Topic : Depression

Hey all.  Wanted to first say say hello. 

I did it!  I actually did the tandem paragliding off the top of a 1500' mountain.  It was amazing.  I must say, if I can do this, than I can gain more strength to keep those "buzzards" away. 

We soared!  I believe we must gone over 4,500' into the air with nothing more than a sail.  I never thought I could have done that.  Especially me, one who is terrified of heights.  I actually started running down the steep ravine of a mountain and allowed the wind to lift us up into the sky.  Wow!!  I do give thanks to our God for giving me the courage and strength to do it.  If anyone heard in the sky on July 30th a big Yahoooooo!!!!.......well......that was me.  lol  This time, I beat the "buzzards" !!!  smile!!

I wanted to share my story and maybe find someone out there who understands how I feel.  For me it seems that I have always battled depression.  As I approach the big 3-0 things have been getting worse. 

I grew up in a single parent home with my mother and occasionally my grandmother would stay with us off and on through the years.  My father left when I was young.  My mom seemed to float from one bad relationship to another and I retreated within myself to get away from the arguments and abuse.  I know that she didn't mean for me to be cast to the side, but that's what she did.  To make her life easier she sent me to stay with her aunt and uncle for a couple of summers when I was 7 and 8.  Those two summers were hell and changed me forever.  I had lost a part of my innocence that I could never recover.  That is when I began to eat to hide my pain.  I felt alone and unloved by everyone. 

Desperate to find someone to love me I latched on to the first guy to show interest in me.  He was 19 and I was close to 14.  Within six months of the start of our relationship I became pregnant.  As soon as the baby was born I married him at age 15.  He was an abusive alcoholic similar to the men my mother always dated and married.  I left him when I turned 18.

I still felt alone and would latch on to any man that told me he loved me.  I began a cycle of marriage and divorce.  Each time I would believe that I could make it work and each time it failed.

It has been 4 years since my last divorce.  I feel lost and alone.  I don't believe in love or a higher power anymore.  I just don't believe in anything except that my world is cold and dark with no way to escape.  I just exist with no purpose. 

I try to look for something to be happy about, but it's difficult.  I should be thrilled with everything I have (good job, house, degree) but somehow I feel incomplete.

I know you are here somewhere and will turn up soon. I will give up tonight as it is past

2.20 AM. Hope you all have a gorgeous day.

Love hugs and Blessings,

Karen.

PS the everyone was all of the names I couldn't fit on the to line.

I wanted to share my story and maybe find someone out there who understands how I feel.  For me it seems that I have always battled depression.  As I approach the big 3-0 things have been getting worse. 

I grew up in a single parent home with my mother and occasionally my grandmother would stay with us off and on through the years.  My father left when I was young.  My mom seemed to float from one bad relationship to another and I retreated within myself to get away from the arguments and abuse.  I know that she didn't mean for me to be cast to the side, but that's what she did.  To make her life easier she sent me to stay with her aunt and uncle for a couple of summers when I was 7 and 8.  Those two summers were hell and changed me forever.  I had lost a part of my innocence that I could never recover.  That is when I began to eat to hide my pain.  I felt alone and unloved by everyone. 

Desperate to find someone to love me I latched on to the first guy to show interest in me.  He was 19 and I was close to 14.  Within six months of the start of our relationship I became pregnant.  As soon as the baby was born I married him at age 15.  He was an abusive alcoholic similar to the men my mother always dated and married.  I left him when I turned 18.

I still felt alone and would latch on to any man that told me he loved me.  I began a cycle of marriage and divorce.  Each time I would believe that I could make it work and each time it failed.

It has been 4 years since my last divorce.  I feel lost and alone.  I don't believe in love or a higher power anymore.  I just don't believe in anything except that my world is cold and dark with no way to escape.  I just exist with no purpose. 

I try to look for something to be happy about, but it's difficult.  I should be thrilled with everything I have (good job, house, degree) but somehow I feel incomplete.