Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Your idea regarding how to help your daughter obtain her high school diploma is right on, and I encourage you to go to call her school guidance councelor and find out exactly what your daughter needs to do so she can graduate with her class. Don’t wait another day!

Don’t allow your husband’s reaction to keep you down. Your daughter might not act like she wants your help, but believe me, she does! She doesn’t want to drop out of school, she is just thinking that right now, that looks like the easiest option- she needs you to guide her back on the right track. My advice to you is to try a new tactic with her, since what you are doing so far isn’t working. Sit down with her and tell her that you understand where she is coming from when she suggested dropping out, because she feels that is the easiest thing to do, however, you know she is a smart kid, and that you know she can do this- she is so close! Be calm and rational while talking to her, she needs to know that you really will help her out. She is probably feeling a bit desperate right now. Perhaps she feels that she will never measure up to her older sister in your eyes? I know that you’ve tried to help her a lot already, but now isn’t the time to give up. All you can do is continue to try to help her, and the rest is up to her. Let her know that you will do whatever you can, but she also has to hold up her end of the deal; it is her diploma, after all. A diploma will give her more opportunities than a GED in the long run.

Your husband’s silent treatment is equal to emotional abuse. Is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? Every time there is an issue, you fight, have no resolution, and get the silent treatment. That doesn’t sound healthy for anyone living under your roof; you deserve so much more. If you are going to fight, there should at least be a resolution.

This is my second message on my daughters issue.And I thank the person who replied.I really wish I had someone to talk to, but I have no insurance to pay for counseling so I keep it inside.

I totally got involved with my daughters school and we finally were able to talk her out of dropping out of school. But then something else happened. My daughters friend has come to live with us. She is a really good kid and always in good spirits which I have not seen much of in my home. I had to help this kid as she lived in a very abusive home( mentally and physically) and I knew this as the mom told me things a few years ago.

But, I have been finding out that they have still been missing school. My daughter doesn't understand how angry and frustrated I get every time school calls at work to tell me she didn't show up. I have done EVERYTHING I possibly could to help her get through school and have a great attitude on life and to try to reach goals. She does not give a s*** and I am tired of trying. I cant do it anymore and I am upset she is not going to graduate and I just want her to move out. I feel like a terrible mom, but I am tired and don't want to take care of her anymore.

I have financed her car a year ago, child support has been paying for insurance and car payment, And I pay for her cell phone that was added onto my plan. I want to take it all away from her. But how is she going to get to work(15hrs a week), what if she is in a accident, how would she call me, I know I am making excuses, And my husband says he would take it all away from her, and let her suffer, I don't know how to stand up to her. I just want her out, and it kills me to say that.

My husband is no help, we have been struggling with all of her issues for 5 years, and he is mean to her,calls her names, tell her he cant wait till she moves out,picks on her, he wont fix her car if broken,he wont have anything to do with her.. He has tried several times to win her over but she hates him, so he gave up, but he cant stop with his opinions and I hate it and him for it, but I love him so much.

At least I thought I did.

Now I added more to this all by myself.

I have a interest in another man-I know I am wrong to have these feelings, I know I must back away, I hate myself for feeling this. But I don't feel guilty.

I just want to leave everyone, and be my own person. I am tired of 5 years of fighting,5 years of sexual comments, 5 years of having my a$$ grabbed, 5 years of faking orgasms, 5 years of being told my parenting skills suck-which he should talk-he never had any, and 5 years of defending myself and my kids.

What the hell is wrong with me. All I have wanted was a happy family.I want to give up

Now I am more confused, more angry, and more alone than I thought possible. I want help so bad. there is none

Hi there. I am a mother of five sons, all of them are gone and grown, but do not want me in their lives. I have five grandchildren out there. I am missing their love, they are missing me, even though they don't know it yet. One day they will. My sons do not want to communicate with me, and no reason why. There excuses are poor. They all had a pretty decent life, even though divorced and problems, I still kept them in good schools, no crime, I stayed home as much as possible, 3 meals a day, never beat them or severly punished them.   Who knows?  Of course I am guilty of mistakes, and not thinking they are forgetting any of those.  However they were not life threatening mistakes.  Maybe they were a little spoiled, but why would they not talk to me and talk to the dad they never knew. I begged that man to see his sons, to send a card. My kids did not want to talk when I'd dial their dad's number up. Now, they go see him, 16 years absent, I was there!  "He gets to see the grandchildren",   I don't get it. I am in  so much private pain.

Filling up my time is easy but sleeping without the nightmares is impossible I think.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the child mostly. the baby doesn't know what is going on!  At older ages we(our hearts) understand babies better than when we were young and thought they would adjust to every stupid thing we as young adults did.  They don't always recover, feellings of abandonment run deep, they get low self esteem, they are injured souls. Grandparents are the most important people in their lives and our grown up children are still too not grown to realize all of this.  Think of when it was we realized it.  So..suggest you ask her to please join you in famiy counseling for the sake of the child.  Ask her for one sure day a week, or two, which you are assured to see her, so that she has some sense of stability left in her little life.  Ask her to call you at least two times, if only to leave a message each week that all is well. Ask her, tell her, what you need to right now, before she's gone. This is child abuse, neglect, what she is doing is ripping the child out of her surroundings every time she has a gripe. She is using the child like a dangeling carrott, getting what she wants from that. Too bad, can't change it, counseling may help.  Do something, be as calm as you can. Get an order from the court if needed to see your grandchild, you can, because you have been a significant part of her life to this age. Do it.Blessings and I am holding the light with you.  Patti(peridot)