Topic : General Advice

Ok so this is it in a nutshell. My son who is twelve last year got hit by his dad who then went to jail and was removed from the house. After the cps thing and working with his dad he is back home and we seemed to be doing pretty good until today when I found out he is smoking weed. I want to tell his father but fear it will send him over the edge. I have a daughter who is 13 who will watch how I handle this. My husband still feel like it is my sons fault that he got into trouble. Thier relationship has been so closed since the first situation. I feel like he needs to be punished but how sever and how to do it is just beyond anything I can come up with. Please help me so that my son has a fighting chance at the world and to fix this is just made me relize I have had my head in the sand and I have failed as a parent.

I have 2 girls. One is 9 and one is 11. Trying to get them to listen to me is vary hard. I'll tell the to do the dishes and they will take a long time getting them done if they get them done at all. When I ask my 11 year old to get something or to put something away she doesn't watch what she is doing. I have more stains on my floor from her them from the 2 year old I watch. She doesn't think about things before she does them and she ends up breaking things or losing them. My 9 year old is the same way but she ives us the added plesure of talking back and pouting. I don't know what to do. Can anyone give me any ideas? I have yelled at them, taken things away, gounded them, and nothing worked. 

It must be awful to have to listen to your brother screaming at your mum over and over again. But I think you should sit down with your mum and discuss this with her, seeing your siblings are between 12 and 16 it would mean your 16 or older. You're old and wise (I think, probably you wouldn't have posted if you weren't) to talk to your mum like grownups,. tell her your worries and listen to what she thinks of it. Than decide what you are going to do about it. And don't forget, your brother is a réal teen, you don't tell how old he is, but I'm guessing around 14, it's normal to be rebelling against your parents around that age, it's just a part of growing up. Maybe you were an easy teen, so you just don't recognise it. So I really don't think it's a disaster, unless ofcourse he is tearing you family and mother apart (Emotionally).

I can relate to your story a bit, it happend to a friend of mine also. First of, but I think you know this already, you're doing the one thing right now, what you don't want to happen to you. Maybe I'm saying this in a rude manner, but its just the bare reality. If those friends hurt you, they're not friends! Friends are people who are there for you to have fun with, but also in those times when it doesn't go that well. It's hard to accept, but it is true. Are you happy about all the bullieing you're doing, does it make you happy? I don't think so... Would you like to get new friends? Real friends? I think you do. First off, you need to have that clear in your mind, you need to know, fully know, you want to change. When you do that you're up to the next step. When you go to school, set a goal for yourself, think, "I'm going to say or do 1 nice thing to someone today" And try to do that. Maybe that person doesn't appriciate it, or think, she wants something from me, but don't let the feeling of disappointment get in to your mind. Just say to yourself: "I helped someone today, maybe it wasn't much, but I did, maybe (s)he didn't appriciate it, but I did, and I'm proud about it." The next day you do the same, try to help someone else, or say something nice. And keep saying that to yourself, try to increase it as soon as you feel ready for it. And soon enough people will see you mean it.  If you don't like this too much, you can also try to do this:

Ask a teacher if you can say something to the class, and just tell them that you're sorry, you don't have to tell a whole story if you don't want to, just say: "I'm sorry for all I did, and I'll try to stop doing that in the future."  And try to keep that promise. This way, you made apologies, and you can start over again.

Its hard, yes, but changing is never easy. because of that you really need to Know in your mind, ánd with your heart that you want to change.

Hi, Im a 16 year old girl and ever since 2 years ago ive been having big time issues with my dad regarding clothes. And no this is surprisingly not regarding him thinking im showing too much skin, (which i would completely understand). This is about his issues with me "rocker" clothing. And actually its not even the clothes. Its the shoes and gloves. My favorite outfits: the clothes im wearing in my default picture and jean tucked into flat black combat boots or a dress with my combat boots. It is absolutely ridiculous the fights we get into over this. If I am going out, he will refuse to take me unless i change shoes. (his biggest problem are the sneakers that go to my knees in my picture). I tell him that its my way of expressing myself andmy style and i ask him why i cant wear it?and his answer simply is: "Because I dont like it, so you cant wear it". He says i look like a b***** just trying to get attention because all rockers are "freaks" and his favorite word "weird". and GOD FORBID i wear fingerless gloves to go out. He starts yelling and cursing under his breath in the kitchen. Its so ridiculous. Theyre shoes and gloves! So im not allowed to express myself with my clothes. I have to wear the shoes he tells me to wear because he will not take me anywhere if i am wearing my boots, sneakers, or gloves or anything that might strike him as "rocker". Can i have your honest opinion on this please?

thanks. but yeah basiclly his promblem is that he doesnt want people to see me dressed like that cuz it "embarasses him. and then he ALWAYS asks "why cant you just be NORMAL?"

Hello. I have a question which any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I had my son at 21 and unmarried. He sees his father regularly. I am struggling with how to talk to him about sex and having kids too early and without marriage and the benefits of waiting.

I do not want him to feel that it was a mistake to have him or anything--it absolutely was not. He's the light of my life. but I want to convey to him to make wise choices.

Any thoughts?

thanks

how old is your son now, age makes a great difference in approaching a talk about sex.

 

Oet Gäöl

i wear boots sometimes.  now boots.