am so proud of, but that hasn't stopped me from missing them and wanting to be in their life everyday.  Do you ever feel like someone came along and took your whole meaning of life from you?  I knew if I never did anything right in my life, I could always say, I  was a good mother.  I always thought I could protect them from everything bad in life, because I would always be "right there".  Now I feel lost. Like you said, even having a wonderful husband, a good job and lots of friends, nothing replaces the love, laughter, warmth and security of a child.  I hope things get better, like everyone says, but it's hard to believe this pain will ever go away.
 
April 3, 2007, 3:59 am CDT

Tired of all the drama

I really need some help, I have wrote to Dr.Phil for help several times but I guess its not important enough, --yes I am upset at all the drama in my life due to kids.

My 20 year old has moved on, and that was alot to deal ith as we are really close and her leaving home was hard for me and I was depressed for a long time, She always has been such a good daughter and I have always been proud of her and she continues to make me proud. She has a really good job, is putting herself through college and has bought a new car, and her and her fiance have just moved into there first apartment.

But the bad news is she just discovered she is pregnate and is very unhappy about it, and I am supporting the decision she makes, and when they moved into there apartment yesterday they discovered the place was filthy and filled with cockroaches,on a year lease.

poor kid!!!!!!!!!!!!

My 18 year old is struggling with life, she is a good kid, no drugs, booze.

But she thinks the world is out to get her, she is a senior and is not applying herself in school, she is going to fail a subject that keeps her from getting her diploma with her class. I have been so involved in school trying to help her but I guess you cant help those that dont want to be helped,she hates my husband, and he doesnt like her. They fight all the time putting me in the middle, which causes huge blow ups with my husband and I and we dont speak for days.

Last nite she tried to talk to me about dropping out of school and going to get her GED. WHAT?????????

a month left? that desnt fly with me. I made the MISTAKE of telling my husband, we got in a big fight and not talking again.I dont think that punishment is the answer, I think helping her get through school and working hard to have her graduate is the key.

I am at the point where I want a divorce, I want her to move out. But I have divorced once and I am not about to start over again at 45. WHY does life have to be so comlicated and why do people have to work so hard to have a good family life?

I am a strong woman who has been through alot in 20 years, and I should be able to handle this. But no matter what I do it blows up in my face. I just want to give up. I need Dr. Phil

 
May 14, 2007, 6:09 am CDT

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: cindyandchris

Hi,  I am glad to finally read about someone else who is just truly heartbroken over all the kids being out of the house.  I have 2 boys, 20 and 24. I have been happily married to their father for 21 years and still love him so much, maybe more.    I wrapped myself up in my children's lives when they were born.  I dreamed of having a house full of kids, but was very fortunate to have these 2.  They are also self-sufficient and happy in their lives, which I am so proud of, but that hasn't stopped me from missing them and wanting to be in their life everyday.  Do you ever feel like someone came along and took your whole meaning of life from you?  I knew if I never did anything right in my life, I could always say, I  was a good mother.  I always thought I could protect them from everything bad in life, because I would always be "right there".  Now I feel lost. Like you said, even having a wonderful husband, a good job and lots of friends, nothing replaces the love, laughter, warmth and security of a child.  I hope things get better, like everyone says, but it's hard to believe this pain will ever go away.
Hi everyone. It's hard isn't it? I have a 21 yo and an almost 18 yo and they are great young men. I just get a real shock when they plan something and don't need my permission or advice. I don't want them to be reliant and they are making their own way which is exactly what we want for them. It's just weird to hear them talk about a trip overseas and realise all they need from you is the assurance that they can call if they need anything and to have fun. It happens so fast, younger parents don't realise that it does. I know they are caught up in the day to day stuff but man, they were little boys not that long ago.
I hope everyone had a nice mothers day. Cheers to all from an almost empty nester from Australia.
 
May 20, 2007, 8:10 am CDT

More Drama

Quote From: jaimie1974

Your idea regarding how to help your daughter obtain her high school diploma is right on, and I encourage you to go to call her school guidance councelor and find out exactly what your daughter needs to do so she can graduate with her class. Dont wait another day!

Dont allow your husbands reaction to keep you down. Your daughter might not act like she wants your help, but believe me, she does! She doesnt want to drop out of school, she is just thinking that right now, that looks like the easiest option- she needs you to guide her back on the right track. My advice to you is to try a new tactic with her, since what you are doing so far isnt working. Sit down with her and tell her that you understand where she is coming from when she suggested dropping out, because she feels that is the easiest thing to do, however, you know she is a smart kid, and that you know she can do this- she is so close! Be calm and rational while talking to her, she needs to know that you really will help her out. She is probably feeling a bit desperate right now. Perhaps she feels that she will never measure up to her older sister in your eyes? I know that youve tried to help her a lot already, but now isnt the time to give up. All you can do is continue to try to help her, and the rest is up to her. Let her know that you will do whatever you can, but she also has to hold up her end of the deal; it is her diploma, after all. A diploma will give her more opportunities than a GED in the long run.

Your husbands silent treatment is equal to emotional abuse. Is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? Every time there is an issue, you fight, have no resolution, and get the silent treatment. That doesnt sound healthy for anyone living under your roof; you deserve so much more. If you are going to fight, there should at least be a resolution.

This is my second message on my daughters issue.And I thank the person who replied.I really wish I had someone to talk to, but I have no insurance to pay for counseling so I keep it inside.

I totally got involved with my daughters school and we finally were able to talk her out of dropping out of school. But then something else happened. My daughters friend has come to live with us. She is a really good kid and always in good spirits which I have not seen much of in my home. I had to help this kid as she lived in a very abusive home( mentally and physically) and I knew this as the mom told me things a few years ago.

But, I have been finding out that they have still been missing school. My daughter doesn't understand how angry and frustrated I get every time school calls at work to tell me she didn't show up. I have done EVERYTHING I possibly could to help her get through school and have a great attitude on life and to try to reach goals. She does not give a s*** and I am tired of trying. I cant do it anymore and I am upset she is not going to graduate and I just want her to move out. I feel like a terrible mom, but I am tired and don't want to take care of her anymore.

I have financed her car a year ago, child support has been paying for insurance and car payment, And I pay for her cell phone that was added onto my plan. I want to take it all away from her. But how is she going to get to work(15hrs a week), what if she is in a accident, how would she call me, I know I am making excuses, And my husband says he would take it all away from her, and let her suffer, I don't know how to stand up to her. I just want her out, and it kills me to say that.

My husband is no help, we have been struggling with all of her issues for 5 years, and he is mean to her,calls her names, tell her he cant wait till she moves out,picks on her, he wont fix her car if broken,he wont have anything to do with her.. He has tried several times to win her over but she hates him, so he gave up, but he cant stop with his opinions and I hate it and him for it, but I love him so much.

At least I thought I did.

Now I added more to this all by myself.

I have a interest in another man-I know I am wrong to have these feelings, I know I must back away, I hate myself for feeling this. But I don't feel guilty.

I just want to leave everyone, and be my own person. I am tired of 5 years of fighting,5 years of sexual comments, 5 years of having my a$$ grabbed, 5 years of faking orgasms, 5 years of being told my parenting skills suck-which he should talk-he never had any, and 5 years of defending myself and my kids.

What the hell is wrong with me. All I have wanted was a happy family.I want to give up

Now I am more confused, more angry, and more alone than I thought possible. I want help so bad. there is none

 
May 27, 2007, 1:14 pm CDT

Battling childhood issues

I need advice. I have been married for 26 years, have 2 sons, both married and 1 grandchild. .Well, things came to a head today between my hubby and my oldest son. My husband drinks and has done drugs in the past when the kids were young. I tried to hide this from them and tried to be the best mom I could. I stayed at home and raised them till they were 14ish and then joined the workforce. My hubby was seldom around (worked 3 jobs and wonder if he got paid for most of that cause he worked with friends that had the same bad habits) and when he was, he constantly drank. I stayed like most "for the kids". I know now I should have left. I can't stand being in the middle of this fight. I love my son and my daughter-in-law, and grandchild. The issue is this: my son has issues with his dad doing those things,seeing what he did and I can't get my husband to see that it still bothers my oldest. He says he "needs to grow up and get over it". I can't accept that! My husband can be very verbally abusive and this was how he was raised. No excuse! My son is trying to break the cycle. Our families fought at holidays or whenever they got together. It was terrible. I applaud him for not wanting this in his daughter's life. I tried, maybe I didn't do as good as I thought I was. My mom said I am a good mom. It is breaking my heart to have them not speaking to each other. I refuse to not see my grandchild. I love her and if my husband wants to act like a child and think he's done nothing wrong, then he loses. I try to make him see this but he says he don't care.....please help with any advice.
 
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