Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Your post is heart warming;  daughter/grandaughter that appreciates and deeply cares about her family.  Your fear of loss is totally understandable, but living in fear of a natural event, that is going to happen someday, must put a cover of anxiety over your life. 

I too, had an overwhelming fear of losing both of my parents, but my fears and worries did not prevent the inevitable from happening and now I wonder if it prevented me from enjoying the time I had with them.

You will never regret caring for your parents & grandparents, it is admirable and generous , but it sounds like the fears you have may have too much control of your life choices.  That's just my opinion and I may be all wrong, since you sound very intelligent and successful.  

Also,  reading your perceptions of health, stress and family genetics(your grandmother ) it's clear you are very intelligent and observant.   I have always found intelligent, observant people to be worriers because they analyze every detail of life and can project future developments. 

Your son is trying to separate from you because that is the natural approach to adulthood (only, he doesn't quite know how to do it). Who did?

Your son is also feeling sad but does not know how to show it. He knows his time is coming to step up to the plate and grow up, even having to leave the place he lived in all his life. It is not easy for a young person to understand the emotions that go along with change. Adults have had more experience so they are able to make more sense out of their emotions. I would only offer him words of encouragement, support and compassion as he ventures along the path of the unknown and change and separations and let him prepare, with your calmness and non attachment to the outcome, so that he can be a person that he will later be able to respect and know that he had your respect as well.

His temper is a front. He is just as scared as you are.  :)  Kimi

Omg ! My daughter is 17 and she has been my life forever , we are bestfriends, and always will be .

But  her grandmother needed her to move in with her and help with things , cause no one else will, So i let her , cause when holly was little and i was a single mom, just her & me , her gran helped us so i think i'm just giving back.. Now all i do is cry cause i miss her so much . everyone thinks we were fighting , but we have never ever done that , she has been the perfect kid never got in trouble , never ask to go anywhere,or do anything . she always just stayed home with  me , her stepdad  and her little brother .I've heard that if your child stays home and  don't go anywhere , That they  are Happy at home .  is  that ture  ? what do i do ?I MISS HER  .  I thought  well i have a 7 yr. old, so i thought that it would be great if i spent  my  time with him  like i did with her , but he is a daddys boy .

I have to say since I've been now through this two times, that basically once they reach that age, it's perhaps best they do leave.  It's hard but, when I weigh both sides of it, and see how it's been for other parents, when they're kids still live at home.  Well, I think now, I'm lucky both my kids left at 18.  They both went off to college, and doing well..It's just I find it harder, feeling so far away.  Since, I was basically a stay-at-home mom, I guess, I made them my life.  But, I worry more...especially, my daughter. 

She has a b/f, and I don't know what to do.  I mean, he's disrespectful to me.  The way he speaks, and he doesn't (as yet) make any efforts to meet me.  Any suggestions?  This will be a two part post.

Dee

So, I was wondering,  if your child (20) and away at college, and has a b/f.  and I feel, he speaks in a disrespectful way to me, and I've told my daughter but she doesn't say/do anything what I should do?  She's been with him, for over 1 yr. now.  I went out there, to spend time with my daughter and said I would like to meet him/take them out to lunch.  But, that didn't happen.  He didn't seem to make time??  Again, my daughter doesn't say anything.  Should I talk about it again, OR just drop it?  I mean, she says it's not serious, and yet I feel it is.  I mean, he gave her a ring with a diamond.  Yet, she says it's nothing...

I'm just feeling very uncomfortable about this whole situation.  Maybe, I'm old-fashion, and from the 'old-school' where parents MEET the guy she's with...and the 'guy' is VERY respectful!!  OR ELSE lol...When I was out there, the 2nd day.  (I rented a car) and my daughter ask if she could take it, to see him.  I said she could, since she said it was just a short while.  She called me, and ask ME if THEY could take HIS mom out to dinner..NEVER inviting me?!?  I couldn't believe it...so, I go very hurt/confused/upset...HIS mom lives where they do..I'm 8-9 hrs. away...my daughter later, said she was wrong and sorry..but, still it remains in my head, that it was HIS idea...because, later things got worse, my daughter was just all over the place with emotions, because she missed him..and it was HER that ask me to come see her...anyway, I called him, because things just getting worse and worse...He hung up on me..which made me upset..then, his voice was VERY disrespectful when he answered..anyway, I went home early...and it took 1 yr. to finally get things better between her and I..and I ask her, if her b/f could just send me a card..saying, that next time I'm up, he'd like to get together..and yet, nothing...Anyone have any suggestions??

Dee