Topic : Depression

  I don't see how people say they are happy. I hate this world and wish I had never been born. I have no friends, no partner and at age 44 my health is so bad I might as well die now, no one wouldn't even miss me. Not even me. If I counted my friends on my fingers my fists would be doubled up. I wouldn't need fingers. People don't care. They never have. I am sorry but I have had it with this world. I would rather move on to my own little world, where there would be no one to rub it in my face that I am a nobody. I am garbage. I have been since the day I was born.  enough said. 

Liz 

I just logged back on and read you post.  I not only saw you pain, but felt it also.  You are a good person.  I feel that.  You see, I don't have many close friends either.  I live a quiet lonely life.  Yes, I am married, but, when it comes to friends and going out, I don't have that. 

It is not that I am mean or existent, I am., I guess invisible.   

You are not garbage.  You are a person.  A woman who hurts, cries, and feels pain.  You are you.  Please, don't ever call yourself garbage.  You remind me of me.  Trust me, not a place you want to visit.  So, I will do what I can to reach out.  I will give you my hand and reach to you.  Grab you, and pull you up.  Trust me, if I can make it, you can. 

I am also from Oregon.  Beautiful state. 

Drop me a line if you choose.  I would love to reach out and help. 

Neko/Vickie 

I am too very allergic. 

I know for me if I get stung I might not breath.  I am also allergic to scallops.  It I eat them again, I will become deathly sick and possibly stop breathing. 

 I TRY to keep an epi pen with me.  I do forget it much.  I am stupid.  But, I need to remember to keep in my bag.  Get yourself one hon.  Contact me if you want help.  They are easy to use.  I have taught my family how to use them encase something happens and I can't inject myself. You can do it through a thick pair of jeans.  Easy to use.  Just get it!!!!! 

Neko/Vickie 

Just wanted to say hi. 

I know it is or is late.  So, if you are still on, let me know. 

I will be checking in soon.  I only slept about 3 hours last night.  My back hurt bad.  I mean bad!!!!!  I could not take anything for it.  I was in bad pain and just cried.  I finally was out of bed and paced and cried.  I am exhausted but afraind to go to bed.  I am afraid that I will fall asleep and be awaken by pain.  I am so tired of it. 

Neko/Vickie 

I just saw that getting reading for bed. 

Thank you my friend.  I wish you a night of peace and sleep. 

I hope to chat tomorrow.  Sleep well my friend.  Love the picture  

that you sent.  It is beautiful. 

It is almost 10pm here.  I have about 20 minutes left.  I need to be 

in bed.  I was up at 2am with back pain.  I never fell back asleep. I 

did house work and laundry.  I am sleepy.  Just want to sleep.   

Be good my friend and I wish you a peaceful restful sleep. 

Neko/Vickie 

I don't mean to be mean, but do you know how many times I have heard this.? I have lost all hope.  people say, hang in there, don't give up, things will change. And you know what...they don't. My life sucks and it always has and always will. I am ugly, never had a partner, never will. No children, except my cat. I was sexually abused all my life,  and just plain not worth the time of day. I am not making any excuses for myself any more. This is my life and this is how it is. Nothing is going to change unless I close my eyes forever. That is the only way to make a new beginning. 

Liz  

I am sorry. 

I do know how you feel. I really do.  I too was sexually assaulted my life.  I too, have my cats.  My cats are my life.  They give me purpose.   

When, I am sad, they crawl next to me and purr.  I do understand how it feels.  I will admit, I do not know exactly how you feel.  I have two children.  Their father was an abusive ass to me.  He hurt me. He pushed me into sex with other men for his behalf.   

But, Liz, when you speak of the pain, I can understand.  I don't mean to sell you short. My God, never.  I know you hurt.  I feel that and I see that.  I feel you can find a way out.  Just as I try each day to find a way out.  I know it is dark and empty.  I know it is an empty hole.  I know that.  But, please, try.  Just, try.  I will do what I can to reach out and help you.  You are worth living. You are worth being here.  You are a good person.  I will continue to tell you that. 

Neko/Vickie 

I dropped you an email 

I do understand Liz.  I really do.  I hope we can begin to chat. 

Vickie 

I hope you see this. 

I will stay up a bit longer.  I hope to hear from you. 

I know you are from Oregon just ans myself.  For us, it is a bit late but only 

10:08 pm.  I will stay up a bit longer.  Email me or post me.  I will wait. 

Vickie