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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 2034
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport
Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.

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October 9, 2005, 8:39 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: winnieone

Sorry so long... Please read! 

  

My DH is a really good Daddy to my 2 yo son and 5 yo daughter.  HOWEVER... before we met he was into cartoony-type sexy images of females (kind of like Jessica rabbit, but actual humans).  They kind of take Betty Boop to the next level... skimpy bathing suits (they don't expose any genitalia, but they are sexually suggestive).  There are skateboards called "hookups" that he thinks are really cool.  Anyway... these boards currently sit in a closet, because I feel strongly that my young kids not be exposed to these.  He thinks that I am making too big a deal about it, and if I don't bring attention to them the kids won't think anything about them.    

   

Here is the problem... he told me that he wants to have "his own room" where he can display all his collectibles for himself, including these boards.  I told him that is fine, so long as the kids don't go in there.  He thinks that would make them too much of a taboo and could potentially make the kids think that sexuality is wrong.  While he acknowledges taht he doesn't think they are "appropriate" for the kids, he also doesn't think they are "inappropriate."   He thinks we as a society make too big a deal about images of the human body and the recognition of people as sexual beings.    

   

I don't know what to do.  It seems crazy that I would subject my kids to a lifetime of split parenting (divorce), because of these images, but I feel like I'm going against my own desires by "allowing" them.  This is becoming a situation where DH feels as though he is being controlled by me and that he wants to be able to just be himself in this one room.  

   

What do you think.  Here is a link, so you have an idea of what I'm talking about.  

   

http://www.skatesonhaight.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=HDDP  

   

Please let me know what you think.  

   

Thanks!  

easy...protect your kids..they come first...you dont want kids who are too knowledgeable about sex or they will have problems in the future. your "DH" could be blinded by his own views as well.  basically just do whats best for your children
 
October 9, 2005, 10:19 pm CDT

bedwetting son

Quote From: tray00

My son will be 9 in October.  He wets the bed everynight.  Occassionally when he sleeps over at friends houses, he does not wet the bed. 

 

I have tried stopping drinks after 6pm.  Getting him to go pee before he goes to bed.  I have also woke him up to go pee when I go to bed (around 11pm) He has either allready peed or still wakes up wet.  I have even gone as far as the medication prescribed by doctors.  That didn't work either. 

 

Every night he wears pullups to bed.  (I have to buy the Good nights as the sizing is bigger, and they are more expensive) This morning he went right through his pull up and we are washing his sheets. 

 

I am so tired of washing clothes and smelling pee in his room.  I do not scold him for this, but I have started making him do his own wash and making up his bed when it is all clean.

 

My 5 yr old thinks that he needs to wear pull ups as well.  I tell him he doesn't need to but he says his brother does so he wants to. ANd occassionally he will wet the bed as well. 

 

I occasionally wet the bed when I was young, (as an older child, amybe up til I was 11) But not every night.  This is driving me crazy!  Sometimes we don't have any pull ups, as I refuse to by them at $20 a bag, (you know 2 days before pay day). I will not buy one of those electrice shockers, that shocks them when they pee in thier sleep........

 

Basically I don't think any one can help us, he will just have to grow out of it, but I needed to vent....Thanks for listening!

Hi.  I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.  Has Dr. Phil ever done a show on bedwetting?  I sure wish he would.  My son will be 9 in January and he also wets the bed EVERY night.  It is so exhausting. I have three daughters.  One is only a baby, but the other two have never had any trouble with bedwetting.  I know it's more common in boys, but I feel so badly for him.  His sisters (one older, one younger)  have not wet the bed since they were 2, but  he still does every night.  I just pray that he stops wetting, before the baby is potty trained.  I know that will make him feel even more humiliated.  I don't punish him or ridicule him for the problem, but I have tried everything else... waking him in the middle of the night, limiting fluids, rewarding him if he could stay dry... none of it helps.  We even bought one of those alarms.  Doesn't shock him, just goes off whenever he starts to wet and is supposed to wake him up.  It doesn't wake him up.  It wakes me up, if I use a baby monitor so that I can hear it go off, but then it is a true battle to try and get him out of bed and to the bathroom.  He sleeps so deeply that I cannot get him awake most of the time.  We have lived out of the country for the past few years as missionaries, and pull-ups or Goodnights were not available there (3rd world country).  So, we just had to make due with soaked sheets and pjs EVERY morning.  Now that we are living back in the States, my husband wants him to wear Goodnights.  My son thinks it is way too embarrassing to wear what he thinks are "diapers" and isn't reassured by the thought that "lots of kids wear these".  He'd rather wake up soaked, than to wear them.  My husband thinks I should force him to wear them until he outgrows this.  I don't know what to do, or how to best avoid damaging his self-esteem in this whole issue.   I'm also so tired of the laundry and the smell...  Any ideas, anyone?
 
October 10, 2005, 7:18 am CDT

7yr old with ODD

We have a 7yr old daughter with a very high IQ and ODD. She is currently in a private school doing 4th and 5th grade work but it is a fight to get her to write. It is also a fight to get her to get dressed,get in the car,go to bed---what ever! Unless it's her idea. Spanking doesn't work. People with ODD will go to their death to prove they are right! Even if it's something like the grass is purple not green. 

This is big problem as we also have two younger children and they see big sister's behavior--well ned I say more! Plus I really can't let a 7yr old dictate what a family of 5 does. 

If anyone can help--please! 

 
October 10, 2005, 11:08 am CDT

Is that it?....

Quote From: winnieone

Sorry so long... Please read! 

  

My DH is a really good Daddy to my 2 yo son and 5 yo daughter.  HOWEVER... before we met he was into cartoony-type sexy images of females (kind of like Jessica rabbit, but actual humans).  They kind of take Betty Boop to the next level... skimpy bathing suits (they don't expose any genitalia, but they are sexually suggestive).  There are skateboards called "hookups" that he thinks are really cool.  Anyway... these boards currently sit in a closet, because I feel strongly that my young kids not be exposed to these.  He thinks that I am making too big a deal about it, and if I don't bring attention to them the kids won't think anything about them.    

   

Here is the problem... he told me that he wants to have "his own room" where he can display all his collectibles for himself, including these boards.  I told him that is fine, so long as the kids don't go in there.  He thinks that would make them too much of a taboo and could potentially make the kids think that sexuality is wrong.  While he acknowledges taht he doesn't think they are "appropriate" for the kids, he also doesn't think they are "inappropriate."   He thinks we as a society make too big a deal about images of the human body and the recognition of people as sexual beings.    

   

I don't know what to do.  It seems crazy that I would subject my kids to a lifetime of split parenting (divorce), because of these images, but I feel like I'm going against my own desires by "allowing" them.  This is becoming a situation where DH feels as though he is being controlled by me and that he wants to be able to just be himself in this one room.  

   

What do you think.  Here is a link, so you have an idea of what I'm talking about.  

   

http://www.skatesonhaight.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=HDDP  

   

Please let me know what you think.  

   

Thanks!  

I followed the link and looked at the skateboard deck. Is that it? She's not even showing anything!Okay, maybe a little of her butt, but I've worn skimpier things than that in family photographs. I might be a little more laid back in my views because I am only 28 and it wasn't that long ago that I was running around dressed like that girl and skateboarding with my boyfriend (now husband), but I don't think your kids will look at that skateboard and learn anything about sex. Your husband is right, it probably won't even register with them unless you make a big deal out of it. Plus, I don't know how old your kids are, but chances are at least one of them is going to be asking for a skateboard just like that at some point. I started skating when I was about 11 and my parents probably bought me 45 boards over the years. A lot of them had sexy pictures and obscenities on them, but honestly, I never even noticed that stuff. I bought them to ride, not to ogle. If there was some poon hanging out or even a little nipple, I could see keeping them under wraps, but if all of his boards are like that one or less, your kids aren't going to give them a second glance. Unless, that is, you make a big deal out of it. That's just going to make them want to know why everyone is so uptight about it. Anyway, that's my opinion, but I like I said, I'm not that old, so I can speak from semi-recent experience. 

  

PS I gather your husband doesn't actually ride these boards, but just buys them for the naughty girlie pics. You can tell him I think he's a poser. 

 
October 11, 2005, 7:11 pm CDT

Where are the good parents that aren't about themselves?

I have Witnessed a 40 year old parent of two children tonight call her 13yr old a p*ssy.  Now she told me that she was only joking around and that her child knew that too.  I found it very offensive for the childs sake.  Could Dr. Phil or anyone here give a clue to if this would be ok or not even ok if it was joking around and her child knew she was kidding?  I did ask her if she would call her mother that and she said yes.  So I told her to call her up now and call her that word to her ear, but she couldn't do that.  Gee, what's the problem with that????? 

This mother of two is so out of control that her 13yr old is dang near failing school for the first marking period and has pretty much failed the last half of last years school year.  Her two year old just runs around like some wild animal that knows how to manipulate everyone and everybody and no boundaries set anywhere.  She has already said about four curse words at the age of 2yrs but to them since it's not everyday it's no big deal.  God she sends her kid to bed a 8pm, but doesn't want to until 8:30pm.  Her excuses are that "I don't get to see my child."  She refers to her 2yr old as her baby and not in the sense of her child being young, but more like the most precious thing in the world on her intention while her other child is left out of the caring parenting word.  Something is not right here with this single parent that refuses help because she can't admit failure and except anyone's help.  I'm nervous for these children not growing up with the tools they need to have to live in the future.  She can't even get her child to come to her when she calls.  Does that sound like a problem?  Because the problem is that her child is watching TV and she won't turn that off to actually spend time with her kids.  Man is this house out-of-control real bad.  Kind of like living in the wilderness with wild animals.  No one wants to be around those animals if they aren't tamed.  Do they?  Well just think how these kids are going to be in five years when no one tries to do the best thing for these children right now?
 

 
October 11, 2005, 8:35 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: fullforce

I have Witnessed a 40 year old parent of two children tonight call her 13yr old a p*ssy.  Now she told me that she was only joking around and that her child knew that too.  I found it very offensive for the childs sake.  Could Dr. Phil or anyone here give a clue to if this would be ok or not even ok if it was joking around and her child knew she was kidding?  I did ask her if she would call her mother that and she said yes.  So I told her to call her up now and call her that word to her ear, but she couldn't do that.  Gee, what's the problem with that????? 

This mother of two is so out of control that her 13yr old is dang near failing school for the first marking period and has pretty much failed the last half of last years school year.  Her two year old just runs around like some wild animal that knows how to manipulate everyone and everybody and no boundaries set anywhere.  She has already said about four curse words at the age of 2yrs but to them since it's not everyday it's no big deal.  God she sends her kid to bed a 8pm, but doesn't want to until 8:30pm.  Her excuses are that "I don't get to see my child."  She refers to her 2yr old as her baby and not in the sense of her child being young, but more like the most precious thing in the world on her intention while her other child is left out of the caring parenting word.  Something is not right here with this single parent that refuses help because she can't admit failure and except anyone's help.  I'm nervous for these children not growing up with the tools they need to have to live in the future.  She can't even get her child to come to her when she calls.  Does that sound like a problem?  Because the problem is that her child is watching TV and she won't turn that off to actually spend time with her kids.  Man is this house out-of-control real bad.  Kind of like living in the wilderness with wild animals.  No one wants to be around those animals if they aren't tamed.  Do they?  Well just think how these kids are going to be in five years when no one tries to do the best thing for these children right now?
 

i think it's great you care and first about that p*ssy thing..it shudnt be o.k. to desensitise such words because if the kid thinks that it's just another word then it could get her into trouble. 

  

and i agree that it's out of control. i think she's just another blind parent who thinks they are doing whats best for their children or at least have the best intentions in mind. if that's the case, you can use that against her to help the children. perhaps you could get her to send the 13 year old to the Big Brothers Big Sisters programme in your area or something of that sort so she gets an outside rolemodel that frequently can help with academics as well as other things. 

  

the 2 year old has time on her hands so what you can do is slowly introduce suggestions to the mum with her. make sure you dont sound like some nosey person who's just bleeding annoying. just act like a friend with a friendly suggestion or two at a time. the key is to do it slow i think so she will listen to you because you're probably the only person around that might give the kids a better future. 

  

so if you're gonna take my "advice" you should probably start with the older one, which should be fairly easy (get a mentor for her). anyway good luck! 

 
October 12, 2005, 7:22 am CDT

My Daughter is being a doormat!

My daughter has just turned 18, and has had the same boyfriend for about 3 years.  My problem is that he treats her like a doormat and she lets him.  I didn't raise her to be this way, and to my knowledge there isn't anyone in my family that way, we all are very strong women!  I just don't know how to handle this. 

 

I know if I say she can't see him anymore, it could make it worse...she could just run off and marry him, she can run off with him and there isn't anything that I could do about it!  She is a great girl, and has alot of dreams, but I am afraid that he will try and hold her back from those dreams! 

 

She will wait around for him to call her, she will always go to any family function that his family is having, but he will never come to any of her families functions.  She is a cheerleader and it has been a big part of her life the hole time they have been together, I think he has been to about 3 ballgames over the past three years.  He tries to tell her how to dress, before she was with him she would wear shorts all summer, now the only time she will wear shorts is in the house at home, she says it is because she doesn't fill comfortable, but in my heart of hearts I know he has told her he doesn't want her wearing them.  These are just a few examples, but I just don't know what to do! 

  

I am so afraid she will give up on all her dreams because he has already said he doesn't want her to go to college, I don't think he has ever hit her I don't have any reason to say that but I do think he is verbally and mentally abusive to her to a certain extent.  She has to call him before she goes anywhere and as soon as she gets home she calls him!  Dr. Phil or someone here I need HELP!  I don't know what to do!  And I can't stand the thought of looseing my daughter to a man (boy) that is going to treat her this way! 



PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

 

 
October 12, 2005, 12:18 pm CDT

Not Eating

My two year old daughter rarely eats... and when she does it is not the same thing she ate last week.  One day she can not get enough of something the next its yucky. We put three meals in front of her a day and limit her bottles to one right after getting up in the morning and one with her nap. 

  

We just do not know what to do. Even my mom is mystified. My grandparents too.  

  

If someone can help please let me know. 

  

Bleu 

  

 
October 12, 2005, 1:36 pm CDT

Cry Baby Son

 

  I need some general advice about my 11 yr old son.  He cries when he gets frustrated.  I don't think this is appropriate behavior at his age.  He has a medical problem that makes him small for his age -some people treat him younger than he is-but we are treating that with medication.  I'm not sure how to help him mature so that he won't do this.  I've tried to get him to laugh or take a deep breath but all of this seems to make it worse.  My next step is to ignore the behavior like I did when he would throw a temper tantrum.  I kind of feel like he is doing this now.  Any suggestions any one?  I certainly am open to them.  Thanks a bunch. 

 
October 12, 2005, 1:47 pm CDT

Doormat Daughter

Quote From: cheer_mama

My daughter has just turned 18, and has had the same boyfriend for about 3 years.  My problem is that he treats her like a doormat and she lets him.  I didn't raise her to be this way, and to my knowledge there isn't anyone in my family that way, we all are very strong women!  I just don't know how to handle this. 

 

I know if I say she can't see him anymore, it could make it worse...she could just run off and marry him, she can run off with him and there isn't anything that I could do about it!  She is a great girl, and has alot of dreams, but I am afraid that he will try and hold her back from those dreams! 

 

She will wait around for him to call her, she will always go to any family function that his family is having, but he will never come to any of her families functions.  She is a cheerleader and it has been a big part of her life the hole time they have been together, I think he has been to about 3 ballgames over the past three years.  He tries to tell her how to dress, before she was with him she would wear shorts all summer, now the only time she will wear shorts is in the house at home, she says it is because she doesn't fill comfortable, but in my heart of hearts I know he has told her he doesn't want her wearing them.  These are just a few examples, but I just don't know what to do! 

  

I am so afraid she will give up on all her dreams because he has already said he doesn't want her to go to college, I don't think he has ever hit her I don't have any reason to say that but I do think he is verbally and mentally abusive to her to a certain extent.  She has to call him before she goes anywhere and as soon as she gets home she calls him!  Dr. Phil or someone here I need HELP!  I don't know what to do!  And I can't stand the thought of looseing my daughter to a man (boy) that is going to treat her this way! 



PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

 

 He is abusing her is the worst way.  Get her some professional counseling to help her see what he is doing.  Not only will the counseling help her deal with the abuse but it will also help find out why she feels like  she needs him so much.  Maybe some where along the way, some one said something to her that made her feel unloved or ugly but she feels like he is fulfilling a need.  Another  way that you may be able to help is for both of you to volunteer at a local shelter for abused women.  She might see that what her boy friend is doing is abuse.   This is a way for you to help her with out her knowing what you are doing.     I married a guy like this and the abuse went from mental and verbal to physical.  Luckily I was able to get out of the marriage before I had any kids.  Also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline  1-800-799-7233.  They'll be able to help you help her.  Just don't push too hard you the risk loosing her if you do.  Good luck.
 
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