Topic : Depression

ihave enought stuff animals and nick nacks for all to dust and vacume. and bring all of your swiffers with you if you dont have one we have a wal mart near by and a dollar gerneral sells them too. and so does wal greens.... so see i even need all of you tall members and those that dont get dizzy when standing on a latter or step latter because the celing fans need to be cleand and my things on top shelves need to be dusted too. because i sure cant get up there and i cant move the heavey things either..... so i will just have to vacume around everything... and im not picking up anything that will breake because if it will brake i will brake it trust me.....even if it is rubber made.... remember i fall off the floor and hurt my self....... i am scared to take a shower because i get dizzy and weak when i am in there and i have panick attacks too. ..... so i sit on the edge of the tub and wash my self that way. i cant get into the tub and take a bath because i cant get back up because of my knees ........ so i wash my hair standing up and bending over to wash it then that way it is easier. i dont mhave to get on my knees an lean over the tub that hurts my stomach and my knees..........i dont have a washer here so i have to take my clothes over to moms to wash and dry them. and i just dont feel like draging it all over there and back.......and you cant use the dryer and air conditioner at the same time cause they use the same outlet. and mom is home in the mornings.. so i sure dont want to wake her up..... i dont have the money to go to a laundry mat and its kinda dumb when i have a free washer and dryer to use...... and mainly i just dont feel like doing anything.........i have been needing to go pee for over an hour or more and i havnt even made it there either. i know i am going to have to push it out and even though i have to really go it hurts and is stressfull on my belly and other parts just to go........thats why i fall asleep at night because i am waiting to pee and i just fall asleep cause i got to go but it takes so long for it to come out i just fall a sleep. lol so maybe more info you needed.......but its true.........i better go.............news is on we have had terrable new here in Kansas.........tama

  

  ok here it goes. i've been married for almost 10 years but we've been together for 15.we have 3 beautiful children together. we don't have a sex life...i'm 34; i was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused as a child. i've put on about 30lbs in about 2 years. we fight all the time. we are financially stressed to the limit. he sleeps on the sofa, i sleep in bed alone every night. i think about sex with him... but i don't know how to ask. or to make a move.. 

  i don't want him to think i can't live without him or i'll die if we don't jave sex..am i allowed to talk about this on here? i need advice...please help. i personally don't think he loves me anymore. i think  we are only together for the kids. 

  

 and i need help,    grinny 

  

mom called and she got on to me because i forgot. she was NOT happy with me for forgetting... she was mad at me and so i called them and now i no longger have either one of my capital one credit cards to charge on. she took both of them and now i have on payment the i make a month with out having to pay interest. so my payment will got straight to the principle. when i told her about all the bills i had to pay it all added up to more that i made and i said i am aware of that. so i had to take a couple things off the list..... but that still dont mean that i dont have them to pay lol.......it just that i get extra grom grandma and i had to tell her that too. and that mom pays my rent..... so then i was able to get things down to where i qualified for the program..... so that will make mom happy and i am back to not having 3 crdit card again...... so that good. she said it would take my 3 yrs to pay it off in sted of 12yrs or 13 yrs the way i was going... yeah 4,532 would take me that long with 17.52% interest on one card and even hight on the other. the other one i have paid off every month..... i know i owe on it but i wasnt sure how much. it was over 230 but now more than that cause i used it to pay for missouri trip. and i was going to pay it off in acouple months... but now i dont have to worrie about it. i told the lady that i always pay my bills first before anything else. and she thats good. she asked me about getting my hair done or buying clothes and i said know and she asked about food and i told her i got food stamps and she asked how much i told it depends every month but i think i got 88 or 90 this month and she said that ALL i said yeah.....and she asked about gas for my car and i told her i didnt hardly got anyplace........i was being honest with her......so things went great. mom will be happy..........i am waiting for an e-mail from her......tama

At least you have family. I don't even have that. I have to live a lie with my family. I can't be myself. Therefor I don't even exsist.  My bio mother didn't even want me. Got rid of me right off the bat. Last night I just cried and cried. Tonight I can't cry, I am too depressed to cry. It really gets you no where.  on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being very happy I am at a 1.  I just don't want to live. Why should I ? I mean nothing to no body.  NO body has benifitted from me being alive. Not even me. I have given myself such pain for letting myself put up with this world for so long and fooling myself listening to others saying things will get better. They do not.  Some people were made to be popular in this world, but I am a reject and that I will always be. There is no dispute about that. I know...I have lived this life for 44 yrs. 

Liz 

I am sorry that you say you understand but you don't because you give the usual repetative statement.  I am sure you understand to a degree, but no one really understands. you can tell when someone understands when the words are not the politically correct statement that is given out when someone is depressed. I am not trying to be rude at all. I thank you for your message, it is just a repetative statement. No one really cares. I am sorry. 

Liz 

You need to remember something. It doesn't matter what others say or do. You are worth something.  No one can take that away from you.

But you have to be given it in the first place and I was not. I was born stupid, ugly and not wanted. And have been this way all my life.  I am sorry if I don't want to live. I mean nothing to nobody. Not one person has benifitted from me being alive. Not even my pleasure. I am full of disgust at myself.  I am garbage.  I am sorry for going on and on. I am making the point that I understand what people have been telling me all these years. And what I have experienced all these years. I am giving up. I am sick of it. Why should I live in this? I am worthless. I would rather not live than live and be tormented all my life. 

Liz