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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 2034
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport
Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.

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October 5, 2005, 4:05 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: riggster

I am writting because I have a 11 Year son  just lost his grandma and he is taking it hard.  He is show it in his owns ways.. What can  I do to help him it is starting to show in his work at school and now at home..things are getting bad.. can you help... 

sometimes ppl express themselves through poems or stories or other forms of art...so maybe look for that. also becareful not to give him too much stress and get him to do stuff he likes to do more than often. and of course talking bout it would help. i dunno if hes too old to talk to his parents about these things cuz from experience i was never comfortable :P. anyway ya...good luck with that and time heals all right?
 
October 6, 2005, 2:36 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: amayasmist

 Hi my name is Stacey and I have an older sister who has a 7 year old daughter.  About two months ago I noticed more then usual Cindy becoming more aggressive with her daughter Amaya.  Then at the 4th of July picnic she slapped Amaya hard across the back.  She was upset with Amaya for being afraid of a puppy she had just gotten.  Amaya when she was 5 was attacked by a dog when her and Cindy were walking.  She was trying to force Amaya to hold the puppy.  Now several weeks ago Cindy has grabbed Amaya out of her bedroom since that is where Amaya spends most of her time since Cind refuses to kennel the puppy.  She drug her into the living room and forced her to the floor and held her hand on the floor while she let the puppy lick her hand.  She verbally abuses Amaya by calling her a baby.  Last weekend Amaya broke down to my mother whom was watching her for the weekend.  She cried and cried telling her about her mom and how her current boyfriend who she has been with for seven years tells Cindy to knock it off she gets violent with Tim and Amaya gets so scared she is afraid the cops will come and get her mom.  WHich is what Cindy told Amaya is what would happen if she told Grandma anymore about her hitting her.  Two days ago my sister called my mom and she told her about how she forced Amaya from her bedroom and put her on the couch.  She then held her there and let the puppy free again.....

I don't know what to do.  I have talked to her about this, my mother has, my father has.  Does anyone have any advice.  I am pregnant right now.  THis will be my first child.  I live on a farm with two dogs.  I know she would not want to live here but what else can I do?
Stacey, I'm a big dog lover, animal lover in general..,,after becoming a parent, I realized now its no longer about me, thus if your niece should come live with you, you may have to get rid of your dogs or give them to a friend to foster for a while..  Sounds like your niece needs some stability because her current situation is not healthy from your description. 
 
October 6, 2005, 11:44 am CDT

Child stopped eating

Hi, 

Please help me, I am at a loss of ideas.  4 days ago my 3 year old daughter stopped eating.  Has anyone gone through this?  I have been to the Doctors and Emergency department and they are not worried about her because she is still nourished. 

  

I can't think of anything else to do,  she won't eat anything and has 310ml of liquid yesterday that's it. 

 
October 7, 2005, 3:32 am CDT

stay calm

Quote From: max331

Hi, 

Please help me, I am at a loss of ideas.  4 days ago my 3 year old daughter stopped eating.  Has anyone gone through this?  I have been to the Doctors and Emergency department and they are not worried about her because she is still nourished. 

  

I can't think of anything else to do,  she won't eat anything and has 310ml of liquid yesterday that's it. 

 Since she still seems nourished., try a day where you wait until she says she would like something. you can say.   Let me know when you are hungry, I have some ______ in the fridge for you. Your taking the power away (of your reactions) but at the same time giving her some control which all 3 year olds like.  See what happens. If she's drinking then maybe get some pediasure or like a carnation instant breakfast so you know she's getting some nutrition. (it may help put you at ease some) She knows she's upsetting you with this and maybe likes the extra attention.  I don't know your situation so that maybe a stab in the dark.  I have not personally gone through this.  It can't hurt.  Good luck
Karen
 
October 7, 2005, 7:15 pm CDT

Please help!

Hello everyone!  I'm hoping someone out there can give me some guidance regarding my 8-year-old son.  Ever since he was potty trained he's had accidents once every 6-8 months.  I've noticed that it usually happens when he's busy playing (whether video games, outside, etc.).  I've never thought much of it until I got a call from his school about 3 weeks ago.  He had defecated in his pants.  I felt so bad for him and was thankful no one at school was aware of his accident.  Almost every single day since then he's had accidents.  I am so frustrated and at a loss as to what to do.  There is nothing going on in his life that would explain this as being a psychological or behavioral issue.  I have threatened to ground him, take him to the doctor, praised him, bought him those flushable wipes.  My son is humiliated and cries when I tell him to go take a shower because he's smelling.  I don't know whether to take him to see a pediatrician, psychologist or what.  He tells me he doesn't mean to do it, that it's an accident, but how can he not feel that he needs to use the restroom?  Thanks for letting me vent!  Any suggestions, advice, etc. would be greatly appreciated.  God bless everyone! 

  

Shanny 

 
October 7, 2005, 7:45 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: dansmom

My ex-husband & I got divorced when my son  was 2 ( he is now 11) Over the last 9 years he has spent less & less time with him. My current husband & I have been married 5 years and he is very much a father to my son. I have always done everything I could to encourage a relationship between my son & his father but as my son gets older I am starting to wonder if I am doing the right thing. For example, here is the current situation: My Ex has not had any contact with my son for about 6 weeks. This morning my husband told me I should go ahead & call him to see what is going on & to encourage him to spend time with my son. I called him & he went on & on about himself & his problems (typical) and did set up a weekend at the end of this month to see him. He said he would call back this evening to talk to my son and never did (also typical). My son is a great kid & has a great relationship with my husband but he does enjoy the time he spends with his dad. Do I continue to encourage the relationship between my son & my ex or should I stop getting involved & put the resposibility in the hands of my ex ?

I was in a similar situation when I was a child.  I had my birth father who wasn't around much and also my step-father who I called Dad.  Personally, I wouldn't encourage or discourage contact between your son and his Dad.  As weird as this may sound, it's not your relationship.  It's not your job or responsiblity to encourage your ex to be there for your son. Is there a set schedule as far as visitation goes?  That is something I would try to enforce, because it's not fair for a kid to be constantly let down like that.  Maybe if you set firm guidelines regarding visitations he'd be more apt to follow through.  If not, I think as your boy gets older he'll see that his Dad can't or wont meet his needs, and he'll dentify with and be closest to your husband.  Your ex will have to face your son one day and explain his actions, or lack thereof.  My birthfather sure regrets never being around for me.  Now that I'm an adult though, I'm able to have a relationship with him that works for both of us.  He's a good friend, but he's not my Dad. We'll never have the same bond that I have with the Dad who  raised me.  My hat is off to both you and your husband.  Your son has a crappy father, but his Dad, your husband, is making a wonderful difference in your boys life, and believe me, when he's a grown man he'll thank your husband for being a real Dad to him.  Good luck and God bless! 

 
October 7, 2005, 8:00 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: shanny

Hello everyone!  I'm hoping someone out there can give me some guidance regarding my 8-year-old son.  Ever since he was potty trained he's had accidents once every 6-8 months.  I've noticed that it usually happens when he's busy playing (whether video games, outside, etc.).  I've never thought much of it until I got a call from his school about 3 weeks ago.  He had defecated in his pants.  I felt so bad for him and was thankful no one at school was aware of his accident.  Almost every single day since then he's had accidents.  I am so frustrated and at a loss as to what to do.  There is nothing going on in his life that would explain this as being a psychological or behavioral issue.  I have threatened to ground him, take him to the doctor, praised him, bought him those flushable wipes.  My son is humiliated and cries when I tell him to go take a shower because he's smelling.  I don't know whether to take him to see a pediatrician, psychologist or what.  He tells me he doesn't mean to do it, that it's an accident, but how can he not feel that he needs to use the restroom?  Thanks for letting me vent!  Any suggestions, advice, etc. would be greatly appreciated.  God bless everyone! 

  

Shanny 

o.k. the only thing i can say is obviously ever since his incident at school, he's really embarrased. and that's most likely made it worse so maybe if you get rid of the embarrassment somehow (by talking to him or making him forget about this problem somehow) then the frequency of these accidents will ease. in the long term, i think he will gradually put that need to go to the bathroom ahead of whatever he's doing at the time as it's a natural instinct in all of us.
 
October 8, 2005, 12:32 pm CDT

My 17 yr old daughter

Can someone please help me. 16 yrs ago my ex husband signed over his parental rights so he would not have to pay me child support. 2 yrs ago his oldest daughter got in contact with my daughter and she has been encouraging her to have a relationship with him.Since this has been going on my daughter has been treating her step dad who is adopting her likehe does not exist. When I say something to her she says that she is taking her anger out on her step dad because she feels like she has missed out on a relationship with her biological . Her donor as I call him was not good to her when she was born he is an alcoholic and tried to give her beer as a baby and he used to shake her alot. She knows these things but her half sister has told her how much he has changed and she needs to give him a chance.How do i get her to treat her step dad soon to be legal dad with the respect he deserves.
 
October 8, 2005, 2:24 pm CDT

My son did that...

Quote From: max331

Hi, 

Please help me, I am at a loss of ideas.  4 days ago my 3 year old daughter stopped eating.  Has anyone gone through this?  I have been to the Doctors and Emergency department and they are not worried about her because she is still nourished. 

  

I can't think of anything else to do,  she won't eat anything and has 310ml of liquid yesterday that's it. 

My son went through that at about the same age.  And he was fine.  Just seems he didn't want to stop long enough to eat.  He had other things to do.  I worried that he didn't eat enough to keep a bird alive, but when the mood struck (every few days or so) he could out eat an adult.  When he was hungry, he ate good.  If he wasn't, he just didn't want to eat.  He's nearly 9 now and still does it, so I don't push him to eat.   

Maybe it could be some back teeth coming in, too?  Just soreness maybe?  Hope she's up and eating by now...let me know? 

  

 
October 9, 2005, 8:42 am CDT

What would you do? DH and I difference of opinion RE: "Sexy" Pictures

Sorry so long... Please read! 

  

My DH is a really good Daddy to my 2 yo son and 5 yo daughter.  HOWEVER... before we met he was into cartoony-type sexy images of females (kind of like Jessica rabbit, but actual humans).  They kind of take Betty Boop to the next level... skimpy bathing suits (they don't expose any genitalia, but they are sexually suggestive).  There are skateboards called "hookups" that he thinks are really cool.  Anyway... these boards currently sit in a closet, because I feel strongly that my young kids not be exposed to these.  He thinks that I am making too big a deal about it, and if I don't bring attention to them the kids won't think anything about them.    

   

Here is the problem... he told me that he wants to have "his own room" where he can display all his collectibles for himself, including these boards.  I told him that is fine, so long as the kids don't go in there.  He thinks that would make them too much of a taboo and could potentially make the kids think that sexuality is wrong.  While he acknowledges taht he doesn't think they are "appropriate" for the kids, he also doesn't think they are "inappropriate."   He thinks we as a society make too big a deal about images of the human body and the recognition of people as sexual beings.    

   

I don't know what to do.  It seems crazy that I would subject my kids to a lifetime of split parenting (divorce), because of these images, but I feel like I'm going against my own desires by "allowing" them.  This is becoming a situation where DH feels as though he is being controlled by me and that he wants to be able to just be himself in this one room.  

   

What do you think.  Here is a link, so you have an idea of what I'm talking about.  

   

http://www.skatesonhaight.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=HDDP  

   

Please let me know what you think.  

   

Thanks!  

 
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