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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 2034
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport
Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.

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August 20, 2008, 8:15 am CDT

Potty Training

I have a four year old son that has been using the potty since he was one but will not go #2 in it. I have tried giving him his favorite candy if he goes. I have also tried sitting him on the potty for 10 min at the beginning of every hour. I tried making him clean himself when he doesn't use the potty. I have also tried taking away a toy every time he doesn't use the potty. Within 10 min of him getting off his potty chair he uses the bathroom in his pants. I have him in regular underwear hoping that will be a way to make him not want to use his pants. I don't know what else to do to get him trained. I have him enrolled in headstart but they won't accept him till he's trained. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
 
August 20, 2008, 1:44 pm CDT

I am afraid our great-nephew is being abused

Our 26 y.o., niece was visiting with us for 3 nights, with her 4 y.o. son, and my husband and I are very concerned that she could be abusing him. I actually DO believe she does.....  She threatens on a constant basis whenever he is not quietly at play, or doing anything at all that she does not like, even being a typical, active, little boy. At meals he must eat and is practically forced fed, with bargaining as to how many bites of what food he must eat. Not going to eat? Let's go to the bedroom 'cause I am going to beat your a$$. Out at a restaurant? Sit still, sit up, eat your food, don't touch this, don't do that, and then, we will go to the bathroom and I will beat your a$$. It isn't always a threat, and she will grab his arm and head to whichever room, while he is screaming and looking terrified, saying, "No Mommy, plese Mommy, no." One night he fell asleep on the sofa while we were talking, and he was talking in his sleep, and said, "Please, not now Mommy". Later, he practically stood up on the sofa, in his sleep and started to cry and yelled that he was scared. I can't help but think this is carryover from the activities of the day. While she is here, we hesitate to say anything or make waves because she is the only child of my husbands deceased brother, and we want to have a HEALTHY relationship with them and watch him grow. They have been gone for 3 days now, and as soon as my mind is not busy with something else, the things said and done while they were here play over and over again in my mind. My husband is also mentioning things that were said and/or done when he was alone with them. He is better than I am about just moving forward as we cannot change it. Yesterday, I thought to call child services in her county, and then realized that we do not know where she actually lives! She never gave us the physical address and keeps a post office box. We think that her mother probably treated her in this manner, and passed it down to her, and we want the cycle to be broken! I know that on one hand it is not my business, and on the other hand it is surely up to SOMEONE to bring this to someone's attention. I have her grandparents email address, and I was going to write and ask them about the discipline she does in front of them, and what they think about things, but I decided to back off where that was concerned, because they also have no authority. If we hear that he is hurt and was in her care at the time, I will not like myself for not acting. I have written a letter to her to let her know that the visit was extremely stressful for us, and explained why, but again, I sat on it, because I don't know what the right thing to do is. I don't want my husband to get cut off from her and her son. He would be very hurt after all the years we missed in her life. I will read all responses, but it would be great if DR. PHIL WOULD READ THIS AND GIVE ME A PROFESSIONAL RESPONSE! Thank You! BTW- We live in two different states.
 
August 20, 2008, 6:35 pm CDT

Psycho Ex.... Need Advice!

Hi everyone,

 

My ex husband is an alcoholic and has a bad temper.  We just got divorced and I have full custody and supervised visitation in order.  For the last year the visits were supervised by his parents and it was working out fine.  My son coudl go there and have fun and I felt he was safe.  However, about 2 weeks ago my ex came over unexpectedly and started an argument.  I got my son in the house but then he kept yelling through a window which I coudlnt' get closed because of him.  He left but then came back again and tried to yell some more, this time the window was shut because I shut it as soon as he left.  I picked up the phone and started dialing the RCMP's number and then he punched the window that my 2 year old was standing in front of.  I talked to the police, pressed charges and got restraining orders against him. 

 

However, he came back a week later and was n my property and broke a beer bottle on my deck. 

 

I called the cops again but there was nothign they could do because I didnt' see him do it and had no proof that it was him. 

 

I have since decided to move to get away from him and have a normal life as he is trying to make mine hell by staying where I am. 

 

I am so upset becauyse I just moved here one year ago and have bought a house for my son and I and am near family and friends and am lovign the small city life.  I'm upset because my son and I are always the ones that have to adjust and he keeps living his merry little life. 

 

My biggest question to everyone is how do I deal with my son constantly asking for his daddy.  His  dad is a good dad when he is sober, and not angry, he has always paid child support and has spent a lot of time with his son in the past..

 

I have contemplated letting him see him supervised by a Social Services Worker but I just dont' know what to do.  I feel so confused.  If it wasn't for my son asking for him everyday and telling me how much he loves his daddy everyday I just would move and forget about him but he asks to go see him everyday and i keep having to tell him he is at work because I dont' knwo what else to tell him.  He is so little and innocent and doesn't know what is happening.  I am scared he is going to feel abandoned by his father if I don't let him see him.  I just do not know what to do.  I am so torn both ways.  I would never let him see him alone ever but part of me feels like he just doesn't deserve to see this little boy that loves and admires him when he can act the way he did in front of him.  I just need some advice from others who have been in this situation.

 

I wish I coudl be a cold hearted witch but I can't.  It is killing me that my son is hurting and missing his dad.  what do I do?

 
August 21, 2008, 1:35 pm CDT

I Need Advise

I have had a situatuion that I need advise for .  I try not to be too protective of a parent:  This is the situation.  I have a 5 yr. old daughter. almost 6 going into the 1st grade  I also have 6 yr old nephew that I watch and who visits frequently.  About 1 month ago while he was visiting.  I overheard on the baby monitor upstairs him say " If you let me touch your butt I will let you touch mine."  I ran so fast to the upstairs .  My daughter was in just her bathing suit.  I spoke to both of them and my sister about good touch bad touch and how it is extremely inappropriate for anyone to ask or to touch you especially any where your bathing suit covers.  I have had this type of conversation with my children numerous time.  After speaking to my sister about this she stated , This happened before at a mutual friends house when the 2 little girls asked my nephew to play doctors .  My concern is that the family of the 2 little girls are class mates of my daughter and now have asked to have my daughter to have her first sleepover along with a couple of other girls.  I am very friendly with the mother of these two children and they have play date frequently.  But since this has happened should I be concerned about letting her sleep over.  Or am I just being paronoid.  Your advise is greatly appreciated 
 
August 23, 2008, 7:28 am CDT

What to do when your grown child does not want you in their life.

My daughter quit talking to me after her mother and I divorced and  I remarried.  I keep trying to contact her but she rejects my emails, cards,ect..  It has been 10 years.  Do I stop and leave her alone?  I would so very much like to have her in our life and family. 

 
August 30, 2008, 4:55 pm CDT

11 year old son suddenly disrespectful

Hi, I am new to these posts but I'm hoping someone can help me.  My son who is 11, has always been awesome; very polite, well mannered and obedient.  recently he has been flipping out when he doesn't get his way.  He will yell, cry, stomp upstais, hide under his bed, and just talk hateful and disrectful in general.  When he is talked to about his actions he plays the victim.  Or turns the focus to his sister.  There's always a reason why he's acting like this, nervous about middle school, or starting band, upset with mom or dad, sister, whatever he can come up with.  recently he has been hurting himself; biting and scratching. He is my first child and this is all new to me.  You also should know I am divorced.  Brady took it very hard.  He was in counseling for a while.  Dad is not very responsible but I don't want to keep thinking the problems are divorce related.  Also Brady is an A student and is in a couple honors classes.  My question is, What do I do to get a handle on this before it gets bad?  How much is his age?  Thanksfor any help your guys can offer.

 
September 2, 2008, 9:21 am CDT

Daughter has really no good friends in her new class??

 

 

My 11 year old daughter who will be starting the 6th grade this year and just found out that none of the friends that she is friendly with are in her class this school year. This was going to be the best year for her because this is the last year of elementary school, after this year she will be going to the high school. Yes we have 7th grade through 12th grade all in one school. She spent the whole day cring and as a parent your heart breaks for them and want to do anything just to make them feel better. I am worried about what the new school year will be like, I don't want her to start hating school. She is friends with the children in her class but nobody that she hangs out with. She  kind of has the kids that are mean sometimes and my daughter Jennifer is not mean to anybody and is kind of shy. She has had breakdowns in class and home when you say somthing to her the wrong way she will cry and just not look at you. She did it more when she was younger but does it now and then  now. I don't want her to feel bullied or left out of the good friends that she does hang out with because she is not in that class. Kids can be very mean sometimes.

How do you get your daughter to talk to you?? We are close I mean we have the family that still eates together most of the time. I tell her all the time that she can tell me anything anytime. I think sometimes she is even shy with me. Please can someone give me any advise to help her and myself get through this school year. Thank you

 

 
September 3, 2008, 11:54 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: jensmom44

 

 

My 11 year old daughter who will be starting the 6th grade this year and just found out that none of the friends that she is friendly with are in her class this school year. This was going to be the best year for her because this is the last year of elementary school, after this year she will be going to the high school. Yes we have 7th grade through 12th grade all in one school. She spent the whole day cring and as a parent your heart breaks for them and want to do anything just to make them feel better. I am worried about what the new school year will be like, I don't want her to start hating school. She is friends with the children in her class but nobody that she hangs out with. She  kind of has the kids that are mean sometimes and my daughter Jennifer is not mean to anybody and is kind of shy. She has had breakdowns in class and home when you say somthing to her the wrong way she will cry and just not look at you. She did it more when she was younger but does it now and then  now. I don't want her to feel bullied or left out of the good friends that she does hang out with because she is not in that class. Kids can be very mean sometimes.

How do you get your daughter to talk to you?? We are close I mean we have the family that still eates together most of the time. I tell her all the time that she can tell me anything anytime. I think sometimes she is even shy with me. Please can someone give me any advise to help her and myself get through this school year. Thank you

 

Welcome to the tween years. I dont have any kids this old but I have read alot of things from love and logic. Don't force her to talk to you or make her feel like she needs to. You can tell her to feel free to come and find you anytime she would like to talk. It is an age thing. and if i remember right she wont grow out of it anytime soon. I would also suggest looking into Love and Logic. you can go to loveandlogic.com and get help for all stages of your childrens life and your library might carry some of it.  her emotions are so high right now if she hasnt started getting pms she will soon but from what i understand they show signs of it emotionally awhile before it starts. good luck let me know how this works out for you.
 
September 3, 2008, 11:57 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: kalinar

Hi, I am new to these posts but I'm hoping someone can help me.  My son who is 11, has always been awesome; very polite, well mannered and obedient.  recently he has been flipping out when he doesn't get his way.  He will yell, cry, stomp upstais, hide under his bed, and just talk hateful and disrectful in general.  When he is talked to about his actions he plays the victim.  Or turns the focus to his sister.  There's always a reason why he's acting like this, nervous about middle school, or starting band, upset with mom or dad, sister, whatever he can come up with.  recently he has been hurting himself; biting and scratching. He is my first child and this is all new to me.  You also should know I am divorced.  Brady took it very hard.  He was in counseling for a while.  Dad is not very responsible but I don't want to keep thinking the problems are divorce related.  Also Brady is an A student and is in a couple honors classes.  My question is, What do I do to get a handle on this before it gets bad?  How much is his age?  Thanksfor any help your guys can offer.

I think everyone who has been reading my responses are sick of me suggesting Love and Logic. But it is the best way to raise children that I have found. It has changed my family so much.  It takes the stress out of parenting and puts the fun in. so once again that would be my advice. Go to loveandlogic.com or go to your library and see if they have some books there.  good luck and let me know how this works for you.
 
September 3, 2008, 9:43 pm CDT

CAUGHT 9 YR OLD BOY WEARING SISTER PANTIES

During a visit to the ER with my son (fell off bike and landed - ribs first - on handlebars), they needed to take his shorts down to examine his abdomen. He at first resisted but it needed to be done quickly so I helped loosen his belt and he kept insisting he wanted to do it by himself. To my shock, he was wearing a pair of his older sister's underwear (she's 10) over his own underwear. I didn't say anything to him right then and there but when the Dr. stepped out I calmly asked him why he was wearing them. He at first said he didnt know, he then said they were just in his shorts already (and his legs magicaly fell into them??). I said that I wasn't mad, I just wanted to know why...he said "look at that commercial on the tv mom!" So he clearly didn't want to talk to me about it and i didn't want to push him considering he might be sitting there with a broken rib or lacerated splean.

Over the past few years, maybe since he was 6 or 7, I've found a pile of mine or my daughters undergarments stashed in his room. It puzzled me and I asked him casually about it but no real answer from him. I just said that it wasn't nice to take people's things.

This is the first time I've seen him wearing them and I'm more interested/concerned about why he is doing it more than him actually doing it. More than anything, my heart breaks for him because he must feel 'abnormal'...he must feel that doing this isn't right and it's hurting his self esteem!

I don't know how to help him or why he is doing this. I just want him to feel like a normal little boy. Is this normal? Should I be concerned? He is a well liked child, many friends, very boyish (skateboards, bikes, video games), good in school, he dresses in all the skater dude gear...the only feminine quality he has is being the most sensitive child of out of the five (easily has feelings hurt, most in tune with how others are feeling, caring, sensitive) He's also always been a very curious child (but I have others that are too
 
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