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Topic : General Advice

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport

Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.



 
amc2sitel
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September 30, 2005, 1:02 pm PDT

best advice Ive gotten

Quote From: robinchk

I have a 3 yr old son who does not sleep.  On a good night he will sleep 5 hrs.  that wouldn't be so bad if it was all at one time, but it's not.  He will sleep for an hour or two at a time.  We both work 40 hr. wks.  and are exhausted.  We have tried a few natural remedies and nothing has worked.  We got a prescription for a sedative yesterday and tried it last night.  It didn't work.  He climbed the walls all night last night and all day today.  The doctor said to stop giving it too him because it had an opposite affect, and that he doesn't have anything else to offer him.  HELP!!!! We need sleep.

many many years ago- with my first child, who was a terrible eater, and didnt sleep much my pediatrician gave me sage advice.....  

   

   

its your job as a parent to provide quality and quantity of food and a nice safe soft warm place for them to sleep-   

its their job to decide WHEN of IF to sleep and how much to eat.     

Our rule was stay in your room (first- and yes at first we even had to lock the door with a latch until we went to bed) and later stay in your bed (yes she had 1/2 the contents of her rooms toys books etc on the bed- and not interrupt others while they are sleeping...  

   

she eventually became bored and started sleeping on her own.  
 
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taraland
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October 4, 2005, 3:59 am PDT

The Dentist lied

I recently took my eldest SD, 8 YO to a new pediatric dental specialist.  At our consultation she specifically asked if they used needles.  He looked at us both and said "NO, you won't see needles here"  So, I'm thinking, "man dentistry sure has come a long way....I wonder how they do that" (and I just got out of the health care industry after 10 years!)

Ok, well now I know. Today as they were preparing SD for her cap they got out a needle. She never saw it of course but boy she felt it. She had the gas on - nitrous Oxide I think - to relax her. But, she still felt it.  When she started to scream, the dentist asked her if they were "pushing the Q-tip" too hard and she said "Yes, it feels like your poking me with a needle". And she cried .....boy did she cry.....and my heart broke of course. 

I do not like the fact that they lied to her and to me.  I know why they don't want the parents back there too - so they dont' find out.  They asked me to stay in the waiting room but SD demanded I be with her. I understand the need to relax and calm her down but I'm against lying to the patient.   I think children should know that it can be painful sometimes to go to the doctor. It didn't last long (which I emphasized the entire time)....  

 

Now I feel part of the lie because I didn't stop the procedure.  I didn't want to cause a dramatic scene further "traumatizing" my SD.  I'm worried she won't trust me now after I tell her the truth, which I intend on doing so.   


What do I do? 


 
 
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tigercub01
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October 4, 2005, 8:46 am PDT

Divorce

My parents are getting a divorce after 33 years of marriage because my dad was and still is mentally, verbally, spiritually and emotionally abusive. I'll give a few example of what he has done to me; he has not allowed me to eat in the house for an entire month only of bread and water, he has made me walk to work or pay $1 for each trip in the car, I was told I was made late to school on several occasions because my dad said what he needed to talk to me about was more important than what I was going to school for etc. The list can go on and those were the things he did to me when I was in high school and a minor. I have 3 other siblings in which he has done the same things to. Now that we are older 3 of us are "young adults" and we have decided that since he kicked 2 of us out and told me when I moved out 1 1/2 years ago he hoped I got raped for leaving the home that he created in safety, that we would move back in with our mother since he no longer lives here. We no longer speak to my dad or communicate with him because of his abuse and he now feels and I quote from a letter he sent my mother and us yesterday, " Fran, I am getting some feedback about the talk show. I think it would be good FOR US, so we can see from more than one person  opinion. I also ask the question, if young adult(S)  that has so much hate toward their father should be living in the home. Guess what the answer was from the group. I think this  would be a good thing for us and we will know more about our problem(S) I am willing to go on nation wide T V so we can find some answers. Please respond.   Robert   What do you all feel about that?
 
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chbrooks76
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October 4, 2005, 1:56 pm PDT

Daughter 's behavior.

My wife and I have a 3 year old son and a 5 year old daughter.They are both usually very good kids.  Our daughter just started kindergarten in August.  Before this, she would take naps every day and now she doesn't because she gets home from school too late.  When she comes home from school, she is very crabby and disrespectful.  She constantly wines, cries, and throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants.  We don't let it get to us that much, but some times it just eats at our nerves when she won't stop acting this way.  How do we fix this problem?   

I would also like to know how we can get her to listen to my wife and I.  It seems that she will listen to everyone but us.  I hope someone can help. 
 
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jettav
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October 4, 2005, 2:21 pm PDT

General Advice

Quote From: tigercub01

My parents are getting a divorce after 33 years of marriage because my dad was and still is mentally, verbally, spiritually and emotionally abusive. I'll give a few example of what he has done to me; he has not allowed me to eat in the house for an entire month only of bread and water, he has made me walk to work or pay $1 for each trip in the car, I was told I was made late to school on several occasions because my dad said what he needed to talk to me about was more important than what I was going to school for etc. The list can go on and those were the things he did to me when I was in high school and a minor. I have 3 other siblings in which he has done the same things to. Now that we are older 3 of us are "young adults" and we have decided that since he kicked 2 of us out and told me when I moved out 1 1/2 years ago he hoped I got raped for leaving the home that he created in safety, that we would move back in with our mother since he no longer lives here. We no longer speak to my dad or communicate with him because of his abuse and he now feels and I quote from a letter he sent my mother and us yesterday, " Fran, I am getting some feedback about the talk show. I think it would be good FOR US, so we can see from more than one person  opinion. I also ask the question, if young adult(S)  that has so much hate toward their father should be living in the home. Guess what the answer was from the group. I think this  would be a good thing for us and we will know more about our problem(S) I am willing to go on nation wide T V so we can find some answers. Please respond.   Robert   What do you all feel about that?
Well, I think if your parents are willing to work on this, that could be a good thing but it will take a lot of love, patience and work to get to the point of having a good, satisfing and loving marriage. They need to be in a greement with this committment and at the same time, though others may not agree with that decission, they should still be supported and encouraged to make it work. As far as the young adults living with their parents at this point, I would highly discourage it, Not only does it sound like he has to work on his marriage but his relationships with the rest of the family and going through therapy, counseling,and dealing with the issues can be very draining at times, and a person does not change over night no matter how hard they work. You have anger and a dislike for your father and between that and his issues, I think it would be unwise to move back in but if you want to work on your relationship, it is still possible to do that but you don't have to live in the same house to go through the process. I am from a very disfunctional family and relationships are very strained and in my case, living with my mother would be so stressful and it would be hard to work through anything. sometimes, seperation is better then togetherness. Also, each individual has theier own issues and chances are will progress at different levels which can cause a little bit of a problem, especially living within the same home. Be there for your parents and get the help that you need and all but don't move back home, I think it could do more harm then good at this point but that doesn't mean that eventually you can't get along, frogive and all that, I do believe relationships can be mended as I have witnessed them but don't make yourself so vulnerable or manipulated in feeling that moving back home is the only way it could work.
 
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jettav
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October 4, 2005, 2:30 pm PDT

General Advice

Quote From: chbrooks76

My wife and I have a 3 year old son and a 5 year old daughter.They are both usually very good kids.  Our daughter just started kindergarten in August.  Before this, she would take naps every day and now she doesn't because she gets home from school too late.  When she comes home from school, she is very crabby and disrespectful.  She constantly wines, cries, and throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants.  We don't let it get to us that much, but some times it just eats at our nerves when she won't stop acting this way.  How do we fix this problem?   

I would also like to know how we can get her to listen to my wife and I.  It seems that she will listen to everyone but us.  I hope someone can help. 

you are the parent and she is 5, set those boundaries and be consistent Sounds like your daughter might need some alone time, maybe after she gets home, have a snack prepared for her and pop in a 30 minute favorite video. Maybe that will give her a chance to wind down a bit. Is it possible to maybe get her into bed a little earlier, maybe an extra hour of sleep might help. As far as getting her to listen, again, set the rules and be consistent and stay true to your word, follow through with discipline. use reward systems, sticker charts or even money helps with my 4 and even my 2 year od, when they do as they are told without fussing, they get a sticker or a dime for their bank, not always but usually. They are learningt hat if they don't follow the rules, they don't get rewarded and I only ask once, if they say no, I say "too bad, no sticker". and leave it at that. the tantrum that might follow, well, I ignore it.
 
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riggster
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October 4, 2005, 7:57 pm PDT

death of a family member

I am writting because I have a 11 Year son  just lost his grandma and he is taking it hard.  He is show it in his owns ways.. What can  I do to help him it is starting to show in his work at school and now at home..things are getting bad.. can you help... 
 
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kdabam
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October 5, 2005, 5:20 am PDT

General Advice

Quote From: riggster

I am writting because I have a 11 Year son  just lost his grandma and he is taking it hard.  He is show it in his owns ways.. What can  I do to help him it is starting to show in his work at school and now at home..things are getting bad.. can you help... 

 I think the best thing you can do is try to get him to express his feelings.  Talking to him may be hard right now but watch his play.  If something is going on in it say anger ask him about what is happening in what he is playing. (Maybe he's crashing trucks together, you can say wow!  those trucks are hitting each other alot.  I wonder why?  do you know?) Instead of asking him directly.  He may be more comfortable talking about an inanimated object rather than his own feelings.

  Another good source is if he likes to draw.  If he uses black or red alot.  That may convey anger.  Ask him:  Tell me about your picture.  He may not want to talk to you right now that's ok. 

Make sure he has had some closeur..  IF he went to the cemetary than that is good but if not.  let him write a letter to his grandma or draw a picture for her and frame it with a picture of her.  or when he is ready to go let him ring a flower to leave there.

 Sometimes a car ride is a great place to talk.  Kids feel less threatend there and open up easier.  It just may take time.  He will start talking about her and start to heal.  Let him know that you are there for him  when he is ready.
Talk to his teacher and find out what is going on in school.  Together you can brain storm and come up with a plan.
Take care
Karen
 
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pjdann88
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October 5, 2005, 9:39 am PDT

Hi

Hi, I have a 11 year old daughter who keeps on asking the why do I have to ?'s.  

  

How do I break her of that?  

  

Someone told me at  work once that it is a stage that she is going threw. 

  

She stays with her dad during the week cause of school that she goes to.And he  asks her if she wants to go with him or not. He dose not force the issues on her.I told him that is the problem. 

  

I have told her that she is not 18 yet and that she has no right yet to be asking the question why.Me and her dad are her bosses. 

  

She has to do what I say when she is with me.And if she keeps it up she will not do show choir next year in  7th grade.But I know that threatening things like that is not really the answer.Is there a better way? 

  

And she would like to know why can't she ask questions? 

  

Thank you for looking and helping. 

  

God bless those who are helping in the victims of the hurricans.And pray for those who still our help. 

  
 
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feng456
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October 5, 2005, 4:00 pm PDT

General Advice

Quote From: pjdann88

Hi, I have a 11 year old daughter who keeps on asking the why do I have to ?'s.  

  

How do I break her of that?  

  

Someone told me at  work once that it is a stage that she is going threw. 

  

She stays with her dad during the week cause of school that she goes to.And he  asks her if she wants to go with him or not. He dose not force the issues on her.I told him that is the problem. 

  

I have told her that she is not 18 yet and that she has no right yet to be asking the question why.Me and her dad are her bosses. 

  

She has to do what I say when she is with me.And if she keeps it up she will not do show choir next year in  7th grade.But I know that threatening things like that is not really the answer.Is there a better way? 

  

And she would like to know why can't she ask questions? 

  

Thank you for looking and helping. 

  

God bless those who are helping in the victims of the hurricans.And pray for those who still our help. 

  

hmm ya i think it's just a stage thing shes going through. however u wanna be really careful and not threaten her all the time. u definitely do not want to seem like the bad guy here cuz she'll look more to her friends more and more and if her friends arent exactly perfect role models....so i think wat u wanna do is not say stuff like "just because im the boss" or "just cause u live in my house so u go by my rules". thats not explaining why you tell her to do something..if appropriate tell her what the real reason is. i think if she's old enough to ask so many why questions she should be expected to understand the answers. of course she cant understand everything...
 
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