Topic : General Advice

What do you do with your teenager once they've graduated high school and all they want to do is party and sleep all day? I've tried just about everything including taking off of work to drive him around job hunting.  

If your teen graduated in June and here it is December and your teen is still partying it up, then there's a two word answer: "Move out!"  

Kids who really want to work, work. My son had his own business going at 14, worked throughout high school, and my daughter did the same. The two younger ones can't wait until they are old enough to have a "real" job and have to be content with odd jobs and babysitting for now. The reality is that if my kids wanted spending money, they had to earn it. I'll supplement, but cash for pizza, movies, concerts, CDs, gas, car insurance should be something that kids pay for, or at least contribute a certain portion.  

I haven't had your problem because it's just inconceivable to me. But if I did, I'd do the tough love thing and cut my kid off. No cash outlays, no special foods that you know he/she loves to eat, no car, no gas, no pay-per-view, nada. 

I love my kids dearly and hate to be hardcore, but my job is to prepare them for the adult world. And that's a world where most people have to earn a living.  

But here's the nice side byproducts of "reality childrearing:" My kids routinely stop to pick up groceries. They call me to ask if I need anything when they are at the store. The two older ones delight in picking up the check at a restaurant. They'll call to ask if I want anything when they're in line at a drive through. Also, they pay for their own cell phone, school books and supplies. We pay for their tuition and fees. They don't have to pay rent at home or pay for food but they have to behave like the adults that they are. They help with laundry (my son does most of it for all of us), cooking, cleanup, driving the younger ones, and still have time for their own friends and for each other.  

Every retail outlet and restaurant is hiring holiday help now. Many holiday jobs can become permanent with good performance. 

Unless your teen has a bona fide physical or mental health issue (and you should always consider this) I'd say, "No way buddy, not in this house." It's really not fair for your teen to place this kind of stress on you.  

Hello, I need some advise on what to do about this situation I'm in. I have been taking care of my ex-boyfriend's 15yr old daughter for  a little over a year now because he is in prison. She can't get along with her mother so she had asked if she could come to live with me, other wise she would have been sent to a foster home or detention home. I took her in and had gotten custody of her. Well, in the last 6 months she has been very disrespectful, skipping classes at school, constantly late for school, she has been lying to me, and is even trying to hook up with a 30yr old. I could go on and on with things she is doing wrong. I try disciplining her (groundind, taking things away) and she looks at me as if to say "Who the hell are you, you aren't my mother".  

I just feel like screaming, I mean I have treated this girl like she was my own daughter. I have done alot for her and I feel she doesn't appreciate any of it with the way she treats me. Alot of people I know, including my own mother, say I shouldn't have to deal with it because she's the one who asked for help. I'm now feeling like I shoudn't have to deal with the "attitude" she's giving me but what can I do? Should I let the courts decide what to do with her or should I keep giving her chance after chance? Threatening that I'm gonna make her go back to her mothers doesn't do much. I have 3 boys of my own (6, 8, 11) and I have enough stress with them. Should I be letting someone elses child stress me out more? I could really use some advice because I feel guilty for thinking I should kick her out but I don't want to be treated like dirt either. 

I have a 15 year old boy.... He used to be sweet, loving, caring.  For the last year or so give or take he has become a terrible monster.   He refuses to let me touch him, conversations if you can call them that consist of me asking questions... How was your day, what did you do in school etc and the response is usually fine, nothing, or the same as yesterday when you asked me.  The child is rude, disrespectful and has a snappy come back for everything we say to him.  The child is also fond of leaving me letters about how parents should act, and that I have no right to disipline him for lying, drinking, experimenting with drugs and not listening... The not listening is a big issue in our home.  He does whatever he wants... He also feels that we should let him do whatever he wants whenever he wants. He is also great at not taking ownership for the things that he does.  For the last couple of months he has been hiding out in his room and the only time he comes out is when he's hungry, has to use the bathroom or to make some snide comment to me or his step-father.  It seems to me that he acts out more so when ever there is a holiday coming up or a special occasion.  We spent the week before and the week after my birthday giving each other the silent treatment.   Now we are at odds yet again probably the 6th time this year.   He has announced to me that he could care less about xmas its a time to celebrate god, Jesus etc.  Which is funny because he usually announces himself as an athiest.  His mood swings are another problem.  One moment he can be joking around with us or sitting watching a movie with us and the next he ruins it by making some nasty comment about whatever.  And the child is incredibly spoiled thanks to his great grandmother.  He tries to get away with everything but is so bad at it he usually gets caught.  Just wondering if other people are having problems like mine and any suggestions in correcting it would be appreciated.   

Mom pulling her hair out 

Ya know, maybe your right. Maybe you should question that. Maybe I thought that I could handle it and I thought that I was doing some good keeping her out of the system. And IF my sons are to act like selfish, disrespectful little brats when they are in their teens, there will be serious conciquences. But I'd like to think that I have brought them up better than that. Yes, they can be little devils BUT they do respect me and what I say goes. Now on to other things, setting boundries, oh you can believe I have many, many times and it goes in one ear and out the other.I have tried talking to her, it doesn't work, I have tried yelling, that doesn't work. NOW WHAT? I would think that if I were her, I would be grateful for what I do have and I would be thanful to the person who gave it to me. But that's just my opinion.  You can question me on that too if you like. You seem to think that I just want to get rid of her,  if that were true she would be gone by now and I wouldn't be asking for help.