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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 584
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:42:49 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of infants and toddlers.

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November 1, 2005, 7:20 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: alisalamm

I am a stay at home mother of a 2 yr. old son.  I also do daycare for my two nephews who are 3 and 4 months.  I started watching my 3 yr. old nephew when he was 1yr and my son was just a newborn.  My problem is, as they get older, they fight more.  It's non-stop!!  They fight over everything from toys to who's going to talk to me!  I know it sounds crazy but it's true.  My main form of discipline is the time-out strategy when they are aggressive (hitting, biting etc).  I'm not joking when I say this, they would both be in time out from the time they arrive at our house until they leave if I put them in time out each time they fought.  I've tried talking with them, roll playing etc.  I've run out of ideas and am growing increasingly impatient.  I don't know if the fighting stems from them being so close in age (only 10 months apart) or if it's something I'm doing.   

  

Now that I have a 4 month old nephew to also watch after it's increasingly difficult to keep the toddlers busy and not fighting.  I'm due with our second son in Feb. '06 and it's freaking me out because I just don't know how I'm going to handle it once I have 4 boys under the age of 4, in the house.  Does anyone have any advice for helping my son and his cousin get along throughout the day?  Thanks for your help! 

I do understand where you are coming from as I have done a lot of babysitting myself, you gotta think of a system, I don't know what your day's activities consist of but, there might be too much stimulation for them, maybe start the day off with a quiet activity such as maybe a pleasent video such as the baby Einstein' series, they are wonderful. then have a planned activity every 30 minutes or so and when ever you see that they are being well behaved and playing nicely, give them a sticker on a chart and at the end of the day, make it a big deal that they got stickers and give them a little treat/prize before they leave. They can earn so many stickers, one for not fighting, one for sharing, one for being a helper, one for cleaning up, whatever then when they get so many stickers the get a special prize and let them help count their stickers. Kids that age need plenty of activity and attention, I know it is a lot of hard work but with a routine, it may work out better. Maybe start off with a quiet activity then do a fun activity together with them then maybe have them at the table doing a project such as playdough or coloring, then maybe let them help make a snack/lunch, something simple. I think the imporant thing is not to get them over stimulated. One thing you can do as well is divide some of the toys such as the blocks and have them play on theri own for a few minutes, tell them to build a house and see if they can use all their blocks, or see how tall they can get it. make it a game for them.When it comes to them both wanting to talk to you at the same time, maybe have something that they can wear around their necks when it is their turn to talk, You can make a heart necklace out of construction paper and when one wants to talk then they wear it, it tells him and the other child that who's turn it is to talk. Otherwise, tell them you are not listening becasue you can't hear both of them talk at once, then walk away from them, it works in my home and even my two year old is catching on. I don't know if I helped but I am sure others will have some suggestionsa s well.
 
November 1, 2005, 7:30 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: misskanell

I am a young mother of 2 wonderful kids. My daughter is 2 1/2 and my son just turned one. When I was pregnant with my son my ex (their sperm donor) tried to kill me. If I hadn't droped my daughter off at the babysitters I know in my heart he would of killed her. After that happened I moved to a different state and lived with a friend of mine. Because of all of the court dates, I unfortunitly had to move back. After everything was done I moved some 2000 miles away. I'm now with a new guy and both of my kids call him dad. He's a really great guy and he's very caring. But that's not what I need advice on. When I take my daughter to day care, she is terrified to stay their. She has gone to 3 babysitters and 1daycare (where she is now). The first babysitter locked her in a room and left her there all day. The second one said she couldn't watch the kids anymore because they weren't there full time. The third one hit my daughter and left marks (no, the cops didn't do anything). Where she is now is a Christian daycare. The people are super nice and would do anything for anybody. The thing is every morning when I drop her off she just cries and cries and cries. She's been going there for 6 weeks now and it's getting out of hand with her crying. I'm afraid the daycare won't keep taking her if she's keeps crying. How can I get my daughter to stop crying and realize the people there aren't going to hurt her? The poor girl has been through way too much BS in her life and I just want her to feel safe and happy.  

Does she have a family picture that she can carry around with her or a blankie, something that may comfort her. I have worked in several centers and some kids, it does take a while to adjust, I think you just need to be patient and consistent. Let her know how much you love her and remind her that you will be there to pick her up. Does she cry all day long? has it slowed down at all? Maybe she would do better if you had a home sitter, some one to come into your home to take care of her. Some kids do better one on one then they do a group setting. Just a few suggestions, hope something gives before long.
 
November 1, 2005, 7:47 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: funnykid

I am the mother to a great 2 1/2 year old and I'm pregnant with a boy due in March 06. I stay home and at times I just feel so lonely. We live about 20 miles from the nearest town and my friends all work. And of course, my husband works and is gone from 7-6 every day. Any advice on how to do more for me? I feel like if I'm not giving my son all of my attention I am failing him somehow even though I know intellectually this is not true.
You definetly need some down time to your self. It doesn't hurt a child to play all by themself for a little bit or to sit down and watch a nice quiet show, the baby Einstein series are wonderful or even a singing video may keep him entertained, this can give you some time to read or to write a letter, or fold clothes, whatever. Maybe you can take once a week in the evening while your husband is home and go into town and you go out with a friend, Also setting up date nights with your husband is a good thing (something my hubby and I need to start back up)gets you out together to have fun and to talk. What are your hobbies, do you like to scrap book? That is one of my favorite things to do and my kids who are 2 and 4 like it too. I give them sheets of paper to color and they put stickers on them and a few photos to glue on their pages, it is a fun family activity for us as well as I enjoy it. Maybe while your son is sleeping, you can go in and bake something special for your husband (sounds like a good deal for me at the moment) and present it to him in appreciation for him. Maybe you and your son can take walks and collect leaves, pine cones, whatever and take them back to the house and make a nice center piece or craft with them. My girls favorite activity is feeding the squirells (never could spell that word correctly), it is fun for them and relaxing for me. I do understand where you are coming from as I am a stay at home mom as well, I do live in town so I do have access to stores and restaurantes and all but another thing that I like doing is walking the mall, even if it means taking the girls with me, at least I am not sitting in the house, it gets me out. And I certainly do take advantage of the times that I can get out on my own. Are there any play groups in your area, if you look around you may find some, we go to story times at the library and my youngest daughter goes with me to my mom's bible study where she has playmates, both these activities give me time woth other stay at home mom's as well as my kids are having fun also. Hope these suggestions helped some.
 
November 1, 2005, 7:51 pm CST

It will take time

Quote From: misskanell

I am a young mother of 2 wonderful kids. My daughter is 2 1/2 and my son just turned one. When I was pregnant with my son my ex (their sperm donor) tried to kill me. If I hadn't droped my daughter off at the babysitters I know in my heart he would of killed her. After that happened I moved to a different state and lived with a friend of mine. Because of all of the court dates, I unfortunitly had to move back. After everything was done I moved some 2000 miles away. I'm now with a new guy and both of my kids call him dad. He's a really great guy and he's very caring. But that's not what I need advice on. When I take my daughter to day care, she is terrified to stay their. She has gone to 3 babysitters and 1daycare (where she is now). The first babysitter locked her in a room and left her there all day. The second one said she couldn't watch the kids anymore because they weren't there full time. The third one hit my daughter and left marks (no, the cops didn't do anything). Where she is now is a Christian daycare. The people are super nice and would do anything for anybody. The thing is every morning when I drop her off she just cries and cries and cries. She's been going there for 6 weeks now and it's getting out of hand with her crying. I'm afraid the daycare won't keep taking her if she's keeps crying. How can I get my daughter to stop crying and realize the people there aren't going to hurt her? The poor girl has been through way too much BS in her life and I just want her to feel safe and happy.  

 She needs to learn to trust the people she is with.  It really will take her time.  She is young and can't really express how she is feeling inside.  She may also be having some seperation anxiety from you.  Alot has been going on and she didn't know what it was when you became stressed, crying or what ever.  She just new she didn't feel safe.  Now that she is safe, she needs to learn to trust that it will stay that way.
I think that consistency is the key here for her.  Have a consistent routine for her before school and one during drop off.  She will learn to trust that when I put my coat on(or whatever) I go to school.  Mommy will read me a book and then pass me off to whomever.  donot sneak out on her.  She needs to watch you go and sooner rather than later she will realize that you come back after x goes on at school (lunch/circle time/ art or whatever they do)  find out what happens before you come so you can tell her in the morning,  were going to school, after nap (or outside time whatever it is),  Mommy will be back.
 I have had parents make a real set of keys, so they could give something concrete to show their child they are coming back.
Tell her you love her very much and will be back soon.  Maybe she can pack a "school bag" each morning.  A small back pack of items she picks out to bring with her to school. 
Talk to them about your fears.  Make a plan with the teachers.  Most centers will not kick you out.  I had a little girl cry for 2 months and we just went with it day by day and found activities that interested her.  She did eventually stop.  It is heart breaking for you, I know, but it will get better.  Just don't give up.  This place sounds really great and where she should be right now.  It will take time and this is a life lesson that she needs to learn.  Trust!!!  It will happen.  best of luck to you
hang in there.  If you, your boyfriend and the school work together, your daughter will adjust just fine.  It just takes time to find the nitch for her!!
Karen
 
November 1, 2005, 8:17 pm CST

General Advice

Quote From: latisha

My son is 17 months old and seems to be very angry now that we are so busy and can't spend too much time with him.  My husband works two jobs and I am going to school full time and working part time...we still can't afford the daycare costs (even after DSHS assistance).  We have no family or friends that can or will watch him even though he is normally a very pleasant and well behaved child.  Recently he started banging his head on anything that can do damage to get attention when he is mad.  I try to stop and comfort him, or sometimes I just let him be and walk away.  I have tried so many different methods WHAT DO I DO?  We both can't just quit our jobs and I can't give up my only opportunity at school.  Please email me with ANY feedback!!! RasmussenRLS@yahoo.com
I went through a similar thing with my daughter only it wasn't anger it was stress, long story short, I quit the babysitting that I was doing and it did wonders for my daughter. She had developed a disorder during this time and with a few months of me quitting she had stopped. The kids I was watching were very high maintence and my girls seemed to have had the raw end of the deal. I believe that as parents, we need to evaluate how our time is spent and what our main focus in life is and for me, I decided that it needed to be my children and though we lost some income, I couldn't be happier then what I am now, my girls are developing and maturing into good active kids and they are happy and content with their home life, and my husband and I are both at ease with the way things are going within our house hold, it was well worth me quitting. I am assuming that you are paying for child care, is it worth the job to pay child care meaning if the majortity of your paycheck is going on child care then maybe you don't need the job, you would then have more time with him as well as your education, just a suggestion and I did email you with our situation that we faced.
 
November 2, 2005, 6:37 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: funnykid

I am the mother to a great 2 1/2 year old and I'm pregnant with a boy due in March 06. I stay home and at times I just feel so lonely. We live about 20 miles from the nearest town and my friends all work. And of course, my husband works and is gone from 7-6 every day. Any advice on how to do more for me? I feel like if I'm not giving my son all of my attention I am failing him somehow even though I know intellectually this is not true.

Happy Moms usually have happy kids. Your 2 1/2 yr old is probably wanting to play with blocks on the living room floor while you read, or pick up. And, its good for him to learn to play by himself! We are out in the country too, and wind up spending most of our time outside during the summer. I work in the garden and they play on the swingset, dirt pile, with toys, in the blow up pool...You need to be happy for your kids to be happy, so spend some tiem on you...obviously that doesn;t mean you should ignore your kids, but if you spend all day every day playing Thomas the Tank engine, you will go mad........! 

 
November 2, 2005, 6:51 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: pmehaffey

Hi  

 I am a new mom at 36 and do not proclaim to know it all. What has worked best  for me and my husband has been a frequent but routine change in caregivers. I don't know your location to family,but, if it is accessible and they are willing, schedule designated weekend for "family time". The first weekend of every month my sister takes my 15 month old for 24 hours. IT's FABULOUS.  If family is not accisslbe and you can afford a baby sitter, schedule a couple of hours for " YOU TIME". 

AMAZING REJUVINATION TIME.  

  

If  you want more conversation email @ pmehaffey@bellsouthn.net. --- I have more suggestion up my sleeve. Easy to do at 15 months vs. 6 months. However, I remember those days oh so clearly and sometiomes long for them. 

  

Free suggestions from a new mom who has been ther and done that. 

Hi.  I certainly did not mean to imply that I know it all.  I certainly am NOT an expert at anything, much less parenting.  I was just giving my experience to be taken or left.  No offense was meant.  Anyway, I just wanted to say this.  I was not trying to sound like I am an expert or anything, this is just what worked for me.  Again, I hope everything works out for you.
 
November 2, 2005, 8:49 am CST

Screaming & Yelling

My normally happy 2 month old has started screaming & yelling... This past weekend we went away. While we were driving she was fine. She played for a little while & then fell asleep. When she woke up she started crying. But then it turned into screaming & yelling. She sounded scared & mad. I was sitting in the back seat next her & tried to comfort her. Well nothing seemed to console her. Finally we pulled over & I held her for a little while to calm her down. She fell back to sleep in my arms. Then I put her back down & she cried a little but finally fell back to sleep. Well that was most of our weekend. She would suddenly start screaming for no apparent reason. Well now that is her daily routine.. there seems to be no reason why. It's not constant but it just starts all of a sudden. This morning she was in a great mood. She woke up happy, she ate & was playing. She fell back to sleep while I got ready for work. I woke her up to change her & get her dressed. She was fine. Then in the middle of me dressing her she started screaming again. I calmed her down & then tried to put her in the car seat & she flipped out & wouldn't stop. She just sweats so much when she cries. Finally I took her out & she fell asleep on me. After about 10 minutes I put her back in the car seat & she was fine. She made a few little cries but nothing like before.  We drove to my in-laws & she was fine. I am going to the doctors next week for her 2 month check up. I was hoping that someone would have some advice for me. Please!  

 
November 2, 2005, 8:58 am CST

General Advice

Thank you for you advice. I am trying the back pack thing, but she refuses to take it off, even for a nap. I will try the key and the picture idea, maybe even the blanket idea. Anything to help her adjust.  

  

After I picked my daughter up the teacher told me that she had been crying all day. I asked her if this was the first time she had cried all day and she told me no it was not. I left it at that and talked a little bit with my daughter. She told me that she had been getting hurt by 2 boys. Then she pointed to her arm. She had teeth marks on her arm. I said something to the director of the school and she said she would do something. When I got her home I took her to the potty and I just happened to look at her panties and they were filled with poop. I don't know what the deal is but I am going to get to the bottom of this. I feel as if know one cares about my daughter. My son on the other had is doing great. He loves going and has acctually stoped crying when I'm home, but that's a whole nother topic. Is there a hotline or website that someone can go to to report a child care center?? misskanell@yahoo.com 

 
November 2, 2005, 9:08 am CST

Just a thought

Quote From: smile0998

My normally happy 2 month old has started screaming & yelling... This past weekend we went away. While we were driving she was fine. She played for a little while & then fell asleep. When she woke up she started crying. But then it turned into screaming & yelling. She sounded scared & mad. I was sitting in the back seat next her & tried to comfort her. Well nothing seemed to console her. Finally we pulled over & I held her for a little while to calm her down. She fell back to sleep in my arms. Then I put her back down & she cried a little but finally fell back to sleep. Well that was most of our weekend. She would suddenly start screaming for no apparent reason. Well now that is her daily routine.. there seems to be no reason why. It's not constant but it just starts all of a sudden. This morning she was in a great mood. She woke up happy, she ate & was playing. She fell back to sleep while I got ready for work. I woke her up to change her & get her dressed. She was fine. Then in the middle of me dressing her she started screaming again. I calmed her down & then tried to put her in the car seat & she flipped out & wouldn't stop. She just sweats so much when she cries. Finally I took her out & she fell asleep on me. After about 10 minutes I put her back in the car seat & she was fine. She made a few little cries but nothing like before.  We drove to my in-laws & she was fine. I am going to the doctors next week for her 2 month check up. I was hoping that someone would have some advice for me. Please!  

My son did the same thing at that age. My mom is a Xango dealer and we gave him some of that. Within maybe 20 seconds he fell asleep and slept all night long. It was the first time he slept all night since he was born. Xango is an all natural fruit juice and some people believes it cures cancer. Rather it does or doesn't, he slept and the crying stoped for a little bit. It could be her teeth as well. Try a cold wet wash cloth. Freeze it if you think it'd help. That's what I give my son now to go to sleep, he's one. Also check her car seat, there could be something irratating her. Just some things to think of.   

 
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