Topic : General Advice

my 8 year old is acting out yells and tells us no and to shut up we can ground him and take special privaleges away from him and it does no good . when he is told to clean his room or take a bath he wll say i dont have to .    when we send him to his room  he  will lock  himself  in the  bathroom ...     does anyone have any  ideas  what  to do 

ur right ur extremely overreactive. better hope your kid doesnt get overwhelmed and kill himself when he reaches adulthood and has to go out on his own without his mommy. personally i think it's normal boy behaviour at that age to start being sexually aware...unless you homeschool him, he's gonna learn from his friends about these things.

I have three sons, ages 28,26 and 19.   It seems that they can no longer get along.  They used to be the best of friends.  The middle one married and his new wife does not like his younger brother.  So that has put a rift between the two boys.  So now the two older ones pick at the younger one, because he longer wants to be included in their time together.  They used to all work on old cars together.  Since the shop is at the middle ones house and his wife is there; the youngest does not want to be around her.  The youngest one is the mechanical genius, so he feels the only reason they want him there is because he is the only one that knows how to fix anything.  So he feels used.  When he does not do what they want then they tell on him to me.  They actually call me and tell me that I should punish him.   My youngest son is a good kid.  He goes to school part time works full time.  Has a girlfriend, but is not sexually active yet.  He does not give us any trouble what so ever.  He is always home when he is suppose to be, he does not drink, cuss, smoke.  He is respectful to us.  We do not have any problems with him.  He was living with his brother before he married and he went out at night and his girlfriend snuck out with him.  His older brother knew about this and did not tell on him until he got mad at him and then he told on him.  In the meantime he has moved home.  He said he has never done it again.   What I want to stop is the constant telling on each other.  I feel these are grown men now and they need to leave me out of their squabbles.  When they call me, I tell I don't want to hear about it.  I have even quit answering my phone, when I see who it is.  They are all acting ridiculous, including the youngest.  They fight verbally, sometimes physically, retaliate.  I am so sick of it, I am about ready to move to get away from them.  My husband, their father does not do anything to stop the madness.

You aren’t moving! You are allowing your grown children to have way to much power over you. They know this and the reason they act this way is because they get the results they want. The best thing that you could do is this: analyze your reaction when your sons tell on one another; exactly what do you do? What is it that they ’need’? Once you’ve got that figured out, stop reacting in the way that they are seeking from you. Ignoring the calls won’t help, you’ve got to deal with it head on. I know that it isn’t easy to remove yourself from this situation; if it was easy, you would have done it by now. The first and second times you speak out like this will be the hardest, but then, you’ll get used to it.
I have an important question: why isn’t dad involved? There is something your sons are seeking from you; you are their ‘target,’ and every time they put you in the middle they feel a sense of satisfaction. They aren’t thinking about how this hurts/affects you; they are only thinking about themselves. This is so selfish of them, but most of all, it is despicable for grown men to act like this.
I know you love your sons. They know you love them, too. But, at the same time, there might be underlying tension between them if they think one of them is loved more for some reason.
My advice to you is this: As soon as they begin to vent, break in- don’t allow them to finish their sentence- and say something like, “you’ve got to stop, I can’t listen to this any longer! Whatever problems you have with your brother is between you and him, I have nothing to do with it and I don’t want to hear about it. I love you all and it hurts me to see you treat one another like this.” Then, change the subject. Don’t just do this once- do it every single time they begin to complain. Always try to end your “I don’t want to hear it” speech with a positive statement such as ’I love you’ or “I appreciate all that you do.” Your son(s) probably aren’t going to know what to say when you do this, that is why it is important for you to have some subjects to talk about right after you give the “I don’t want to hear it” speech. Perhaps you can ask how a project or hobby is going? Or, how is work? Things like that- try to get them to talk about themselves, not other people.
I wish you the best! Keep us updated; I hope that you can do this and that if you do, that it helps!

I have daughters close in age like yours are. My girls play like this, too- my advice to you is to relax! You know that you are not ‘neglecting’ them by allowing them to play with one another. Neglect would be depriving them. At their ages, it is 100% okay to leave them alone to play Barbies or whatever it is that they enjoy playing. My only advice would be to occasionally have them invite a friend over to play, too.
It is really great that you play board games and do other things with your children. Spending quality time with them is very important. But, they don’t ‘need’ you to be right there at all times. In fact, it is good for them to be independent of you. “Normal” is whatever is right for your family. It is NOT normal to feel that you are being neglectful if you don’t play with them at all times; you are being highly judgmental of yourself and your parenting abilities in a negative manner; you don’t deserve that- you are a good mother!

 Take no offense in what i am about to say, but perhaps you are a bit overpowering & way too protective. I am a parent of a 10yr old boy. I too would consider myself protective..but never at his age would i take him to the ladies bathroom..that stopped at about age 4or 5. He has friends spend the night all the time and he spends the night at friends as well. Kids talk at school about everything..so i assure you body parts and gasp sex is a topic..so when you are sheltering your son from everything..it will only make him more curious. At this age it is normal behavior i would say..they think its more funny than anything. You have to give him a little breathing room..yes stay involved..know where he is at, who he hangs out with etc. but let him use the boys bathroom..while you wait nearby! Talk about what is inappropriate...even in drawings on school papers especially, but i would also ask him if he feels like you are treating him like a baby..you may be shocked by that anwser.

Thanks for the advice.  I  was so use to sitting on the floor with them since our first was born and I feel so warn out that I feel I am wrong by letting them play with eachother.  I need to be grateful that  they do play without me.  I just don't want them to think they can't come to me and ask me to play with them.  Thanks for your advice.

While I am reading this my heart is sad.  How can a mother force a child who has been attacked to love a dog that she is afraid of.  My advice to you is to take Amaya to your home and if that means that you need to find another home for your dogs then that is what I would do.  Her life is a lot more important!  I feel so sorry for this little girl. Would your mama be willing to keep Amaya? But I would definitely do something before the abuse gets worse and permanetly scars Amaya for life!!

Well it seems to me that he is crying for your attention!  Since before it was just the two of you and now there are three more in the equation. And he may even feel that you are happier with your stepdaughters than you are with him. Trust me -- My parents divorced and my mom remarried and things have never been the same. I son't know how to explain it but a part of the parent dies to a child when a mom or dad remarries.  I would try to sit down and tell him just how much you love him and if he will be happier with his dad then you should do what makes him happy. Because you did what made you happy by remarring so don't rob him of his right to be happy too.  And it may be that he just does not feel comfrontable with the whole new family deal. Anyway best of luck!