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Topic : General Advice

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport

Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.



 
taylornicole
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Worried

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worried
May 11, 2008, 7:54 pm PDT

My daughter is depressed and doing poorly in school

My daughter will be 14 years old next month.  She was diagnosed with depression a few years ago.  We are now on our third anti-depressent medication.  She is doing poorly in school.  They passed her to the 8th grade last year even though she had D's and F's.  I don't think she will make it to the 9th this year.  It's like she doesn't care if she is left behind while her classmates enter high school.  She has been going to a counselor since being diagnosed with depression.  We have tried everything to motivate her to do well in school.  We have taken everything away from her (cell phone, TV, computer), nothing helps. I have tried to motivate her with her favorite concert tickets.   If I can't get her motivated enough to care about doing well in school, how will she be able to make it in the real world.  I am very worried about her.  Is anyone else having a similar problem and how have you dealt with it?
 
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heidi3
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May 12, 2008, 5:26 am PDT

Siblings sharing bedroom

I have a 2 year old and a 9mth old girls.

We want them to share bedrooms, when should we move them in together?

I'm worried that my 2yr old would throw things in the cot resulting in hurting her sister but if we leave them apart too long it might be harder to adjust.
 
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mustbecrazy
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May 12, 2008, 7:36 pm PDT

motivation

Quote From: taylornicole

My daughter will be 14 years old next month.  She was diagnosed with depression a few years ago.  We are now on our third anti-depressent medication.  She is doing poorly in school.  They passed her to the 8th grade last year even though she had D's and F's.  I don't think she will make it to the 9th this year.  It's like she doesn't care if she is left behind while her classmates enter high school.  She has been going to a counselor since being diagnosed with depression.  We have tried everything to motivate her to do well in school.  We have taken everything away from her (cell phone, TV, computer), nothing helps. I have tried to motivate her with her favorite concert tickets.   If I can't get her motivated enough to care about doing well in school, how will she be able to make it in the real world.  I am very worried about her.  Is anyone else having a similar problem and how have you dealt with it?

We have had motivational difficulties with our middle son.  The school counselor asked us "what is his IMMEDIATE pay-off for doing his homework?"...well, there wasn't one...we had already banned him from the computer and playing outside...back fired big time...have also tried long-term rewards...didn't help in the short-run...

 

Recently, we wrote up a homework contract for our son...it includes earned computer time for each assignment brought home and completed, or a note from the teacher if there is "no homework" for that day...our son is in 9th grade, with a different teacher for every class...Our son earns 5 minutes of computer time for every assignment brought home, and 5 more minutes for every assignment completed, or partially completed, if it is a multi-day assignment...20 minutes are earned for reading his AR book for 1 hour...total computer time earned is 1 hour per day...no more than that...if homework isn't brought home...no computer...and the homework must be done before any time on the computer is allowed.

 

For long-term rewards...for bringing his cumulative averages up for every class...bringing up his grades...he earns points that he can use toward extra computer time on the weekends, TV time, outings with the family, and the big prize, for 100 points earned...a $25 item...plus, if he has nothing lower than B's at the end of the school year, he will get to pick a DVD...

 

Our son has possible bipolar disorder, along with ADHD...we see a psych counselor every month...she really likes the homework contract...

 

So far, it has been working better than anything else we have tried...and we've tried plenty...he is bringing home his work, or notes...we are strict to stick to the contract...he tries to make us bend it...but no way...

 

Good Luck...Becky
 
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mustbecrazy
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May 12, 2008, 9:51 pm PDT

sharing a room

Quote From: heidi3

I have a 2 year old and a 9mth old girls.

We want them to share bedrooms, when should we move them in together?

I'm worried that my 2yr old would throw things in the cot resulting in hurting her sister but if we leave them apart too long it might be harder to adjust.

We have three boys, all 4 years apart...now ages 19, 14, and 10...not babies anymore...

 

When our 2nd child was born, we had the kids share a room from day one...we had no other bedroom available...at night, we kept the baby in our room, so I could breast feed him without waking his older brother...but at age 4, the older brother was old enough to understand that he had to be nice to his baby brother...

 

By the time our 3rd son was born, we had a bigger house, so we put the baby in his own room until he was out of his crib...then we gave the oldest son a room of his own, and moved the younger two in to a room together...

 

I think it is fine to have them in a room together if you don't have any space available elsewhere...is your 2 year old a sound sleeper?  If not, the baby's crying might wake her.  Is the baby a sound sleeper?  If not, your 2 year old could wake her....however, they will get used to each other's noises and learn to sleep right through them...hopefully...

 

When ever you decide to put them in the same room, there will be a time of adjustment for both of them...getting used to the noises that the other makes, etc...when that day comes, put the younger child to bed first, and give her a good 30 minutes to fall asleep before putting the older one to bed...this will give you some time for undivided attention for the older child after the baby is in bed...something that will go a long way in the girls' getting along in the future...making sure that they each get the attention that they need...it's hard when you have a baby to give equal attention to the older one...but important.

 

During the time of adjustment, if you are worried about the 2 year old throwing things in the baby's bed, take away anything in the room that, if thrown, could hurt the baby...

 

Good luck...just wait until they are teenagers...LOL...Becky
 
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mustbecrazy
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May 13, 2008, 9:36 am PDT

I agree

Quote From: krisintas

I am not sure if they can tell a home owner to clean up, but in my opinion it is nice to live in a neighbourhood where everyone had pride in their homes - I wonder why you would not like your own yard clean and tidy, with lawns weeded and rubish removed?  Maybe that should be your question

When dogs get into our neighbor's garbage, and the wind blows it into our yard, we are out there cleaning it up, as soon as we see it...we don't wan't our yard strewn with trash!!  I don't care who "put" it there, it's our responsibility to keep OUR yard clean...

 

I know it is frustrating to have to pick up other people's litter...invest in a good rake and a pair of gloves...maybe you could put a garbage can next to your curb, and put up a sign that says "no littering"...maybe they'll get the hint...

 

If the school didn't say anything, I bet the other neighbors would...nobody likes to look at a littered yard...no matter who is throwing the litter there...
 
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cbncfaith
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May 15, 2008, 1:37 pm PDT

Help me please

things have not been good for me. On New Years Eve my husband, who had been a recovering crack addicted relapsed yet again. He went golfing that day and my 6 year old daughter and I were waiting for him so we could all go out together for New Years Eve and he never came home. I had a job so it was not a huge deal that he completely emptied out or whole bank account. About 2 weeks later, I lost my job due to budget cuts. About a week later, I find out a friend found my husband and he was on a greyhound bus going to Minnesota from Florida for a 3 mo rehab. I got really sick after this. I started a flare up of chronic kidney infections which is not new to me. Stress does horrible things to my body. I began undergoing tests and have finally found out that it COULD be MS but they are not sure. Today I have had a lot of pain as some days are better than others. My friend went and got my daughter off the bus and then brought her here to get some things. She was blatantly refusing to go to my friends. After arguing with her, threatening to ground her etc I picked her up and carried her to the car. After I felt really guilty thinking maybe I should have have let her stay  with me. The reason I didn't was because my dr put me on a very strong muscle relaxant and if I fell asleep I would not be able to supervise her. I feel horrible and do not know what to do. As I was carrying her out she was screaming: Leave me alone, Leave me alone. I don't know if something was bothering her or if she was just having a tantrum. She has been obsessed with me since my husband left. I do not get 5 minutes to myself. If I go outside she follows- If I am anywhere including in my bed at night she has to be right next to me. I am stressed out and need some help figuring this out. I am a very sensitive insecure parent because I was raised in foster care and was told when I was pregnant that I would not be a good mom because I had an attachment disorder that I would definantly pass on to my daughter and so I am always worried about that. My daughter and I are very close I thought but now I am beginning to wonder- She has started lying and stealing at school but yet she is bordering on being a gifted student and I just dont know what to do
 
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hplotts
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frustrated
May 15, 2008, 2:07 pm PDT

wetting pants

I am having a problem with my 5 year old son, he keeps wetting his pants for no reason other than sheer lazyness, he would rather pee his pants than walk 20 steps and go to the toilet.  What am I to do?
 
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mustbecrazy
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May 15, 2008, 11:26 pm PDT

wetting

Quote From: hplotts

I am having a problem with my 5 year old son, he keeps wetting his pants for no reason other than sheer lazyness, he would rather pee his pants than walk 20 steps and go to the toilet.  What am I to do?

I would probably start with a visit to the doctor...he/she can rule out any physical problems...there could be something psychological...if nothing is physically wrong, ask the doctor about possible evaluation for that...how long has this been going on?
 
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cbncfaith
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May 16, 2008, 10:01 am PDT

General Advice

Quote From: hplotts

I am having a problem with my 5 year old son, he keeps wetting his pants for no reason other than sheer lazyness, he would rather pee his pants than walk 20 steps and go to the toilet.  What am I to do?

I have had this same issue with my daughter. I basically just do not make a big deal of it at all. I keep a plastic sheet on her bed, and if she wets we strip the bed wipe down the sheet and thats it. I also try to use positive reinforcement- If she goes 10 days without wetting we can get a prize. This has not happened yet so that leads me to believe that she does not have control. I share your frustration. The other thing that seems to decrease the frequency is no liquids- ice, water, ice cream etc after 7:00pm.
 
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jaimie1974
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May 16, 2008, 12:40 pm PDT

Daughter issues

Quote From: cbncfaith

things have not been good for me. On New Years Eve my husband, who had been a recovering crack addicted relapsed yet again. He went golfing that day and my 6 year old daughter and I were waiting for him so we could all go out together for New Years Eve and he never came home. I had a job so it was not a huge deal that he completely emptied out or whole bank account. About 2 weeks later, I lost my job due to budget cuts. About a week later, I find out a friend found my husband and he was on a greyhound bus going to Minnesota from Florida for a 3 mo rehab. I got really sick after this. I started a flare up of chronic kidney infections which is not new to me. Stress does horrible things to my body. I began undergoing tests and have finally found out that it COULD be MS but they are not sure. Today I have had a lot of pain as some days are better than others. My friend went and got my daughter off the bus and then brought her here to get some things. She was blatantly refusing to go to my friends. After arguing with her, threatening to ground her etc I picked her up and carried her to the car. After I felt really guilty thinking maybe I should have have let her stay  with me. The reason I didn't was because my dr put me on a very strong muscle relaxant and if I fell asleep I would not be able to supervise her. I feel horrible and do not know what to do. As I was carrying her out she was screaming: Leave me alone, Leave me alone. I don't know if something was bothering her or if she was just having a tantrum. She has been obsessed with me since my husband left. I do not get 5 minutes to myself. If I go outside she follows- If I am anywhere including in my bed at night she has to be right next to me. I am stressed out and need some help figuring this out. I am a very sensitive insecure parent because I was raised in foster care and was told when I was pregnant that I would not be a good mom because I had an attachment disorder that I would definantly pass on to my daughter and so I am always worried about that. My daughter and I are very close I thought but now I am beginning to wonder- She has started lying and stealing at school but yet she is bordering on being a gifted student and I just dont know what to do
I urge you to seek professional counseling for yourself as soon as possible. Any excuses that you have used for reasons not to go to therapy, you’ve got to dismiss them. You really, really need professional, unbiased guidance right now. If you are hesitant, remember that you’ve got to do this for your child. As a parent myself, I know that you want your child to have better then you had while growing up. I don’t just mean financially- I mean emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You want your child to grow up to be a confident, healthy, happy, productive member of society. For that to happen, you’ve got to give her a healthy, happy, confident mother- and professional therapy would be the best gift you could ever give yourself.
If you’ve had a negative experience with therapy in the past, please know that there are many different types of therapists. When you go into an office, there is no guarantee that you are going to ‘hit it off’ with that therapist, so if you get a feeling that something just isn’t right, then you’ve got to move on, and try another therapist. It can be exhausting and frustrating, but so well worth it! In my own personal experience, I had a really horrible therapist when I made my first attempt at counseling, and that gave me a negative view of therapy from then on. Later on in my life, when I had some struggles, therapy was suggested again and although I didn’t want to go- I just “knew” that I would be judged- I went and gave it a try. That first therapist didn’t seem ‘right’ to me, and although it was difficult to stand up for myself, I did call her, canceled my next appt., and told her that I didn’t think we would be a good fit. I wondered if I would ever find a therapist that was right for me. Luckily for me, the next one I met was excellent and she helped me to change my life in many positive ways.
You need and deserve to have professional guidance- to learn how to create and implement positive changes in your life. You deserve a great life, and your child, also. Best wishes to you!
 
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