Topic : General Advice

http://www.kcra.com/news/14588309/detail.html

 

A local woman was arrested for molesting a 14 year old boy and she is a local cheer mom. How do we go about telling our kids the best way to avoid anything like this happening to them? We are full time parents but if it's a competition should we worry about sending our kids in the care of a chaperone? Are there no boundaries left?

This is something that I have wondered about for a while.  What do you do about your pre teens room?  I have a 13 year old daughter, I don't ask her to do work around the house other than to keep her own stuff picked up.  Her room, her half of the bathroom, in general just picking up after herself.  She doesn't have chores to earn money etc.  all I ask is that she cleans up after herself. 

 

So what do others do about the messy room bit?  Close the door and ignore it, after all it is her space?  Demand that it gets cleaned before any fun is to be had?  I have thought about just ignoring the room and having her do other things around the house but there really isn't much to do, I keep it pretty much clean.  I do her laundry during the school year but I refuse to put it away after I have washed, dried and folded it so it all just sits in a laundry basket or it's on the floor so I know I am rewashing things that are clean.  She does her own laundry totally in the summer.  She has a guinea pig in her room that doesn't get the attention that it diserves, she doesn't clean the cage regularly, there is hay, poop, shavings that get from the cage onto the floor ( the same floor that the clean clothes are on)

 

I would like to hear from other teens and from parents, what are you feeling on this?

 

Thanks,

SPOH

Well don't wash things that are on the floor of her room... She'll eventually notice she doesn't have anything clean to wear, nothing worse for a self contious girl at that age. But do give her a heads up. Say she should at least put her clean clothes away and the dirty ones in the hamper (or what's it called) it helps a bit... and I suggest not getting her a new animal if her guinea pig dies...

My 11 year old wants to see her bio dad after 10 years of not spending any time with him and she wants to see my ex her ex step dad and still call him dad but the man I am with now she wants to call dad thats three dad I have no idea od what to do I want what is best for her what do I do please and advice is good advice.!

Do you know where her biological father is, do you know anything about his lifestyle now? It is important for you to know if he is stable, if he will be reliable for your child, or if he would just be a big disappointment to her. My advice for you is to do some confidential homework; your daughter doesn’t need to know anything negative that you might uncover. If you discover that he is stable and reliable, contact him and talk about your daughter’s wishes.
All the same goes for your ex, her ex-step-father- is he is willing to have a loving, stable and reliable relationship with your child? It is possible that he has moved on, perhaps he has his own family and a full plate of responsibilities right now. It is important that your daughter doesn’t feel rejected by these men. As her mother, you have to protect her and do what is best for her. Of course, you already know that- you are just looking for advice and opinions.
In my opinion, it is best for your daughter to have one very dependable, very reliable father figure. When you have three of them, sprinkled around, it dilutes the quality of the father figure she will experience. Keep that in mind. I wish you the best.

Your daughter does not even know how lucky she is to have her own room. She does not even know how lucky she is that you do not require her to do chores, etc. All you are asking of her is that she clean up after herself, and she does not want to comply. By requiring so little of her, you have created her laziness. Your daughter needs to have responsibility. She needs to be held accountable for herself. At this point in her life, you are getting into a transitional stage. Age 13 is a big time of change. There is no better time then the present to begin requiring more from her.
Think about it like this: if you do not begin to hold her to a higher standard, what do you think it will be like when she is 18? This situation will escalate. She will have zero respect for you if you do not hold her accountable.
When you ask her to pick up after herself and she does not, she believes you are fine with it. She knows that you might say, “Please, honey..” or you might threaten some punishment, but she knows you will not follow through. Its time to follow through! If she does not comply with the very small responsibility that you give her, think of what a reasonable consequence could be. In my own experience, consequences involving the social life seem to work well- seems to create motivation. (After all, at this age, their social life is basically all they think about!)
Its time to sit down with your daughter and let her know that from this day on, she will pick up after herself. Let her know what you expect from her, and let her know what the consequences will be if she doesn’t comply. Also, let her know that you love her- that you are giving her this responsibility because all through her life, she is going to have responsibility. I wish you the best!

I have a 10 year old son and recently when looking through his spelling book from last school year i came across 2 pictures. One picture was of a girl with breasts and a penis, but he also put the name Cassidy on top of the picture. Cassidy is a classmate.

The 2nd picture was of a boy and a girl, he drew a penis on the boy and the girl was laying down with her mouth open towards the penis and he also drew a penis on the girl.

This obviously tells me that he thinks that girls have penis' like he does. But my question is, is this normal? should I be worried? Does this mean that I should be discussing the birds and the bees with him immediatly or is he to young? I'm so confused. he is my only child and I do not know how to handle this.

Hmm I think at age ten they should normally know that girls have a vagina, why he doesn't I don't know many reasons can be at the base of this.

 

As for talking about sex (not the birds and bees) and about men women and their penis and vagina it is never to early. That is not only my opinion but sexologists also say that. But try to do it age apropriatly ofcourse. To do that listen to your kid, he'll ask questions he is interested in.

 

The big advantage of talking about sex now is that you work with a (pretty) blank sheet of paper. The media and his friends didn't have much influence on him yet. If you wait to long it will get harder and harder to let him make good choices.

 

In this don't force values like wait untill marriage before having sex but try to have an opener mind and try to teach everything he wants to know. (don't forget about contraceptives, if you plant the seed now the chance is higher that when he does have sex he will use a condom.)

Our daughter would sneak out and change her clothes, like the young 11 year old on the show Nov 23.  We kept repeating and drilling into her that she could be creative with any color, any fabric or style... as long as it was modest.  She wore all kinds of things over the years, and finally caught that she could be very creative within the  one rule.

Have a couple problems,A just turned 18 yr old girl,has resently ranaway from home and we found out (weeks later)she is with a 45 yr old neighbor (with VERY BAD background prison for pimping&pandering & sex assult on a child & two sons in prison for same type of crimes against children),B4 she ran away(17) the police were called but to no avail they did NOTHING (he is a preditor).Now its escalitaing am scared her dad is going to take matters into his own hands.Have tried  to talk to her,but she wont talk ( keep just sneeking in & out of next door)... just dont know how to undo the things he has filled her brain with.We  as parents try to teach our children about preditiors and being safe.She was assulted in school,(removed from school immeadiately) charges filled, all steps taken,was seeing  a Dr....that didnt work out..Just dont understand HOW she could have so little thought about her self & the people who protect her and love her her whole life.(Don't know what else to do.)What THEY are doing is WRONG on so many levels..PLEASE HELP!