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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 2034
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport
Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.

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August 31, 2005, 1:13 pm CDT

Invitation to take a parenting survey

 Hi there!

My name is Marcy Smith, and I'm a graduate student at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa. I'm currently working with Dr. Catherine Gillespie in the School of Education on a survey about what sources of information parents use. This is an online survey managed by Zoomerang.com.

The survey gathers no identifying personal information about you and it only takes about 10 minutes to complete. Our hope is to use the information we find as the basis for an article in a scholarly journal providing recommendations about sources of parenting information.

I'd like to invite all of the members of this message board to take this survey online at:

http://www.zoomerang.com/recipient/survey.zgi?p=WEB2249R43J5V6

You can also find a link to the survey from Dr. Gillespie's web page at:

www.educ.drake.edu/gillespie

If you have any questions about this survey or its intended purposes, please feel free to email me at: marcy.smith@drake.edu

Thank you very much for your help with our survey!

Marcy Smith
marcy.smith@drake.edu
Graduate Assistant
Drake University
School of Education, Department of Teaching and Learning
 
August 31, 2005, 11:32 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: gardenbug2

Hi, 

I'm new to this board.  I'm married and have a 10 yr old son.  Both my son and husband are overweight.  I'm not attempting to ask my husband to lose weight...he will when he's ready, I hope.  I am very concerned about my son who weighs 109#(97 percentile on the weight charts at the doctor's office), and he is very self-concious about his weight.  My son seems to follow in his dad's footsteps when it comes to food.  They both sneak junk when I'm not around.  I don't keep junk in the house.  I constantly read food labels.  I make healthy meals.  Do we have pizza occasionally, sure we do.  I'm not a fanatic. 

  

My son is probably the most active kid on the block.  He's usually outside playing, even in the winter (we live in MN).  I've pretty much banned TV, movies, and computer games.   

  

We don't have weight discussions unless my son initiates them.  I focus on making healthy lifestyle choices, whether it be food, exercise, drugs, etc...so as not to make him feel any worse about his appearance than he already does.  Kids tease him sometimes. 

  

Unfortunately, my husband isn't on board with the "healthy" lifestyle and promoting/enforcing it with my son.  In fact, he often sabatoges any healthy habits that I've instilled (like sneaking out for ice cream before bed or eating when we aren't hungry).  Then, that only puts extra pressure on me to think of another way to help our son lose weight. 

  

I need HELP...does anyone have any advice??? 

  

gardenbug2 

hi, i think simply you need to talk with your husband and discuss how unhealthy and dangerous it is to be overweight at such a young age. you need to decide what is truly best for your son and i think that will be the key to gettin through to him.
 
September 1, 2005, 2:03 am CDT

Weighty issues

Quote From: feng456

hi, i think simply you need to talk with your husband and discuss how unhealthy and dangerous it is to be overweight at such a young age. you need to decide what is truly best for your son and i think that will be the key to gettin through to him.

feng456, 

  

It upsets me that the advice you gave me doesn't work. 

  

I have discussed my great concern regarding my son's weight with my husband.  I've told him specifically why I'm so worried about the situation, what I'm doing to help, what he's doing that isn't beneficial, the cummulative effect of being overweight at this age, and how self-concious my son is about his weight.  He does agree that he is overweight.  Unfortunately, talking to my husband is not causing him to change his actions.  Often, he thinks that our son's stature will change when he's a teen-ager.  I respond with comments like:  "What if he doesn't?", "And in the meantime?", "Our son is very self concious about this."   

  

When I'm around, he may act differently short-term (after we've discussed the situation) but he's very inconsistent and rather an enabler.  I don't know how many different ways to explain to my husband that we are responsible for helping out our son in his desire to lose weight. 

  

Right now, I figure my best bet is to talk to my son directly about a healthy lifestyle and the importance of making good decisions with his food choices. 

  

Thanks for listening... 

gardenbug2 

 
September 4, 2005, 12:08 am CDT

been there done that.

Quote From: gardenbug2

feng456, 

  

It upsets me that the advice you gave me doesn't work. 

  

I have discussed my great concern regarding my son's weight with my husband.  I've told him specifically why I'm so worried about the situation, what I'm doing to help, what he's doing that isn't beneficial, the cummulative effect of being overweight at this age, and how self-concious my son is about his weight.  He does agree that he is overweight.  Unfortunately, talking to my husband is not causing him to change his actions.  Often, he thinks that our son's stature will change when he's a teen-ager.  I respond with comments like:  "What if he doesn't?", "And in the meantime?", "Our son is very self concious about this."   

  

When I'm around, he may act differently short-term (after we've discussed the situation) but he's very inconsistent and rather an enabler.  I don't know how many different ways to explain to my husband that we are responsible for helping out our son in his desire to lose weight. 

  

Right now, I figure my best bet is to talk to my son directly about a healthy lifestyle and the importance of making good decisions with his food choices. 

  

Thanks for listening... 

gardenbug2 

I was a fat child. a fat teen and yes a fat adult. about ten months ago i had a gastric bypass.  I dont wish this for your son or mine.  Mine is 41/2.  I am soooo paranoid about him being obese (he already weighs 50lbs) i didnt allow any process sugar till the age of 2.  at one point he told his teachers at his new kindercare that i told him sugar was poison for him and i didnt allow him to eat it.  they asked me if he was diabetic and allergic to it!  the reason why i got my gastric bypass was an attempt at keeping him from getting overweight.  I dont allow him to watch tv.  have him enrolled in tai kwan do and read all labels that come into my house.  try changing one habbit at  a time.  go for a walk for fiffteen min. after dinner.  dont allow candy in your house.  NO SODA not even diet.  water and milk.  you may not be able to stop him from being overweight but you will be able to curtail the amount of overweight he is.  also enrolling him in martial arts is not a bad thing.  then if kids pick on him he only needs to take out one of them.
 
September 5, 2005, 6:16 am CDT

my son is angry,and volitile like his father

my son used to e so sweet , my father was involved and wanted the best for his son , that was 5 years ago , his father has  changed ,he works 15 hrs 6days aweek but doesnt need to , when he comes home he goes right to the couch , he does nothing with his son,he seems angry and yells alot , he feeds our son in his room , much to my disapproval, he used to go to all his basketball games ,now last year he went to one and got in a fight with his coach , he doesn't fix anything in the house,we have needed  a new roof for 5 years now , theres junk everywhere that he wont let me get rid of , and our son is embarrased of his home,my husband doesn't talk to me anymore and when i try to talk to him about our son he gets enraged and says i am attacking his parental skills, his dad is disrespectful to me and now our son is acting just like his dad , he spends all his time in his room, never has friends over , seems angry alot and is very disrespectful to me , i dont know what to do , if i try to disipline him his father wont back me up and says if i dont  like it i can move out , help
 
September 5, 2005, 8:45 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: blondewoo

my son used to e so sweet , my father was involved and wanted the best for his son , that was 5 years ago , his father has  changed ,he works 15 hrs 6days aweek but doesnt need to , when he comes home he goes right to the couch , he does nothing with his son,he seems angry and yells alot , he feeds our son in his room , much to my disapproval, he used to go to all his basketball games ,now last year he went to one and got in a fight with his coach , he doesn't fix anything in the house,we have needed  a new roof for 5 years now , theres junk everywhere that he wont let me get rid of , and our son is embarrased of his home,my husband doesn't talk to me anymore and when i try to talk to him about our son he gets enraged and says i am attacking his parental skills, his dad is disrespectful to me and now our son is acting just like his dad , he spends all his time in his room, never has friends over , seems angry alot and is very disrespectful to me , i dont know what to do , if i try to disipline him his father wont back me up and says if i dont  like it i can move out , help
I would have to wonder what has changed your husband?  Is is on drugs?  You say he is working all the hours?  Where does the money go?  Or is he really working?  Is he depressed about something?  I am not sure of your situation - please don't take my questions the wrong way, but they are something to look into.
 
September 8, 2005, 8:19 am CDT

My sons father!!!!

I am new to this so bare with me. I am 25yrs old and have a 9yrs old son. DO THE MATH... I fell in love very young, got pregnant. The father moved away when I was two months along. We lost touch right after my son was born. He has never seen his father, although I have looked and looked for him. About 3 or 4 months ago I found him. He claims he wants to see my baby. But he will call and call then nothing for three weeks now. I am very worried that he is going to break my sons heart and that is not OK with me. WHAT SHOULD I DO?????????????????????????
 
September 8, 2005, 10:48 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: sccutie960

I am new to this so bare with me. I am 25yrs old and have a 9yrs old son. DO THE MATH... I fell in love very young, got pregnant. The father moved away when I was two months along. We lost touch right after my son was born. He has never seen his father, although I have looked and looked for him. About 3 or 4 months ago I found him. He claims he wants to see my baby. But he will call and call then nothing for three weeks now. I am very worried that he is going to break my sons heart and that is not OK with me. WHAT SHOULD I DO?????????????????????????

My son is 15 and never seen or talked to his father.  I was 15 when I had him.  I wouldn't tell your son that his daddy wants to see him until he actaully shows up.  You don't want to mess with the little boys head.  I always worry for my son, I wrote letters and phoned and tried everything in my power to get this guy to see his son, I finally stopped about 2 years ago.  I can't force him, and I have kept this away from my son, he doens't ask about him, so I am not forcing the issue.  My son has always known about his real dad and knows where the phone number is if he wants to call.  I think it is me wanting it and not my son, and I realized that and have now stopped.  All I know is in 3 years when my son is 18 he can go and see his father  and give him a couple punches cuz that is what he deserves!  LOL  I'm kidding! 

  

The other thing is I never talked a bad word about his father, the thing wrong with that is....in my sons eyes, his dad did nothing wrong, and his dad sends money and money is good!  If I lived with my dad he would spend money on me, he must be rich.  Does that make sense???  That is what my son thought, never said it but when his dad sent me $8,000.  My son was in heaven with all these new clothes and video games!  I should of told him that he hadn't paid me in three years and that is all back pay and I had to fight really hard to get it!  I am not saying you should call him a buttplug infront of your son, but I do think they need to know the small stuff so they don't think thier dad is a god and start to hate you because you must be the reason you are not with my dad anymore........ 

  

I hope this makes a bit of sense to you, it is hard to put it in typing escepcailly when my french fries are about to burn in the oven!!!  I went through alot of councelling because of this, and if I can help you I would be glad to try! 

  

Tray 

 
September 9, 2005, 5:26 am CDT

Scared to go

  

I am a stay at home mom of three children.  My oldest child (15) is actually not involved in my present situation as she is with her dad going to high school in his town. 

  

My 13 year old son (the 15 yo's bro) is here with me during the school year.  My husband of 2 years and i have an infant son together....he is 11 months.  We live 2 hours from family and friends, so there is no support system here for us. 

  

My problem is that I am going on a week long trip with my parents and some friends to Las Vegas soon, and I am worried about the boys.  Their dad/stepdad has NEVER taken care of the children full time before.  In the times when he has taken care of the children, he has relied on the older children to take care of the baby.  I am worried that he will go into this mode while I am away and rely on my 13 year old too much. 

  

Also, I am nursing the baby.  I have repeatedly asked my husband to try and give him a bottle for bedtime or during the nite when he wakes, but for some reason he won't.  I have had the pediatrician tell him that this would need to be done to prepare for when I am away, but he never has tried it. 

  

So now I am going away for a vacation that EVERYONE says I need....feeling guilty about doing it....and worrying about the children and husband while I am away. 

  

I have told my husband my worries and he says not to.  He says they will work it all out, but I just can't see it happening.  He won't even get up with the baby in the middle of the night (at the times when the babe just needs to be changed and put back to sleep).  Now, with only a week and a half til I leave he is trying (once in a while) to put him back to sleep, but the baby just screams.   

  

I really don't know what to do anymore!  I am so worried I have considered cancelling my trip. 

 
September 9, 2005, 6:05 am CDT

Thank you Tray

Quote From: tray00

My son is 15 and never seen or talked to his father.  I was 15 when I had him.  I wouldn't tell your son that his daddy wants to see him until he actaully shows up.  You don't want to mess with the little boys head.  I always worry for my son, I wrote letters and phoned and tried everything in my power to get this guy to see his son, I finally stopped about 2 years ago.  I can't force him, and I have kept this away from my son, he doens't ask about him, so I am not forcing the issue.  My son has always known about his real dad and knows where the phone number is if he wants to call.  I think it is me wanting it and not my son, and I realized that and have now stopped.  All I know is in 3 years when my son is 18 he can go and see his father  and give him a couple punches cuz that is what he deserves!  LOL  I'm kidding! 

  

The other thing is I never talked a bad word about his father, the thing wrong with that is....in my sons eyes, his dad did nothing wrong, and his dad sends money and money is good!  If I lived with my dad he would spend money on me, he must be rich.  Does that make sense???  That is what my son thought, never said it but when his dad sent me $8,000.  My son was in heaven with all these new clothes and video games!  I should of told him that he hadn't paid me in three years and that is all back pay and I had to fight really hard to get it!  I am not saying you should call him a buttplug infront of your son, but I do think they need to know the small stuff so they don't think thier dad is a god and start to hate you because you must be the reason you are not with my dad anymore........ 

  

I hope this makes a bit of sense to you, it is hard to put it in typing escepcailly when my french fries are about to burn in the oven!!!  I went through alot of councelling because of this, and if I can help you I would be glad to try! 

  

Tray 

       We have alot in common. I have never said a bad word about his sperm donor. That is what I think of his father. But the bad thing is my son wants to see him and ask about him all of the time. This hurts pretty bad. I feel like he is going to hate me in the long run. I just his father would wake up, and realize he has a great son that wants to be a part of his life. 

       Although I do worry if I have to see him, because I went through so really messed up times. He was my first LOVE and if I am totally honest about it my only true LOVE. All I can do to keep me sane is remember him leaving and never returning. I refuse to keep calling and writing, because that only looks like I want him to be apart of my life. So what do I say to my son when he ask me questions??????????? Please help I am losing my mind over this!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

Maranda 

 
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