Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards

Message Emote

November 3, 2005, 2:58 pm PST

Something Else Might Be Wrong

Quote From: amfwpm4

Hi, I hope somebody might have a little advice for me. I have a 13 year son in seventh grade. Over the past two years he has had problems in school. He has had problems being responsible completing assignments. He also had an on going problem with the boy who lived across the street: teasing him, throwing things at him and being a real pest, (maybe bully). He has since moved. This year it has been the same thing, quit a few in school detentions, and basically verbal sexual harassment of a girl in his science class.Also, another boy was involved with this. Needless to say I was mortified, than out raged and wanted to ring his neck. I've also recently caught him in allot of lies about school and money disappearing from around the house.

My husband and I have done all the typical, normal, common sense disciplinary actions as well as contact all the teachers and staying in touch with them. So far none if this is working. I'm afraid of where this behavior might lead if we can't get a grip on itThe one common thread that all the teachers say is he tries to be the class clown.

I know this is an incomplete explanation of the situation but I"m all out of ideas and would love to have some advice or suggestions. I am seriously considering military school but there is not one close to us and I can't afford the tuition.

We have 3 other children and my son is the 3rd child. So we do have some parenting experie

When my daugther was a teenager, she was acting out and getting into a little trouble too. I finally found out what was really wrong several years later. It had nothing to do with what was going on at the time. It was something totally different. She had a eating disorder and was trying to cover it up in hope that we wouldn't find out what really was wrong with her. Once the truth came out her bad behavior stopped and now she is a doing great. Maybe there is another problem that your son is trying to keep from you. Sometimes we are the last to find out. Ask one of his friends because they can really tell you a lot. Good Luck. Keep me posted.

Read Replies to this Message

leighbells

User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
hopeful

November 3, 2005, 2:58 pm PST

General Advice

Quote From: tricia1311

hi i have a 9 year old daughter and i have to fight with her almost every morning before school to get her to eat her breakfast.... i have tried everything..... should i just let her go without if she doesnt want to eat??

I think that breakfast is a very important meal of the day. I never used to eat anything in the mornings and I felt much worse off for it. Once you make it a habit you will find it hard to go without. She is only nine years old, and should not really have the option of making that decision (you should be doing that for her). Find something with nutritional value that she enjoys - let her decide (within reason) what she wants to eat instead of weather or not she will eat. It could also be a stalling tacktic if she doesn't want to go to school (does she do it on the weekend?) or it could be attention seeking behaviour - is it working for her on some other level? Have hope - at least it is not a major catastrophie!!

Read Replies to this Message

leighbells

User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
happy

November 3, 2005, 3:06 pm PST

General Advice

Quote From: amfwpm4

Hi, I hope somebody might have a little advice for me. I have a 13 year son in seventh grade. Over the past two years he has had problems in school. He has had problems being responsible completing assignments. He also had an on going problem with the boy who lived across the street: teasing him, throwing things at him and being a real pest, (maybe bully). He has since moved. This year it has been the same thing, quit a few in school detentions, and basically verbal sexual harassment of a girl in his science class.Also, another boy was involved with this. Needless to say I was mortified, than out raged and wanted to ring his neck. I've also recently caught him in allot of lies about school and money disappearing from around the house.

My husband and I have done all the typical, normal, common sense disciplinary actions as well as contact all the teachers and staying in touch with them. So far none if this is working. I'm afraid of where this behavior might lead if we can't get a grip on itThe one common thread that all the teachers say is he tries to be the class clown.

I know this is an incomplete explanation of the situation but I"m all out of ideas and would love to have some advice or suggestions. I am seriously considering military school but there is not one close to us and I can't afford the tuition.

We have 3 other children and my son is the 3rd child. So we do have some parenting experie

Have you or the father tried to talk openly to him about his life in general (how he is feeling, what does he get up to, does he have friends, how is he coping with puberty etc). You will probably find that he opens up more to a loving father then mother. He is hitting puberty and has a lot of hormones racing through his body (remember what it's like to be pregnant?!). I say give him space, without letting him walk over people, but let hime know you are there for him, that you are a soft place to land so to speak. And remember to keep your cool if he opens up to you - don't betray his trust in you. The absolute best thing you can do is love him and be there for him - help him get through this phase in life!

Read Replies to this Message

lpangel

User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
surprised

November 3, 2005, 3:24 pm PST

Quote

Quote From: prettybird

Your parents don't owe you anything. Grow up, get a job and quit acting like a spoiled baby. Some day you will thank your mom.

You know I'm a mom to 5 kids and I work my fingers to the bone to provide for my family just the everyday essentials of life and I read something like this from you! I don't even make that amount of money in one year and I support 5 kids on way less income than that of what you want to pay for a vehicle for. And for you to refer to your mother as a being a bitch! Your father should be ashamed of himself for even thinking about paying for that kind of vehicle for you just so you can show off and wreck it trying to be a big shot. Let's see why don't you find a nice used vehicle for under $20,000, get a job and pay the monthly insurance cost which will be around $250/month for full coverage and appreciate it and shut up and donate the rest of money to hurricane victims or kids overseas who don't even have a house to live in because of the hurricanes last year, they still live in tents and you are worried about getting a freakin $85,000 vehicle, go to college, get a good job, and pay for it yourself. I hope your mom sticks to her guns on this and if you dad buys you that car I hope your mom divorces him. My kids first vehicle was $5,000 and she appreciated even having something to drive. You are a real piece of work.

Read Replies to this Message

alucky1

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

November 3, 2005, 4:21 pm PST

Grandparents Influence on Child's behavior

Hello to all,

I have a sitaution which seemed to be getting under control until recently. My parents are very important in my four year old's life. I lived with my parents the first year my daughter was born and since we've moved out my daughter cries to stay at grandma's house EVERY time we see grandma and grandpa. My husband and I have tried talking to her before we go to grandma's house and explain to our daughter that we will only be visiting grandma and she will not be able to stay the night. I'm sure everyone with children knows that grandparent's will be grandparents. A lot of times she will ask us if we could take her to visit grandma and we will take her when she behaves because it's gotten to be that EVERY time we go there she's a different kid. She throws fits and screams and pee's and has gone to the extreme of biting.

I don't want to make my parents feel like I'm taking there granddaughter away, and I don't want my daughter to feel as if we're taking grandma and grandpa away. My husband and I have tried time-outs, taking things away, praising her for good behavior...what else can we do? She's a great kid when grandma and grandpa are not around, but when they come around, she's different. What can we do?

Read Replies to this Message

kdabam

User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote

November 3, 2005, 8:08 pm PST

so true!!

Quote From: lpangel

You know I'm a mom to 5 kids and I work my fingers to the bone to provide for my family just the everyday essentials of life and I read something like this from you! I don't even make that amount of money in one year and I support 5 kids on way less income than that of what you want to pay for a vehicle for. And for you to refer to your mother as a being a bitch! Your father should be ashamed of himself for even thinking about paying for that kind of vehicle for you just so you can show off and wreck it trying to be a big shot. Let's see why don't you find a nice used vehicle for under $20,000, get a job and pay the monthly insurance cost which will be around $250/month for full coverage and appreciate it and shut up and donate the rest of money to hurricane victims or kids overseas who don't even have a house to live in because of the hurricanes last year, they still live in tents and you are worried about getting a freakin $85,000 vehicle, go to college, get a good job, and pay for it yourself. I hope your mom sticks to her guns on this and if you dad buys you that car I hope your mom divorces him. My kids first vehicle was $5,000 and she appreciated even having something to drive. You are a real piece of work.

RIGHT ON!
Nothing like a little dose of reality. What the real world is like!!That is forgotten by so many people. Hang in there.
Karen

Read Replies to this Message

kdabam

User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote

November 3, 2005, 8:16 pm PST

General Advice

Quote From: tamilea

MY son is 20 yrs. old, he lives at home and is not working or going to school. He has in fact been in his room for the most part of the past 3 yrs. I allowed him to quit high school only because he was supposed to finish at home. When that failed I got all the GED books and that was the plan, that failed too. He is by nature very shy and introverted only over the last few months that has changed and now he has lots of friends and is very popular, but he still isn't working or going to school and I am having trouble motivating him to keep going.

It is not your job to motivate him. It is his. Why should he move out. He's nice and comfy at home. No resonsibilities, bills, everything is done for him. I sure wouldn't go anywhere. And now he can go party with friends, live it up and not have to worry about a thing It's time to cut the apron strings and stop babying him. What kind of life will he lead if he does nothing for himself. At 22 I was paying my own rent, insurance, food, bills etc. I am so thankful for it because now I can give the same gift to my son.
Good luck

Read Replies to this Message

kdabam

User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote

November 3, 2005, 8:23 pm PST

General Advice

Quote From: emceachern

My son is 22, just graduated from University and we are very proud of him. Unfortunately though, when things do not go his way he always takes it out on me. He is living back home because he doesn't have a "real" job which is fine, he just graduated. We feel he doesn't appreciate what we have done for him. We paid his way through Univeristy, all expenses plus all living expenses including his cell phone, everything. He is now debt free which is what we wanted for him. Give him a good start. Anyway, I get a phone call at work, him telling me how I didn't do his wash right, how he is missing his socks, the wash stinks, I shrunk his shirts etc. He went on and on how he lived out for two and a half years on his own and how he did his wash and it was always OK. So, he will be doing his own wash from now on, no problem there, but my question is why do I feel so devisted by this. I feel like I've been slapped in the face and he never gets it. Just a question for someone.

What does he have to appreciate. He worked for nothing!!! Take it all away and tell him to get a job and buy it back for himself. Don't make excuses for him. That is just enabling his terrible habits. Good let him do his laundry. He has the power over you. A child should never treat his parent that way. I suspect this has been going on for a long, long time. Way before college. If he treats you this way I can't imagine how he would treat a girlfriend or wife.

Read Replies to this Message

tayali

User Mood
Relaxed

Message Emote
frustrated

November 4, 2005, 1:23 pm PST

Toilet training

I have been trying to toilet train my 2 1/2 year old daughter for a couple of months now, but will not poop on the toilet (she has gone pee a couple of times), we have tried moving her potty to different areas in the house but nothing. We have even left her diaper off all day to see if she would go to the bathroom but she held it for days, we constantly asked her throughout the day if she needs to go but all she says is no, then she'll go downstairs and five minutes later she says "mommy I pooped", she will sit on the toilet but she won't go poop. She even pooped in the living room and other places around the house when her diaper was off. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?

Read Replies to this Message

a43female

User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote

November 4, 2005, 2:42 pm PST