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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 831
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:43:59 pm
Author : dataimport
Share advice and support with other parents of pre-teens and teens.

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November 2, 2008, 1:03 am CDT

i need more than advice

i do everything for attention
EVERYTHING
i've cut myself,  run away, and had an eating disorder(currently recovering)
I can't think of any other way to get my mothers attention.
I don't think she loves me anymore.
and please don't tell me that's crazy your mother loves you.
well i know she loves me but i have practically raised myself for 4 years now. I feel like my own mother. HSe works two jobs and i do blame her for not being around. i know i shouldn't and i feel terribly guilty for it but it is her own fault she could have gone to college, in fact she went for about 3 months and then dropped out. she has to work two djobs because of the mistakes she made an di don;t think i should have to or had to suffer for her mistakes. I feel guilty about not loving her and blamign her for everything. She has caused so much hurt and pain that i don't think i'm goign to live longer than 30 years of age. I have depression and anxiety attacks. I have seperation issues, and i'm still grieving over my grandpa's death from over thre months ago. I don't like her boyfriend and i feel like she constantly wants to be with him instead of me. She is acting like i'm away at college when i'm still a junior in high school. i'm cry out for attention and I need a real mother. tell me is it too late for hope? should i just give up? i keep telling ymself i'm not going to be hurt by her, but time and again i keep letting these things affect me. I'm already in therapry but that has only helped me deal with why i'm bulemic, and we have yet to start talking about my mother. I don't know about me any more. I have lost my self identity. I only feel confident around my friends at school, and i feel like i'm on the verge of a breakdown. I don't know whtat to do anymore! THIS IS MY DESPERATE PLEA FOR HELP!



is it too late for hope?
 
November 3, 2008, 11:30 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: irmalove884

i do everything for attention
EVERYTHING
i've cut myself,  run away, and had an eating disorder(currently recovering)
I can't think of any other way to get my mothers attention.
I don't think she loves me anymore.
and please don't tell me that's crazy your mother loves you.
well i know she loves me but i have practically raised myself for 4 years now. I feel like my own mother. HSe works two jobs and i do blame her for not being around. i know i shouldn't and i feel terribly guilty for it but it is her own fault she could have gone to college, in fact she went for about 3 months and then dropped out. she has to work two djobs because of the mistakes she made an di don;t think i should have to or had to suffer for her mistakes. I feel guilty about not loving her and blamign her for everything. She has caused so much hurt and pain that i don't think i'm goign to live longer than 30 years of age. I have depression and anxiety attacks. I have seperation issues, and i'm still grieving over my grandpa's death from over thre months ago. I don't like her boyfriend and i feel like she constantly wants to be with him instead of me. She is acting like i'm away at college when i'm still a junior in high school. i'm cry out for attention and I need a real mother. tell me is it too late for hope? should i just give up? i keep telling ymself i'm not going to be hurt by her, but time and again i keep letting these things affect me. I'm already in therapry but that has only helped me deal with why i'm bulemic, and we have yet to start talking about my mother. I don't know about me any more. I have lost my self identity. I only feel confident around my friends at school, and i feel like i'm on the verge of a breakdown. I don't know whtat to do anymore! THIS IS MY DESPERATE PLEA FOR HELP!



is it too late for hope?

It is NEVER too late for hope! Please believe me, you are in a deep valley but don´t give up you can climb out and get out on top. I do not say that it will be easy, but it is do able.

You are just starting your therapy and you might want to speak about your mother and your relationship, but first you need to get a stable baseline, stopping your selfdestructive behaviour (something I guess you want to right?), after that you can start focussing on other problems with your therapist. So it will come but you will have to be patient for just a little while longer.

What I do want to say to you is that you feel the way you feel and that those feelings are legitemate (you feel them so they are real) do not suppress them or out them with cutting or what you do to out them. Maybe try writing a letter about your negative feelings and tearing it up and burning it afterwards so no one else can read it but also to part with those feelings allowing yourself to let them go.

Also try to write a small note just one sentence. This sentence should be about a positive feeling, thought or place. A safe place to which you can return when you feel really down. If you don't feel you have such a place now try going back in time to a time when you did or forward to a time in which you will. Wear this note close to your heart so you can always look at it but even if you don't you know it's closeby.

Last thing I want to say is that you are not alone, there are others which have had the same things you have, they found a way to become better, please let that inspire you to hold on. You can battle this really, I know you are strong enough and you allready took steps in the right direction. I believe you can do it!

 

you can always speak here if you need to I and others will read them with care,

Take care,

Oet Gäöl

 
January 11, 2009, 7:07 pm CST

A new Start or Not?

My 19 year old has been in and out of jail for some petty things mostly causing mischief.  He did not finish school and has been in and out of both his parents home.  In his mom's home he has caused alot of damage due to his temper and carelessnes, holes in the walls and broken furniture to name some and also has stolen her vehicle and money.  He has been given many chances and always after the fact he is full of regrets and apologies.  His father and him do not communicate as well as they could, mostly due to his dad being angy at his whole way of life and the teen well he would rather not communicate because of his dad's controling ways unless he has too.  Now this teen is living in a new apartment in another town a half hour drive away from his old one and is hoping for a fresh start, living with his girlfriend, no job, on social assistance and a court date ahead along with many rules set by police.  Is this teen destined to fail in this situation?  Or could this be his turning point?  His mom and dad are only a phone call away and are willing to help, especially his mom, the softie of the two.
 
January 18, 2009, 9:18 am CST

General Advice

Quote From: femalelogger

My 19 year old has been in and out of jail for some petty things mostly causing mischief.  He did not finish school and has been in and out of both his parents home.  In his mom's home he has caused alot of damage due to his temper and carelessnes, holes in the walls and broken furniture to name some and also has stolen her vehicle and money.  He has been given many chances and always after the fact he is full of regrets and apologies.  His father and him do not communicate as well as they could, mostly due to his dad being angy at his whole way of life and the teen well he would rather not communicate because of his dad's controling ways unless he has too.  Now this teen is living in a new apartment in another town a half hour drive away from his old one and is hoping for a fresh start, living with his girlfriend, no job, on social assistance and a court date ahead along with many rules set by police.  Is this teen destined to fail in this situation?  Or could this be his turning point?  His mom and dad are only a phone call away and are willing to help, especially his mom, the softie of the two.
I think his anger might be a problem in this situation. It seems he has a problem controlling his anger even though he knows right from wrong.
A fresh start might be difficult but he seems to be really willing. He would be helped with an anger managementclass, this could help him channel his anger into a more contructive way so that he will not get into trouble with the law and really can start over. His mom could talk with this teen about this and might help him getting over the shame of getting help.
 
January 27, 2009, 1:45 pm CST

12 yr old will not stop peeing her pants.

I have had my child to Urologists, her pediatrician, a neurologist and three different psychiatrists.  She will not stop peeing her pants.   Urologist said her bladder size and shape is normal, functioning normally.  Neurologist tested her(EEG, Epilepsy, sleep study) all normal, three different psychiatrists said she does it just to do it, to show she has control.  Control over what? The child has a normal happy life always has.  She's not abused.  The one psychiatrist used her as a guineau pig, even prescribing zoloft which gave her suicidal thoughts. This has been going on forever.  We started the Doctors at 7 years old, and 5 years later no progress. Still the same,  we do not allow her to wear underwear anymore she wears pull ups and she pees in them, she doesn't wipe, sometimes she will #2 and not wipe. She doesn't clean herself up afterwards either, we have to tell her to go clean herself up.  Her grades in school are pitiful, teachers always complain she doesn't pay attention, she rips up paper, she eats crayons out of the shared communtiy box in the classroom(no she is not in special Ed). Can anyone PLEASE help. PLEASE.  Why won't she stop.  I'm in the DFW area in TX.  My three other children have none of these problems, grades are good, use the toilet. 
 
February 23, 2009, 10:46 pm CST

I want my daughters back

Two years ago, I had to tell my 16 year old daughter to get out.  She refused to follow any rules and would become violent when she did not get her own way.  We tried to get help, and we were seeing a family counsellor at the time, but her behaviour was not changing.  I felt like it was the right thing to do to protect myself and her younger siblings.  It hurt so much to watch her walk away, and it still hurts.  I tuly thought she would go away for a while, remember that she loved us, and come back.  She lives with my parents now.

A few days ago, my other daughter, who is now 16, moved in with her 18 year old, unemployed boyfriend.

I am trying very hard to keep my focus on my 13 year old son, but I am feeling a lot of grief and sadness at the loss of both of my daughters. I keep replaying our life story, wondering where the problem lies.  I just don't know.  They both refused to live by rules.  I think that is what it boils down to.

What I really want is for both my daughters to come home.  I feel ripped off as a mother.  I tried to do everything right, but when my girls started getting into trouble, it took me a long time to know what kind of help I needed, and even longer to get it.  They can refuse counselling at 16 years old.  That is not helpful.  For us, it seems like it would have been a critical time to mandate it.

I don't really know what kind of advice I need, but I know I need some.  Noone I know has had to go through anything like this with their children. 

 

 
March 16, 2009, 9:08 am CDT

16 year old daughter/troubled relationship with dad

My 16 year old daughter almost 17 is a wonderful person with a big heart.  Since she was 13 we have had issues with her sneeking out with her boyfriend, drinking, drugs, and disrespect.  In the past 3 1/2 - 4 years we have caught her drinking 3 times.  In 8th grade we caught her sneeking out with her boyfriend which we put an end to the relationship which took many months.  Within that time she had sex with him.  Shortly after we found a baggy with what she said was crushed up ibuprofin and that she had it but was to afraid to use it.  This last year she was caught drinking and admitted to sniffing 1/2 of a Hydrocodone.  about a month later she was caught drinking again.  In the past month and 1/2 I caught her texting someone letting them know that her friend could get 15's for 25 and said her friend just wanted the money for them so she could buy them.  She was them caught texting with another friend, with the friend telling her they should get some pills the next day and my daughter texted another kid from another town where they were going the next day and asked him if he had anything.  She admitted to it and said that she wasn't really going to do it.  She swears she hasn't been doing anything and when I have tested her it always comes out negative.  She continues to chose friends that are into this type of behavior, finding the same type of people to befriend after we remove the bad ones from her life. 

 

The other night my husband and I got into an argument, he has hit me in the past, which the kids have witnessed, not a beating but never the less we fought and there was violence both ways.  Anyways, he slammed the front door and she told him to grow up, he was calling me names and smacked our 8 year old son in the arm when he went up behind him, putting his arm around his throat, he said he was playing with him but he wanted his dad to stop being mean.  My daughter said many things to him about his behavior and he got in her face.  She told him to get out of her face or she would punch him in it and that she had wanted to do that to him for a long time.  He smacked her in the back of the head with his hand, walked off, she said something else and he went back over to her, she punched him and he punched her back hitting her in the back of the head.  I got in between them and pushed him away from her.  He says he didn't hit her with his fist and I can't say for sure if he did, all I know is that he went after her.  She has told me that she will not forgive him and that I make her sick by staying and that if I stay I am picking him over her. 

 

My fear is that yes he was very wrong for what he did, but she has been very mean and manipulative for several years now.  I think he had just had enough of the yelling and fighting that goes on everyday in our house.  I don't know what to do, and I don't know if she is trying to manipulate me or if I am enabling him to do what he does.  He has worked very hard to control his temper and has not hit me in 3 years.  He gets mad and tries intimidation but has not hit me.  I don't know if everything just came to a head for him or what.  Also we have a19 year old daughter who came home pregnant from college and the boy wants nothing to do with her.  This is part of the stress that has driven all of us to be on the edge.

 

Please help, I don't know what to do!

 

 

 
March 20, 2009, 4:13 am CDT

16 yr old behavior, dad issues

Quote From: wynative

My 16 year old daughter almost 17 is a wonderful person with a big heart.  Since she was 13 we have had issues with her sneeking out with her boyfriend, drinking, drugs, and disrespect.  In the past 3 1/2 - 4 years we have caught her drinking 3 times.  In 8th grade we caught her sneeking out with her boyfriend which we put an end to the relationship which took many months.  Within that time she had sex with him.  Shortly after we found a baggy with what she said was crushed up ibuprofin and that she had it but was to afraid to use it.  This last year she was caught drinking and admitted to sniffing 1/2 of a Hydrocodone.  about a month later she was caught drinking again.  In the past month and 1/2 I caught her texting someone letting them know that her friend could get 15's for 25 and said her friend just wanted the money for them so she could buy them.  She was them caught texting with another friend, with the friend telling her they should get some pills the next day and my daughter texted another kid from another town where they were going the next day and asked him if he had anything.  She admitted to it and said that she wasn't really going to do it.  She swears she hasn't been doing anything and when I have tested her it always comes out negative.  She continues to chose friends that are into this type of behavior, finding the same type of people to befriend after we remove the bad ones from her life. 

 

The other night my husband and I got into an argument, he has hit me in the past, which the kids have witnessed, not a beating but never the less we fought and there was violence both ways.  Anyways, he slammed the front door and she told him to grow up, he was calling me names and smacked our 8 year old son in the arm when he went up behind him, putting his arm around his throat, he said he was playing with him but he wanted his dad to stop being mean.  My daughter said many things to him about his behavior and he got in her face.  She told him to get out of her face or she would punch him in it and that she had wanted to do that to him for a long time.  He smacked her in the back of the head with his hand, walked off, she said something else and he went back over to her, she punched him and he punched her back hitting her in the back of the head.  I got in between them and pushed him away from her.  He says he didn't hit her with his fist and I can't say for sure if he did, all I know is that he went after her.  She has told me that she will not forgive him and that I make her sick by staying and that if I stay I am picking him over her. 

 

My fear is that yes he was very wrong for what he did, but she has been very mean and manipulative for several years now.  I think he had just had enough of the yelling and fighting that goes on everyday in our house.  I don't know what to do, and I don't know if she is trying to manipulate me or if I am enabling him to do what he does.  He has worked very hard to control his temper and has not hit me in 3 years.  He gets mad and tries intimidation but has not hit me.  I don't know if everything just came to a head for him or what.  Also we have a19 year old daughter who came home pregnant from college and the boy wants nothing to do with her.  This is part of the stress that has driven all of us to be on the edge.

 

Please help, I don't know what to do!

 

 

If you are not seeing a family counselor, get one NOW!  If you are seeing such a counselor, get a different one!  The issues here go far beyond just your daughter's behavior.
 
April 7, 2009, 1:53 pm CDT

Son 17 going on "18"

I have a 17 year old son who will turn 18 in 12 days.  He is extremely intelligent but is going to fail is Junior year.  I spoke with his counselor today, she informs me that the 3rd nine weeks of school in two of his classes he had grades of 15 and 23, this nine weeks in those same two classes he has grades of 98 and 90!!!!  How is that possible.  He has thrown away his chance to graduate with his friends.....and he doesn't even care really.  I mean he'll be 20 years old by the time he does graduate!  I don't know what to do with him, it's great that his grades are up now, but it's too late to salvage anthing for the school year.  My question now is do I let him continue to self-destruct, then risk the chance of him quitting school when he's 18 years old?  I have been looking into Job Corps and the military (although I don't think he would ever make it thru the military - even though it would be good for him).  Job Corps sounds like it might be the way to go.  I understand that school isn't for everyone, and I can say that because I was the same way....he's bored out of his mind and doesn't see a means to an end.  He feels like it is just something he's being foreced to do and therefore going thru the motions, and not doing any of the work....he has shut down and put up the thickest wall known to man!  He's an awesome kid....even his counselor, his teachers, the principal, and other parents all comment on how polite he is and how sweet and kind he is.  I don't know I'm at a complete loss as to what to do with this kid.
 
April 11, 2009, 5:13 am CDT

Why is my 12yr. old always mad?

Hi, I am a single mom raising a 12yr. old son  with no help. My son  is is always mad! I can not even have a normal conversation with out him getting mad and telling me to shutup. I recently put my son in counseling so he would have someone to talk to about what he is feeling. I do not know what to do. I have tried talking to him but he keeps doing it. Maybe it has something to do with puberty because he is going through puberty right Now. He has always had a temper though. It seems like he is always in a bad mood and always wants to argue with me. Is this normal for his age?He is an only child. Any advice would be appreciated.
 
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