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Topic : General Advice

Number of Replies: 2034
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport
Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.

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July 25, 2005, 7:05 am CDT

What is a good consequence?

I am having trouble with consequences????  My son is 15, he works full time during the day (for his summer holidays, back to school in the fall) He seems to think he can do what he wants, come and go when he pleases.  He will leave the house when he gets home from work, and we tell him to be back shortly as supper is being prepared.  He doesn't call or come home until bed time.  Last weekend he didn't even come home. 

 

What can you do do get him to take us seriously? Take his skateboard away?  But what if he used his own money to buy it?  Can I take it away when it is his?  (he bought it with his money he made by working)

 

I need some suggestions on consequences.....Please help!  Thanks!

 
July 25, 2005, 5:43 pm CDT

Lying children

We have a 7 year old girl, who lies about the simplest things and my husband and I are not sure how to discipline her and make her understand why lying is not right.  We've already tried talking to her, grounding her, taking toys away, etc..  It is important to the both of us to solve this problem now before it gets worse.  If anyone has any ideas or helpful advise we would really appreciate it!!
 
July 25, 2005, 11:27 pm CDT

What is a good consequence?

Quote From: tray00

I am having trouble with consequences???? My son is 15, he works full time during the day (for his summer holidays, back to school in the fall) He seems to think he can do what he wants, come and go when he pleases. He will leave the house when he gets home from work, and we tell him to be back shortly as supper is being prepared. He doesn't call or come home until bed time. Last weekend he didn't even come home.

What can you do do get him to take us seriously? Take his skateboard away? But what if he used his own money to buy it? Can I take it away when it is his? (he bought it with his money he made by working)

I need some suggestions on consequences.....Please help! Thanks!

First let me stress you are the parent! To work full time at 15 is a big deal and your son is feeling much older than he is. My suggestion is to sit him down and cover the following topics

 

1.) If he continues to disrespect the family rules he will no longer have a job. Plan and simple. His not coming home is not acceptable behavior and as soon as you let him get away with it once he now has premission to get away with it next time. Get your "concrete boots" ( a phrase I use with the parenst I work with) on and stand your ground.

 

2.) Get a plan in place as to what he is going to do with the money. At 15 he does not need the whole paycheck. What we have done is with teens in the past is when they get their checks they are not allowed to cash it until we have a budgeting meeting with them. AT this meeting they must bring their savings book. The 1st thing out o fthe check is savings, than any bills the child may owe. This is followed with some pocket money to hold him over until his next check. Special purchases are than discussed if there is something the child is looking to get. This money is also put inot the savings account but ear marked for the purchase EX> A 400.oo sterio may take the child 4-5 paychecks to save for.

 

3.) Your new expectations of him now that he is working. WHat are his expectations?

 

Grant it he is developing into a young man, but teens with a lot of money in their pockets with no guidance or rules will get into trouble without meaning to.

 

As for consequences, yes take away the board! And anything else that he may hold close to his heart. If that doesn't get through to him take the job. You can not let him walk on you in this manner now, if you let it continue at 15 you will have bigger issues at 16 & 17.

 

 

 

 

 
July 25, 2005, 11:43 pm CDT

Lying children

Quote From: tayali

We have a 7 year old girl, who lies about the simplest things and my husband and I are not sure how to discipline her and make her understand why lying is not right. We've already tried talking to her, grounding her, taking toys away, etc.. It is important to the both of us to solve this problem now before it gets worse. If anyone has any ideas or helpful advise we would really appreciate it!!

I guess my 1st question is what she lies about? Is she lying about what you view as little silly stuff, or is it bigger stuff? FOllowed by are you setting her up to lie. I know that is a harsh question, but if you know the answer to the question you are asking and she knows she has done wrong you are setting her up to lie in hopes of not be punished.

 

Let her explain why she did or said what she did. LISTEN do not talk. You can learn so much by listening to a childs reasoning behind behavior.  We call these free zone meets. The child is allowed to say whatever they want about the topic that is on the table as long as they are respectful in doing so and honest. With NO threat of consequenses. Now there is a disclaimer here, if a child admits there part in the breaking of the law or major house rules there is consquences.

 

Is the consequence you are giving for this behavior tied to the lie..EX> she dumped sand into the pool. consequence 1st she cleans it 2nd she does not play in it for the  1 day. The next time she does it is 2 days. If she lies about it not only does she clean it and is grounded from it she can spend the rest of the day in her bedroom for lying. Making it very clear to her that youlove her but this lying willnot be tolerate in our home and it will always get you in more trouble.

 

 

 

 
July 26, 2005, 11:17 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: beccawls

First let me stress you are the parent! To work full time at 15 is a big deal and your son is feeling much older than he is. My suggestion is to sit him down and cover the following topics

1.) If he continues to disrespect the family rules he will no longer have a job. Plan and simple. His not coming home is not acceptable behavior and as soon as you let him get away with it once he now has premission to get away with it next time. Get your "concrete boots" ( a phrase I use with the parenst I work with) on and stand your ground.

2.) Get a plan in place as to what he is going to do with the money. At 15 he does not need the whole paycheck. What we have done is with teens in the past is when they get their checks they are not allowed to cash it until we have a budgeting meeting with them. AT this meeting they must bring their savings book. The 1st thing out o fthe check is savings, than any bills the child may owe. This is followed with some pocket money to hold him over until his next check. Special purchases are than discussed if there is something the child is looking to get. This money is also put inot the savings account but ear marked for the purchase EX> A 400.oo sterio may take the child 4-5 paychecks to save for.

3.) Your new expectations of him now that he is working. WHat are his expectations?

Grant it he is developing into a young man, but teens with a lot of money in their pockets with no guidance or rules will get into trouble without meaning to.

As for consequences, yes take away the board! And anything else that he may hold close to his heart. If that doesn't get through to him take the job. You can not let him walk on you in this manner now, if you let it continue at 15 you will have bigger issues at 16 & 17.

Thanks, I think you are right that he feels he is older then he is.  I have always felt that with him, he is 6 foot some and much taller the anyone of his friends, and now the job.  You are right he feels older.  We have talked about the money he is making and yes, we are saving alot of it.  He doesn't need it all.  This job he is working is with his dad, a place where he can work every summer and once he graduates he could make a great living working their.  (if he wants to of course)  The boy could be set.  I am not forcing him to work thier, but I think it is good for him.  I will post more later.....
 
July 28, 2005, 11:05 am CDT

Need Help - Quick

 Hi my name is Stacey and I have an older sister who has a 7 year old daughter.  About two months ago I noticed more then usual Cindy becoming more aggressive with her daughter Amaya.  Then at the 4th of July picnic she slapped Amaya hard across the back.  She was upset with Amaya for being afraid of a puppy she had just gotten.  Amaya when she was 5 was attacked by a dog when her and Cindy were walking.  She was trying to force Amaya to hold the puppy.  Now several weeks ago Cindy has grabbed Amaya out of her bedroom since that is where Amaya spends most of her time since Cind refuses to kennel the puppy.  She drug her into the living room and forced her to the floor and held her hand on the floor while she let the puppy lick her hand.  She verbally abuses Amaya by calling her a baby.  Last weekend Amaya broke down to my mother whom was watching her for the weekend.  She cried and cried telling her about her mom and how her current boyfriend who she has been with for seven years tells Cindy to knock it off she gets violent with Tim and Amaya gets so scared she is afraid the cops will come and get her mom.  WHich is what Cindy told Amaya is what would happen if she told Grandma anymore about her hitting her.  Two days ago my sister called my mom and she told her about how she forced Amaya from her bedroom and put her on the couch.  She then held her there and let the puppy free again.....

I don't know what to do.  I have talked to her about this, my mother has, my father has.  Does anyone have any advice.  I am pregnant right now.  THis will be my first child.  I live on a farm with two dogs.  I know she would not want to live here but what else can I do?
 
July 29, 2005, 12:11 pm CDT

Weird habbit

This may seem silly but I have a six year old little boy who has never had a blankie or used passies when he was a baby. He has always been a confident little boy but now out of nowhere he has started blowing on the back of his hand. I dont know if he is doing this consiously or not I have asked him why he does this and he just tells me he doesnt know. It doesnt seem like something major but Im not sure how conserned to be about this. He doesnt make an issue out of it like he's trying to get attention its subtle when he does it. It to me seems like a strange habbit to pick up. If I try and make an issue out of it and try and make him stop Im afraid that he will start doing it for attention. So I guess Im a bit confused as to what to think or do. Anyone with any ideas Id be really glad to hear them.
 
July 30, 2005, 1:39 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: vixsen927

This may seem silly but I have a six year old little boy who has never had a blankie or used passies when he was a baby. He has always been a confident little boy but now out of nowhere he has started blowing on the back of his hand. I dont know if he is doing this consiously or not I have asked him why he does this and he just tells me he doesnt know. It doesnt seem like something major but Im not sure how conserned to be about this. He doesnt make an issue out of it like he's trying to get attention its subtle when he does it. It to me seems like a strange habbit to pick up. If I try and make an issue out of it and try and make him stop Im afraid that he will start doing it for attention. So I guess Im a bit confused as to what to think or do. Anyone with any ideas Id be really glad to hear them.
I am not sure what to offer you for advice, but I wanted to share this with you.  This little boy I used to babysit, he was 5 used to blow on his fingers.  I am not sure if he still does or why, but I wanted to share that with you as it is quite simalar. 
 
July 31, 2005, 9:07 am CDT

Bedwetting (almost 9yrs old)

My son will be 9 in October.  He wets the bed everynight.  Occassionally when he sleeps over at friends houses, he does not wet the bed. 

 

I have tried stopping drinks after 6pm.  Getting him to go pee before he goes to bed.  I have also woke him up to go pee when I go to bed (around 11pm) He has either allready peed or still wakes up wet.  I have even gone as far as the medication prescribed by doctors.  That didn't work either. 

 

Every night he wears pullups to bed.  (I have to buy the Good nights as the sizing is bigger, and they are more expensive) This morning he went right through his pull up and we are washing his sheets. 

 

I am so tired of washing clothes and smelling pee in his room.  I do not scold him for this, but I have started making him do his own wash and making up his bed when it is all clean.

 

My 5 yr old thinks that he needs to wear pull ups as well.  I tell him he doesn't need to but he says his brother does so he wants to. ANd occassionally he will wet the bed as well. 

 

I occasionally wet the bed when I was young, (as an older child, amybe up til I was 11) But not every night.  This is driving me crazy!  Sometimes we don't have any pull ups, as I refuse to by them at $20 a bag, (you know 2 days before pay day). I will not buy one of those electrice shockers, that shocks them when they pee in thier sleep........

 

Basically I don't think any one can help us, he will just have to grow out of it, but I needed to vent....Thanks for listening!

 
August 2, 2005, 10:49 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: tray00

My son will be 9 in October.  He wets the bed everynight.  Occassionally when he sleeps over at friends houses, he does not wet the bed. 

 

I have tried stopping drinks after 6pm.  Getting him to go pee before he goes to bed.  I have also woke him up to go pee when I go to bed (around 11pm) He has either allready peed or still wakes up wet.  I have even gone as far as the medication prescribed by doctors.  That didn't work either. 

 

Every night he wears pullups to bed.  (I have to buy the Good nights as the sizing is bigger, and they are more expensive) This morning he went right through his pull up and we are washing his sheets. 

 

I am so tired of washing clothes and smelling pee in his room.  I do not scold him for this, but I have started making him do his own wash and making up his bed when it is all clean.

 

My 5 yr old thinks that he needs to wear pull ups as well.  I tell him he doesn't need to but he says his brother does so he wants to. ANd occassionally he will wet the bed as well. 

 

I occasionally wet the bed when I was young, (as an older child, amybe up til I was 11) But not every night.  This is driving me crazy!  Sometimes we don't have any pull ups, as I refuse to by them at $20 a bag, (you know 2 days before pay day). I will not buy one of those electrice shockers, that shocks them when they pee in thier sleep........

 

Basically I don't think any one can help us, he will just have to grow out of it, but I needed to vent....Thanks for listening!

Thank you for answering my message. My Brother was the same way he wet the bed up till he was about 7 or 8. I wish there was something I could remember they done but I cant seem to remember anything. He eventually grew out of it though. It may not be much consulation but the only advice I can think of is just to support him and try not to chastize him for it I believe he will grow out of it but I wouldnt want him to feel bad either. Im sure its really embarising for him. Their self esteem is so easy to hurt at such a young age.
 
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