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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 831
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:43:59 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-teens and teens.

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October 27, 2005, 6:32 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: mlaham

I am 16 years old and ever since the start of this week I have felt like smoking a cigarette, and I have no clue why. For no reason at all I suddenly got the immense desire to smoke a cigarette. I was studying in my room and I started thinking about smoking (and how bad it is for you) then I was like "I wonder what it would be like if I tried smoking?" Ever since Monday, I have probably lit 10 cigarettes, and once I light them I throw them away without ever putting them to my lips. What the hell is wrong with me? I get the desire to smoke, then when I light the cigarette I throw it away. All I felt like doing was take one or two puffs or maybe smoke just one whole cigarette. Now I know its bad for you, and my parents have told me this over and over again. I know deep down inside, and in the back of my brain that smoking is not good for me. I know it can ruin your health and I really don't want that. But because of one stupid afternoon I have been stuck to the feeling of smoking and I can't seem to let it go. It sucks. And, why is it that when I light a cigarette I suddenly freak out and throw it away? Is it because I'm scared or what? Or is it because I really don't want a cigarette? I have NEVER smoked, never drank, never taken any drugs, or anything. Suddenly I'm overcome by this disgusting feeling to smoke and I really don't want to, but I also have no idea how to make it go away. I don't want to talk to friends or family about it, because I'm scared they are going to get wild thoughts, but does anyone know why I'm starting to feel like this? And how the hell can I make this feeling go away? (without smoking of course). Thanks,Michael
I wish I didn't lite up when I was 14 or so.  I think it will eventually go away for you.  I have been smoking for 15 yrs on and off, I am 31 now.  I wish I could quit!  Please don't start.  It is bad for you, and it is expensive.  Just think when you are 30 yrs old and have a wife and kids, and a morgage and bills, and car payment and you want to have cool clothes for your kids and expensive clothes to keep them in style, you may not have the extra money to do that because you will need your money to support your smoking habit! 
 
October 30, 2005, 5:36 pm CST

distressed and worn out

i am a single mother of a 14 yr old son. (i also have 4 other children in the house) he is involved in chorus, swim team and soccer. When he is at home, i cant get him to do his chores or help out around the house without a fight. he is bossy to his siblings and yells at them constantly and disrespectful to me. he argues constantly with me . i have taken priveledges away, grounded him, yelled and nothing really seems to phase him.  however when he is with other people, he is respectful, helpful and very loving. it drives me insane! he acts like i know nothing and he knows everything! i cant seem to get through to him...........talking doesnt work. i have set rules and consequences and they dont seem to matter. he is constantly fighting or rough housing with his 9 yr old brother........he out weighs him by 60 pounds! he knows the rules.........i dont know what else to do, i have gone as far as tackling him and sitting on him so he listens but that doesnt work either...............i have even gone into counseling with him and for him individually. it even got so bad that i sent him to live with his deadbeat dad for 4 months and that didn't work .  i need a new approach.................any advice will be appreciated!
 
November 2, 2005, 9:02 am CST

General Advice

 
November 2, 2005, 10:06 am CST

help with 19 year old

I  have 3 kids,19-year old Ashley,14-haleigh,11-alex.Well,where to start? Ashley is very lazy,spoiled,mouthy,disrespectful.If Ashley doent get what she wants she will go into a fit,if she asks for money or something and I dont give it to her,she will start with her swearing and screaming and I mean this child is LOUD it's F this AND f YOU ,YOUR AN A--Hole and she will go on an on till I just can't stand it anymore,then my husband gets upset with me for giving in to her.My husband and Ashley do not  get along at all.He tries to disapline her and if she doesnt like what he says she will start with him she doesnt care what she says to him,she will call him a D--k,A--Hole,sut up ,I dont have to listen to you, she'll say get the F--k away from me, dont touch me,which he NEVER EVER has,he doesnt belive in spanking or hitting children,but she will say it anyway.Sometime my 14 year old will be right their and tell me Mom ashley started with dad first.Myhusband is not Ashley's real Dad,but he has been in her life since she has been 8months old.Haleigh(14) will come home from school and ask me if Ashley is home because she doesnt know because ashley sleeps till 3:00 in the afternoon.I'll tell her yes she's sleeping and haleigh will let out a sigh like she is upset because she is home and she knows what the rest of the will like. When Ashley starts with her yelling and swearing and fighting,my son gets scared and will either go to his room and shut the door or go outside so he doesnt have to hear her and she will swera with his friends her she doesnt care who hears her.One day she was with a couple of her friends and they come our because Ashley needed something and Ashley got mad at one of the people she was with and started with him,saying F--K YOU, DONT EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO,your an A--Hole,well it was a nice day out and my neighbors were out with their small  kids,well needless to say they heard her screaming at this kid and they took their kids inside till she left.Haleigh heard her ad said mom ashley  is screaming at her friends.My husband was outside and tried to get her to go in the house he took her arm and said go inside till you cool off,well then she started with him ,dont touch me get the F--k away from me,well she come inside and I said to her that is going on why are you so mad sut up leave me alone I dont want to talk about it.So I did.She finially calm down hours later and told me why she was so mad at this kid.It was because she had to seat in the back seat and she didnt like that.Ashley fights with my husband all the time.When they are in a room togeather my stess leavel is so high because Iknow something is going to happen,when they fight it's bad their is yelling like I've never heard.She swear  at him ,like she's a sailor she doesnt care what she says to him.She will come to me and say Mom get this A--Hole away from me,then he comes to me and sats Lori do something with her.So I'm caught in the middle of it  and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.I think one day I will have a heart attack because I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY ASHLEY" My little girl who we called are little polly pocket.Ashley has a boyfriend who has 2 jobs and that still doent motavate her .Well stats my story and I'm worried and confussed.I NEED HELP SOON.    LORI         
 
November 2, 2005, 10:51 am CST

Ashley, your little polly pocket monster

Quote From: apollo

I  have 3 kids,19-year old Ashley,14-haleigh,11-alex.Well,where to start? Ashley is very lazy,spoiled,mouthy,disrespectful.If Ashley doent get what she wants she will go into a fit,if she asks for money or something and I dont give it to her,she will start with her swearing and screaming and I mean this child is LOUD it's F this AND f YOU ,YOUR AN A--Hole and she will go on an on till I just can't stand it anymore,then my husband gets upset with me for giving in to her.My husband and Ashley do not  get along at all.He tries to disapline her and if she doesnt like what he says she will start with him she doesnt care what she says to him,she will call him a D--k,A--Hole,sut up ,I dont have to listen to you, she'll say get the F--k away from me, dont touch me,which he NEVER EVER has,he doesnt belive in spanking or hitting children,but she will say it anyway.Sometime my 14 year old will be right their and tell me Mom ashley started with dad first.Myhusband is not Ashley's real Dad,but he has been in her life since she has been 8months old.Haleigh(14) will come home from school and ask me if Ashley is home because she doesnt know because ashley sleeps till 3:00 in the afternoon.I'll tell her yes she's sleeping and haleigh will let out a sigh like she is upset because she is home and she knows what the rest of the will like. When Ashley starts with her yelling and swearing and fighting,my son gets scared and will either go to his room and shut the door or go outside so he doesnt have to hear her and she will swera with his friends her she doesnt care who hears her.One day she was with a couple of her friends and they come our because Ashley needed something and Ashley got mad at one of the people she was with and started with him,saying F--K YOU, DONT EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO,your an A--Hole,well it was a nice day out and my neighbors were out with their small  kids,well needless to say they heard her screaming at this kid and they took their kids inside till she left.Haleigh heard her ad said mom ashley  is screaming at her friends.My husband was outside and tried to get her to go in the house he took her arm and said go inside till you cool off,well then she started with him ,dont touch me get the F--k away from me,well she come inside and I said to her that is going on why are you so mad sut up leave me alone I dont want to talk about it.So I did.She finially calm down hours later and told me why she was so mad at this kid.It was because she had to seat in the back seat and she didnt like that.Ashley fights with my husband all the time.When they are in a room togeather my stess leavel is so high because Iknow something is going to happen,when they fight it's bad their is yelling like I've never heard.She swear  at him ,like she's a sailor she doesnt care what she says to him.She will come to me and say Mom get this A--Hole away from me,then he comes to me and sats Lori do something with her.So I'm caught in the middle of it  and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.I think one day I will have a heart attack because I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY ASHLEY" My little girl who we called are little polly pocket.Ashley has a boyfriend who has 2 jobs and that still doent motavate her .Well stats my story and I'm worried and confussed.I NEED HELP SOON.    LORI         

Your little polly pocket grew up into a selfish monster. 

I'm curious to know, you said your husband isnt her father but has been her dad since she was 8 months old, does Ashley know her biological father at all? She sounds like an extremely angry young lady, and that could be one of her anger issues, among many.  

Its very, very sad that your other two children feel that they need to walk on egg shells around their sister. Why, at age 19, is she still living at home when she makes everyone's life miserable? There needs to be serious concequences. The reason that she treats you all like this is because she can. Plain and simple. You know how dr. phil says, "you teach people how to treat you"... well, you all have bowed down to Queen Ashley for so long, she assumes that the world is going to, also. She is in for a totally RUDE awakening when she gets out into the real world. My advice to you is to take back control. Your family shouldn't be living their lives, skirting around Ashley and her issues. That is so not fair to all of you!! You deserve to have a peaceful home, why don't you create that for your family? Starting right now, you must take back your personal power from Ashley. She is old enough to understand concequences and rules- its time to get tough!! Mom, don't back down. If you keep up like this, you are going to have so many regrets. Please do this for all of you!! 

 
November 2, 2005, 10:54 am CST

pick your battles

Quote From: bjleib

i am a single mother of a 14 yr old son. (i also have 4 other children in the house) he is involved in chorus, swim team and soccer. When he is at home, i cant get him to do his chores or help out around the house without a fight. he is bossy to his siblings and yells at them constantly and disrespectful to me. he argues constantly with me . i have taken priveledges away, grounded him, yelled and nothing really seems to phase him.  however when he is with other people, he is respectful, helpful and very loving. it drives me insane! he acts like i know nothing and he knows everything! i cant seem to get through to him...........talking doesnt work. i have set rules and consequences and they dont seem to matter. he is constantly fighting or rough housing with his 9 yr old brother........he out weighs him by 60 pounds! he knows the rules.........i dont know what else to do, i have gone as far as tackling him and sitting on him so he listens but that doesnt work either...............i have even gone into counseling with him and for him individually. it even got so bad that i sent him to live with his deadbeat dad for 4 months and that didn't work .  i need a new approach.................any advice will be appreciated!
Do you have too many rules? SOmetimes when a home is over-ruled, children will just say "screw it" and decide to break them all... after all, what are you gonna do about it? You are teaching him how to treat you... however he wishes. You've got to take your personal power back today, don't let another day go by!! If there are times when you feel guilty for punishing him, stop and remember that this is for his own good. Why can't you punish him for rough housing with his little brother? Take away privledges- computer, stereo, etc... Dr. Phil would say to take everything away and make him earn it all back, little by little. Do this for yourself, do it for your whole family, you deserve to have peace!!
 
November 2, 2005, 11:49 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: jenoc99

Your little polly pocket grew up into a selfish monster. 

I'm curious to know, you said your husband isnt her father but has been her dad since she was 8 months old, does Ashley know her biological father at all? She sounds like an extremely angry young lady, and that could be one of her anger issues, among many.  

Its very, very sad that your other two children feel that they need to walk on egg shells around their sister. Why, at age 19, is she still living at home when she makes everyone's life miserable? There needs to be serious concequences. The reason that she treats you all like this is because she can. Plain and simple. You know how dr. phil says, "you teach people how to treat you"... well, you all have bowed down to Queen Ashley for so long, she assumes that the world is going to, also. She is in for a totally RUDE awakening when she gets out into the real world. My advice to you is to take back control. Your family shouldn't be living their lives, skirting around Ashley and her issues. That is so not fair to all of you!! You deserve to have a peaceful home, why don't you create that for your family? Starting right now, you must take back your personal power from Ashley. She is old enough to understand concequences and rules- its time to get tough!! Mom, don't back down. If you keep up like this, you are going to have so many regrets. Please do this for all of you!! 

yes ashley knows chet(my  husband) isnt her father and she has meet him,she found out  a year ago from my cousins and aunt and uncle when  i was in florida 1700 miles and chet was here with the kids.I had gone to visit my parents who had moved their i was only gone 6 days.Ashley had been told this while she was at a wedding.She was a little upset told her cousin to take her home so she could talk to chet. They talked for hours and explained to her why we did not tell her sooner,then they called me in florida and chet told me what was going on.I as my parents and grandpants were so mad that they would tell her this when we werent around ,and who the hell are they to tell her this.So I talked to her for a very long time and explained to her why,as did my parents and sister.Much to our suprise she took the news VERY WELL.She chet a long letter saying how it did not matter he was not her real dad and she still LOVED him,he will always be her father.Well she still lives at home because she has NO MONEY...YES their needs to concequences but what she doesnt listen.I bow down because i cant take the anger and madness that she has.I agree she is in for RUDE awakeningwhen she goes out on her own.How do you take back CONTROLL.I dont know how to take back controll?I want to so bad I ,and chet, and haleigh, and Alex havent had a peacefull home in a very long time.HOW DO YOU GIVE CONCEQUENCES AND RULES TO A 19 YEAR OLD WHO DOESNT LISTEN TO ANYONE.i WANT TO GET TOUGH but i dont know where to start.I do not want to have regets! I so want to be able to talk to her !I dont want her to be a throw away young adult.      

 
November 2, 2005, 7:58 pm CST

Hope you have got the info you need

Quote From: bendlady

Please bear with me this may get a little long. I am needing advise on what to do about a neglagent Dr. I have a 12 year old son that has ADD. I never wanted him on medication for this. Last year he got into trouble at school which resulted in a mental evaluation for anger and a visit to the pediatrician. Not his Dr. tho. I had to take him to the only Dr. that addresses ADD. She evaluated all the paper work from myself and teachers. Tried to talk with my son but he told her "You can't make me speek" She said "you are right, i can't. And if you wont speek whats on your mind than no one will be able to tell if you are becoming angry so you will be put on medication to prevent you from getting angry"  He simply replyed by sitting in a chair, pulling the hood from his sweatshirt over his head and stared at the DR. I told the Dr. I didn't want my child put on stimulants. She said ok we wont give him the one pill for anger yet, we will only give him a non stimulant for the ADD to help him in school. So I agreed. @ weeks later i called the Dr. to tell her he seemed more emotional than before and that was the only change. So she said that she was going to have to change the medicine to a stimulant and give him somthing for anger. I was not ok with this but she said it was the only way to insure he waould not get into trouble he couldn't get out of. So I agreed. I was told nothing about the 2 drugs she prescribed to my child. The pharmasist explained the basic side effects, loss of appitite, difficulty sleeping, a little more emotional. All things i could deal with. He has now been on these pills for almost a year now and has not been seen by the Dr. sence the very first visit. I have only ever got her to return 2 phone calls, and i have made many. I researched these drugs and am horrified at what the possible sudden side effects are after long term use,  Stroke, Heart attack, Kidney Failier, Suicide! The 2 medications are Adderall XR 30mg and Risperdal .5 mg in am & 1mg in pm.  Ricky started out on 10 mg of the Adderall XR and 4 months ago i picked up his prescription and it was upped to 30. No one asked me or talked to me about my son she just did it. But the bad part is that she didn't even know she upped it. When i called to ask about the differnt mg. she actually returned the call and said she didn't relieze she had upped the mg. and didn't log it either but said to give him the new mg. that it was normal. Is that normal? give children pills that can kill them and not ever even take a pulse?  It's very scary to me and I don't know what to do about this. I don't want my son on these pills but the side effects of not giving them to him are also to risky to not, he has to be takin off by lowering the dose gradualy but i can't even get her to return a call...HELP!!! Thank you

My daughter had taken Adderall XR 30 mg for the last 2 1/2 years, Her hormones are changing and they just changed her meds. they now have her on Concerta 20 mg. The doctor did say we have room to go up in the Med.  

I know i did a lot of research on the meds and ADD/ADHD. The meds will most likely not kill your son. All medications have bad side effects. If you look at any label they have to tell you what the most common side effects were during clinical trials and also what the adverse effects are. They are usually based on less than 5 percent of the people.  

However, you son should be having an Appt. with the doctor every 2-4 months in the beginning then they can be longer in the duration. My daughter was going about every 4-6 month before they changed the med. She has been on the new med for about 3-4 weeks now and she seems to like it. Back to what I was saying about Appt. If you still have him on the Meds, you have soo many rights and reasons to complain. If your doctor will not se your child call your insurance company and file a complaint. If that doesn't work you can always call/write and complain to his National Board. All doctors are required to register and continue there education. He will be listed. It just might take some work. He should also be having his weight and Blood pressure monitored. You can also do that. A pretty good website that I have found pretty informative was DRUGS.COM  

I hope this may have helped a little... 

 
November 3, 2005, 8:39 am CST

help with 19 year old

Quote From: apollo

yes ashley knows chet(my  husband) isnt her father and she has meet him,she found out  a year ago from my cousins and aunt and uncle when  i was in florida 1700 miles and chet was here with the kids.I had gone to visit my parents who had moved their i was only gone 6 days.Ashley had been told this while she was at a wedding.She was a little upset told her cousin to take her home so she could talk to chet. They talked for hours and explained to her why we did not tell her sooner,then they called me in florida and chet told me what was going on.I as my parents and grandpants were so mad that they would tell her this when we werent around ,and who the hell are they to tell her this.So I talked to her for a very long time and explained to her why,as did my parents and sister.Much to our suprise she took the news VERY WELL.She chet a long letter saying how it did not matter he was not her real dad and she still LOVED him,he will always be her father.Well she still lives at home because she has NO MONEY...YES their needs to concequences but what she doesnt listen.I bow down because i cant take the anger and madness that she has.I agree she is in for RUDE awakeningwhen she goes out on her own.How do you take back CONTROLL.I dont know how to take back controll?I want to so bad I ,and chet, and haleigh, and Alex havent had a peacefull home in a very long time.HOW DO YOU GIVE CONCEQUENCES AND RULES TO A 19 YEAR OLD WHO DOESNT LISTEN TO ANYONE.i WANT TO GET TOUGH but i dont know where to start.I do not want to have regets! I so want to be able to talk to her !I dont want her to be a throw away young adult.      

I AM ANGRY BECAUSE EVERYONE TELLS ME TO KICK HER OUT,BUT SHE HAS NO MONEY,NOJOB,AND SHE DOESNT DRIVE!!!!!!! Where would she go.People say well,thats not my problem.Well, it is because I woukd just worrie ,what is she doing,wher is she,is she doing drugs is she living in the streets, is she lying in the street God for bid but dead.I'm her Mother i'm to make sure she is safe, But I can't live like this for much longer.I NEED HELP LOTS OF HELP SOON!!!!!!!!!  I PRAY THEIR IS SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP ME!!!!!     lORI
 
November 3, 2005, 12:40 pm CST

help w/13 yeqr old son

Hi, I hope somebody might have a little advice for me. I have a 13 year son in seventh grade. Over the past two years he has had problems in school. He has had problems being responsible completing assignments. He also had an on going problem with the boy who lived across the street: teasing him, throwing things at him and being a real pest, (maybe bully). He has since moved. This year it has been the same thing, quit a few in school detentions, and basically verbal sexual harassment of a girl in his science class.Also, another boy was involved with this. Needless to say I was mortified, than out raged and wanted to ring his neck. I've also recently caught him in allot of lies about school and money disappearing from around the house. 

     My husband and I have done all the typical, normal, common sense disciplinary actions as well as contact all the teachers and staying in touch with them. So far none if this is working. I'm afraid of where this behavior might lead if we can't get a grip on itThe one common thread that all the teachers say is he tries to be the class clown. 

   I know this is an incomplete explanation of the situation but I"m all out of ideas and would love to have some advice or suggestions. I am seriously considering military school but there is not one close to us and I can't afford the tuition. 

   We have 3 other children and my son is the 3rd child. So we do have some parenting experience. 

 
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