Topic : General Advice

Thanks for your reply.  I explained it to my son and he was ok with the answer that I gave him.  My ex is the one that is stirring up trouble with it.  She is trying to make me feel guilty saying that I am hurting my son by not letting her be there.  I really think she is the only one hurting and not him.

Yes, the babying has gone way too far...way beyond normal...

Your step-daughter sounds totally unprepared for real life...she needs to know how to sort, wash, and fold laundry, balance a checkbook, budget, shop, cook, keep her living area clean, do dishes...she should be doing this now...nobody will want to stay married to such a spoiled brat...nobody will want to hire her...she'll drown in the real world...

As far as getting your wife to see it your way...hmmm...that's a tough one...maybe your daughter and wife could use some counseling...some way to cut the apron strings...what you are describing sounds unhealthy...

Good luck...Becky

I would imagine that breaking up was very painful for all involved...when my husband was growing up, his parents divorced...his dad would show up, uninvited, to a lot of the family gatherings, much to his mom's dismay...it sounds like a really uncomfortable situation...maybe she needs to be in counseling to learn how to let go and go on with her life.

Counseling...I say that a lot...have been through counseling myself regarding my own childhood issues...learned a lot...I would highly recommend it for anybody who is hurting, or otherwise unhappy...emotional "tune-up"...

I am not sure if they can tell a home owner to clean up, but in my opinion it is nice to live in a neighbourhood where everyone had pride in their homes - I wonder why you would not like your own yard clean and tidy, with lawns weeded and rubish removed?  Maybe that should be your question

I have a 2 year old and a 9mth old girls.

We want them to share bedrooms, when should we move them in together?

I'm worried that my 2yr old would throw things in the cot resulting in hurting her sister but if we leave them apart too long it might be harder to adjust.

We have had motivational difficulties with our middle son.  The school counselor asked us "what is his IMMEDIATE pay-off for doing his homework?"...well, there wasn't one...we had already banned him from the computer and playing outside...back fired big time...have also tried long-term rewards...didn't help in the short-run...

Recently, we wrote up a homework contract for our son...it includes earned computer time for each assignment brought home and completed, or a note from the teacher if there is "no homework" for that day...our son is in 9th grade, with a different teacher for every class...Our son earns 5 minutes of computer time for every assignment brought home, and 5 more minutes for every assignment completed, or partially completed, if it is a multi-day assignment...20 minutes are earned for reading his AR book for 1 hour...total computer time earned is 1 hour per day...no more than that...if homework isn't brought home...no computer...and the homework must be done before any time on the computer is allowed.

For long-term rewards...for bringing his cumulative averages up for every class...bringing up his grades...he earns points that he can use toward extra computer time on the weekends, TV time, outings with the family, and the big prize, for 100 points earned...a $25 item...plus, if he has nothing lower than B's at the end of the school year, he will get to pick a DVD...

Our son has possible bipolar disorder, along with ADHD...we see a psych counselor every month...she really likes the homework contract...

So far, it has been working better than anything else we have tried...and we've tried plenty...he is bringing home his work, or notes...we are strict to stick to the contract...he tries to make us bend it...but no way...

Good Luck...Becky

We have three boys, all 4 years apart...now ages 19, 14, and 10...not babies anymore...

When our 2nd child was born, we had the kids share a room from day one...we had no other bedroom available...at night, we kept the baby in our room, so I could breast feed him without waking his older brother...but at age 4, the older brother was old enough to understand that he had to be nice to his baby brother...

By the time our 3rd son was born, we had a bigger house, so we put the baby in his own room until he was out of his crib...then we gave the oldest son a room of his own, and moved the younger two in to a room together...

I think it is fine to have them in a room together if you don't have any space available elsewhere...is your 2 year old a sound sleeper?  If not, the baby's crying might wake her.  Is the baby a sound sleeper?  If not, your 2 year old could wake her....however, they will get used to each other's noises and learn to sleep right through them...hopefully...

When ever you decide to put them in the same room, there will be a time of adjustment for both of them...getting used to the noises that the other makes, etc...when that day comes, put the younger child to bed first, and give her a good 30 minutes to fall asleep before putting the older one to bed...this will give you some time for undivided attention for the older child after the baby is in bed...something that will go a long way in the girls' getting along in the future...making sure that they each get the attention that they need...it's hard when you have a baby to give equal attention to the older one...but important.

During the time of adjustment, if you are worried about the 2 year old throwing things in the baby's bed, take away anything in the room that, if thrown, could hurt the baby...

Good luck...just wait until they are teenagers...LOL...Becky