Quote From: bruiserlrmHey there, it's Leigh. I was thinkin that I might tell you all about what's been goin on that I need some help with. The past 5 years haven't been at all pleasant, and for only being 20 years old, I feel like I have been cheated out of 25% of life. I grew up in a middle class family with my two parents and my three brothers. I grew up in a decent home and thought all kids were raised like I was. Looking back, I realize that I had missed out on something. My father was physically there but emotionally abscent. My father will even admit that we never really had a relationship and that may have been because I was the only girl child. But...I had someone to take his place while I was growing up. My childhood friend/neighbor's father took me in like I was one of his own. Whenever they went to festivals, car shows or out to eat, he always invited me. I slept there probably about 3 times a week. On my birthday, I got a little party from my neighbors as well as from my own family, things like that. My father, around the time I was 12 or so, used to come home from work and literally lock himself in his office and this lasted for years. My mom, my brothers and I were happy though, we always went to the pool and to the zoo and what-not. We had a blast. It just stunk that Dad never wanted to go.
Then, as if there wasn't any other day that it could happen, my parents exploded into argument. The day happened to be mine and my twin's 16th birthday, Thanksgiving, AND my parents 23rd wedding anniversary. I remember my older brother and I sitting in the kitchen and my mom walking through saying, "Me and your father are getting a divorce," with tears and all. Of course, everyday after that was all arguing. That Christmas was not so memorable. My dad finally sued my mom for divorce sometime in late January and He moved out on my older brother's birthday. We never really heard from my father. My oldest brother moved out of my house and in with my dad and both kinda faded in and out. Then in September of 2001 on my oldest brothers birthday my parents had their final divorce hearing. The only reason I tell you this date is because 3 months later on December 17, 2001 my oldest brother, Ryan, 22, was murdered. I can get into details about that later, I just want to get my situation out. We had his funeral on Christmas eve and I was, what I thought, the strongest one of everyone in my family. I was actually in denial for about 6 months. Anyway, the relation me and my mother had went out the window. Things got so bad that when I graduated, my mom kicked me out of the house to live with my father.
Living with my dad wasn't at all a comfortable situation for me. From the time I moved in, in June, until September, around the start of school, I had lost 30 lbs. I used to tell people that I had just lost muscle mass from being an athlete, but I really just stopped eating. Around October I started crying almost every night, for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I would get upset over silly things and I started over-analyzing EVERYTHING. Needless to say, my relationship with my boyfriend started going down the drain, because he started losing patience for me.
I've lied with my dad for a little over two years now and it seems like we're still just aquaintances. We never really developed a good relationship. Where I am now... my two brothers do not talk to my father. My twin brother went into the army and put on all of his documentation that his father is dead. He and my other brother do not want anything to do with him. Of course my mom doesn't talk to my father either. I have the pressure of being stuck in the middle of this whole thing. I have to sit around and listen to both sides talk smack about the other side. I feel like I don't have my family to rely on anymore.
I had my boyfriend to rely on through most of it and then we stopped really having communication with each other and the tension just became too much between us. He is always waiting for me to explode. So now we're not together and I feel like I have no one to lean on for support.
So that's where I am, I just feel like I'm the only one that understands myself, ya know? I feel like I have the burden of everybody's problems on my shoulders, and I feel like I have hit rock bottom.
Thanks for listening, Leigh
