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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 831
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:43:59 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-teens and teens.

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September 10, 2005, 6:24 am CDT

teen dresses like a hooker

Hi- my daughters are 14 and 15-they have a friend who is starting to hang around-who dresses very revealing,(she is 13) and she is very pretty. if she wears shorts-its always daisy dukes and halter tops-or low-low rise jeans,and skimpy adult blouses-i see my 48 year old husband looking at her a bit too much for comfort-not that he is a pervert-she definatly does not look 13,and she is wearing very revealing clothes.My question is-what can i say to her,so she understands that it isn't okay to wear immodest clothing at my house? I do not allow my kids to dress like that,and never will,but i don't want to alienate this kid either-her mother dresses the same way-and i am overweight-so i am at a loss as to how to approach this-the reason i mention my weight is-as soon as i say -'look-you can't wear revealing stuff to my house" i think they will jump on the 'your just jealous' bandwagon. 

  Even if there is a grain of truth to that-my kids are honor students ,focused on education,never in trouble at school-the 13 year is the exact opposite-detentions all the time-a boyfriend at 13-but the thing is we live in the country and she is the only other kid for miles. 

 
September 10, 2005, 6:34 pm CDT

Question

I am 14 years old, and I was wondering if its okay that I still don't feel really comfortable kissing girls on the lips. My girlfriend keeps telling me to start kissing her on the lips, but I feel more comfortable if I just kiss her on the cheek. I don't know why, but I get kinda nervous when it comes to kissing her and other girls on the cheek. Should I just kiss her on the lips, and forget about being nervous or shy or what? Thanks.
 
September 10, 2005, 8:49 pm CDT

hi

Quote From: freakygirl

Hi- my daughters are 14 and 15-they have a friend who is starting to hang around-who dresses very revealing,(she is 13) and she is very pretty. if she wears shorts-its always daisy dukes and halter tops-or low-low rise jeans,and skimpy adult blouses-i see my 48 year old husband looking at her a bit too much for comfort-not that he is a pervert-she definatly does not look 13,and she is wearing very revealing clothes.My question is-what can i say to her,so she understands that it isn't okay to wear immodest clothing at my house? I do not allow my kids to dress like that,and never will,but i don't want to alienate this kid either-her mother dresses the same way-and i am overweight-so i am at a loss as to how to approach this-the reason i mention my weight is-as soon as i say -'look-you can't wear revealing stuff to my house" i think they will jump on the 'your just jealous' bandwagon. 

  Even if there is a grain of truth to that-my kids are honor students ,focused on education,never in trouble at school-the 13 year is the exact opposite-detentions all the time-a boyfriend at 13-but the thing is we live in the country and she is the only other kid for miles. 

hi i can understand you completly  

i also have a daughter who brought home a friend  

and she hardly has clothes on  

and also her mom to  

and like you im over weight so i didnt say a word  

but i never liked when she came over  

it was hard to do but when she came to the door  

i would tell her my daughter could not come out  

this girl would come 3 or more times a day  

and i would keep saying the same thing util she stopped  

you really should do the same   

as i did  

your kids will understand why you did it  

if you would like to talk my email is paville3@hotmail.com  

you sound like a person i would like to chat with  

good luck  

sherry in pa  

 
September 12, 2005, 11:57 am CDT

Help with a tween

I really need some advice on this, so I hope someone out there is listening!  My daughter is 10 years old.  She is really a great kid - smart, sweet, considerate, etc. - except when she isn't!  I mean, she has had a few incidents of (gross!) spitting.  I don't know why she does it, and she only does it when I'm not around.  The first time she tried it was at playschool, where she didn't actually spit, she just tried, I guess you could say.  The teacher said nothing actually came out, she just made the sounds.  Apparently, she didn't quite have it mastered at that point!  The next incident of spitting came many years later, when she did it at the playground.  This time, it landed on another girl who was there.  And I know she wouldn't do that on purpose.  I really believe it was an accident.  Naive?  I don't know.  The most recent occurrence was at school.  She just started middle school (grade 6) and she was "told on" by some boys who apparently saw her do it.  She denied it at first, but then finally confessed that it was true.  Now, to some, this may seem like a pretty minor problem, compared to others', however, it just doesn't fit her personality, and I want to know what's driving her to do this disgusting behavior.  There have been other "personality glitches" with her too, that just don't seem to fit, so I'm wondering what is behind them.  I hope that all made sense, and I also hope someone out there can help me.  I love my daughter dearly and I know that she's a good kid, making bad choices.  I want to get to the bottom of it before it lands on me with all it's might!
 
September 12, 2005, 1:03 pm CDT

Please provide Book Title

 I missed the show in which Dr. Phil discussed pre-teen girls and negative body images.  In this show a book was recommended.  Can anyone please advise me the title of the book?  Thank you for your help.
 
September 18, 2005, 12:41 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: aghadrian

I am 14 years old, and I was wondering if its okay that I still don't feel really comfortable kissing girls on the lips. My girlfriend keeps telling me to start kissing her on the lips, but I feel more comfortable if I just kiss her on the cheek. I don't know why, but I get kinda nervous when it comes to kissing her and other girls on the cheek. Should I just kiss her on the lips, and forget about being nervous or shy or what? Thanks.
of course it's o.k. to not kiss her on the lips. there's no manual for these things. do what you feel comfortable or things will go wrong. when you feel that she is the right person and when the time is right, you will know. obviously now is not the time. a healthy relationship is two sided, dont just bow down to her pressure.
 
September 29, 2005, 6:07 am CDT

Kissing a girl

Quote From: aghadrian

I am 14 years old, and I was wondering if its okay that I still don't feel really comfortable kissing girls on the lips. My girlfriend keeps telling me to start kissing her on the lips, but I feel more comfortable if I just kiss her on the cheek. I don't know why, but I get kinda nervous when it comes to kissing her and other girls on the cheek. Should I just kiss her on the lips, and forget about being nervous or shy or what? Thanks.

Dont feel bad about not being ready to kiss a girl  when your ready it will happen  you need to both feel comfortable about it , time will tell you when your both ready besides your 14 no big hurry is there ? have fun and enjoy life  take care Lori  

 
September 29, 2005, 6:18 am CDT

your spitfire daughter

Quote From: mollea

I really need some advice on this, so I hope someone out there is listening!  My daughter is 10 years old.  She is really a great kid - smart, sweet, considerate, etc. - except when she isn't!  I mean, she has had a few incidents of (gross!) spitting.  I don't know why she does it, and she only does it when I'm not around.  The first time she tried it was at playschool, where she didn't actually spit, she just tried, I guess you could say.  The teacher said nothing actually came out, she just made the sounds.  Apparently, she didn't quite have it mastered at that point!  The next incident of spitting came many years later, when she did it at the playground.  This time, it landed on another girl who was there.  And I know she wouldn't do that on purpose.  I really believe it was an accident.  Naive?  I don't know.  The most recent occurrence was at school.  She just started middle school (grade 6) and she was "told on" by some boys who apparently saw her do it.  She denied it at first, but then finally confessed that it was true.  Now, to some, this may seem like a pretty minor problem, compared to others', however, it just doesn't fit her personality, and I want to know what's driving her to do this disgusting behavior.  There have been other "personality glitches" with her too, that just don't seem to fit, so I'm wondering what is behind them.  I hope that all made sense, and I also hope someone out there can help me.  I love my daughter dearly and I know that she's a good kid, making bad choices.  I want to get to the bottom of it before it lands on me with all it's might!
I only have boys  mine are out on their own My boys used to spit because they saw thier uncles spitting I explained I dont want them to do it because its NOT healthy and germs spread easy  and if I continued to see it happen I would Take away  Items they LOVED more than anything the thing is MOST parents are NOT consistant with their  kids when You say Im going to take your stero away if you do it again and they do , do it again YOU NEED to stick with what you said you was going to do in the first place no matter how big of fit they throw or how many promises they make to NOT do it again  so its basically up to you  I have issues myself with germs being spread and I didnt allow my BOYS to do it when they were yound and it looks even worse comming form a girl  she sounds very intelligent and knows what shes doing so all you can do is explain  how discusting it is and ask her to not do it anymore because its germs being spread to others and ask her how she would feel if she was to get other peoples germs from their spit and it made her sick "sorry for babbling" take care Lori
 
September 29, 2005, 10:09 am CDT

best advice ive gotten

Quote From: jencofresi

my 13 yr old is the oldest of 5.  4 boys 1 girl.  any advice on how to handle up coming puberty??  or anything on helping him to become responsible.  He shows very little responsibility of anything.

many many years ago- with my first child, who was a terrible eater, and didnt sleep much my pediatrician gave me sage advice..... 

  

  

its your job as a parent to provide quality and quantity of food and a nice safe soft warm place for them to sleep-  

its their job to decide WHEN of IF to sleep and how much to eat.    

Our rule was stay in your room (first- and yes at first we even had to lock the door with a latch until we went to bed) and later stay in your bed (yes she had 1/2 the contents of her rooms toys books etc on the bed- and not interrupt others while they are sleeping... 

  

she eventually became bored and started sleeping on her own.   

 
September 29, 2005, 2:19 pm CDT

out of hand 21 yr old

I have a son who is 21 and without a job, car, on drugs, lies, steals, and is tearing my family apart.  I remarried 8 years ago to a wonderful man.  I had two sons that he adopted after we married.  The oldest one has never been close to any man.  We are so close that he tells me almost every thing he does.  My trouble is that we have been so close that I can not let him go.  He moved out of our house and into a unfinished building next to us.  (it is still on our property)  He has stolen from my husband and his brother and they both hate him.  He can not live with his biological father because he still lives at home, and all they do is fight anyway.  My husband and youngest son have refused to let my son stay on the property anymore.  We have kicked in out several times and he has left on his own several times but he keeps coming back.  I have to raise hell for a while to get them to let him stay and each time he stabs me in the back by stealing something from one of them or just from our house.  So the fight begins again.  I am always the one in the middle.  If they have some dispute about each other, they tell me to tell the other one.  Anyway we are to this point,  he is back with no place to go, and my husband refuses to let him stay, so can anyone help me to have peace of mind in agreeing with my husband about kicking him out.  Need help.
 
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