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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 2034
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport
Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.

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January 27, 2009, 3:55 pm CST

my child talks too much

My son is 7 yrs old and is in 1st grade. Lately he has been getting in trouble at school for talking too much. I noticed this at home too. I have taken away his favorite activities but this is still not working. What could be causing this?
 
January 29, 2009, 4:49 pm CST

Myson in trouble for not wanting to watch new prsidents cerimony

My  sons  teacher decided to make   the  whole  classes  watch the new prsidents cerimony  during  class.He chose to work on some work for the  class that wasdue  the following  week. She was upset  with  him.He got written up.This  puzzlesme why was he  forced  watch it  when  class time should havebeen  spent  doing  something  more  todo  with  the class.Fine  people voted him in.Why  should my songet  in to  t rouble for  wanting   work  on  class  work  and not  watch this  program????  I did  my part I voted.The   program  had  nothing  todo with the class.So what  it   was onther  persident  got   voted in.I have  never watched any  of  the  cerimonies.To boreing.
 
February 1, 2009, 6:12 am CST

6yr old threatening kids

My 6yr old nephew has got in trouble at school for saying he wanted to put poision in another kids drink.  Why would a child say that?  Our family is very upset because of this - we can't figure out why in the world he would say such a thing.  His parents don't have a clue how to handle this
 
February 3, 2009, 12:35 pm CST

General Advice

Im havin a hard time tryin to figure out how to dicipline my 14 year old. we recently found out she was stealing my saved cigarette butts. I am unsure how to dicipline her. My mom was crazy strict and we rebelled anyway, so i know how her methods felt.  When we questioned her about it she was honest an told us the truth that she did steal and smoked in her room. I feel like we should give her a break and hope she doesn't start, but at the same time i feel my husband is right, if we dont' discipline her she will think she can get away with anything. Now heres my prob, what is the appropriate dicipline for a girl her age?
 
February 7, 2009, 8:39 pm CST

Anxity with showering

My 4 y.o. has anxity if anyone touchs anything above his neck. This makes showering next to impossable.  The thought of water any where close to his face brings him to a meltdown.  We have tried just baths, which works until it is time to wash his hair then it is worse then the shower.  We have tried goggles, rags, letting him do it...you name it we have tried it. Needless to say swimming is a whole other issue for us. You mention his trunks and he starts to cry.  What else can we do?
 
February 10, 2009, 8:52 am CST

Break the co-sleeping habit

Read the new parenting book by psychologist Dr. Valerie Levine, "Break the Co-Sleeping Habit" for advice on how to teach your children to sleep independently so that everyone in the household gets better quality sleep.  Setting boundaries at bedtime not only improves sleep, but also has a positive effect on daytime parenting and children's daytime behavior, including making smoother transitions.  Look for this new parenting book on amazon.com or www.breakthecosleepinghabit.com
 
March 17, 2009, 12:41 am CDT

I'm not ready to be the bad guy

Hello, I am not sure if I am doing this right, but it is a place maybe to seek some guidence or just vent.

well lets see where do I begin,I am 33 and was a single mom, My daughter who is now 13 has pretty much grown up with a looser of a dad, popping in and out of her life, making promises, like he'll see her next weekend and then never show or answer the phone, or call her for her birthdays, so I guess I tried to cover for him all the time, I would by birthday presents for  her and put his name on it, I know, but I did it anyways, I did'nt want my daughters feelings to get hurt, but now that she is older she is having a really tough time with it. And I feel it has actually pulled us farther apart from eachother. I am not sure if it is her age 13 on why she is so hateful towards me and life, She says she does'nt care about her grades, she is failing 3 classes, which I have taken cell phone, and internet away until she can bring them up, she will make comments like she wishes she would just fall down the steps and die. It just kills me to hear this come out of her mouth.

 I have been with my boyfriend for the last 3 years, which has also been rough on her, Somedays she likes it, and even will make comments and call him dad, which we have told her she does not have to do that unless that is how she feels,  So I guess I just need to know Is this what 13 is or should I be seeking help

 
April 22, 2009, 1:46 am CDT

Grandparent alienation

I have 5 beautiful grandchildren.   Four of these grandchildren are my son's children.  His older three children are from his first marriage, and he has custody.  These children are very close to me, as I took care of them during the times in our son's marrriage when their mother would take off.  The children love me very much, as I love them.  Our son also has a 20 month old son by his new wife.

 

Prior to the wedding, everything was fine with our then DiL-to-be.  Immediately after the wedding, she totally changed...stopped being friendly unless I was needed to pick the kids up at school or take them to the doctor, etc.  She didn't even bother to show us the wedding picture proofs until after she had ordered what she wanted.  That's OK, although it did hurt my feelings.

 

She has also tried to cut us out of our older grandchildren's lives...by making plans for their birthdays with HER parents and relatives and not inviting us.  I did speak up about that., and told her and my son that while I'm happy her family loves the kids and is a part of their lives, it is not acceptable to cut us out.  They do spend EVERY holdiay with her family, although this past year, the kids do manage to make it to our house later in the day, since our oldest granson now has his own vehicle.

 

We do not go to their house very often, and never without calling first.  We do not feel welcome there, as our DiL does not greet us or even talk to us and spends most of the time text messaging other people while we are there.  Our son comes by our house fairly often, but she almost never comes.  Our son was bringing the baby by about once a week, but that has stopped since she found out he was bringing the baby over before taking him to daycare.

 

If I am playing with the baby and he starts laughing, she will get between the baby and me and start playing with him herself, or she will suddenly decide he needs to be fed, etc.  She will also take him away from the main living area into his bedroom and play with him while we are there.   If she is holding him and I approach to talk to him, she will turn so that his back is to me.  If our son is holding him and brings him over to where we are, she comes right over to take the baby and go elsewhere.  In short, she is training the baby to ignore us.  Oh...and his daycare provider happens to have the same first name that I do, and all the kids call her MeMe, too.  Really confusing for the baby, I would imagine, but that's OK, too, as he has a very good daycare provider.

 

Anyway, at 20 months, our grandson does not even know who we are, and he takes his cues from his mother.

 

Talking to her would do no good, as she would go crying to our son about how mean we are and how jealous we are of her parents, who see our mutual grandson almost every day.  That is fine; I don't want to take away from them.  I would just like to be able to be a regular grandmother to the baby.   Talking to our son would also not work, as he is so terrified of making the same mistakes as in his first marriage that he basically goes along with whatever she wants.  He has already made the comment that she is like a bulldog...when she wants something, she sinks her teeth in and doesn't let go until she gets it.

 

BTW, the older kids don't like her, and two fo them are wanting to live with their mom, since their mom has gotten her life straight and is now stable.  The olest one only has one more year of high school, or he would be wanting to live with his mom, too.   Our DiL listens in on their phone calls to their mom and gets upset because they love their mom more than her..after all she's done for them.  Yes, she has taken good care of the kids' physical needs and they do have a stable and clean home.  She does rule with a very heavy hand, though.  When the kids have complained, I have supported ehr and told them that they must treat her with respect..

 

I have been trying to "kill her with kindness", but she apparently doesn't care.  I have no clue as to why she turned on us.  The only thing I can think of is that, during the custody battle, I chit-chatted with the kids' mother for a few minutes.  She challenged me on that, and I told her that I was not going to burn any bridges with exDiL, because if anything happened to our son, I did not want exDiL keeping the kids from us.  I also told her tha, while I did not approve or like what exDiL was doing, I would do anything I could to help exDiL get straightened out for the sake of the kids.

 

The only thing I know to do is the keep up the "killing her with kindness" and  try to show the baby that we love him.  I'm also thinking of keeping a journal of letters to the baby, so that when he is an adult, he can read it andl know that we have always loved him.  It just breaks my heart to see him mirror her actions toward us, even though he doesn't know what he's doing or why.  I'm hoping that when he gets older and comes with his dad to our house (if she'll let him), he will figure out that we aren't such bad people after all.

 

Any ideas on how to deal with this situation?    DiL is a teacher and a smart girl.  She knows how to use psychology to influence her child, although her psychology didn't work on the older kids,because the older kids already had a history with us and know how much we love them..

 
May 1, 2009, 6:45 am CDT

showering advice

Quote From: lesora

My 4 y.o. has anxity if anyone touchs anything above his neck. This makes showering next to impossable.  The thought of water any where close to his face brings him to a meltdown.  We have tried just baths, which works until it is time to wash his hair then it is worse then the shower.  We have tried goggles, rags, letting him do it...you name it we have tried it. Needless to say swimming is a whole other issue for us. You mention his trunks and he starts to cry.  What else can we do?

My sons have the same problem.  They are 8 and 7, but have had to shower for the last few years (we don't have a tub, only shower).

 

They can shower by themselves, now, but they still don't get their hair completly wet.  They have a fear of the water going down the front of their faces: they think they can't breath.

 

My 3 y.o. daughter has the same problem.  I have to 'drag' her under the water to get her long hair wet and rinsed.  I have found that if I put my hand just above her eyebrows, the water does not go down her face and she calms.

 

You might try explaining to your child that you will NOT ALLOW the water to get in his eyes, nose, mouth and see if he will allow a shower.  Also, if you cannot keep the water from his face with your hand, you might try a swimming mask (that covers his eyes/nose) during the hair wetting phase of the shower.

 

Good luck!

 
May 1, 2009, 8:08 am CDT

potty advice

Quote From: brlr8cer

I have a four year old son that has been using the potty since he was one but will not go #2 in it. I have tried giving him his favorite candy if he goes. I have also tried sitting him on the potty for 10 min at the beginning of every hour. I tried making him clean himself when he doesn't use the potty. I have also tried taking away a toy every time he doesn't use the potty. Within 10 min of him getting off his potty chair he uses the bathroom in his pants. I have him in regular underwear hoping that will be a way to make him not want to use his pants. I don't know what else to do to get him trained. I have him enrolled in headstart but they won't accept him till he's trained. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

My son was not potty trained until he was 4.  He absolutly refused to go in the toilet!  The only way I succeeded was to find something that he desperatly wanted: school.

 

I convinced him that he couldn't attend school if he wasn't potty trained.  This  was all he needed: he was potty trained in less than 3 weeks.  Didn't even wet the bed at night.

 

You have to find something that your son wants and use it.  Use positive reinforcement instead of the negative.  GIVE him a toy if he uses the bathroom.  Let him watch his favorite show if he uses the potty. ETC. 

 

Is he excited about the headstart?  If not, GET HIM excited about it!  Tell him about all the FUN things he'll get to do there and then spring the news "you can't go until you use the bathroom for #1 & #2."

 

For my other children, it was much easier.  I used a calendar and stickers.  I give them stickers each time they went potty.  That was very motivating. (especially for girls)

 
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