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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 2034
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport
Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.

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October 12, 2005, 3:38 pm CDT

future new mom needs advice on the delivery room

I am almost 5 months pregnant with my first child and my parents first grandchild. My parents are very excited and can't wait to spoil their first grandchild. Lately, my mother has been asking if she gets to be in the delivery room when the baby is born. Sometimes when discussing the baby and future plans she will insist that she be in the delivery room. My fiance and I don't want her to be in the delivery room. In fact, we don't want any family members to be in the delivery room. We feel that we made the baby and that the delivery is something that only the two of us should share together. We feel that it is a very important bonding experience for our new bundle of joy and we don't want it to be messed up. How can I tell my mother that she can't be in the delivery room when the baby is born without hurting her feelings? 

 
October 12, 2005, 3:48 pm CDT

I understand

Quote From: attitudes

Can someone please help me. 16 yrs ago my ex husband signed over his parental rights so he would not have to pay me child support. 2 yrs ago his oldest daughter got in contact with my daughter and she has been encouraging her to have a relationship with him.Since this has been going on my daughter has been treating her step dad who is adopting her likehe does not exist. When I say something to her she says that she is taking her anger out on her step dad because she feels like she has missed out on a relationship with her biological . Her donor as I call him was not good to her when she was born he is an alcoholic and tried to give her beer as a baby and he used to shake her alot. She knows these things but her half sister has told her how much he has changed and she needs to give him a chance.How do i get her to treat her step dad soon to be legal dad with the respect he deserves.

I completely understand what she is going through. I am almost 21 yrs old and I have the almost exact situation with my biological father. He has never really wanted anything to do with me until about 2 years ago. For some reason he wanted to get involved in my life. I went throught the same thing always discrediting my step-father, even though he was the one that has always been there for me. I would get upset at my real father and then take it out on my step father.  

  

My advice to you is not easy. You just need to let your daughter go through this phase. But my importantely you MUST make sure that her step father continues to show her lots of affection and treate her the same way he always has, before the biological father was around. And someday she will realize who is there for her and who has ALWAYS been there for her. 

 
October 12, 2005, 4:08 pm CDT

The Social Life of a Child??

I have a question.  My son is in the 3rd grade.  I'm wondering if he should have a social life like the other kids around here seem to have.  Every weekend someone wants him to go over to play or spend the night.  These kids have all kinds of things that my son doesn't and I don't want him to have.  The main kid has a collection of knives...some too mature video games...motorbikes and fourwheelers...not to mention a bully attitude.  He is an only child and is bored so he wants my boy over there.  We live in the country and he isn't too close...I don't mind every so often but its never enough.  It's not my fault that the other kid is bored.  He lives with his grandparents and stays some weekends with his other grandparents.   

I kinda stopped the socializing after it had been brought to my attention that the other boy tried some unappropriate things with my son.  Boy, I got off track on my probs here, huh?  So now...new friends have started calling him to go over...Mine has a sister at home and she hates for him to leave...and they don't want her around when they are here.  Am I bad for not letting him go somewhere all the time?  How much is too much and what's enough?  I do let him go but I always feel mean when I stick to my NO...not today.  I think the more he goes, the more he thinks he should, and then he'll become bored like them...something he has never been at home... 

 
October 12, 2005, 7:33 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: reject

I have a question.  My son is in the 3rd grade.  I'm wondering if he should have a social life like the other kids around here seem to have.  Every weekend someone wants him to go over to play or spend the night.  These kids have all kinds of things that my son doesn't and I don't want him to have.  The main kid has a collection of knives...some too mature video games...motorbikes and fourwheelers...not to mention a bully attitude.  He is an only child and is bored so he wants my boy over there.  We live in the country and he isn't too close...I don't mind every so often but its never enough.  It's not my fault that the other kid is bored.  He lives with his grandparents and stays some weekends with his other grandparents.   

I kinda stopped the socializing after it had been brought to my attention that the other boy tried some unappropriate things with my son.  Boy, I got off track on my probs here, huh?  So now...new friends have started calling him to go over...Mine has a sister at home and she hates for him to leave...and they don't want her around when they are here.  Am I bad for not letting him go somewhere all the time?  How much is too much and what's enough?  I do let him go but I always feel mean when I stick to my NO...not today.  I think the more he goes, the more he thinks he should, and then he'll become bored like them...something he has never been at home... 

ya uh first keep him away from the knife kid...not he best influence....plus things could happen and hospitals arent around that much (as far as i know) in the country 

  

he should have an appropriate social life. its important the friends he makes because it WILL leech off whether its good or bad behaviour so keeping his best interests in mind i think the guilt will go away (a bit anyway) and i dont think hes too old to spend some time with his mum.... 

  

and i think you already know the answer to that question about whether you're bad for not letting him go somewhere all the time. but just so you would hear it from someone else YOU ARE NOT BAD 

  

good luck and have fun parenting 

 
October 13, 2005, 6:01 am CDT

I had the same problem...

Quote From: new_mom06

I am almost 5 months pregnant with my first child and my parents first grandchild. My parents are very excited and can't wait to spoil their first grandchild. Lately, my mother has been asking if she gets to be in the delivery room when the baby is born. Sometimes when discussing the baby and future plans she will insist that she be in the delivery room. My fiance and I don't want her to be in the delivery room. In fact, we don't want any family members to be in the delivery room. We feel that we made the baby and that the delivery is something that only the two of us should share together. We feel that it is a very important bonding experience for our new bundle of joy and we don't want it to be messed up. How can I tell my mother that she can't be in the delivery room when the baby is born without hurting her feelings? 

With my first son, we had about 7 family members in the delivery room, along with the doctor, 3 nursing students and 4 nurses. That labor lasted 37 hours and ended (thankfully) in a c-section where only my husband could attend. I was so exhausted after those 37 hours, I couldn't sleep because of everyone in the room, they kept talking to me and asking me questions and chatting amongst themselves. Also, they kept trying to "help" by coaching me and trying to give me advice and tell me their birth stories. I just ended up really annoyed. So, I just recently gave birth to my 2nd son and I told everyone I didn't even want them at the hospital until the next day. Yes, my mother's feelings were hurt and she even threatened to come anyway. I had to get tough with her. This is your experience and you have every right to make your wishes crystal clear. The thing is, your mother isn't thinking about you, she's thinking about herself and her own excitement. While that is natural, you have to lay down the law to her, and you may have to hurt her feelings a little to get through to her.
 
October 13, 2005, 6:24 am CDT

Tell your dr. your wants

Quote From: new_mom06

I am almost 5 months pregnant with my first child and my parents first grandchild. My parents are very excited and can't wait to spoil their first grandchild. Lately, my mother has been asking if she gets to be in the delivery room when the baby is born. Sometimes when discussing the baby and future plans she will insist that she be in the delivery room. My fiance and I don't want her to be in the delivery room. In fact, we don't want any family members to be in the delivery room. We feel that we made the baby and that the delivery is something that only the two of us should share together. We feel that it is a very important bonding experience for our new bundle of joy and we don't want it to be messed up. How can I tell my mother that she can't be in the delivery room when the baby is born without hurting her feelings? 

Our Dr. would only allow one in the delivery room.  See what is allowed there...and I think you can tell the dr. that you only want your husband in the room, or only one person.   Ask Mom to stick close in case you need her...some women want to kick their hubby's out of the room by delivery time...or sometimes they can't take it and leave the room...or pass out...LOL...so you may want her there just not in the room unless you need her.  I'm really glad mine was there with my first.    But then, no one came in the room because we had emergency c-section anyway.  So don't worry too much about it...anything can change your plans...Good luck and congrats!!!
 
October 13, 2005, 6:38 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: feng456

ya uh first keep him away from the knife kid...not he best influence....plus things could happen and hospitals arent around that much (as far as i know) in the country 

  

he should have an appropriate social life. its important the friends he makes because it WILL leech off whether its good or bad behaviour so keeping his best interests in mind i think the guilt will go away (a bit anyway) and i dont think hes too old to spend some time with his mum.... 

  

and i think you already know the answer to that question about whether you're bad for not letting him go somewhere all the time. but just so you would hear it from someone else YOU ARE NOT BAD 

  

good luck and have fun parenting 

Yup that knife kid is something else.  Seems they think he is mature enough to have knives.  Not just a pocket knife...but a knife collection.  My boy came home one day saying this boy chased him with a knife.  I lost it and told the Grandparents and they grounded him from his knives.  How long that lasted is beyond me.  My boy will be 9 in a week and he has a knife.  A small pocket knife that's kept in his tackle box.  dang, kids these days scare me. 

I think my kids have plenty enough of a social life and he has lots of cousins around here if he gets lonesome.  I am very proud of my boy's personality and attitude but I do notice changes after he spends time with these other kids.  I don't want them to change him at all...I was actually hoping that he could influence the other boy, who has led a troubled life...but seems that will risk my son so it's over. 

Well, it was over until yesterday...seems the two boys had trouble at school yesterday. 

Thanks for replying...I guess I'm just venting off some steam...have a good day. :o) 

 
October 13, 2005, 4:02 pm CDT

Lying

Quote From: beccawls

I guess my 1st question is what she lies about? Is she lying about what you view as little silly stuff, or is it bigger stuff? FOllowed by are you setting her up to lie. I know that is a harsh question, but if you know the answer to the question you are asking and she knows she has done wrong you are setting her up to lie in hopes of not be punished.

 

Let her explain why she did or said what she did. LISTEN do not talk. You can learn so much by listening to a childs reasoning behind behavior.  We call these free zone meets. The child is allowed to say whatever they want about the topic that is on the table as long as they are respectful in doing so and honest. With NO threat of consequenses. Now there is a disclaimer here, if a child admits there part in the breaking of the law or major house rules there is consquences.

 

Is the consequence you are giving for this behavior tied to the lie..EX> she dumped sand into the pool. consequence 1st she cleans it 2nd she does not play in it for the  1 day. The next time she does it is 2 days. If she lies about it not only does she clean it and is grounded from it she can spend the rest of the day in her bedroom for lying. Making it very clear to her that youlove her but this lying willnot be tolerate in our home and it will always get you in more trouble.

 

 

 

We had the same problem with our daughter when she was around this age. Never had it with any of the other 3. We tried everything. Finally we made her write out 100 times, "I must not lie." She was not allowed to watch t.v. (something she loved to do) until the lines were finished. It worked great, I'm not saying she never told another lie but it was not chronic like it had been. She is 21 now and still remembers writing those lines and says it had more impact on her than anything else we tried.  

  

p.s She doesn't resent it at all. 

 
October 13, 2005, 9:11 pm CDT

My child can't seem to make friends

I need some advice on how to handle this.  My ten year old son is very outgoing and friendly.  He tries to be friends with anyone that will be his friend.  At first the other kids take to him and so do the parents.  Then we start seeing the parents distance themselves from him and any activity he may have with their kids.  We are on our third school, not because of this.  Our first one was a Catholic school and they just didn't have the help he needed to keep up in his reading.  And the second one we were actually out of the district but it was much closer to our house so we did a transfer but the next year they would not let anyone transfer.  So once again he started a new school.  But at all three schools the parents would say we will have to get the kids together to play and they only time they got together was if we invited them.  He broke his leg in the summer of going into the 2nd grade, which was when he was getting ready to start his second school, he was playing baseball that summer so he didn't get to finish he had a full body cast on so he could even walk.  We was in the hospital for 4 days and not one family came up to see him.  He had been playing baseball with these same kids since kindergarten.  We continued to go to the game and only 2 parents would come up and ask how he was doing, none of his "friends" even asked to come see him.  This 3rd school has been the worst.  We are not rich by any means and the school he goes to now is in the richest part of our town, I'm talking doctors, lawyers and even the mayors kids go here.  He had a tough time adjusting to this school, it was probably christmas the first time he even mentioned anyone in his class.  He played fall football and soccer with these kids and we met most of the mother's, which were very nice until I mentioned where we lived.  They thought we had just moved onto the "hill" and once I said my street conversation stopped they proceded to talk to each other but I pretty much just sat there by myself.  It may sound like I am being paranoid but I'm not.   Since then he has  been invited to one get together, and 2 birthday parties and the second one he basically invited himself.  He asked the mother if he was invited and she told him he was rude for asking, and her son and a boy who was suppose to be his best friend told him the same thing.  He just wanted to know because the kids kept talking about the party.  I didn't know anything about this until the mother said she had had a invitation for him but her son must of lost it.  Every summer our town has a festival and we were there at the this last one and we ran into several of the boys from is school and then we saw the parents and they had all gotten together and made a day of it.  My son asked the boys if he could play with them and they told him no.  Then today after his soccer practice one of the boys he has considered his best friend since last year and said he wasn't like the rest of the kids, is having some kind of party tomorrow.  He heard him ask another boy if he got the invitation and my son asked him what was going on and he said nothing and he said what is the invitation for and the boy just told him "oh just something special."  My son was crushed.  He cried all the way home.  I can't really tell if it is because of me or him or the parents and kids themselves.  If it had been just one or two kids and parents I would say them but we are talking many kids and parents.  I know my family has never really been the greatest with him either.  In fact my mother told a lady that was getting ready to start watching him that she wished her all the luck with him because he was a brat.  My 42 year old brother and 36 year old sister insist on "showing him up", they argue with him almost everytime they are around him.  To say the least I stay away from my family as much as possible.  All I know is this is crushing his self esteem.  He wants me to become friends with these parents so that he can invite kids over and vise versa, so I have tried and I don't cliche with them.  I am friendly when I see them, but it is really hard sometimes because I don't know what to think about the way they treat my son. 

 
October 14, 2005, 3:02 pm CDT

Shared Diary for Asperger's

Hi! What a great forum! I just wanted to tell everyone that I've started a shared diary for parents of and spouses of people who have Asperger's.


I think if you click on my name, then you'll be directed to: My Imperfect Son: Aspterger's.


I've devoted the last fifteen years of my life to finding the correct diagnosis and it's been quite a path! I'm happy to share it with you, so please stop by.


Yours, Calliegal

 
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