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Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 11:19:51 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The last of the kids have all left home, how do you handle your feelings of letting go of growing kids? Share advice and support with others dealing with empty nest blues.

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October 21, 2006, 2:37 am CDT

I was so blue...I turned purple!!!

     I am a forty-two year old empty nester.....and I'm miserable.  I had four children by the age of 23.  Happily married to their father for the last 25 years.  I was so used to having my children near me........that when the last one left the house, I was totally heartbroken.  My husband and I raised all of our children to be independent and self-sufficient......so it's not that I'm too terribly worried about them.  I just miss being a part of their everyday life.  I know.....waaa.....waaa.   My house echoes of all the past memories of getting the kids ready for school....cooking dinner...

going to sports activities.  Now there is nothing but silence.....and it's deafening.  I have a career as a nurse, several hobbies, and lot's of close friends.  BUT...........

 
October 23, 2006, 5:23 pm CDT

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: dragnfly88

I am so afraid to have my kids all gone.

In July of this year my 19 year old moved to Georgia with her boyfriend and his family, where she transfered her college to, and is doing very well adjusting, sometimes she needs me and I do talk to her alot. It was very hard for me to let her go, and I knew I had to, and I had to be strong for her. But I miss her so much.  We were so close and Being my first born has made it harder.

Now I have a 17 year old that is planning on being a physical therapist andhas done her research, and is planning on going to school in South Carolina, and move in with her dad.

He is a good man and I know he will take care of her, But he lacks in the love department.

I know its 9 months away but Brittany and I had a long serious talk about it last night and the feeling of loosing my last daughter is killing me.

Yes, I have a wonderful husband, and he has no children, so he thinks I am being silly, crying all the time, but he doesnt know the connectin you have with a child and Its so hard to let go,

I have dedicated my life to my kids and now I am loosing them. I am so afraid of feeling lost, I will have that huge hole in my heart, I dont want to be without them.

I dont know how to handle this, Can someone please help me understand how to move on without my kids. They are all I know!!

Depressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My youngest has left for the AirForce and I just got back from graduation.  It has been the toughest eights weeks I have gone through.  But you have to realize that they are growing and have to spread their wings as we did.  No, it's not going to be easy, I sat and cried for days and sometimes when his favorite song comes on I sit and cry.  I know he is happy where he is and he is enjoying his new life and finding where he belongs.  So now it is time to take care of you and find what you want to do with your life. 

I have been a single mother for the past thirteen years and it is difficult like you say, this is all you know is taking care of all their needs, now it is time to find out what you need.  I have gotten more involved with church and getting ready to teach a class and working on the christmas choir project and that keeps me busy plus the fact work is really busy and I work alot of long hours.  DON'T GET ME WRONG IT IS NOT EASY,  I am reading Robins book right now and she gives good advice on how to handle the empty nest so your child and you can work on accepting it as it get's closer to the time.  Good Luck, remember God won't give you anymore than you can handle. God BLess

 
October 24, 2006, 6:31 pm CDT

Empty Nest Blues

My sons live in the Netherlands, I lost both my parents with in a year and a half. I now live in California and have not been able to meet new people with my interests,I go out as much as I can but most people work or have small children or are just too negative for me.I did everything I wished for before I married and became a homemaker, I've had a very interesting life.I'm not into shopping or changing my looks but I do take care of myself. I do love to walk and cycle so if anyone out there knows of a Club or Charity near Pasadena I would love to hear from you.

 
October 25, 2006, 11:20 am CDT

Empty Nest & In The Pink

 
October 29, 2006, 12:45 pm CST

One home one gone

I am the mother of two a boy and a girl. I lost touch with my son for four years but I just got that back. I will be honmest it hurt but not like it is hurting with the daughter. She and I was close could finish each others setences. But as of the end of May she has turned into someone I do not know nor do I want to know. I found out she had been having sex with her boyfriend since the end of Feb. This was to be expected what really bothered me was we let him stay at our house for four nights while his parents were out of town after they graudted. When I found out that she was having sex and did not inform us of this before he stayed with us. I was hurt and said things that was uncalled for but all was said in anger. I have appoligized for this more than once. She never has appologized and problie never will. She is spreading lies about her step dad who has always been as close as a real dad to her. She is saying he sexually harrased her while she was younger I admit he did grab her breats from time to time but it was always when they were playing and as soon as he found out this bothered her he quite. She always spent time with him would even walk through a mall  holding his hand. They would go fishing together and spent father daugter time. This is just a ploy for her to get attentnetion but her stepdad has emphazema and the time she is losing with him she will never get back. Knowing how close they always were this really upsets me. Lats year we spent alot of time arguing with her and he said somethings that I know he regrets he also has apoligeized for this. There is alot of hurt on both sides. She does not understand why I do not send her money she does not understand that I am the only one working and that it takes all we have and then some. I had to go and buy myself a new vehicle and she made a pint of telling me that if I had not done this then I would have money to send her. Sorry just needed to vent and maybe get someone to tell me I did right by cutting contact with her.
 
October 31, 2006, 7:13 pm CST

Short Reply...

Quote From: shadow1968

I am the mother of two a boy and a girl. I lost touch with my son for four years but I just got that back. I will be honmest it hurt but not like it is hurting with the daughter. She and I was close could finish each others setences. But as of the end of May she has turned into someone I do not know nor do I want to know. I found out she had been having sex with her boyfriend since the end of Feb. This was to be expected what really bothered me was we let him stay at our house for four nights while his parents were out of town after they graudted. When I found out that she was having sex and did not inform us of this before he stayed with us. I was hurt and said things that was uncalled for but all was said in anger. I have appoligized for this more than once. She never has appologized and problie never will. She is spreading lies about her step dad who has always been as close as a real dad to her. She is saying he sexually harrased her while she was younger I admit he did grab her breats from time to time but it was always when they were playing and as soon as he found out this bothered her he quite. She always spent time with him would even walk through a mall  holding his hand. They would go fishing together and spent father daugter time. This is just a ploy for her to get attentnetion but her stepdad has emphazema and the time she is losing with him she will never get back. Knowing how close they always were this really upsets me. Lats year we spent alot of time arguing with her and he said somethings that I know he regrets he also has apoligeized for this. There is alot of hurt on both sides. She does not understand why I do not send her money she does not understand that I am the only one working and that it takes all we have and then some. I had to go and buy myself a new vehicle and she made a pint of telling me that if I had not done this then I would have money to send her. Sorry just needed to vent and maybe get someone to tell me I did right by cutting contact with her.

It's always a sad thing to lose touch with a loved one.

 

To be honest, it sounds as if it would be best for her if you cut all communications with her.  A step-father who grabs/gropes his underage stepdaughter's breasts is molesting her.  That's illegal, no matter how he 'meant' it. It harmed her and made him a criminal and a pedophile.  That may be hard to understand when you're accustomed to making excuses for someone you love, but it's the truth. 

 

Words said in anger are still said and cannot be taken back.  They're out there, and they caused pain.  Once again, the original intent is irrelevent.  Whether you intended to cause harm or not, you did cause it by not controlling your temper.  No one can force you to lose your temper - that's entirely your decision.  No matter how many times you apologize, you can never undo the pain you caused.

 

By the same token, she can never take back what she has said to you.  Taking verbal potshots at you and/or sucking you dry of money will not ease her pain.  She needs to seek professional help to learn how to deal with the molestation, and any other problems she may have, and stop taking it out on others.

 

I believe you when you say there is pain on both sides.  That's usually the case and it's difficult for everyone involved.  I would encourage counseling for all involved.

 

I respect your right to vent - that's one of the purposes of these message boards - but under the circumstances I feel that you really can't expect to "get" someone to tell you you "did right" when you didn't. 

 

Valoren

 
November 1, 2006, 10:01 pm CST

Anticipating Empty Nest

Quote From: kwindshawn

They need to have a forum on here about parents being happy their kids are leaving home.  Since we fight constantly and my daughter is a mean person, I personally can't wait til she leaves home.  I am awful, but it's how I feel.

I have one daughter, 21, who has moved out and one daughter, 17, who will be 18 on June 13.  I have raised these two as a single mother most of their lives.  My family helped me tremendously.  I've always been independent and taken care of myself financially.  My youngest has plans to leave a month after her birthday to go to school in Arizona.  I'm looking forward to the solitude and not having the responsibility of being legally responsible for anyone other than myself anymore.  It's almost as if a weight is being lifted off my shoulders.

 

I've tried to raise my daughters to be independent and decent.  We've had a rough time of it sometimes, but I think they're stronger because of it.  It's never been a mystery to them that I expected them to be on their own (or on that path) by 18.  It bothers my youngest sometimes that I'm not all broken up over her leaving because her boyfriend's parents are almost frantic about his leaving home after high school.

 
November 4, 2006, 3:46 pm CST

Dating

I am a 57 year old male that has been very confused since my wife of 24 years left and wanted a divorce.She could not give me a reason for her actions.I have been depressed and confused for 7 years.I need help in getting back into life and putting her out of my mind.
 
November 9, 2006, 11:36 pm CST

Why?

Quote From: livinginpast

I am a 57 year old male that has been very confused since my wife of 24 years left and wanted a divorce.She could not give me a reason for her actions.I have been depressed and confused for 7 years.I need help in getting back into life and putting her out of my mind.

Why put her out of your mind?

 

Have you considered taking her memory with you and going forward?

 

I've never been married; but, I've taken my memory of girlfriends who have dumped me; and, in my mind, I have even asked them what they thought about my new girlfriend(s).

 

No doubt, this approach sounds psychotic to you. Maybe. But, it has worked for me. It can't hurt to try it, I guess.

 

Good luck ... you sound like a nice guy.

 
November 15, 2006, 12:21 pm CST

Son/ Husband

Hi there well I would like some others imput on what and how I'm thinking.....My husband and I have been toghter now for over 8 yrs and over the 8 yrs him and my son from a previous marriage never got along..So over this time all they did was fight or didn't talk to each other alot of tension was in the air so my son turn 16 last dec and said he wanted to move with his father, which doesn't live close to me,, the only way to get there is to fly, anyhow so I said fine if thats what you want but as I told him I would be very hurt and sad thats he's leaving me...So feb he moved to his fathers a month goes by and I couldn't handle the seperation and talked alot to my husband about it ,to find out my husband told me my son wasn't able to come back into our house weather for a visit or to live so I said fine and we seperated and I moved to live with my son and his father, yes the x-husband let me stay there with the two of them and we became friends again it was nice and got to see and be with my son, well over this time I was talking with my husband and he kept asking me to come back, so over the 5 months I was gone I did see everything was good with my son and he was happy and yes I'm sure alot of that was cause he had dad and mom living in the same house even though it was just friends...But as time went on and talking to my husband he told me he missed me and loved me and was willing to acept my son for visits and to live there I decided ok I would come back to him, so I did and all is great he's good about talking about my son no making faces when my son's name is used he's totally different now about it all and is great to me, we both love each other sooo much but I've been back with him for 1 month and I want to go back and be with my son cause I miss him so much but I want my husband aswell, I love him alot and I know he loves me with all his heart aswell, the other thing is I cant find work since I've been back and where my son is I can find work easy.....So my question is..do I stay with the man of my dreams and hope I find work and let my son be with his dad, and be happy with 1 visit a yr cause I can't afford any more then that  and hope when my husband and son see each other for the first time since my son moved out that all is good or leave him and go be with my son that I miss..?????????????Please help me see the light some where some how.....People tell me I'm crazy that I should enjoy being just husband and myself and enjoy life now but as for my son he's my only child and its not easy losing your only baby.. Prettykit
 
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