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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 584
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:42:49 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of infants and toddlers.

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April 28, 2008, 7:33 pm CDT

Seperation anxiety

My son is 18 Months old and is experiencing "STRANGER ANXIETY" The problem is that the "strangers are my in laws!"   I feel a little bad because he cries whenever he's around anybody thats not my husband or I, including my in laws! what can I do to get him more comfortable around them, or is this just a stage?  By the way he rarely sees them, can this be why?

 
May 21, 2008, 4:12 pm CDT

make it positive

Quote From: yazzy87

My son is 18 Months old and is experiencing "STRANGER ANXIETY" The problem is that the "strangers are my in laws!"   I feel a little bad because he cries whenever he's around anybody thats not my husband or I, including my in laws! what can I do to get him more comfortable around them, or is this just a stage?  By the way he rarely sees them, can this be why?

yes that is why your son is doing that. You need to get him out of the house and meeting people, even going to the park or joining him in some group activities would be really good for him. When he is clinging on to you for dear life and doesn't want to go near someone eles, you just need to pretend its not happening and when he finally lets someone eles hold him, and mind you it might take a while. You will need to praise him for that. 'Fear' is not something we are born with, its something that we learn'. So now he needs to learn confidence and trust. But its not something you can push into him, its something he will develope. When you go to let someone eles hold him, give him to that person while you are talking about something eles and tell the other person to not worry about his reaction or even pay attention to him while he is holding him and if the focus isn't on the child while this is happening your son wont worry about it as much as he would. But if he cries you can not make a big deal out of it. If you do this i can garanty that he will get over this. Another tip is when he needs a drink or something to eat or even something he really wants like a certain toy give it to your in-laws to give to him. That will slowly make him more comfortable.

 
May 21, 2008, 4:59 pm CDT

let her cry

Quote From: morrisgirls

I have a 5 year old and a 7 month old and if challenges that they place before me are not hard enough, the young one is now showing very clear signs of what I think to be separation anxiety. She does not cry when my husband takes her to daycare or even when I have to drop her by there some (I work three days a week-12 hour shifts, so when I am off she does not go to daycare usually). She screams though, if I put her in the floor in the living room and began to clean the house (which requires me going from room to room). She is fine if I am in the same room as she is, but when I leave within seconds the crying starts. She recently started to cry when others held her even if I am standing there. This is hard because she does this with grandparents, cousins, friends, etc... I can't get anything done around the house and I don't know what to do about it. She won't even sleep in her crib (even if I get her to sleep first and lay her down, she instantly wakes up and cries). I need some help!! my first child did not do this.

should I let her just cry it out or will that cause her to have little trust in me if I don't meet her needs??

Any suggestions???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok lets look at this situation, 7 months old and seriously attached to her mother. In a way thats sweet but your finding it hard now. well you do need to let her cry and you need to pretend that she is not crying. If she is not in pain or needing anything eles besides you then its no big deal. Just egnore her and it will last a week, same as bed just egnore her and do not look her in the eyes when going in there just see what she wants, dont pick her up, dont say a word and then leave. it is allway good to make a rutine for your kids before they go to bed too. Follow through with everything you do and dont let her think that you are gonna give in. You obviously really love your children and she is always going to know that and your going to feel mean for doing this to her but you need to remind yourself that you are doing this for her best interest. Her crying is going to drive you mad for a week but thats better than it wearing you out for a life time.This will make her more independent and relaxed. She will be comfortable where she is and very content.

 
May 29, 2008, 3:22 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: yazzy87

My son is 18 Months old and is experiencing "STRANGER ANXIETY" The problem is that the "strangers are my in laws!"   I feel a little bad because he cries whenever he's around anybody thats not my husband or I, including my in laws! what can I do to get him more comfortable around them, or is this just a stage?  By the way he rarely sees them, can this be why?

I'm in the same position as you. My daughter is 22 months, and she has a meltdown whenever she's around my husband's family. I truly believe that it's because they are the ones that she sees the least. Have you thought about sending your child to preschool or some type of preschool summer camp. Or maybe setting up a playdate with your in-laws. Sure you're son will cry as you're walking out the door, but that crying won't last. You'll probably come back to find them playing happily. Are you're in-laws overbearing with him? Do they try to take him from you while he's upset or make a big fuss over him whenever ya'll come over? If so, this might be adding to his anxiety. I say this because that's what my husband's family does to our daughter, and I can't stand it. I just don't know how to ask them to stop without causing unnecessary conflict. Anyways, reply back and let me know what you think. Maybe we can work out a solution for our kids together.
 
May 29, 2008, 3:35 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: bensjem2

I'm 19. my boyfriend has a two year old son with a girl much younger than me, and some one I had problems with in high school. I need help dealing with my anger towards him, my hate for her and I really do not want to resent this child. It's not his fault a one night stand resulted in a really complicated situation. She has since dropped out of school, has no job and lives a life I do not understand adding to my concern for the kid and anger towards her. I feel like the only sane one in the situation but my label as his girl friend is not respected and neither is my opinion.

I can sympatize with you. When I was 18 yrs old I met my husband. He has a son from a previous relationship, and this little boy's mom is about as dead-beat as they come. I also feel anger towards her because she does not do a good job of raising her son. In fact, I love this little boy like he's my own and I would do anything for him. I pray everyday that he will be able to come live with us and experience a real, positive childhood. I must ask why you are angry at your boyfriend. Did he cheat on you with this girl? Or are you just mad that he didn't make a smarter decision, such as safe sex? I must also say that my position is very well respected either. ( I refer to my partner as my husband because of our relationship and the amount of time we've been together, but in reality we are not married.) I have been with this man for 4 years, and we share two children together but my opinion on the situation doesn't really get heard either. I have learned to accept my place as a step-mom. My best advice to you would be to love and take care of your step-daughter whenever she is with you. Be a good, positive mother figure in her life and let her know that you love her unconditionally. If the situation with her mother is potentially dangerous or abusive, then maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about getting custody of his daughter. If this is not possible, then remember the best thing you can do is love your step-daughter and try to stand behind your boyfriend. The anger will never go away, but maybe it could be eased by accepting that there are some things you cannot change.

 
June 2, 2008, 10:20 am CDT

15 month old - restlessness

I have a 15 month old grandaughter who goes from one thing to another, she just can't seem to sit still.  When holding her, she only sits still for not even a minute, then strains to get off the lap, and is very inquisitive.  When she gets into things, and is told no, she goes back time and time again to the same place.  When is it okay to give her a quick soft swat and say no?  Also, is this normal at her age to be so restless?
 
June 12, 2008, 12:13 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: reprightsrn

I have a 15 month old grandaughter who goes from one thing to another, she just can't seem to sit still.  When holding her, she only sits still for not even a minute, then strains to get off the lap, and is very inquisitive.  When she gets into things, and is told no, she goes back time and time again to the same place.  When is it okay to give her a quick soft swat and say no?  Also, is this normal at her age to be so restless?
Congratulations, you have a normal toddler grandchild!  I've been caring for kids for a long time and have two of my own and many nieces and nephews and I can assure you, this is perfectly normal toddler behavior.  In fact, if she didn't act like this, I'd be concerned.  Just ask her pediatrician, she/he will tell you the same thing.  At this age, I would just re-direct her attention to something else when she gets in to things or if it's something serious, put her in time out.  She's definitely not too young for a one minute time out with a stern warning.  If she's never been put in time out before, it will take her a while to figure out what that's all about, but believe me, she'll learn and she won't like it. 
 
June 12, 2008, 3:33 pm CDT

help please!

I have a almost 13 month old and I can not get her to sleep in her own crib for anything. She has been sleeping in the bed with her dad and me for about the past 5 months. I am starting to deeply regret ever letting her to start to sleep with us. I am also 5 months pregnant and my belly is getting bigger so I need more space to sleep. I have tried putting her in her crib during the day to take her nap but she starts screaming. I have tried just leaving her in there to see if she would cry herself to sleep. But she just cries and screams until she actually makes herself throw up. She will fall asleep on the couch if I'm holding her  or sitting next to her but once she wakes up and realizes i am not next to her she starts screaming. I am really desperate at this point, I don't know what to do. I need to get her to sleep in her own bed before the baby comes but I have no idea how to make that happen. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas that worked for them I would greatly appreciate it, thank you.
 
June 12, 2008, 3:50 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: reprightsrn

I have a 15 month old grandaughter who goes from one thing to another, she just can't seem to sit still.  When holding her, she only sits still for not even a minute, then strains to get off the lap, and is very inquisitive.  When she gets into things, and is told no, she goes back time and time again to the same place.  When is it okay to give her a quick soft swat and say no?  Also, is this normal at her age to be so restless?
My 13 month old daughter is the exact same way! She is very hyper and it seems like she never runs out of energy. I don't even try to hold her because I know she would not let me, it makes me kind of sad. When I tell her no she will listen sometimes or sometimes she will just completely ignore me. It can be very frustrating having to repeat yourself over and over but I have found that if I consistently tell her "no" or don't touch" when she is doing something wrong she will eventually understand. I understand your concern because I use to wonder the same thing about my daughter, "are all kids really like this?" I think that most are but some are just more curious and energetic than others. Also children at this age learn a lot by touching things. My suggestions for you would be to take your grand daughter somewhere where she can run wild, such as a playground or the indoor playgrounds where everything is cushioned, that will ease your mind a little bit.I took my daughter a couple of weeks ago to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese for the first time and she loved it. She loved being around other kids and there were so many fun toys and games that she was allowed to touch, and with most of the games she just loved pushing all the buttons that I didn't even need to use tokens. I hope that that will help you out a little bit. Also to the other person who replied how would you do a time out for a child this age? I have been thinking about trying that but I wasn't sure if it would even work.
 
June 17, 2008, 12:06 pm CDT

How do I get her to NAP?!

I have a 5 month old daughter.  She was born premature, but doing very well.  She sleeps actually very well through the night, maybe wakes up 2-3 times early in the morning.  My husband or I give her her nuk, turn on her mobile and let her fall back to sleep which she does very well.  During the day she get's EXTREMELY crabby, and I know she is tired.  I rock her (probably for too long) and every time I go to put her down so I'm not holding her the whole time, she wakes up right away or within 15 min and won't go back to sleep.  She takes probably 5-6 small cat naps through out the day and is very crabby between those naps.  I don't know how to get her to go to sleep or stay asleep once she is.  How do I get her to sleep without me rocking her and her not getting too upset?
 
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