It sounds like there is a lot of pain and sorrow for all of the people involved, and the anguish isn’t going to be healed anytime soon unless someone makes the choice to be the hero.
I need to address a few things in your post- you seem to be very casual about the fact that your husband fondled your daughter’s breasts when she was younger, and you mention that he stopped fondling her breasts as soon he found out that it bothered her- that implies that he believed she liked it. She was a child, and it seems understandable that she would feel taken advantage of. Perhaps at the time, she didn’t know how to react to his roving hands, but now she knows it was wrong; and she realizes that perhaps you could have, or should have, done something more to protect her. Especially considering that you and she were very close.
What is “just a ploy to get attention” ?
Regarding the money situation- your children are grown, and they should be supporting themselves; there is no reason why grown children should feel entitled to financial assistance. If you had to buy a new car, that is your business, and you shouldn’t have any feelings of guilt over that, either. Your daughter is probably trying to find any way possible to agitate you, and it is working.
Because you lost contact with your son for 4 years, and now you have none to little contact with your daughter, it sounds like there are communication issues within your family. Did you have this same type of relationship with your own parents? Is this the kind of relationship that you wanted to have with your children or that you expected to have with them? Do you want things to be better, to heal and move forward? If you do, then the first thing that needs to happen is you need to apologize to her for not realizing how hurt she was over the way your husband fondled her in the past. She isn’t going to apologize to you; she was the victim!
